abusive husband got temp custody

[kittymeow6311]

I live in Suffolk County, NY on Long Island. Two weeks ago I left my abusive husband. When he lost control over me, he started using the kids as sort of "leverage" against me. Being I already had an order of protection against him stating that he is to refrain from all sort of harrassment and menacing, when he did not return the baby (1of our 2 children) I told him over the phone that I would tell the police that I would report his ongoing harrassment. Well he recorded these phone calls and I wound up getting arrested in the family court probation intake office as we both showed up to file custody papers. While I was in custody, I was then served with a stay away order of protection from my abuser and he also got temporary custody of our 2 children-untril our court date together 3 days later-which is the day after tomorrow! This man is a drug abuser, has a criminal record about 2 miles long and lives in an unsafe environment. We already have an open abuse charge against us from last year when he did the exact same thing when I left him. THis time I am not going back. Does anyone have any idea how to fight these BS charges when I go to family court. I fully expect my children to wind up in foster care while the court determines who is the fitter parent . I know I will win in the end but has anyone gone through something like this. I would appreciate ANY advice from anyone out there. As a typical abused wife, I have no friends or family-or MONEY-to help.

 

[Yas]

I'm afraid I have been / am currently in a similar situation to you....I was in an extremely abusive relationship which resulted in my ex throwing me out of our flat when our baby was 2 weeks old, while keeping the baby away from me. He told everyone - my lawyer, the health visitor, the police, his family - that I was "mentally unstable", and that's why he did this. In reality he had met another girl.

Because he is the natural father, each time I called the police, all they did was check that the baby was being "cared for" by him, and they left it at that - a "civil matter".

I am happy to report that, because of the seriousness of his allegation (he said the reason he took the baby is because I was too "crazy" to be "allowed" near her), my doctor had to file a statement detailing my mental health - and the report he made was PERFECT. That doctor's report has been served on my ex's lawyer, the court, & our GAL. So now everyone knows he lied. Thank God.

My point being that anyone can accuse anyone of anything, it is getting the proof that you are not what you are being accused of, that counts.

My ex and I have both "accused" each other of numerous things over the course of our (1 and a half year and ongoing) custody battle. My experience is that none of these accusations have counted towards the actual custody case. In actual fact my ex was arrested on Thursday for harassing me (he had been turning up to my workplace), and is now on bail (no conditions). It is seen as being tit-for-tat. I doubt his arrest will be seen as making him a worse parent. People know full well that there is an ongoing and bitter battle for the baby & that "false allegations" are flying around.

What you have to concentrate on is how to show yourself as the better parent. It surely won't stand up in court that you only called him to say you would report his harassment, and he thought to call the police & have you arrested!! Unless you threatened him. He would need to prove beyond reasonable doubt that you were being threatening. But that is going into criminal law.

My ex once had me cautioned by the police for "harassment" - I had called him repeatedly as he called me to say he was taking the baby away from me, and that I would "pay the price" as he was served with custody papers that day, so naturally I called him repeatedly out of desperation. He then called the police and reported harassment!! They told me they understood why I had done it, and simply to let the lawyers sort it out.

I doubt this would stand up in court for him.

Non-harassment orders are the best bet for both of you & I too hope to get one out on my ex soon. This way you won't be allowed to contact each other, and there can't be any more allegations.

What he is having you accused of does NOT make you a bad parent, so don't worry. It's not like it's all part of a bigger picture, is it, as it is with my ex, who has abused me since day one.

Good luck.