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  1. #1
    mpf30 is offline Junior Member
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    Activities on non custodial parent's time

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MA

    If the custodial parent signs the child up for activities that occur during the non custodial parent's time, is the non custodial parent required to bring the child to the activity?

    I want to add that I have no problem with the child participating in activities, and that this related to a one time occurence, but it is causing a lot of trouble right now.
  2. #2
    cyjeff is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by mpf30 View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MA

    If the custodial parent signs the child up for activities that occur during the non custodial parent's time, is the non custodial parent required to bring the child to the activity?

    I want to add that I have no problem with the child participating in activities, and that this related to a one time occurence, but it is causing a lot of trouble right now.
    The non custodial parent can do whatever he/she likes with the child during his/her time.

    One parent cannot make demands upon the other parent's time.
  3. #3
    mpf30 is offline Junior Member
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    Ok, that is what I thought. My daughter has a LOT of activities, which is great, but they are falling on my time more and more. I have no problem with bringing her to them, but there is a weekend coming up where I have my daughter and a family wedding to attend and I plan on bringing my daughter with me to the wedding. There is a lot of family who has only seen her a handful of times, and the reception will have tons of kids at it so I know she will have a great time. I let my ex know, because we will be out of town for the weekend, and she told me that I am required to bring my daughter to the activity and if I didn't I would be in contempt. I really don't want to get into it with my ex, so I wanted to be sure I was standing on firm legal ground with not bringing my daughter to the class.
  4. #4
    The_Non-Mom is offline Member
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    Just out of curiosity, did Mom ask your permission ahead of time for your daughter to participate in these activities?
  5. #5
    cyjeff is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by mpf30 View Post
    Ok, that is what I thought. My daughter has a LOT of activities, which is great, but they are falling on my time more and more. I have no problem with bringing her to them, but there is a weekend coming up where I have my daughter and a family wedding to attend and I plan on bringing my daughter with me to the wedding. There is a lot of family who has only seen her a handful of times, and the reception will have tons of kids at it so I know she will have a great time. I let my ex know, because we will be out of town for the weekend, and she told me that I am required to bring my daughter to the activity and if I didn't I would be in contempt. I really don't want to get into it with my ex, so I wanted to be sure I was standing on firm legal ground with not bringing my daughter to the class.
    Your ex is blowing smoke.

    If anyone is in contempt here, it is her for infringing upon your court ordered time with your child.

    Just for curiosity's sake, what is the other activity?
  6. #6
    mpf30 is offline Junior Member
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    No, my ex never asks permission from anyone to do anything. She has signed my daughter up for dance (a few different types), gymnastics, piano, karate, swim, t-ball/baseball, brownies, cheer, tennis, horseback riding, ski school and probably a few more I am forgetting. This isn't all at once, it changes every year or so and seasonally. My ex claims my daughter wants to do all of these activities, but when I talk to my daughter about it she seems only semi interested in anything but swim and the dance classes. I do think it is great that she is exposed to different activities, but it has really gotten out of hand. Her schedule is exhausting. Most of them last for a session or two, then she doesn't sign her up anymore because she has lost interest. She typically asks me to pay for half of the cost of the activities too. I told her I didn't have to pay for them since it wasn't specifically listed that I do in our court orders and I don't agree with her having so many scheduled activities, and she told our daughter that she couldn't take dance anymore because Daddy wouldn't pay for it. She isn't the most pleasant or fair woman to deal with.

    I agreed to pay for dance, in full, if my daughter stuck with it (I don't like the pattern of starting and stopping every activity, I want her to learn that you work at things). My ex pays for all of the other activities that my daughter takes part in.

    The weekend that I am going to the family wedding my daughter would miss a dance class, and probably a baseball game (the schedule isn't out yet). My ex has even gone so far as to threaten to not allow my daughter to come with me if I intend to "remove her from the state" for the weekend. It is a family wedding in New Jersey, we are leaving Friday when my daughter gets out of school (my normal pickup time) and coming back Sunday afternoon/evening. I bring my daughter to school Monday mornings on my weekends, so it will not interfer with school at all, just her weekend activities.
    Last edited by mpf30; 03-05-2009 at 09:39 AM. Reason: more info
  7. #7
    cyjeff is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by mpf30 View Post
    The weekend that I am going to the family wedding my daughter would miss a dance class, and probably a baseball game (the schedule isn't out yet). My ex has even gone so far as to threaten to not allow my daughter to come with me if I intend to "remove her from the state" for the weekend. It is a family wedding in New Jersey, we are leaving Friday when my daughter gets out of school (my normal pickup time) and coming back Sunday afternoon/evening. I bring my daughter to school Monday mornings on my weekends, so it will not interfer with school at all, just her weekend activities.
    Just so that you know, if this question revolved around a long term activity in which your daughter was heavily emotionally invested, the answer might change (for instance, if she was in training for an Olympic medal or something).

    I would tell your ex in no uncertain terms that any activity scheduled on your time will be attended only at your choice. In other words, if the ex wants DD to attend something on your time, she needs to COPARENT with you to make sure that you are on board.

    Does the custody agreement mention anything about out of state visitation?
  8. #8
    mpf30 is offline Junior Member
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    And also, baseball is a sore subject. My daughter doesn't want to play, but my ex's new husband is the coach (his sons play) and my daughter is on the team. I don't agree with making her play a sport she has no interest in, and I really don't want to bring her to the games on my time if she doesn't want to go, so I think that I might be telling my ex that on the days I have her, my daughter will not be at the games unless she wants to go. I wasn't sure if I could do that or not, but now I know I can. Thanks.
  9. #9
    mommyof4 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by mpf30 View Post
    No, my ex never asks permission from anyone to do anything. She has signed my daughter up for dance (a few different types), gymnastics, piano, karate, swim, t-ball/baseball, brownies, cheer, tennis, horseback riding, ski school and probably a few more I am forgetting. This isn't all at once, it changes every year or so and seasonally. My ex claims my daughter wants to do all of these activities, but when I talk to my daughter about it she seems only semi interested in anything but swim and the dance classes. I do think it is great that she is exposed to different activities, but it has really gotten out of hand. Her schedule is exhausting. Most of them last for a session or two, then she doesn't sign her up anymore because she has lost interest. She typically asks me to pay for half of the cost of the activities too. I told her I didn't have to pay for them since it wasn't specifically listed that I do in our court orders and I don't agree with her having so many scheduled activities, and she told our daughter that she couldn't take dance anymore because Daddy wouldn't pay for it. She isn't the most pleasant or fair woman to deal with.

    I agreed to pay for dance, in full, if my daughter stuck with it (I don't like the pattern of starting and stopping every activity, I want her to learn that you work at things). My ex pays for all of the other activities that my daughter takes part in.

    The weekend that I am going to the family wedding my daughter would miss a dance class, and probably a baseball game (the schedule isn't out yet). My ex has even gone so far as to threaten to not allow my daughter to come with me if I intend to "remove her from the state" for the weekend. It is a family wedding in New Jersey, we are leaving Friday when my daughter gets out of school (my normal pickup time) and coming back Sunday afternoon/evening. I bring my daughter to school Monday mornings on my weekends, so it will not interfer with school at all, just her weekend activities.
    Y'all have fun at the wedding.

    Mom can go blow sunshine.
  10. #10
    mpf30 is offline Junior Member
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    Only that we each have to NOTIFIY the other if our plans will take my daughter out of state and we have to give info on where we will be/contact info. I gave her the hotel info and my cell phone is always on me, always on. I am thinking I am doing everything right. This is a family function that is taking place on my time, and my daughter should be there. Not too mention that last year I was ok with my ex taking my daughter on my weekend to go to her husband's family reunion down the Cape. I didn't even get any extra time to make up for the missed weekend (like she had promised) BUT I felt that it was important for my daughter to meet/feel like she is a part of this new family.
  11. #11
    cyjeff is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by mpf30 View Post
    Only that we each have to NOTIFIY the other if our plans will take my daughter out of state and we have to give info on where we will be/contact info. I gave her the hotel info and my cell phone is always on me, always on. I am thinking I am doing everything right. This is a family function that is taking place on my time, and my daughter should be there. Not too mention that last year I was ok with my ex taking my daughter on my weekend to go to her husband's family reunion down the Cape. I didn't even get any extra time to make up for the missed weekend (like she had promised) BUT I felt that it was important for my daughter to meet/feel like she is a part of this new family.
    Yup.

    I would, diplomatically, tell your ex to pound sand.

    Enjoy the wedding.
  12. #12
    TheGeekess is offline Senior Member
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    Even in intact families, children sometimes have to miss extracurricular activities because of family events.

    Mom needs to take a chill pill.

    Dad, you and daughter enjoy the wedding.
  13. #13
    janM is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by mpf30 View Post
    My ex has even gone so far as to threaten to not allow my daughter to come with me if I intend to "remove her from the state" for the weekend.
    If she keeps threatening this, send her something like this:
    [url=http://deltabravo.net/custody/intent.php]Notice Of Intent To Exercise Visitation[/url]

    It's usually used when you've been denied time a lot, but something like it may get her attention, especially if you cc it to the court file.

    Edit it to include the part of your agreement that says you can take her out of state with proper notification and contact info. Quote it word for word. If you think it's necessary, gently remind her that if you are denied this time with DD you may have no choice but to seek a legal remedy. Remind her that you allowed her to take DD to an event with stepdad's family on your time, and he is not a relative. (She probably won't understand the term "legal stranger", which stepdad is.)
  14. #14
    mpf30 is offline Junior Member
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    Ok so the weekend we are going to the wedding is in May, and I have already sent my ex the dates/hotel info via email, and she responded to the email (so I have proof she got it). Her response, however, was that I couldn't take my daughter because of her dance lessons and she will probably have a game that weekend too. I guess technically all I needed to do is to notify my ex that I will be away with my daughter and where we will be, which I have done. I think my ex thinks I won't be going to the wedding now, because she seems to think that she gets last say in everything related to our daughter, and she said no. My fault, I guess, because I do tend to give in to her a lot because it is just easier than fighting with her, but I am tired of it and this is well within my rights.

    I guess my question now is if my ex refuses to send my daughter with me that weekend or keeps her home from school (I pick her up from school on the Fridays of my weekend) what can I do? I know I can file contempt after the fact, but I really want to bring my daughter with me. I am hoping she forgets what weekend it is and just gets mad when she realizes we are away (which she will when my daughter misses the game, since her stepdad is the coach). I would rather deal with her anger after the fact I guess.

    Thanks again for all the advice.
  15. #15
    profmum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by mpf30 View Post
    Only that we each have to NOTIFIY the other if our plans will take my daughter out of state and we have to give info on where we will be/contact info. I gave her the hotel info and my cell phone is always on me, always on. I am thinking I am doing everything right. This is a family function that is taking place on my time, and my daughter should be there. Not too mention that last year I was ok with my ex taking my daughter on my weekend to go to her husband's family reunion down the Cape. I didn't even get any extra time to make up for the missed weekend (like she had promised) BUT I felt that it was important for my daughter to meet/feel like she is a part of this new family.
    \

    Take your child to the wedding! and dont ever expect your ex to "return" any favors..

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