angry and confused

[allSTRESSEDout]

What is the name of your state? indiana

ok...this is a long story with much more detail but i will sum it up as best as possible. my child's father and i have never been married..although he pays child support (barely anything) he has not been a father to our 1 yr old son. he has seen him probably 40 times since he's been born..just here and there whenever he finds "time". although he claims he is joking, he says and does things that are not appropriate or safe for children, he is not a good role model AT ALL, and does not know how to take care of our son. now, my soon to be fiance has been in my sons life and plays a huge role in parenting him, for thepast 10 months, my son calls him daddy (we NEVER told him he was daddy, and at first would say no..*Mike!...but he continues to say daddy ..or daddy mike..and absolutely adores him) his biological father, now expecting another child, all of the sudden wants to be in our sons life, but i dont know what to do..he has been suicidal more then once in the past, and as i mentioned before, does not do approiate thingsor know how to be a father, he is extremely immature and it makes me very uneasy, not to mention the fact that he has not showed any intrest in him in over a year or has offered any help. also, when i get married we will be relocating. my question is: even though he has not been a part of my sons life and he is unstable, do i just let him see him whenever he wants now that he wants to? even though he never even signed the birth certificate? and my son does not even know him..and he has developed a healthy stable and loving relationship with me and mike? especially since we will be moving? everyone that knows the father and our situation thinks that he is too late and that it would not be healthy for him to be in my sons life. i think that he should know who his biological father is and can see him sometimes and can make a choice to get to know him more when he is older ifhe wants...but i do not think he should have to call him dad and be withhim on a regular basis now that its convienent for him...where was he before??? plus..i do not trust him, he is emotionally unstable, and does not even know his son, and thats no bodys fault but his own. BUT.. i wanted an outside opinion.. PLEASE HELP!!What is the name of your state?

[tigger22472]

Originally Posted by allSTRESSEDout

What is the name of your state? indiana

ok...this is a long story with much more detail but i will sum it up as best as possible. my child's father and i have never been married..although he pays child support (barely anything)


Is this support court ordered?

he has not been a father to our 1 yr old son. he has seen him probably 40 times since he's been born..just here and there whenever he finds "time".

Even if the child is 1 year old but 23 months 40 time is MORE than once a month.

although he claims he is joking, he says and does things that are not appropriate or safe for children, he is not a good role model AT ALL,

And the court would likely see that only as your opinion, not to mention the fact that you chose to have a child with him.

and does not know how to take care of our son.

Is this your first child? Did you know how to take care of him when you brought him home? Have you attempted to help dad 'learn' how to take care of him?

now, my soon to be fiance has been in my sons life and plays a huge role in parenting him, for thepast 10 months, my son calls him daddy (we NEVER told him he was daddy, and at first would say no..*Mike!...but he continues to say daddy ..or daddy mike..and absolutely adores him)

Generally a big no no when other parent is still in the picture, the child is this young and especially if the other parent disapproves.

his biological father, now expecting another child, all of the sudden wants to be in our sons life, but i dont know what to do.

Is there a visitation order?

.he has been suicidal more then once in the past, and as i mentioned before, does not do approiate thingsor know how to be a father, he is extremely immature and it makes me very uneasy, not to mention the fact that he has not showed any intrest in him in over a year or has offered any help.

None of that is going to matter.

also, when i get married we will be relocating.

Not if he stops you and not if there is a visitation and custody order in the courts you aren't just relocating. The state of Indiana requires that you have the courts permission to move when it's more than 100 miles away when there is a custody and/or visitation issue.

my question is: even though he has not been a part of my sons life and he is unstable, do i just let him see him whenever he wants now that he wants to?

Again, is there a visitation or through the court?

even though he never even signed the birth certificate?

Signing the AOP (he didn't sign the bc) at the hospital just means he won't have to go through the hoops of establishing paternity)

and my son does not even know him..and he has developed a healthy stable and loving relationship with me and mike?

None of this will matter.

especially since we will be moving?

See my answer above... might not want to hold your breath on this one. If there's nothing in the courts now, the second you move dad can file and you will be coming back to that county for jurisdiction.

everyone that knows the father and our situation thinks that he is too late and that it would not be healthy for him to be in my sons life.


What everyone thinks is moot. It's what the court thinks that matters. This is this child's father, he wants to be a part of his life, he's seen him on average at least one a month... and you chose him. You don't get to unpick him now. Many many many children have gone way longer then this, and at ages that it does impact them, without seeing a biological parent and it doesn't matter, this is his father, if he wants a relationship with him and he gets a court order he WILL get it.

i think that he should know who his biological father is and can see him sometimes and can make a choice to get to know him more when he is older ifhe wants...but i do not think he should have to call him dad and be withhim on a regular basis now that its convienent for him...where was he before???

Doesn't matter

plus..i do not trust him, he is emotionally unstable, and does not even know his son, and thats no bodys fault but his own. BUT.. i wanted an outside opinion.. PLEASE HELP!!What is the name of your state?

You need to wrap your head around the fact that THIS man is dad, not your finance' and that if dad has been given visitation rights he is entitled to them, if he hasn't and he files he WILL get them, your moving is not guaranteed ... and although you didn't use the words abandon, that's what your post was hinting at.. of which dad has not done.

[allSTRESSEDout]

i understand that he is his father, i've came to that realization quite a while ago thank you! but he has not been a father to him at all, maybe 40 times was pushing it..he went once without seeing him for 2 months and another time had not even so much as called in a month. the support was court ordered but no visitation, he and i worked out a schedule that he followed for 2 weeks, and that was the most he has ever seen him! he was supposed to come get him one day and never showed never called, and then i did not hear from him the rest of the month..that is not a responsible father to me. and yes..i've tried on plenty occasions to help him learn to take care of him and he was never obviously too interested or concerned. and now when he does things that are not safe by any means for a child, he does not listen and thinks im just no fun and says "we'll have fun when mommy's gone" i just dont think its funny!! i do not want to deny him rights by any means, but i do not think that its fair that for the whole first year and a half he was not around and now he wants me to drop everything when he calls so he can visit...and then put my child in harm because mommy is no fun..also, are you saying that there is a possibility that i could not move?

[CJane]

The easy legal answer if there is no court ordered visitation is... no. You don't have to let him see the child. You can just let things alone and if he wants to see him, inform him that he can file for visitation. It may never happen.

If it does happen, he WILL get visitation.

Expect him to file when you attempt to relocate. In answer to your question - YOU can relocate wherever you want. But if your relocation interferes in any way with dad's court ordered visitation (assuming he has some at that point), then the child could be prevented from moving.

Was paternity legally established via a DNA test?

[Shay-Pari'e]

(Quote)even though he never even signed the birth certificate?(QUOTE)

How did you manage to get a court order for support?

K_DARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

[CJane]

Originally Posted by Shay-Pari'e

(Quote)even though he never even signed the birth certificate?(QUOTE)

How did you manage to get a court order for support?

K_DARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

In my state, you can get CS w/out the father's signature appearing on the BC, or anywhere else for that matter. He just needs to be declared the father - and that can happen a lot of different ways.

[Shay-Pari'e]

Originally Posted by CJane

In my state, you can get CS w/out the father's signature appearing on the BC, or anywhere else for that matter. He just needs to be declared the father - and that can happen a lot of different ways.

Ok, good to know, but it's still K-Dar.

[allSTRESSEDout]

Originally Posted by Shay-Pari'e

(Quote)even though he never even signed the birth certificate?(QUOTE)

How did you manage to get a court order for support?

K_DARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

paternity was established through a DNA test....which i did not know he was doing until after the baby was born..and and they set up the support order after the results came back

[allSTRESSEDout]

Originally Posted by CJane

The easy legal answer if there is no court ordered visitation is... no. You don't have to let him see the child. You can just let things alone and if he wants to see him, inform him that he can file for visitation. It may never happen.

If it does happen, he WILL get visitation.

Expect him to file when you attempt to relocate. In answer to your question - YOU can relocate wherever you want. But if your relocation interferes in any way with dad's court ordered visitation (assuming he has some at that point), then the child could be prevented from moving.

Was paternity legally established via a DNA test?

do you think i should tell him now that we are going to be moving or wait until that time comes?

[GrowUp!]

Originally Posted by Shay-Pari'e

Ok, good to know, but it's still K-Dar.

And you noticed how Kelly is dancing around her being called-out??

[allSTRESSEDout]

Originally Posted by GrowUp!

And you noticed how Kelly is dancing around her being called-out??

completely off subject but....WHO IS KELLY?!! every page has things about kelly...i'm new..and lost!! sorry......