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Aunt and Uncle rights

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mladolf

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Missouri
My husband and I cared for our 16 year old niece while she was pregnant. After giving birth, she chose us as Godparents. Since 1997 this little guy, our "grandson", has called us Nana and Papa and has been in our home nearly every day. We have fed, clothed, paid for medical care, paid private school tuition and traveled extensively with him (and his mother). His mother, who we helped graduate high school and college, is now 27 and engaged. This young man, 32, has 2 young girls that he disciplines by slapping in the face and pouring vinegar into their mouth. During this short engagement (she has known him less than 4 months) he has alientaed our niece from her best friend of 12 years, her brother, her mother and he is trying to do the same with us by convincing her that we have "too much power" in her life. We recognize this as an abusive person but she is head over heals in love. Our "grandson" has reported that while in this mans home he disciplined him by putting him in a dark room for 3 hours and making him sit at the dinner table over 2 hours because he doesn't like cheddar cheese. We are at a loss about what to do. Our concern is that if we point him out as an abuser, she will see to it that we no longer are a part of our "grandson's" life.
Do we have any rights or legal recourse? This is tearing us up and impacting our physical well being.What is the name of your state?
 


Just Blue

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? Missouri
My husband and I cared for our 16 year old niece while she was pregnant. After giving birth, she chose us as Godparents. Since 1997 this little guy, our "grandson", has called us Nana and Papa and has been in our home nearly every day. We have fed, clothed, paid for medical care, paid private school tuition and traveled extensively with him (and his mother). His mother, who we helped graduate high school and college, is now 27 and engaged. This young man, 32, has 2 young girls that he disciplines by slapping in the face and pouring vinegar into their mouth. During this short engagement (she has known him less than 4 months) he has alientaed our niece from her best friend of 12 years, her brother, her mother and he is trying to do the same with us by convincing her that we have "too much power" in her life. We recognize this as an abusive person but she is head over heals in love. Our "grandson" has reported that while in this mans home he disciplined him by putting him in a dark room for 3 hours and making him sit at the dinner table over 2 hours because he doesn't like cheddar cheese. We are at a loss about what to do. Our concern is that if we point him out as an abuser, she will see to it that we no longer are a part of our "grandson's" life.
Do we have any rights or legal recourse? This is tearing us up and impacting our physical well being.What is the name of your state?
Where is the father to this child? Is he aware of the discipline going on?
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Parents are allowed to use corporal punishment on their children -- so him slapping his children in the face is not necessarily abuse. Pouring vinegar in the mouth -- how much vinegar? How do you KNOW this?

Sitting in a dark room for three hours? When does this take place? It could take place and not be abusive. Sitting at the dinner table for two hours -- again this is NOT abuse. Many parents expect their children to remain at the table until they finish everything on their plate. Something that everyone agrees with? No. But not necessarily abuse.

How often do you see this child now?
As Bay asked where is the child's father?
How is this man alienating your niece from everyone?
 

mladolf

Junior Member
The boys father has never been in his life. He has no known address.
This man alienates our niece by telling her that we are interfering in her life, she plans to visit us and he comes up with an "emergency" so she can't attend family functions, he calls her brother a "no good thug", he won't let her go to her church (Lutheran) because they "don't feel the holy spirit", he tells her she can't see her best friend because they "really aren't compatible", the list goes on and on. We have heard these things ourselves or have been told by other family members, her co-workers (who tell us things because they are concerned about her well-being) friends and neighbors. We are not alone in this, friends, family and co-workers all see what is going on and are quite concerned.
As far as punishments, our 'grandson' witnessed the slapping and pouring vinegar from a bottle into the 6 year old girls mouth (I have no idea how much). He was put in the dark room long after sunset. This may not seem wrong to you but this is a child who has always feared the dark! The emotional abuse alone is excessive!
Again I ask, does anyone know if we as great-aunt and great-uncle have any legal recourse to protect this child from any further mental and (heaven forbid) physical abuse?
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
The boys father has never been in his life. He has no known address.
This man alienates our niece by telling her that we are interfering in her life, she plans to visit us and he comes up with an "emergency" so she can't attend family functions, he calls her brother a "no good thug", he won't let her go to her church (Lutheran) because they "don't feel the holy spirit", he tells her she can't see her best friend because they "really aren't compatible", the list goes on and on. We have heard these things ourselves or have been told by other family members, her co-workers (who tell us things because they are concerned about her well-being) friends and neighbors. We are not alone in this, friends, family and co-workers all see what is going on and are quite concerned.
As far as punishments, our 'grandson' witnessed the slapping and pouring vinegar from a bottle into the 6 year old girls mouth (I have no idea how much). He was put in the dark room long after sunset. This may not seem wrong to you but this is a child who has always feared the dark! The emotional abuse alone is excessive!
Again I ask, does anyone know if we as great-aunt and great-uncle have any legal recourse to protect this child from any further mental and (heaven forbid) physical abuse?
You have the same recourse as any other LEGAL stranger has...If you believe that the child is being abused call CPS.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
The boys father has never been in his life. He has no known address.
Correction: You do not know his address. Has he ever been adjudicated dad? Did he sign the AOP? Is there a child support order?


This man alienates our niece by telling her that we are interfering in her life, she plans to visit us and he comes up with an "emergency" so she can't attend family functions, he calls her brother a "no good thug", he won't let her go to her church (Lutheran) because they "don't feel the holy spirit", he tells her she can't see her best friend because they "really aren't compatible", the list goes on and on. We have heard these things ourselves or have been told by other family members, her co-workers (who tell us things because they are concerned about her well-being) friends and neighbors. We are not alone in this, friends, family and co-workers all see what is going on and are quite concerned.
And what does your niece think of this? She has a say so in her life. Why would she put up with what you feel is abuse? Is her brother in trouble with the law? Does he have a past? Did she willingly change churches?

As far as punishments, our 'grandson' witnessed the slapping and pouring vinegar from a bottle into the 6 year old girls mouth (I have no idea how much). He was put in the dark room long after sunset. This may not seem wrong to you but this is a child who has always feared the dark! The emotional abuse alone is excessive!
Prove it. Prove that mom is unfit. Prove that she deserves to have her parental rights stripped from her. Then prove that dad is unfit as well. Prove that his rights deserved to be terminated also. Then prove that no one else closer in kinship is appropriate to have custody. Then, and only then, might you qualify for guardianship. And being put in a dark room long after sunset -- are you sure he just wasn't sent to bed? That usually happens to children LONG AFTER SUNSET. It is not as though he was locked in a closet (wait for it seniors) and left there. Having no idea how much vinegar was used also shows that it may not be abuse -- if it was a teaspoon it is not a lot and it is a food product.


Again I ask, does anyone know if we as great-aunt and great-uncle have any legal recourse to protect this child from any further mental and (heaven forbid) physical abuse?

Call Children's Services. And then realize that if they find nothing that you will most likely never see your "grandson" again.
 

Rushia

Senior Member
You know, it never ceases to amaze me with the amount of people who come here screaming about "abuse" but are unwilling to call in the people who can do something about it. If a child was being abused I would call in the authorities in about 2 seconds, not wonder how I could get that child into my custody or in my home.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
You know, it never ceases to amaze me with the amount of people who come here screaming about "abuse" but are unwilling to call in the people who can do something about it. If a child was being abused I would call in the authorities in about 2 seconds, not wonder how I could get that child into my custody or in my home.
No joke, Rushia. :(
 

Rushia

Senior Member
No joke, Rushia. :(
Change the people around in this story and you have my case in a nutshell. They accused my dh of other things, most not even pertaining my children (mostly made up crap about his younger lifestyle). What is with this generation of gps? What makes them think that they can raise our children better than we can?

Oh well, still waiting the decision. Sorry for the hijack/rant, but I just don't get it.....:(
 

quack911

Junior Member
Sorry, but when I was a child I was slapped across the face many a time for talking back or using "colorful" language; looking back, I can't say my parents were wrong for doing it. My niece and nephew get hot wing sauce poured on their tongue for the same reasons, in lieu of the slap; again, I don't think they are abused because of it. Parents do have a right to discipline their children, and I don't think an occasional slap across the face or vinegar in the mouth is over the line. As for the seat in a dark room, that will depend on the circumstances - as many have said, was he simply sent to bed and laid awake for 3 hours? Was he maybe sent to bed early as a form of punishment for something and thus wasn't tired, leading to the prolonged amount of time in the darkened room?

As for the issues with him alienating your niece from friends and family, yes, that does sound like one of the characteristics of an abuser, but in the end it is your niece's choice to stay with him. As others have stated, you can make an anonymous report to Child Protective Services and let them investigate, but that is your only recourse at this point. I'm sure you could make an appointment with a lawyer or attempt to file for custody of your 'grandson', but be prepared never to see him again when your case gets tossed out of court. Your best bet is to stay in the background and keep contact with your niece and 'grandson' in whatever fashion you are able to, so as to keep an eye on the situation. Do not attempt to tell her what a mistake she is making, this will only push her away. Stay supportive, offer to baby-sit, grit your teeth and make nice with the fiance, send cards on special occasions, etc, and when/if your niece ever decides to cut ties with this man, she will come running back to you.
 

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