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  1. #1
    HopeItsOverSoon is offline Junior Member
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    Adultery and custody

    What is the name of your state? MS

    I filed divorce 6 months ago. We lived separately ever since. I lived with the kids in our marital home and he lived with his friend(s) - he never told me exactly where he lives though. He picked up the kids every other weekend. Anyway, he had a girlfriend 3 months ago and brought the kids to her house on his every other weekend visitation. He told my little girl she had "2 mommies". Then he tried to hook me up with other guy. I thought since he got a girlfriend, it would be ok for me to find somebody so I did. Now he told me he's going to sue me adultery and will get full custody of our kids and don't have to pay me alimony. I don't know if he can do that or not. In his "discovery" he denied having sex with that woman and claimed they were just "friends". Pls help me on this. What's my chance of getting full custody of my kids? How about alimony? Any advice is appreciated! Thank you!!
    HopeItsOverSoon
  2. #2
    BelizeBreeze is offline Senior Member
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    Then you amend your petition to include the grounds of adultry. As for the kids, adultry is not grounds for custody and based on your post, no one can give you an answer for alimony since you have provided no facts on which to make a determination.
  3. #3
    stevenslady is offline Junior Member
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    Angry dad get a life!

    thats the pot calling the kettle black-i hope he gets what he deserves.he also should not force his child to call his gf mommy,she is not the mother,has no legal rights or say or this child,and will end up putting the child in the middle,which he shouldnt be doing.
  4. #4
    BelizeBreeze is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by stevenslady
    thats the pot calling the kettle black-i hope he gets what he deserves.he also should not force his child to call his gf mommy,she is not the mother,has no legal rights or say or this child,and will end up putting the child in the middle,which he shouldnt be doing.
    And of course, you have some legal advice hidden someplace in all of that crap? The child can call the girlfriend mom, old bitch, fatass or by her first name and there is NOTHING in the law to deny it.

    Of course, you are welcome to return here with the exact statute that refutes this if you can find it.

    I'll be waiting.
  5. #5
    stevenslady is offline Junior Member
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    Talking

    damm someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morn.go get some coffee you'll be ok
  6. #6
    BelizeBreeze is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by stevenslady
    damm someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morn.go get some coffee you'll be ok
    I'm still waiting for you to cite the statute that supports your 'advice'.
  7. #7
    HopeItsOverSoon is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you for the advices. I know it is the pot calling the kettle black.

    However my attorney said he can have gf but I can't have a bf because he can refuse to pay alimony if I have a bf. I don't know if what my attorney told me is true or not and I doubt it, because he is still paying his first ex even she is living with her bf and I think they will never marry so she can get the monthly pay. Anyway, now he's trying to use our kids to turn against me and yes, I have the proof. Will a judge ask my child where they want to live? He is 9 yrs. He insisted he will ask the judge to talk to the child. I know he filled him with all the lies about me and fancy promises to him, so I am afraid the kid will choose to live him when asked.

    Another question is, I don't know why it is still called adultery even the relationship is AFTER the marriage is dead and AFTER he had a gf. Don't we explain Separation means "live as single"? Besides, my relationship is not the cause of the brokeup of this marriage - I don't know if the judge is going to see it this way. What's the chance the judge will not see separated couples having a bf/gf as immoral thing? MS is common law state, I think.

    I don't know if I can do like you say filing a petition and add Adultery as ground for divorce because he denied he had sex with that woman. But he admitted he kissed her, hold her hands and had been talking about marrying her one day - yes, I have proof on these too. Besides he spends most of his weekends in her house, with her kids. I don't know if that is considered Adultery even though he denied having sex.

    As to alimony. I have little income - about $3000 a year doing part-time. He's claiming since I don't have enough income, he can get custody of the kids because his monthly pay is over $3000. How will the judge look at the financial part? I have been trying to find a job but so far no luck. I am the one taking care of the kids most the time, he changed diapers maybe 3 times and bath them about 3 times max.

    I appreciate you spend the time to read these and respond. Thank you very much!!
  8. #8
    BelizeBreeze is offline Senior Member
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    How long were you married?
  9. #9
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Adultery is, quite simply, having sex with someone other than your spouse while you are married. Separated is still married. Technically, yes, it is adultery.

    And my lawyer told me that the worst thing I could do during a custody fight was have a b/f - and if I wanted to date, I could find a new lawyer.
  10. #10
    casa is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by HopeItsOverSoon
    What is the name of your state? MS

    I filed divorce 6 months ago. We lived separately ever since. I lived with the kids in our marital home and he lived with his friend(s) - he never told me exactly where he lives though. He picked up the kids every other weekend. Anyway, he had a girlfriend 3 months ago and brought the kids to her house on his every other weekend visitation. He told my little girl she had "2 mommies". Then he tried to hook me up with other guy. I thought since he got a girlfriend, it would be ok for me to find somebody so I did. Now he told me he's going to sue me adultery and will get full custody of our kids and don't have to pay me alimony. I don't know if he can do that or not. In his "discovery" he denied having sex with that woman and claimed they were just "friends". Pls help me on this. What's my chance of getting full custody of my kids? How about alimony? Any advice is appreciated! Thank you!!
    HopeItsOverSoon
    If you had your b/f after you filed for divorce, how is that adultery?? Either way, legal or not, you'll have plenty of time to find a boyfriend once this is over- If the b/f is such a great guy, he'll understand. Time to focus on your children and custody issues at hand. You and your X have delayed dealing with this and the sooner you get it established, the better. I wouldn't waste too much time finger pointing re; the others sexual endeavors If you are accused on having a boyfriend, you can mention Dad has a g/f and let it GO. Courts get really irritated about listening to people blame shift and accuse the other parent. Focus on how you provide a stable environment for your children and want to establish some consistent visitation to make it clearer and more stable for the children.

    The money situation will be solved once custody is established- The court will order the father to pay support based on a % of his income with both of you being responsible for part of the support of the children.
  11. #11
    HopeItsOverSoon is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you so very much for those advices. Yes, if this deesn't detroy me, it will make me stronger! :-)
    Yes, I dated this guy after he had a g/f. The problem is we both fell at first sight and even if we quit dating, it is still adultery as defined so it doesn't matter if we quit seeing each other or not. Am I right? I think he's afraid I will move out of state once the divorce is final, that is why he spends days and nights to "investigate" who I am with. There's a big chance I will move because I may find a better job out of state even if it is not b/f issue. Do I have the freedom to move anywhere I want? Can he use custody and visitation difficulty to restrain me from moving? or can't move to certain miles away?
    Another thing I want to ask for advice is, he hacked my computer, hack my emails and send emails to people in my contact lists that he thought I had affair with... should I just file a contempt charge on him or should I report to police and file criminal charge on him? If I fild criminal charge on him it will help me on the case but I don't know if the local police is going to deal with computer hacking crime or not. Any idea?
    I appreciate anything you tell. Thank you.
    Last edited by HopeItsOverSoon; 02-07-2005 at 08:20 AM.
  12. #12
    casa is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by HopeItsOverSoon
    Thank you so very much for those advices. Yes, if this deesn't detroy me, it will make me stronger! :-)
    Yes, I dated this guy after he had a g/f. The problem is we both fell at first sight and even if we quit dating, it is still adultery as defined so it doesn't matter if we quit seeing each other or not. Am I right? I think he's afraid I will move out of state once the divorce is final, that is why he spends days and nights to "investigate" who I am with. There's a big chance I will move because I may find a better job out of state even if it is not b/f issue. Do I have the freedom to move anywhere I want? Can he use custody and visitation difficulty to restrain me from moving? or can't move to certain miles away?
    Another thing I want to ask for advice is, he hacked my computer, hack my emails and send emails to people in my contact lists that he thought I had affair with... should I just file a contempt charge on him or should I report to police and file criminal charge on him? If I fild criminal charge on him it will help me on the case but I don't know if the local police is going to deal with computer hacking crime or not. Any idea?
    I appreciate anything you tell. Thank you.
    it's sounds like what he's done re; the emails is a form of cyberstalking. Check your state statutes online to find out what, exactly your state defines cyberstalking as. There are sites on the internet that help with victims of cyberstalking. The problem is proving he is the one who did it. Do you have any correspondence between him and these people? Does he identify himself as you? Have you had an IT person come evaluate and safeguard your computer? Change your password for log in and don't tell anyone what it is. Change your email address and only tell your friends. Check out cyberangels on the net for tips on computer safety. Cyberstalking is to be treated as seriously as physical stalking and charges can be pressed if you can prove your case.

    You need to get through the divorce and custody case as a first priority. You can ASK that you be allowed to have permission to establish residency within the United States. (Basically the right to choose what state you live in or move to) but I doubt your X would let that happen. In most cases, you have to petition the court for permission to move a child out of state away from one of their parents. That permission hinges on whether or not you can prove to a court the move would be beneficial to your child. Because you 'want to' or because your b/f did will NOT be enough.

    It's not too late to stop being with the boyfriend. You admit you were unaware of any legal ramifications - so now that you are aware they are possible, Stop. If the b/f 'fell' for you, as you state, then he won't mind waiting for the sake of your case right? This is a good time to test his love for you and support of your decisions as a mother with your children coming first.
  13. #13
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Your stbx/x can't stop YOU from moving anywhere you like. However, he CAN stop you from taking the kids. You would need to prove to a court that a move would be in your children's best interests.
  14. #14
    HopeItsOverSoon is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you guys for your sincere advice. I know in his Discovery he denied having sex with his g/f and denied adultery. Should I deny as well? After all, who is going to prove if you have sex or not. What's the penalty of adultery anyway? I believe most people in law enforcement commit this crime so the penalty should not be high I guess.

    If I find a job with better pay in another state, will it be a proof of "for the best interest of the kids"? Or my b/f's house is better than mine?

    For the cyberstalking, yes, I have all the evidence including his admission in his email to me and some messages he left in my answering machine. I have copies of those emails he sent to my friends. (They forwarded to me). I call the local police but they said they don't handle this. I talked to his boss but he said it is a "civil" matter and he's not going to be in the middle of it. I called FBI, the guy said he's going to take the note and pass to his boss and I haven't heard from them ever since. I reported it to State Attorney General office but no answer so far.... What other sources? I change my password so often sometimes I even forgot what my new password is! He threaten me no matter what computer I log in, he will know. It is really scary. My work requires a lot job to be done through computer and I am afraid he's going to harrass my next client.

    Another issue is, what is the chance he is going to pay my legal fee? It has been mounted up to an amount that I don't think I can pay it off in the next couple years!

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