back again re:emergency petition to stop my parenting time

[bikerjth]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IN/OH

I deleted my prior thread due to too much personal information posted that had nothing to do with ex denying my parenting time. I thought I'd come back with better information after today's scheduled meeting with my lawyer.

Short answer: It was rescheduled again to a week from tomorrow. Secretary swears my lawyers response to their emergency petition to stop visitation was filed on the 15th. It still does not show up in the on-line docket. That emergency petition was filed on the 12th but I still have not received a copy of it. No court date to hear the petition has been scheduled.

I reread my lawyers email that she sent me with the draft of the show cause, (in the email)she said she saw more 'bs' from ex's lawyer but nothing explicit on the filing. My show cause has several bullet points listing the ex getting another counselor for our daughter, not giving the information to me, counselor not seeing me with our daughter, daughter upset by coming with me; basically all stuff ex has used in the last 2.5 years to delay getting my parenting time back and all stuff that was resolved at our last court date and when ex tried it, my lawyer objected to the use of testimony from a different counselor who had never seen me; judge threw it out that time. My lawyer listed the 2 of the counselors & professional supervisors and their reports that said daughter and I had a good bond, a good relationship, and that daughter was visibly distressed when her mother showed up.

My lawyer has said for the last 2 years that ex is screwing up and will end up losing custody to me. Today in an email my lawyer told me for an additional flat fee of $1500 she would go after full custody for me. My lawyer is also a GAL in the same county. I really have my doubts about her changing custody when I can't even get the court ordered parenting time.

I just don't know what is going on with no court date, and no daughter? A friend said I should email ex to arrange for this weekend and schedule a makeup weekend for the weekend she denied 2 weeks ago. I'm sure she will refuse, but hopefully she would refuse in the email instead of just ignoring my email. Then I'd have more proof that she denied more of my time.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IN/OH

I deleted my prior thread due to too much personal information posted that had nothing to do with ex denying my parenting time. I thought I'd come back with better information after today's scheduled meeting with my lawyer.

Dude, that was incredibly rude of you. Do NOT delete your posts if you want help.

Short answer: It was rescheduled again to a week from tomorrow. Secretary swears my lawyers response to their emergency petition to stop visitation was filed on the 15th. It still does not show up in the on-line docket. That emergency petition was filed on the 12th but I still have not received a copy of it. No court date to hear the petition has been scheduled.

I reread my lawyers email that she sent me with the draft of the show cause, (in the email)she said she saw more 'bs' from ex's lawyer but nothing explicit on the filing. My show cause has several bullet points listing the ex getting another counselor for our daughter, not giving the information to me, counselor not seeing me with our daughter, daughter upset by coming with me; basically all stuff ex has used in the last 2.5 years to delay getting my parenting time back and all stuff that was resolved at our last court date and when ex tried it, my lawyer objected to the use of testimony from a different counselor who had never seen me; judge threw it out that time. My lawyer listed the 2 of the counselors & professional supervisors and their reports that said daughter and I had a good bond, a good relationship, and that daughter was visibly distressed when her mother showed up.

My lawyer has said for the last 2 years that ex is screwing up and will end up losing custody to me. Today in an email my lawyer told me for an additional flat fee of $1500 she would go after full custody for me. My lawyer is also a GAL in the same county. I really have my doubts about her changing custody when I can't even get the court ordered parenting time.

I just don't know what is going on with no court date, and no daughter? A friend said I should email ex to arrange for this weekend and schedule a makeup weekend for the weekend she denied 2 weeks ago. I'm sure she will refuse, but hopefully she would refuse in the email instead of just ignoring my email. Then I'd have more proof that she denied more of my time.

Have you actually gotten off your behind and gone to pick up your child? Because refusing via email - specially if baited like you're planning to do - is not necessarily going to meet the standards of contempt.

You have an attorney. We cannot second-guess your attorney (although I will say that I think you need to get a new attorney asap).

 

[Silverplum]

You already had your chance here, and erased it. Why on earth would we go through this again?

 

[bikerjth]

Dude, that was incredibly rude of you. Do NOT delete your posts if you want help.



Have you actually gotten off your behind and gone to pick up your child? Because refusing via email - specially if baited like you're planning to do - is not necessarily going to meet the standards of contempt.

You have an attorney. We cannot second-guess your attorney (although I will say that I think you need to get a new attorney asap).

I apologize for deleting the whole thread, it appeared to be the only way to get rid of a couple posts that were already quoted by others. I won't do that again. I am calling a couple other local lawyers for consults, try to see what they think my lawyer is doing, or not doing.

I cannot go pick up my daughter. Ex has kept the address confidential, against IN guidelines so I don't know where she lives. Exchange time is 5:00 per our order, I'm sure if I went to the school with the parenting time order then ex would call the cops on me for getting her early.

All communication regarding exchanges is by email with lawyers cc'd. Asking her to confirm she will meet me at the exchange time and place 45 minutes away is what my lawyer wants me to do.

 

[bikerjth]

You already had your chance here, and erased it. Why on earth would we go through this again?

Because you forgive people who apologize when they learn proper forum decorum?

I apologize for erasing the whole thread. There were a couple posts that gave too much information but had been quoted. I will be more circumspect in the future.

 

[bikerjth]

My 'show cause' petition the lawyer said they filed on the 15th finally showed up in the on-line docket yesterday with a file stamp of the 15th! It took the court employees 10 days to get it entered. No court date has been set for the 'show cause' but all previous filings had a court date set the next day.
Ex's emergency petition was filed 2 weeks ago, and no hearing has been scheduled.

Ex continues to refuse my parenting time, and even refuse to answer the phone so I can talk to my daughter.

 

[bikerjth]

Finally have a court date to hear my 'show cause', 9/20. Judge has never signed ex's petition to suspend my parenting time, but since she refuses to bring our daughter I'm not getting my parenting time.
I finally got a copy of their petition. Ex claims our child 'suffered substantial anxiety' prior to commencing overnights in July. Claims she 'wants to run away' when she's here, 'she doesn't feel safe', has 'suicidal thoughts'. Counselor is focusing on 'possible past trauma'. So ex is still telling the counselor the lies she told that started all this 2.5 years ago.

Petition asks for me, ex, and our child to have psychological evaluations. The therapist says I need to participate in the 'mental health process'. They fail to note that mother has changed therapists multiple times and when I contacted the first therapist she refused to meet with me and daughter. I've never been informed of all subsequent therapists. When my lawyer met with her lawyer, all my contact information was passed on and intended to be sent to the therapist to contact me. Therapist has not. Therapist brought in another 'crisis therapist', no intake information from me, no questions on how child acted here. No references were made to the counselors daughter and I saw for 'therapeutic counseling' for more than a year, and the written reports that my daughter and I had a good relationship. No reference to the written report from the professional visitation supervisor who noted 'mom is the problem'. At one of the last visits with the visitation supervisor, ex was saying how daughter screamed, cried, had a meltdown after a prior visit. There was no indication of my daughter upset during our visit so the supervisor told her to pull out her phone and record it next time, that never happened.

Basically, ex is trying to force a repeat of the last 2 years and 6 months, delay, deny, force long reintroduction periods with counselors, stepped up visitation before moving to guideline parenting time. And then she'll start the lies all over again. This is hurting our daughter. She expressed sadness about missing summer time here and said 'maybe she could spend ALL summer here next year'. The last weekend she had here she was looking forward to the next weekend she'd be here because my sister's girls were going to spend the night or we'd all go to the zoo.

I guess my question changes to 'how many times does ex have to pull this before the judge hits her with penalties or even change custody to me? Oh, yes, ex's timing meant our daughter got to go to the new daddy's family for family pictures, I'll miss my first holiday parenting time, & miss my birthday again. The court date is before my daughter's birthday and it's my year to have her. Never got her before, so I'm betting ex will get the court date delayed so I won't have her this year either.

 

[CJane]

My best advice at this point - and it's expensive advice - is for you to force everything to trial. Again, you really screwed up agreeing to the supervision, etc last time. Sure, you didn't know you were screwing up, but what's done is done. Tell your attorney you absolutely will not settle out of court for anything, and that you want the judge to hear every piece of evidence.

BUT - only if you have several thousand dollars to spend on this. Because the reality is that going up against a parent like this is ridiculously expensive, and most people stop fighting because the financing becomes impossible.

 

[bikerjth]

My best advice at this point - and it's expensive advice - is for you to force everything to trial. Again, you really screwed up agreeing to the supervision, etc last time. Sure, you didn't know you were screwing up, but what's done is done. Tell your attorney you absolutely will not settle out of court for anything, and that you want the judge to hear every piece of evidence.

BUT - only if you have several thousand dollars to spend on this. Because the reality is that going up against a parent like this is ridiculously expensive, and most people stop fighting because the financing becomes impossible.

That is the route I'm planning. I'll find the money some way, and in my motion to 'show cause' my lawyer filed for ex to pay my lawyer fees.

I was just thinking this morning about why my daughter said she is scared here, IF she really said it. She was put to bed in her own room here, lights on. She, and actually the ex, has never slept alone. Before daughter was born, if I had to work nights the ex would sleep over at a friends house. When daughter came to my bedroom at 5 a.m., that was the only time she acted scared, but it was a new place for her to sleep so I didn't think much of it, normal kid stuff, right?. My wife put her back to bed and sat with her until she fell asleep.

 

[bikerjth]

Update- Yesterday, 9/13, my lawyer got an email from ex's lawyer asking what days I want as make-up. I counted all the days I've been denied since July 15 and to make them up I'll get daughter fall break and every weekend until the first of the year. Thanksgiving is already mine this year. So, I got hopeful that she was going to drop her petition to suspend my parenting time.

Today, the court changed the date to hear my petition to show cause from 9/20 to 10/7. The judge did sign my petition and now it's an Order to show cause. But, the hearing is now 23 more days instead of 6!

Surprisingly, ex emailed today and said I can have daughter this weekend(my birthday) but I have to take her to cheerleading 2 hours away on Sat morning and then return her Sunday at 1 so she can go to a party. So, ex is throwing me a bone but I feel like she is still showing me that I only get my daughter on the ex's terms. I can't plan anything because she has shown a constant contempt for my parenting time and will withhold her and tell lies to her lawyer and the child's counselors.

Ex finally gave my lawyer the contact information so I could talk to the newest counselor. She had no idea of the background of this case, no idea of the therapeutic counseling, no idea of the supervised visitation and all the accompanying records from those professionals that stated daughter and I had a good bond and no signs of problems. Counselor did say she is concerned about the child's home life.

By getting my daughter even this abbreviated time, will that help show her 'emergency petition to suspend parenting time' was bogus? Or is she going to use this to say that I took her to cheerleading so therefore I agree to give up all my Saturdays to whatever ex wants to sign her up for? Remember, child is 7.

 

[CTU]

I feel so terribly sad for this poor child.

 

[bikerjth]

I feel so terribly sad for this poor child.

How do you think I feel about what my daughter is going through? I feel like a heel trying to figure out a strategy that will allow me to have my parenting time. I'm not trying to keep her away from her mother but it might come to that. My daughter has never met the maternal grandmother because ex's father basically ran her off and she gave up on her 3 kids when they were young. Ex was close to her father, until her father spoke up about what ex was doing(pot? meet kettle?!) and then ex shut him off! Daughter calls the former babysitter 'mamma' but now ex has stopped that relationship because it's inconvenient. My daughter has 'aunts' and 'uncles' who aren't relatives and has never met real aunts, uncles, & cousins. Even when we were married, I wasn't 'allowed' to take our daughter anywhere without ex's permission.

Daughter is being told she was abused but she wasn't, at least not by me. Ex has screaming fits if she doesn't get what she wants, I did way too much walking on eggshells to keep her calm especially around our daughter. Daughter has seen at least 4 counselors but almost never without my ex in the sessions with them, telling them all about 'the abuse'. Then she's seen 2 counselors and 1 counselor/visitation supervisor with me. She was fine in those sessions with me. But what is that doing to her mind to sit there with me and everything is fine, but go to a different counselor with mom and hear how mom says she is afraid of me?! She's only 7!

I don't know what the answer is. Ex's mother walked away and all 3 of the kids have real parent issues. I'm choosing to stay and fight to stay in my daughters life.

 

[Ohiogal]

Do you even care what is in the best interest of your child? If so, what is that?
Explain to us.

 

[CTU]

How do you think I feel about what my daughter is going through?

When I wish to hear about your feelings, I'll be the first to let you know.

I feel like a heel trying to figure out a strategy that will allow me to have my parenting time. I'm not trying to keep her away from her mother but it might come to that. My daughter has never met the maternal grandmother because ex's father basically ran her off and she gave up on her 3 kids when they were young. Ex was close to her father, until her father spoke up about what ex was doing(pot? meet kettle?!) and then ex shut him off! Daughter calls the former babysitter 'mamma' but now ex has stopped that relationship because it's inconvenient. My daughter has 'aunts' and 'uncles' who aren't relatives and has never met real aunts, uncles, & cousins. Even when we were married, I wasn't 'allowed' to take our daughter anywhere without ex's permission.

Daughter is being told she was abused but she wasn't, at least not by me. Ex has screaming fits if she doesn't get what she wants, I did way too much walking on eggshells to keep her calm especially around our daughter. Daughter has seen at least 4 counselors but almost never without my ex in the sessions with them, telling them all about 'the abuse'. Then she's seen 2 counselors and 1 counselor/visitation supervisor with me. She was fine in those sessions with me. But what is that doing to her mind to sit there with me and everything is fine, but go to a different counselor with mom and hear how mom says she is afraid of me?! She's only 7!

I don't know what the answer is. Ex's mother walked away and all 3 of the kids have real parent issues. I'm choosing to stay and fight to stay in my daughters life.

Yes, she's ONLY 7.

This entire situation is pitiful.

 

[CTU]

Do you even care what is in the best interest of your child? If so, what is that?
Explain to us.

I'm not convinced this child's best interests will ever be the real priority, and I think that's shameful.