Basis

[mjaguilera]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CALI

My ex is claiming a basis for custody mod to be that i have cussed and been mean to her. I did caller here a Bitch and another bad name, but never in front of our son or her other child. our confrontations have been on the phone. is this a big deal? to me this point is ridiculous.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CALI

My ex is claiming a basis for custody mod to be that i have cussed and been mean to her. I did caller here a Bitch and another bad name, but never in front of our son or her other child. our confrontations have been on the phone. is this a big deal? to me this point is ridiculous.

If that's the sole basis of her request, she'll get laughed out of court.

There needs to be a change in circumstance. You two behaving like children during phone conversations doesn't appear to meet that legal burden.

 

[LdiJ]

If that's the sole basis of her request, she'll get laughed out of court.

There needs to be a change in circumstance. You two behaving like children during phone conversations doesn't appear to meet that legal burden.

If its only name calling during conversations that the children are not privy to I agree...although you should consider that you will be needing to co-parent these children for basically the rest of your lives, therefore the name is certainly less than productive.

However, if it ever goes beyond name calling, into any kind of serious threats, then it could be an issue...possibly even a serious one. People sometimes say really stupid things when they are mad, that they don't even mean, that can result in serious consequences.

 

[stealth2]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CALI

My ex is claiming a basis for custody mod to be that i have cussed and been mean to her. I did caller here a Bitch and another bad name, but never in front of our son or her other child. our confrontations have been on the phone. is this a big deal? to me this point is ridiculous.

Yeah, ya know... time for you to grow up. No matter how angry she makes you, there is no good reason to call the mother of your children foul names. You liked her well enough to make a baby with her - you can learn to hold your tongue.

 

[CJane]

Also, you need to consider how your actions - even those that are "not in front of the children" can still affect the children.

You and Mom fighting on the phone - even if the kids can't hear one end of the conversation - affects the kids. And resorting to name calling affects MOM (which is, of course, your intent) which affects your relationship with Mom, which affects the kids.

My ex, for reasons only he can fathom, has my number saved into his phone not as "CJane", but was "WalkAwayCJane". Now, he might think that's funny (I truly have NO IDEA why it says that since HE'S the one who left), or whatever, but when my kids use his phone to call/text me, that's what they see. Their mother's name coupled with "walk away". Over and over and over. But ya know, he could say that it's not "in front of the children" because it's his personal cell phone... but it's a weak and stupid argument.

 

[stealth2]

Kids are not stupid. They KNOW when their parents despise one another. That's why OhioGal's sig-line is so important - love your children more than you hate your ex. It'll be good for your heart, and better for your kids.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CALI

My ex is claiming a basis for custody mod to be that i have cussed and been mean to her. I did caller here a Bitch and another bad name, but never in front of our son or her other child. our confrontations have been on the phone. is this a big deal? to me this point is ridiculous.

Grow up. You have children. You shouldn't be acting like one. The fact that you think it is ridiculous -- well it is -- you are acting ridiculous. Try acting like an adult. Your child will benefit.

 

[ecmst12]

Cjane, maybe your ex is trying to remind himself to walk away from the conversation if he gets upset instead of fighting with you?

 

[mjaguilera]

I know

I know I have acted immaturely and I'm trying to do better.

 

[Ohiogal]

I know I have acted immaturely and I'm trying to do better.

Do not TRY. DO. As in love your children enough to realize that your ex composes 1/2 of them. And when you degrade your ex, you are degrading your children.

 

[Zigner]

Do not TRY. DO. As in love your children enough to realize that your ex composes 1/2 of them. And when you degrade your ex, you are degrading your children.

The CORRECT quote is: "Do, or do not. There is no try"

Yoda was very wise

 

[CJane]

Cjane, maybe your ex is trying to remind himself to walk away from the conversation if he gets upset instead of fighting with you?

Ummm... no. I'm sure not.

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CALI

My ex is claiming a basis for custody mod to be that i have cussed and been mean to her. I did caller here a Bitch and another bad name, but never in front of our son or her other child. our confrontations have been on the phone. is this a big deal? to me this point is ridiculous.

While all the other advice is valuable, the first comment from Proserpina is accurate.

If calling the other person names were grounds for custody changes, half the divorces in the country would have the kids getting a new home daily - or more often. It's not going to happen - unless you are doing it to extremes.

However, the other posters are right. You need to learn to stop. The best word to learn is 'ignore'. You're divorced, so you can walk away when you start to get angry. Or tell her that if she tries to get you worked up on the phone, you're going to hang up. It's really not that hard.

 

[LdiJ]

While all the other advice is valuable, the first comment from Proserpina is accurate.

If calling the other person names were grounds for custody changes, half the divorces in the country would have the kids getting a new home daily - or more often. It's not going to happen - unless you are doing it to extremes.

However, the other posters are right. You need to learn to stop. The best word to learn is 'ignore'. You're divorced, so you can walk away when you start to get angry. Or tell her that if she tries to get you worked up on the phone, you're going to hang up. It's really not that hard.

While I 100% agree with that, learning to control yourself so that things like that don't happen, helps avoid things going even further south, until they get to a level that may actually cause serious problems.