Activities on non custodial parent's time

[profmum]

Ok so the weekend we are going to the wedding is in May, and I have already sent my ex the dates/hotel info via email, and she responded to the email (so I have proof she got it). Her response, however, was that I couldn't take my daughter because of her dance lessons and she will probably have a game that weekend too. I guess technically all I needed to do is to notify my ex that I will be away with my daughter and where we will be, which I have done.

Yes.. dont email her anymore

I think my ex thinks I won't be going to the wedding now, because she seems to think that she gets last say in everything related to our daughter, and she said no. My fault, I guess, because I do tend to give in to her a lot because it is just easier than fighting with her, but I am tired of it and this is well within my rights.

You are not fighting just exercising your parenting time that you are entitled to.

I guess my question now is if my ex refuses to send my daughter with me that weekend or keeps her home from school (I pick her up from school on the Fridays of my weekend) what can I do?

You can try and get the police involved for a pick up.. may or may not be successful but yes this is NOT an emergency do dont badger the courts with it, and you can only file contempt after the fact and DD may very well miss the wedding.

I know I can file contempt after the fact, but I really want to bring my daughter with me. I am hoping she forgets what weekend it is and just gets mad when she realizes we are away (which she will when my daughter misses the game, since her stepdad is the coach). I would rather deal with her anger after the fact I guess.


Nothing to deal with.. why do you let her emotions bother you so much? Ignore it and move on!

 

[MichaCA]

If mom is a a&& and decides to pick daughter up that weekend, make sure you are there early so she will see you and get that you are picking up daughter. Of course you do not want a scene, just stand your ground, and escort daughter to your car. If mom does cause a scene, and tries to obstruct you or daughter, I would call police then and request a escort. I had to do that sometimes, and the police would do just that, escort myself and child to our car without interference.

If it were me, not saying its the best judgement call, I would send a fresh email to mom, state as a reminder or something, you are taking daughter to....on YOUR weekend with daughter, address, contact number.

State that it is disappointing child is missing a extracurricular activity, however significant family event and that your time with daughter it is you who makes the decision as to what is in her best interests.

Thank her for her cooperation around this matter, sign off. And THEN don't write back. This way, since you sounded unclear if ex was clear whether you would take child for the weekend, she gets that you ARE clear.

My two cents, worth no more.

 

[gramommy]

Ok so the weekend we are going to the wedding is in May, and I have already sent my ex the dates/hotel info via email, and she responded to the email (so I have proof she got it). Her response, however, was that I couldn't take my daughter because of her dance lessons and she will probably have a game that weekend too. I guess technically all I needed to do is to notify my ex that I will be away with my daughter and where we will be, which I have done. I think my ex thinks I won't be going to the wedding now, because she seems to think that she gets last say in everything related to our daughter, and she said no. My fault, I guess, because I do tend to give in to her a lot because it is just easier than fighting with her, but I am tired of it and this is well within my rights.

I guess my question now is if my ex refuses to send my daughter with me that weekend or keeps her home from school (I pick her up from school on the Fridays of my weekend) what can I do? I know I can file contempt after the fact, but I really want to bring my daughter with me. I am hoping she forgets what weekend it is and just gets mad when she realizes we are away (which she will when my daughter misses the game, since her stepdad is the coach). I would rather deal with her anger after the fact I guess.

Thanks again for all the advice.

When she calls and she will.... I would say "we are at the wedding". There isn't anything she can do.
I would document things of this nature in a journal with dates and times. You may need to discuss this with your attorney when you return as well as her talking to your daughter negatively about you. Don't let her bulldog you. Sadly...your daughters is taking this all in and it will come back to haunt your ex one day.

 

[nextwife]

Take DD to pick out the dress she'll be wearing. Involve her in planning the trip for the wedding. Make it a big deal (which it IS!) to get to go to a wedding at her age.

There is no way that playing a game, unless you are a pro athlete is MORE important than a special family function. Those who think so have their priorities way messed up.

And children should not be so over-scheduled. They need some down time, a chance to read or be creative, or just discover what interests them. Parents today are playing "director" with their children's time far too much. When I was growing up, we did NOT expect our parents to fill all of our free time with scheduled activities, nor to constantly be entertained..

 

[thedoctorisin]

Your ex reminds me a lot of my ex-wife. If your primary goal is to have the May wedding visitation go off without interference, then you could have a lawyer write your ex a letter explaining the consequences of her failure to adhere to the court order. It may be overkill, but my ex said and did all sorts of crazy things to me, but once an actual lawyer gets involved, she started to behave more sanely.

 

[mpf30]

Thanks again for the info/support. I have my daughter this weekend and I am going to take her to pick out a dress like a previous poster suggested. I am also really going to talk up the wedding, how she will be seeing her cousins that are her age, and the indoor pool at the hotel (she loves to swim). This way she will be excited and looking forward to it, and if my ex tries to pull any funny stuff she will be the one dissapointing my daughter. I also called my daughter's dance school and explained we would be out of town that weekend and her teacher is fine with it. So, hopefully my ex won't go nuclear. It goes in cycles and we haven't had a big blowout in a while so I am figuring I am about due, hopefully this won't be the issue that does it.

Thanks again.

 

[RRevak]

Thanks again for the info/support. I have my daughter this weekend and I am going to take her to pick out a dress like a previous poster suggested. I am also really going to talk up the wedding, how she will be seeing her cousins that are her age, and the indoor pool at the hotel (she loves to swim). This way she will be excited and looking forward to it, and if my ex tries to pull any funny stuff she will be the one dissapointing my daughter. I also called my daughter's dance school and explained we would be out of town that weekend and her teacher is fine with it. So, hopefully my ex won't go nuclear. It goes in cycles and we haven't had a big blowout in a while so I am figuring I am about due, hopefully this won't be the issue that does it.

Thanks again.

All of this is great. I am also in total agreement with TheDoctorisin. If your ex again decides to make a big stink about her going then I would most certainly have a certified letter sent to her from your attorney. The layout of the custody agreement should be included in bold lettering reminding her that the courts deemed that YOUR time so you have every legal right to exercise YOUR parenting time as you see fit, even if it means a dance class or two is missed.