Babysitter of choice?

[swtwilma]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AZ

Dad has 3 kids for six weeks of the summer ending this Sun night. Dad called me up and said the kids missed me and they wanted to spend the day with me.

I kept kids until 6pm when I assumed he would then be home from work. Kids tell me that their dad is working and they don't want to go home until he is there.

I explain to kids that this is his time and we agreed on this end of story. If they were upset then they needed to speak with their dad but we had agreed on this ahead of time.

When I drop them off only step mom is home and this is usually the case.

Parenting plan states when one parent is not available the other shall be the babysitter of choice. When I bring this up with dad he states that his wife does not count and it is his time and he will do what he wants. I have tried to reason with him and we have been though years of counceling as well. Nothing anyone says changes his mind on this.

I always use him as sitter for the kids if I am not home, but I am lucky to be there everyday due to my work schedule and rarely need it. He on the other hand works full time and goes to school part time. He is almost never home and the kids know that I am. They ask to come to my house while he is working and they are told no by dad and step mom. (on a side note it is dad that tells me that he has told them no and not my children).

I have talked to lawyers and many others stating that babysitter of choice is difficult to enforce, but it seems silly to have it in a plan if you can't enforce it.

What is the best way to deal with this without causing massive problems.

 

[Ohiogal]

If you know dad works every day have you asked to have the children every day that he works? If so then file a motion to show cause. How far from dad do you live?

 

[Maray1980]

I'm in a similar situation-ex wants to keep our daughter overnight, but the live-in girlfriend can only take her to school on certain days. Thus, the gf's schedule is what he wants the visitation scedule of OUR daughter to revolve around.

I think it is hard when ex's put the significant other in a role of substitute parent. If I wanted my boyfriend to take our daughter to school or keep her home with him all day while I was at work (which is what his gf does), there would be hell to pay.

Good luck-your ex sounds like mine on not wanting to be reasonable!

 

[swtwilma]

He refuses to supply me with his work and school schedule, but I have logged when I do know. We also changed the parenting plan to TRY to fix this. He has them every Sun and Mon which are "supposed" to be his days off. I think that he has every Sun off but Mon is hit or miss since his new wife drops them off to me that evening.

It is the weekend time that he gets that is tough and summer months. I know he works most of those times. I think the reason that he is unwilling to give them to me during those times is two fold.

First he is afraid of child support going up (which I would never do). I make more money and don't need the child support.

Second he has 3 other children with his new wife and they feel that this bond is important (which it is), but there is also the "my new wife is a better choice as mom".

I was thinking of just putting up with it for a bit longer to show a pattern then revising the parenting plan. What do you think?

Also I live about 15 min. away from dad. I don't ask the kids, they sometime tell me that they don't want to go there since he is working. He also has told me from time to time so I pick up the pattern. It is the same job that he had prior to divorce so I know the schedule. He has also told me his school schedule, so I have put two and two together. I have asked over and over to have the kids when he is working, but he states this is his time and he will do what he wants. There is really no reasoning with him on this.

 

[LdiJ]

He refuses to supply me with his work and school schedule, but I have logged when I do know. We also changed the parenting plan to TRY to fix this. He has them every Sun and Mon which are "supposed" to be his days off. I think that he has every Sun off but Mon is hit or miss since his new wife drops them off to me that evening.

It is the weekend time that he gets that is tough and summer months. I know he works most of those times. I think the reason that he is unwilling to give them to me during those times is two fold.

First he is afraid of child support going up (which I would never do). I make more money and don't need the child support.

Also I live about 15 min. away from dad. I don't ask the kids, they sometime tell me that they don't want to go there since he is working. He also has told me from time to time so I pick up the pattern. It is the same job that he had prior to divorce so I know the schedule. He has also told me his school schedule, so I have put two and two together.

Second he has 3 other children with his new wife and they feel that this bond is important (which it is), but there is also the "my new wife is a better choice as mom".

I was thinking of just putting up with it for a bit longer to show a pattern then revising the parenting plan. What do you think?

I think that for weekends and holidays its probably not a battle worth fighting unless dad is actually gone the whole time or almost the whole time.

For summer time it may be a battle worth fighting if you are available lots of the time that dad is working and an alternate schedule could be arranged to maximize dad's time with the children too.

There are siblings in dad's house so that is a bit different than if there were not.

 

[swtwilma]

Hence why I don't put up much of a stink. My thinking has always been that they are digging their own grave for the future.

The summer is a huge problem for sure. This was the first summer of the new plan, so there are some kinks that will need to work their way out.

I always encorage my kids to express thier feelings to their dad. Hopefully he will hear and listen. Thanks for the comments.

I only work 2 - 3 days a week where he works 5-6. When he has school he works then attends school. On his Fri / Sat he has them Fri from 8pm until bedtime (I am thinking maybe one hour). On Saturday he works all day so he gets to see them maybe 2 hours in the evening. I am always off on Saturday and he is aware. I would be more than willing to keep them until he is off but he insists that he needs them at their house for family time. I just don't get this.