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Advice needed on proving a unfit mother

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F

Forbidden2002

Guest
URGENT: My fiancee and I live in Bakersfield California. We are going thru a custody battle with his ex wife for custody of his two children. His daughter lived with us from March of 1999 to September of 2000. On September 21st, we let his ex wife take his daughter to mcdonalds and she never brought her back. There was a open C.P.S investigation on the mothers boyfriend for child molestation on our daughter. Al though now it is closed, our daughter had told them she had made the story up so she could remian living in our home, and she also told the workers that her mother and her mothers boyfriend had beat her and her younger brother with sticks and belts and belt buckles. But every time we try to bring this up in court we get shot down. We even have witnesses who will testify to the fact that the mother would consatanly drop the kids off with them and leave for days at a time. That is actually how we got his daughter in the first place. The mother had dropped both children off with my fiancees mother on a friday. The kids's mother said she would be back later that night. When she didn't show, his mother called us and told us. We came down to Bakersfield that night and stayed with the kids till Monday night. Their mother did not even call or come by untill Monday night. This is when she said we could have Shonell ( their daughter) but we couldn't take their son Ryan. Three days before the mother took shonell, she was served with child support papers. We are trying to prove the mother unfit. The courts hired a probation officer to look in to the case and find where the kids are best suieted. They came back and said that the kids should remain with the mother. But when the mother had our daughter before we got her, she missed more school then she went. When we had her she was tardy one time. But since she is doing good in school now, they say that her school records for the past are erelevent. ( don't mean nothing. But of course the mother is going to keep her in school for now because she knows they are watching) The mother has changed her story four times, since this whole custody battle has started. But no one thinks that this is funny. We need some help on how we can prove her unfit. We love these kids and we know that the best place for them to be is with us for their health and saftey. We have no problem with the mother having visits, but the mother does not want us to see the kids at all. It seems like the courts are siding with her because, she is the mother. Can some one please help us? We don't want to loose the kids they mean every thing to us. No one is willing to help us. The kids even told the probation officer that they did not want to see their father at all. But the probation officer said that it was clear that some one had coached them into what they had said. Please can some one give us some advice on how to prove she is a unfit mother, or any ideas on what we should say or do in court? Please help us. Thanks!







 


Ambr

Senior Member
First off...

Did you explain your story to the investigator the way that you explain it to us? You are contradicting yourself throughout the story.

You talk about the children being abused and neglected, yet you "don't have a problem with the mother having visitation".

If my children were being abused I would have a MAJOR problem with visitation. She could visit the child, with supervised visitations and that would be it. She would have manditory therapy sessions and parenting classes. ANYTHING that it took to get her the help she needs and to get the kids the help that they need. She would participate, or she would not receive the visitation.

It sounds as if she has been investigated by several departments. And they were unable to substantiate anything.

There could be a few things that you can check out. You mention the child is in school, teachers are suppose to report any form of abuse on a child. Have they ever suspected abuse/neglect? Have you ever taken the child for treatment because of suspected abuse? Doctors reports will be helpful. Have you ever taken the child to a psychologist for counseling? They can tell you if abuse is suspected.

I know that everything that I am suggesting costs, but you can check into local resources. There are counseling and psychiatric offices that are funded by the state and that work off of a sliding scale or offer free services. As well as some medical clinics. It would definately be worth the leg work if you could get one for her. Let the doctor know about the divorce and the custody issues. Let her know about the suspected abuse and then let her handle the child. They are trained to get the information out of the child without coaching. Just be sure that you do not ask questions of the child that could help the child form an answer. You will influence what the child thinks and what she answers. (which will looked coached to a trained person)

If the child is being abused, she needs out of the home.

Good Luck!

Ambr :)
 
F

Forbidden2002

Guest
Help needed in proving a unfit mother

My fiancee and I don't want to take Shonell away from her mother. We belive that most of the abuse came from the mothers boy-friend. We want the mother to start off with supervised visits. Untill we know that our daughter is in no harm. Yes we had her in counseling untill the mother came and took her. Her counslers say that her story of the abuse and of the molestation are always consistant. When the mother came and took her, we called and told her counslers that her mother had her back in the home. Our daughters counsler called C.P.S and they went out to the mothers home, adn talked to our daughter again. Only this time she said that she had lied about the molestation, because she wanted to stay living with her dad. She also said that she had lied about the abuse. But when we first got her, you could tell that she had been abused. We have tried bringing this up in court, but they say that since the C.P.S case was closed there is nothing more that should come of it. The day after the mother took Shonell, she went down to the court house, and filed for custody and a restraining order. She claimed that my fiancee had held a knife to her throat, and that she was afraid for her life and the life of the children. So the judge granted her the restrain orders with no visitation to the father. Not even the probation officer understood why the judge did this? So we have not had any contact with the kids since September 21, 2000. But we have seen the mother because she drives by our house all the time. Even thou she has a restraining order against my fiancee. Can she do this? We have even brought up the fact that the mother pulled our daughter out of counseling. We have asked that both of the kids be put into counseling, but no one seems to want to sit down and listen to us, or go thru all of the court papers, that the mother had filed. If they did, they would see how many times her story has changed! But some how, she manages to lye her way out of it every time, we think we have got her. Do you have any ideas on how we can change this? Thank you very much!
 

Ambr

Senior Member
i've only had experience one time with a restraining order. aren't they temporary orders for like 10-12 days until a hearing can take place? after the hearing, it is either dismissed or a full order of protection is issued?

if she comes around your husband, the order should have a distance, then she is violating the ex parte order and in a manner of speaking VOIDING the order. There should be a section on this in the order itself. Read over it carefully.

You wouldn't happen to have access to a camcorder would you? One that documents the date and time on the film. If you haven't had the hearing already, then you could show that she was driving back and forth in front of the house. People who are suppose to be afraid for their lives generally don't do that. You could also talk to your local police department. Report that someone is driving back in forth in front of your home and you are not familiar with the vehicle. They should check it out and then stop the vehicle for a check. Get it documented through them. It would really be good if they could stop the car and identify the driver.

Sorry that I don't have any other ideas for you. Maybe someone else will chime in.

Ambr :)
 

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