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  1. #1
    barbaratracy is offline Junior Member
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    14 yr old son refuses to see his father

    What is the name of your state? Washington State
    I have a 14 year old son who refuses to visit or speak to his father, this has gone on for several months. I have been divorced for 9 yrs and we have never gone by the actual visitation papers submitted with our divorce.
    My sons father has now threatened to take me to court for contempt as muy son refuses to return his calls and visit him. However, it is not me who is keeping his son from him.
    My son will be 15 in Oct, he will not visit or speak to his father.
    How do I deal with a contempt action if my son refuses to abide by visitation.
    There are many circumstances affecting my sons feelings regarding seeing his father.
  2. #2
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    For starters, you (and your son) read this thread [url]http://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=259024[/url].

    YOU are bound by the court order to make sure that your son is available and ready to go with Dad as it requires. If you don't do so, yes, you can be held in contempt and should expect to be. If he continues to refuse to go? The judge can fine you. The judge can put you in jail. The judge can change custody and make him live with his father.

    Your son is a CHILD. He does not get to make these sorts of choices. If he decided to stop going to school - would you allow that? Or would you find a way to MAKE him go?
  3. #3
    barbaratracy is offline Junior Member
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    My Daughter

    My daughter is now 19, she has finally had to get a restraining order against her father. When she was 15 she also refused to see her father. A guardian ad litem was brought in, and my daughter was forced by the court to visit her father or the threat was brought that a change of custody would be made and she would have to live with him.
    I am now going through the same thing with my 14 year old son.
    He refuses to see him or speak to him. The circumstances of previous visits include my sons father telling my son he is dying of cancer and no one cares. (This man has been telling my children he is dying for 10 yrs). Its just ridiculous.
    I have told my son to at least return his fathers calls so he doesnt burn the phone lines up trying to get ahold of him. My son has said: "tell him to quit calling, I dont want to talk to him"
  4. #4
    MandyD is offline Member
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    That doesn't change much. I refer you to Stealth's post above your last one.
  5. #5
    casa is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by barbaratracy
    My daughter is now 19, she has finally had to get a restraining order against her father. When she was 15 she also refused to see her father. A guardian ad litem was brought in, and my daughter was forced by the court to visit her father or the threat was brought that a change of custody would be made and she would have to live with him.
    I am now going through the same thing with my 14 year old son.
    He refuses to see him or speak to him. The circumstances of previous visits include my sons father telling my son he is dying of cancer and no one cares. (This man has been telling my children he is dying for 10 yrs). Its just ridiculous.
    I have told my son to at least return his fathers calls so he doesnt burn the phone lines up trying to get ahold of him. My son has said: "tell him to quit calling, I dont want to talk to him"
    The situation with your daughter 4 years ago is not relevant to the situation with your son currently.

    The same risk of change in custody that was mentioned 4 years ago re; your daughter, is still a risk today re; your son.

    If your son told you to quit signing him up for school because he wasn't going- would you allow that? You are the parent, he is the child. If he is unhappy visiting his father, then you need to file to modify visitation in court and let the judge determine what will happen next. In absence of a change to your court order, you MUST follow the visitation order or be in contempt.

    If your son is not in counseling for this situation- then you are not addressing his issues or helping him deal with this situation.
  6. #6
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by barbaratracy
    my daughter was forced by the court to visit her father or the threat was brought that a change of custody would be made and she would have to live with him.
    So you already know what the possible court-imposed consequences are. I would suggest you put your foot down with the kid and make it plain that the game is over. He can either go to his father's as required, or he's gonna be sitting in his room for the weekend with no computer, no video games, no tv, no music - nothing.

    WHO is the parent in this house?
  7. #7
    sandysmom is offline Member
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    This sure is a common complaint.
  8. #8
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Unfortunately, too many parents feel it's okay to give their kids decision-making power in all the wrong areas.

    I let my kids choose a lot of things about their day-to-day lives. But there are some things that are simply not optional. Seeing their father is one of them. And those who've heard about some of his stunts know that he is no prize. But I picked him to father them, and there we go. They can choose what they do when they're adults.
  9. #9
    efcoco1 is offline Member
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    I had to tell my son that for whatever reason he did not want to go to his dads..that he would have to discuss it with his dad. My duty and obligation was to make sure my son was ready and available but it would be kinda sad if you ex had to come to the door and physically pick him up screaming and yelling ...and force him to go. Obviously there is something going on.

    If that "something" is he would rather spend with friends...well, he has to suck it up. If his dad was reasonable..he would understand that to happen from time to time. If it is because of hard/hurt feelings with his dad...then he either needs to tell his dad what is wrong. If it does continue..and his dad is serious about the contempt charges..suggest counseling. If he doesn't agree..maybe you should take him to court.
  10. #10
    soobee is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by casa View Post
    The situation with your daughter 4 years ago is not relevant to the situation with your son currently.

    The same risk of change in custody that was mentioned 4 years ago re; your daughter, is still a risk today re; your son.

    If your son told you to quit signing him up for school because he wasn't going- would you allow that? You are the parent, he is the child. If he is unhappy visiting his father, then you need to file to modify visitation in court and let the judge determine what will happen next. In absence of a change to your court order, you MUST follow the visitation order or be in contempt.

    If your son is not in counseling for this situation- then you are not addressing his issues or helping him deal with this situation.
    Actually, the situation with the daughter could be very relevant to why the son won't see the father. Maybe the sister had the same problem as the brother, considering they are dealing with the same father.

    Yes, the son and mother should be in counseling for this for help in learning how to handle it for the sake of the son's emotional health.

    I would not force my child to go spend time with a parent they were obviously having very seriously problems with. The mental/emotional health of the child comes before everything.
  11. #11
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by soobee View Post
    Actually, the situation with the daughter could be very relevant to why the son won't see the father. Maybe the sister had the same problem as the brother, considering they are dealing with the same father.

    Yes, the son and mother should be in counseling for this for help in learning how to handle it for the sake of the son's emotional health.

    I would not force my child to go spend time with a parent they were obviously having very seriously problems with. The mental/emotional health of the child comes before everything.


    Actually, I wouldn't respond to 6 year old threads.

    If you have a legal question please start your own thread.

    And really - these are court ORDERS. Not suggestions.
  12. #12
    cyjeff is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by soobee View Post
    Actually, the situation with the daughter could be very relevant to why the son won't see the father. Maybe the sister had the same problem as the brother, considering they are dealing with the same father.

    Yes, the son and mother should be in counseling for this for help in learning how to handle it for the sake of the son's emotional health.

    I would not force my child to go spend time with a parent they were obviously having very seriously problems with. The mental/emotional health of the child comes before everything.
    One... we try not to post to six year old posts. It tends to make people think you can't figure out how a calendar works.

    Two... you are wrong. Unless you wish to be held in contempt of court, you follow the court order. A court order is not to be adjusted when you think it should be ... but only by a court.

    Now... run along and buy a "Free Advice of the Day" calendar at the gift shop on your way out.
  13. #13
    Banned_Princess is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by soobee View Post
    Actually, the situation with the daughter could be very relevant to why the son won't see the father. Maybe the sister had the same problem as the brother, considering they are dealing with the same father.

    Yes, the son and mother should be in counseling for this for help in learning how to handle it for the sake of the son's emotional health.

    I would not force my child to go spend time with a parent they were obviously having very seriously problems with. The mental/emotional health of the child comes before everything.
    Please don't open posts from 2005. its called necroposting, and we don't like it.

    If you have a question or concern, please OPEN YOUR OWN NEW THREAD.
  14. #14
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by soobee View Post
    Actually, the situation with the daughter could be very relevant to why the son won't see the father. Maybe the sister had the same problem as the brother, considering they are dealing with the same father.
    Aside from the fact that it's an ancient thread, I would like to point out that they're ALSO dealing with the same mother.

    I smell serious alienation going on.
  15. #15
    Banned_Princess is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyjeff View Post
    One... we try not to post to six year old posts. It tends to make people think you can't figure out how a calendar works.

    Two... you are wrong. Unless you wish to be held in contempt of court, you follow the court order. A court order is not to be adjusted when you think it should be ... but only by a court.

    Now... run along and buy a "Free Advice of the Day" calendar at the gift shop on your way out.
    I would totally buy that.

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