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  1. #1
    pcramharding is offline Junior Member
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    best interest of 3 year old son

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Utah

    My ex told me he didn't want to see our son any more in February. So no contact until July and then he wanted to be back in his life. After two weeks that was enough for my ex so no contact again for 2 months. Then he shows up at daycare to pick him up. Thank goodness his name is not on the list to be allowed to pick up my son. I had no clue he wanted to see him.

    My son was scared to death of this guy who he doesn't really remember. ( my son is 3) So after cops were called my ex is now supposed to get my son all next weekend. My son is terrified even the daycare people noticed how scared he was when this "guy" tried to take him.

    We have joint custody. But for the best interest of my child I really don't trust my ex to take him. What can I do? Is there any way to not let him take him until my son is not so scared of him? Or only allow like a 2 to 4 hour visit? It is not fair to my son for his dad to be in and out of his life. Please help.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
  2. #2
    CourtClerk is offline Senior Member
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    The first thing you should do is let the daycare know that the next time they decide to interfere with a parent's right to visit their child, they will probably find themselves on the arse end of a lawsuit they don't want to defend themselves in. He doesn't HAVE to be on a pick-up list, he is this child's FATHER,with joint custody. Now, was it the best idea for him to come to the daycare? Probably not, but they had NO RIGHT denying him access to HIS child, and you had no right involving the police.

    As for dad's visitation, it should follow the court order. To. The. Tee, with no involvment from you. Let him attempt to repair his relationship with his child.
  3. #3
    pcramharding is offline Junior Member
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    I have NEVER stopped my ex from being involved. He knows where I live, has my phone number and KNOWS that I fully support them having a relationship. His girlfriend also knows this. I have NEVER denied him access to our child.

    But when he tells me he doesn't want to be in my sons life and then five months later decides he does and then 2 weeks later he doesn't, then yeah I do have a problem with that. I am just looking out for the best interest of my child and to let me go for a whole weekend with someone he barely remembers seems cruel. Yes, my ex is the FATHER and he should ACT like it.

    I am fine with him starting out with a few hours and working up to spending the night and then a weekend, but only when my child is comfortable with his dad. And by the way I didn't involve the police his dad did. He would rather call the police than try to talk things out as adults.

    So thanks for the suggestions but I am already very active in letting my son be with his dad but with no address or phone number to call and remind him it is his weekend. Oh wait he is an adult too so I shouldn't have to remind him that he has a son.
  4. #4
    truebluemd is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by CourtClerk View Post
    The first thing you should do is let the daycare know that the next time they decide to interfere with a parent's right to visit their child, they will probably find themselves on the arse end of a lawsuit they don't want to defend themselves in. He doesn't HAVE to be on a pick-up list, he is this child's FATHER,with joint custody. Now, was it the best idea for him to come to the daycare? Probably not, but they had NO RIGHT denying him access to HIS child, and you had no right involving the police.

    As for dad's visitation, it should follow the court order. To. The. Tee, with no involvment from you. Let him attempt to repair his relationship with his chfdsild.

    Yes, but I am sure a daycare isnt just goint to hand the child over to anyone claiming to be the father, and regardless, its not unusual for the dayare to call mom or dad, when someone unusual just drops by wanting to pick up they child and they are not on the list. This is how a some kids get kidnapped by their own parents.
  5. #5
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    What does the order actually state regarding visitation? How was it decided that next weekend is Dad's?
  6. #6
    truebluemd is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by pcramharding View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Utah

    My ex told me he didn't want to see our son any more in February. So no contact until July and then he wanted to be back in his life. After two weeks that was enough for my ex so no contact again for 2 months. Then he shows up at daycare to pick him up. Thank goodness his name is not on the list to be allowed to pick up my son. I had no clue he wanted to see him.

    My son was scared to death of this guy who he doesn't really remember. ( my son is 3) So after cops were called my ex is now supposed to get my son all next weekend. My son is terrified even the daycare people noticed how scared he was when this "guy" tried to take him.

    We have joint custody. But for the best interest of my child I really don't trust my ex to take him. What can I do? Is there any way to not let him take him until my son is not so scared of him? Or only allow like a 2 to 4 hour visit? It is not fair to my son for his dad to be in and out of his life. Please help.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

    how does calling the cops result in him getting all next weekend? Who called the cops?
  7. #7
    SMinNJ is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by pcramharding View Post
    I have NEVER stopped my ex from being involved. He knows where I live, has my phone number and KNOWS that I fully support them having a relationship. His girlfriend also knows this. I have NEVER denied him access to our child.

    But when he tells me he doesn't want to be in my sons life and then five months later decides he does and then 2 weeks later he doesn't, then yeah I do have a problem with that. I am just looking out for the best interest of my child and to let me go for a whole weekend with someone he barely remembers seems cruel. Yes, my ex is the FATHER and he should ACT like it.

    I am fine with him starting out with a few hours and working up to spending the night and then a weekend, but only when my child is comfortable with his dad. And by the way I didn't involve the police his dad did. He would rather call the police than try to talk things out as adults.

    So thanks for the suggestions but I am already very active in letting my son be with his dad but with no address or phone number to call and remind him it is his weekend. Oh wait he is an adult too so I shouldn't have to remind him that he has a son.
    I think the point might be that dad should actually be on your list of approved people - he is the dad after all...
  8. #8
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by pcramharding View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Utah

    My ex told me he didn't want to see our son any more in February. So no contact until July and then he wanted to be back in his life. After two weeks that was enough for my ex so no contact again for 2 months. Then he shows up at daycare to pick him up. Thank goodness his name is not on the list to be allowed to pick up my son. I had no clue he wanted to see him.

    My son was scared to death of this guy who he doesn't really remember. ( my son is 3) So after cops were called my ex is now supposed to get my son all next weekend. My son is terrified even the daycare people noticed how scared he was when this "guy" tried to take him.

    We have joint custody. But for the best interest of my child I really don't trust my ex to take him. What can I do? Is there any way to not let him take him until my son is not so scared of him? Or only allow like a 2 to 4 hour visit? It is not fair to my son for his dad to be in and out of his life. Please help.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
    What do your current court orders say regarding a visitation schedule for dad?
  9. #9
    ariastar is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by CourtClerk View Post
    The first thing you should do is let the daycare know that the next time they decide to interfere with a parent's right to visit their child, they will probably find themselves on the arse end of a lawsuit they don't want to defend themselves in. He doesn't HAVE to be on a pick-up list, he is this child's FATHER,with joint custody. Now, was it the best idea for him to come to the daycare? Probably not, but they had NO RIGHT denying him access to HIS child, and you had no right involving the police.

    As for dad's visitation, it should follow the court order. To. The. Tee, with no involvment from you. Let him attempt to repair his relationship with his child.
    If it wasn't the father's time to have the child, are you suggesting they still should have let the father take the child? Say the father has the child from Friday afternoon through Monday morning each week. Is the day care supposed to let him pick the child up on a Wednesday afternoon? Or is it interfering with a father and his child be enforcing a court order that that is Mom's time?


    Regarding the weekend visit, give it to him.
  10. #10
    MichaCA is offline Senior Member
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    You must follow the court order. I feel for your son, but you must be as positive as possible...hopefully dad lets you call once a day...if he does (don't harangue him over the actual weekend), you can let your child know you will call at ___ time to say hi, or help tuck him in...whatever. That will make YOU feel better.

    Have you consulted with an attorney?

    Not saying you will gain, but IF this werre me, I would file for a modification of the vistation plan. State very clearly the history in factual terms.
    Then state what behaviors child is exhibiting in detail...without interpretation.
    Then state you want visitation for dad, and yet this is what seems to be happening. Ask for a modfied visitation that dad can stick to, ******and with that ask for a review date. If there is mediation make it clear you don't care what the hours are...just as l ong as dad will agree to be consistant. My 2 cents worth.
    The worst that can happen is a no...and there is the possibility of the court hearing this and making the change.
  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by pcramharding View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Utah

    My ex told me he didn't want to see our son any more in February. So no contact until July and then he wanted to be back in his life. After two weeks that was enough for my ex so no contact again for 2 months. Then he shows up at daycare to pick him up. Thank goodness his name is not on the list to be allowed to pick up my son. I had no clue he wanted to see him.

    My son was scared to death of this guy who he doesn't really remember. ( my son is 3) So after cops were called my ex is now supposed to get my son all next weekend. My son is terrified even the daycare people noticed how scared he was when this "guy" tried to take him.

    We have joint custody. But for the best interest of my child I really don't trust my ex to take him. What can I do? Is there any way to not let him take him until my son is not so scared of him? Or only allow like a 2 to 4 hour visit? It is not fair to my son for his dad to be in and out of his life. Please help.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
    Are you trying to say that your 3 year old son doesn't know and is scared of his father (this man) after 5 months of no contact?

    I have a 3 year old STEP-daughter who has not seen or heard from her mother since March 23, 2008 and till this day she has not forgotten her Mommy. She colors pictures all of the time and says when my mommy comes to pick me, I am goin to give this picture to her and she is going to be happy. I will also mention that her Mommy told her and her 8 year old sister prior to bringing them home, that she will not pick them up no more and that she is not going to be their Mommy anymore. Although she remembers those words, she still believes that Mommy will come and pick her up.
  12. #12
    licia2122 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ConcerndStepmom View Post

    I have a 3 year old STEP-daughter who has not seen or heard from her mother since March 23, 2008 and till this day she has not forgotten her Mommy. She colors pictures all of the time and says when my mommy comes to pick me, I am goin to give this picture to her and she is going to be happy. I will also mention that her Mommy told her and her 8 year old sister prior to bringing them home, that she will not pick them up no more and that she is not going to be their Mommy anymore. Although she remembers those words, she still believes that Mommy will come and pick her up.
    My daughter is the same way with the only man she's known as 'daddy' and she hasn't seen him since Feb of this year. It breaks my heart to read the last part of your post, how can any mother do that to their children?!

    To the OP of this thread- with as much as it pains you to see your son visibily upset because he doesn't really know his father, you don't want to overstep anything here. Ultimately in the end the person who will suffer is your son. You're basically stuck in a catch 22 I think. You don't want to cause your son any pain right now so you want to limit time with dad, but in the future your son could regret you thinking that you are the reason his father and him don't have a relationship. Let's face it boys will be boys and so will lots of middle aged men, they're wishy washy and want things only when they want them. What I would do in your situation is have a picture of his father and frequently talk to your son about his dad and some fun memories you had with him. Maybe it could help ease his mind about him and he wouldn't be so scared.
  13. #13
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ariastar View Post
    If it wasn't the father's time to have the child, are you suggesting they still should have let the father take the child? Say the father has the child from Friday afternoon through Monday morning each week. Is the day care supposed to let him pick the child up on a Wednesday afternoon? Or is it interfering with a father and his child be enforcing a court order that that is Mom's time?


    Regarding the weekend visit, give it to him.
    The day care has NO RIGHT NO ABILITY to enforce a civil order. Mom can go back to civil order if she has an issue with dad picking the child up on the "wrong day". The daycare is facing a lawsuit.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  14. #14
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ohiogal View Post
    The day care has NO RIGHT NO ABILITY to enforce a civil order. Mom can go back to civil order if she has an issue with dad picking the child up on the "wrong day". The daycare is facing a lawsuit.
    I think that's overstating in this case. Dad called the police and the police didn't let him take the child either.

    I can just about bet that dad did not have any proof on him that he was the child's father when he attempted to pick up from the daycare. If I am right, the daycare acted totally appropriately.

    Even if you are right on this issue (and I still am not entirely sure that you are, at least outside of Ohio, because I have queried this with other attorneys, in other states, and they don't agree with you), if someone walks in off the street, is not on the pickup list, is not known to the daycare, and does not have proof on them that they are the child's parent, a daycare could be held on charges of gross negligence for turning a child over to them.

    On top of that, a parent who has been awol for months, suddenly showing up at a daycare to pick up the child, is up to something.
  15. #15
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ View Post
    I think that's overstating in this case. Dad called the police and the police didn't let him take the child either.

    I can just about bet that dad did not have any proof on him that he was the child's father when he attempted to pick up from the daycare. If I am right, the daycare acted totally appropriately.

    Even if you are right on this issue (and I still am not entirely sure that you are, at least outside of Ohio, because I have queried this with other attorneys, in other states, and they don't agree with you), if someone walks in off the street, is not on the pickup list, is not known to the daycare, and does not have proof on them that they are the child's parent, a daycare could be held on charges of gross negligence for turning a child over to them.

    On top of that, a parent who has been awol for months, suddenly showing up at a daycare to pick up the child, is up to something.
    I was answering the general question asked by ariastar:
    If it wasn't the father's time to have the child, are you suggesting they still should have let the father take the child? Say the father has the child from Friday afternoon through Monday morning each week. Is the day care supposed to let him pick the child up on a Wednesday afternoon? Or is it interfering with a father and his child be enforcing a court order that that is Mom's time?
    If dad has NO PROOF on him that he is dad and is unknown to the daycare and has been awol then the daycare acted appropriately.

    Specifically in this case of the OP there are various things going on -- if mom doesn't want dad popping in and out then she needs to go to court for a modification in order to fix that. However she will probably be ordered to put dad on the daycare list.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.

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