What is the name of your state? PA
Sorry this is so long but I have noticed a lot of people don't give enough info for an informed response.
I left my boyfried whom I've lived with ( with my daughter whom I have joint legal and physical custody with my ex) for 4 years because he would not stop doing drugs and lying about it.
The situation is complex
When I moved into his home the end of 2001, I expressed concern about financing my daughters education (she was 15 at the time) Since I was bootstrapping a business, I wanted to keep the property I owned with a previous partner as a rental property believing that the appreciation would be significant enough to cover my half of her college tuition and expenses. I had only lived in the house for a year and a half. Selling it then meant little gain. Today that house would be worth an estimated $80,000 more.
My new love REALLY was not comfortable with me keeping the property and he assured me that together we would pay for college and that all that he had was mine as well. He said he would put me on the deed to his house wich I felt uncomfortable with since he had paid 2.5 times more for his than I had mine so we decided to find a different home together. I agreed to sell my home so that we could start fresh.
We did apply for morgages together and looked at several houses but what I thought was a much better financial opportunity presented itself. A commercial property in an up and coming neighborhood became available and I was able to negotiate a great deal. The owners accepted our offer even though it was lower than others they had on the table. They believed in the mission.
Though I had only the money from selling a car $22,000 (that he had purchased for me because he believed my old van to be unsafe) to put down on the building. The rest of the $$ I had started the business. We decided to pool our resources, talents and intentions. The business rent covered expenses and our net worth would increase from the rapidly appreciating real estate in the neighborhood.
We renovated the space like we owned it . The business operated for two years..I worked 18 hour days with no pay reinvesting every penny back into the business. He worked his high paying lawyer job and paid all the bills at the house. He also put in money into rehabing the space which he deducted from his "rental business".
EVERYONE knew our business plan. I would work the cafe (with his help when he could) and cover those bills. He would cover the bills at the house (except food which mostly came from the Cafe) ...together our net worth would go up.
I gave up my job as a nurse to invest my time fully into this venture During this sweaty summer of 2003 renovation I discovered that my guy had been abusing opiates. I took him to an in patient rehab but he refused to stay..he agreed to out pt rehab but did not complete it.
I failed to mention that he had begged me to marry him. I said if he stayed clean for one year we could marry. I had just announced our plans to marry the summer of 2004 when he spent the $8,000 tax return check that was supposed to buy a ring on opiates he bought on line (without a script..how do they get away with that??)
He promised again to get clean...begged me to stay and give him another chance. Over the next year the business started to take off... But the publicly held company he was internal council for..his dad CEO, his mom office manager (one technition employee), after raising over 30 million dollar for R & D and having never sold anything was broke and could no longer pay him. We decide to sell the house using the gain to renovate a living space above the cafe and invest into the business that he now wanted to work in.
There were some severe structural issues in the Cafe space and it had been refinanced to pay for it. I signed a document stating that he was a 50 50 partner in the business as his mortgage guy insisted he needed that ( could be BS but given his embarassingly low loan score possible..either way I believed we were in it together and signed)
We decided to close the business the last two weeks of August 2005 so that we could do some minor repairs,clear out the house to get it on the market and get the stuctural work done so we could operate the now profitable business while renovating our living space.
While packing, I found finacial records showing he was still buying opiates on line and in fact had even been doing so while he was supposedly in out pt rehab (with me at his side by the way..leaving the new business in the hands of employees so that I could support him) The amount of money was absurd.
I paid rent for Sept and October even though the structural renovations were not being done (the money from the refi spent and the house not sold) and I was not open for retail ( i did complete a once a week catering contract until the first week of December) at which point he cut a hole in the door, changed the locks and refused me access stating I had not paid rent.
I was told by professionals that the only thing I could do to help him was to get out of the way and let him hit rock bottom..that it was the only way he would get help. So I walked away (literally) from the house just my computer and my dog. I am staying with a friend.
Since that time I have been hoping he would see the light and get help. Praying that we could pick up the pieces and continue our life plan. but rather than getting better he seems to be getting worse going as far as secretly audio and video taping me in attempts to catch me cheating on him which I have never done (though this crazy man THINKS he hears voices and noises on these ridiculous tapes of me having sex with everyong my 16 year old dishwasher, customers and friends all while he is only a few feet away)
So three months after moving out and 6 months after closing the doors to the cafe I find myself facing tuition payments and expenses trying to get a new business off the ground. Yes I could get a job as a nurse and do things I don't believe in...but I am driven to help people as I always have. I am searching for financing and hopeful I will get some but it is not easy without an income history for 4 years.
So he goes on getting in car accidents without registration or insurance, even lending an uninsured/unregistered car to a child, not paying his bills (as he had always had a tendancy to do even when he was employeed) His unemployment has run out..he has not tried to find work, is now telling me he is throwing all my things on the sidewalk and wants back rent. He is also involved a fraud lawsuit filed by the SEC.
I have told him repeatedly.. I would open up again & pay rent if he had the safety issues handled but that he could not live upstairs and he would have to go to rehab and prove to me he was clean..otherwise it would be enabling his addiction. He refused this solution. His brother is paying his bills and has been for months.
The house should net around $150,000. It would have been more but he owes his brother and others. The commercial property has more than $400,000 in equity but could get as much as 1.2 million (190,000 on mortage) if rezoned mixed use. I recently found out that he never paid any taxes on the Cafe space and owes the city well over $10,000. He also has no insurance on the property having let that lapse many months ago.
Lots of promises (oral contracts) were made. I feel I honored mine. I lived my life and played my financial future based on this. I by the way have perfect credit..always pay all my bills on time and always have. Unlike him who was handed everything in life even his college and law school paid for by mom and dad... I put myself through undergrad and grad school and have worked very hard to have no debt.
I do however have financial obligations to pay for 1/2 of my daughters college education and would have lived life completely differently had WE not had a plan. There were many people witness to the plans we had and I have some supporting documents..letters and emails, archatect proposals etc. I certainly would not have closed the business that I had just started to be able to draw a pay check from (I had finally taken two miniscule pay checks) if I thought that he would just lock me out of my life and leave me literally destitute.
I absolutely believed that no matter what happened with our personal relationship that he would always be fair..he had promised me that..I believed him and it he weren't using I believe he would be fair. But this is not the case.
Hi is pissing away (or snorting away) all that we worked so hard for and throwing it in my face. It seems unfair but I do not know if I have a case against him (Marvin cause of action perhaps or breach of contract?)
I know I am guilty of trusting too much. I can assure you that won't happen again. I do not want to hurt him as I know he is hurting already...
Sorry for the long story..just wanted you to have the facts as I see them..of course its only my side of the story. Please advise...I am not looking to cash in or out on the situation. I only want what ever I may be entitled to so I can continue my important mission. KC
Sorry this is so long but I have noticed a lot of people don't give enough info for an informed response.
I left my boyfried whom I've lived with ( with my daughter whom I have joint legal and physical custody with my ex) for 4 years because he would not stop doing drugs and lying about it.
The situation is complex
When I moved into his home the end of 2001, I expressed concern about financing my daughters education (she was 15 at the time) Since I was bootstrapping a business, I wanted to keep the property I owned with a previous partner as a rental property believing that the appreciation would be significant enough to cover my half of her college tuition and expenses. I had only lived in the house for a year and a half. Selling it then meant little gain. Today that house would be worth an estimated $80,000 more.
My new love REALLY was not comfortable with me keeping the property and he assured me that together we would pay for college and that all that he had was mine as well. He said he would put me on the deed to his house wich I felt uncomfortable with since he had paid 2.5 times more for his than I had mine so we decided to find a different home together. I agreed to sell my home so that we could start fresh.
We did apply for morgages together and looked at several houses but what I thought was a much better financial opportunity presented itself. A commercial property in an up and coming neighborhood became available and I was able to negotiate a great deal. The owners accepted our offer even though it was lower than others they had on the table. They believed in the mission.
Though I had only the money from selling a car $22,000 (that he had purchased for me because he believed my old van to be unsafe) to put down on the building. The rest of the $$ I had started the business. We decided to pool our resources, talents and intentions. The business rent covered expenses and our net worth would increase from the rapidly appreciating real estate in the neighborhood.
We renovated the space like we owned it . The business operated for two years..I worked 18 hour days with no pay reinvesting every penny back into the business. He worked his high paying lawyer job and paid all the bills at the house. He also put in money into rehabing the space which he deducted from his "rental business".
EVERYONE knew our business plan. I would work the cafe (with his help when he could) and cover those bills. He would cover the bills at the house (except food which mostly came from the Cafe) ...together our net worth would go up.
I gave up my job as a nurse to invest my time fully into this venture During this sweaty summer of 2003 renovation I discovered that my guy had been abusing opiates. I took him to an in patient rehab but he refused to stay..he agreed to out pt rehab but did not complete it.
I failed to mention that he had begged me to marry him. I said if he stayed clean for one year we could marry. I had just announced our plans to marry the summer of 2004 when he spent the $8,000 tax return check that was supposed to buy a ring on opiates he bought on line (without a script..how do they get away with that??)
He promised again to get clean...begged me to stay and give him another chance. Over the next year the business started to take off... But the publicly held company he was internal council for..his dad CEO, his mom office manager (one technition employee), after raising over 30 million dollar for R & D and having never sold anything was broke and could no longer pay him. We decide to sell the house using the gain to renovate a living space above the cafe and invest into the business that he now wanted to work in.
There were some severe structural issues in the Cafe space and it had been refinanced to pay for it. I signed a document stating that he was a 50 50 partner in the business as his mortgage guy insisted he needed that ( could be BS but given his embarassingly low loan score possible..either way I believed we were in it together and signed)
We decided to close the business the last two weeks of August 2005 so that we could do some minor repairs,clear out the house to get it on the market and get the stuctural work done so we could operate the now profitable business while renovating our living space.
While packing, I found finacial records showing he was still buying opiates on line and in fact had even been doing so while he was supposedly in out pt rehab (with me at his side by the way..leaving the new business in the hands of employees so that I could support him) The amount of money was absurd.
I paid rent for Sept and October even though the structural renovations were not being done (the money from the refi spent and the house not sold) and I was not open for retail ( i did complete a once a week catering contract until the first week of December) at which point he cut a hole in the door, changed the locks and refused me access stating I had not paid rent.
I was told by professionals that the only thing I could do to help him was to get out of the way and let him hit rock bottom..that it was the only way he would get help. So I walked away (literally) from the house just my computer and my dog. I am staying with a friend.
Since that time I have been hoping he would see the light and get help. Praying that we could pick up the pieces and continue our life plan. but rather than getting better he seems to be getting worse going as far as secretly audio and video taping me in attempts to catch me cheating on him which I have never done (though this crazy man THINKS he hears voices and noises on these ridiculous tapes of me having sex with everyong my 16 year old dishwasher, customers and friends all while he is only a few feet away)
So three months after moving out and 6 months after closing the doors to the cafe I find myself facing tuition payments and expenses trying to get a new business off the ground. Yes I could get a job as a nurse and do things I don't believe in...but I am driven to help people as I always have. I am searching for financing and hopeful I will get some but it is not easy without an income history for 4 years.
So he goes on getting in car accidents without registration or insurance, even lending an uninsured/unregistered car to a child, not paying his bills (as he had always had a tendancy to do even when he was employeed) His unemployment has run out..he has not tried to find work, is now telling me he is throwing all my things on the sidewalk and wants back rent. He is also involved a fraud lawsuit filed by the SEC.
I have told him repeatedly.. I would open up again & pay rent if he had the safety issues handled but that he could not live upstairs and he would have to go to rehab and prove to me he was clean..otherwise it would be enabling his addiction. He refused this solution. His brother is paying his bills and has been for months.
The house should net around $150,000. It would have been more but he owes his brother and others. The commercial property has more than $400,000 in equity but could get as much as 1.2 million (190,000 on mortage) if rezoned mixed use. I recently found out that he never paid any taxes on the Cafe space and owes the city well over $10,000. He also has no insurance on the property having let that lapse many months ago.
Lots of promises (oral contracts) were made. I feel I honored mine. I lived my life and played my financial future based on this. I by the way have perfect credit..always pay all my bills on time and always have. Unlike him who was handed everything in life even his college and law school paid for by mom and dad... I put myself through undergrad and grad school and have worked very hard to have no debt.
I do however have financial obligations to pay for 1/2 of my daughters college education and would have lived life completely differently had WE not had a plan. There were many people witness to the plans we had and I have some supporting documents..letters and emails, archatect proposals etc. I certainly would not have closed the business that I had just started to be able to draw a pay check from (I had finally taken two miniscule pay checks) if I thought that he would just lock me out of my life and leave me literally destitute.
I absolutely believed that no matter what happened with our personal relationship that he would always be fair..he had promised me that..I believed him and it he weren't using I believe he would be fair. But this is not the case.
Hi is pissing away (or snorting away) all that we worked so hard for and throwing it in my face. It seems unfair but I do not know if I have a case against him (Marvin cause of action perhaps or breach of contract?)
I know I am guilty of trusting too much. I can assure you that won't happen again. I do not want to hurt him as I know he is hurting already...
Sorry for the long story..just wanted you to have the facts as I see them..of course its only my side of the story. Please advise...I am not looking to cash in or out on the situation. I only want what ever I may be entitled to so I can continue my important mission. KC