Wrongful death question... insights...

What is the name of your state? MO
My wifes ex husband(who I will call "John") was killed by a hit and run driver who was later caught and is 100% at fault. He had no insurance. Also an habitual traffic offender and on probation for stealing anhydrous ammonia. John and my wife had an only one child who is 10 (who I will call Joe). John was remarried for 18 months but had been separated for 4 months before he was killed. He had a sepearate dwelling for those 4 months. It was my understanding that they seperated because of his wifes lack of discipline with her three boys from a previous marriage. There were 4 policies for (1 for each vehicle insured between them... apparently their insurance had not lapsed as a married couple I guess) and in MO you can "stack" policies so it is now 4x100,000= $400,000. We now have sole custody Joe since there was a joint custody agreement for the last 7 years after my wife's and John's divorce. We had Joe basically 6 out of 7 days for the last 4 months leading up to the accident since John was going to school and working full time and my schedule allowed me more free time. John had a life insurance policy for $100,000 that I figure that Joe will not see any of as it seems since John was still married at the time that his wife will get all 100% of that policy. What I do not understand is how the legal system will adjudicate on what grounds to split up the 400,000. My wife of course feels that Joe is entitled to most all. Be that as it may I just want some insight on how this is all going to be played out. We and his wife have filed wrongful death claims. (I should mention that the 400,000 is from 4 policies of 100,000 each of uninsured motorist policies). Also Joe is getting 100% of all his fathers social security. His wife had been recieving and still recieves child support for her three kids. It was of her three older kids terrorizing Joe who is 10 that I am pretty sure is why they were broke up. Any insight would be appreciated. Sorry if it reads like a bad soap opera. It feels like one.