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  #1  
Old 05-30-2007, 12:28 PM
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Big brother & little sis seeing each other.

What is the name of your state? NY

I have a 12 year old son who lives with his mother in PR and comes to visit once a year and I have an 8 year old from my second marriage who I don't see at all and who was adopted by her other daddy. I am unable to see my 8 year old daughter because of unresolved issues between my ex and I but I would really love to be able to have the 2 kids see each other.

We have tried to start communication via email between the kids but my ex has send some nasty messages to my son about me being an irresponsible father and a bad influence and has even sent messages supposedly from my daughter where she tells my son "your dad is bad he curses at my mommy and daddy" It got so bad that my son has ended up crying and then attacking me and questioning why his sister speaks so bad.

He wants to see his sister and his mom is forcing me to make it happen but my daughters mother says that she doesn't want my daughter to have any contact with me or anyone in my family and that if I want the kids to see each other I have to allow her to come pick him up and take him by himself....I am very afraid of what shes going to tell him and im also worried about the 2 mothers conversing. My daughters mom has sent my son a message telling him that she does not understand how his mom would trust me enough to send him here alone to be with me in the summer. I don't want to end up loosing my time with my son since legally she is not required to send him here for so long and I would prefer to have someone I trust with my son to watch him while he visits but it doesn't seem to be possible.
Should I risk it anyways? for the sake of the children having contact with each other? His councellors advice me to wait till he's a bit older....what should I do?
And if the mothers try to contact each other and force the issue is there something that I can do legally? Especially since my daughter is no longer legally mine? Is her mother legally able to contact my son even if I object to it? Can I get something like an order of protection against her?

My son does want to see his sister but he does not want to go alone he is afraid of her mother. What can I do:? Any good advice is helpful......Thanx.
Last edited by uquillas06; 05-30-2007 at 01:04 PM.
  #2  
Old 05-30-2007, 12:45 PM
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She's no longer your daughter, hon. You have no "right" to do what you'd like to do.
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Originally Posted by arazi
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  #3  
Old 05-30-2007, 12:51 PM
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I think you misunderstood, i'm not looking to have any contact with my daughter...I know she will never let me see her again...i'm asking about her right to contact my son...she wants to be able to see/talk to him without any supervision from anyone in his family and she keeps sending him emails and messages on myspace. Is this legal?
  #4  
Old 05-30-2007, 12:55 PM
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You are correct. I misunderstood. It would be easier to read your post if you broke it down to paragraphs, and includes some spaces between the paragraphs.

It is up to you if you want her to pick up your son.

Not to be rude, but you might as well stop calling the other child your daughter, since you gave up your rights to have a daughter.
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  #5  
Old 05-30-2007, 01:01 PM
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I gave up my rights for many reasons, mainly for health reasons but only on the assumption that I would get to see her...things went sour 2 years ago and without any legal standing I am unable to do anything...but she will always be my daughter nothing will change that. But that's another issue altogether...Thanks for the advice.
  #6  
Old 05-30-2007, 01:52 PM
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Originally Posted by uquillas06 View Post
I gave up my rights for many reasons, mainly for health reasons but only on the assumption that I would get to see her...things went sour 2 years ago and without any legal standing I am unable to do anything...but she will always be my daughter nothing will change that. But that's another issue altogether...Thanks for the advice.
I know what you're trying to say, but, unless you got that "assumption" in writing, there's nothing that you can do. Adoption is permanent. Personally, I, as your ex-daughter (she really does have another father now), wouldn't want to meet my "brother". You gave her up, but not him. That has got to hurt her.
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  #7  
Old 05-30-2007, 03:57 PM
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I did not get anything in writing since we were in good standing back then but this is not the issue at hand, I understand what adoption is and I know I have no rights anymore...my question was concerning my son...my daughter does want to see him which is why her mother keeps harrassing him, he spoke to his sister on the phone this past march and my daughter even asked to speak to me but her mother wouldn't allow it. But this is not the issue I am trying to resolve, my original question was...can I legally stop her from contacting my 12 year old son without my consent? She does not want me involve with my daughter so she is insisting that my son contacts her on his own and tells him that if need be she will come pick him up and drop him off. He is torn between wanting to see his sister, not wanting to disobey me and fear of being left alone with his sister mother because he is scared of her. What I need to know is weather I can legally stop her from contacting him...until he is old enough to face the situation on his own.
  #8  
Old 05-30-2007, 03:59 PM
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Yes, you can. Get a restraining order. However, that means that they will not have contact because it will be a violation. And, even without one, they will not have contact since she refused to speak to you. This is not a win-win situation.
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  #9  
Old 05-30-2007, 05:31 PM
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Originally Posted by moburkes View Post
Yes, you can. Get a restraining order. However, that means that they will not have contact because it will be a violation. And, even without one, they will not have contact since she refused to speak to you. This is not a win-win situation.
The other problem is that your son also has a mother, who is apparently his custodial parent. (at least that is what your previous posts seemed to indicate) Therefore, she would absolutely have to agree to the restraining order. If she does not, she can allow him to see whoever she likes, on her time.
  #10  
Old 05-30-2007, 06:11 PM
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Originally Posted by moburkes View Post
Yes, you can. Get a restraining order. However, that means that they will not have contact because it will be a violation. And, even without one, they will not have contact since she refused to speak to you. This is not a win-win situation.
Getting a restraining order is not that easy. He would have to prove that his ex is a danger to his son or that both he and his son's mother have warned this woman to stay away from him and she refuses.
Also your son and the ex-daughter are no longer legal siblings.
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Parents should remember three things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex (or soon to be ex) & when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death parts you & how you treat your children determines what type of nursing home you end up in.


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  #11  
Old 05-30-2007, 06:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Ohiogal View Post
Getting a restraining order is not that easy. He would have to prove that his ex is a danger to his son or that both he and his son's mother have warned this woman to stay away from him and she refuses.
Also your son and the ex-daughter are no longer legal siblings.
Careful OG. Here in NY we have the lovely statute DRL 71, the mother of the daughter MAY have standing to sue for visitation rights on behalf of her daughter. These things survive adoptions in most cases.
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Allow me to make this as clear as I possibly can.

A person that would knowingly create a child that he could not hope to financially support for the sole purpose of flipping off his mom and step father is not only immature to the point of wondering about potty training but is borderline galactically stupid.

Jumping off a cliff to find out if you bounce stupid.
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there are some people that are destined to be stupid. and they try VERY hard to comply with their destiny.
  #12  
Old 05-30-2007, 06:23 PM
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OMG! Thanx so much...his mom did not care at first but she's reading the emails now and she's slowly seeing how nasty the messages are also my son saw a therapist at school and they have advice us not to allow my ex to talk to him anymore about anything negative concerning me since it makes him rebellious and upsets him a lot so maybe I might be able to use that...In anyways Thank you so much!
  #13  
Old 05-30-2007, 07:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Rushia View Post
Careful OG. Here in NY we have the lovely statute DRL 71, the mother of the daughter MAY have standing to sue for visitation rights on behalf of her daughter. These things survive adoptions in most cases.
I stand corrected. Apologies.
__________________
Parents should remember three things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex (or soon to be ex) & when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death parts you & how you treat your children determines what type of nursing home you end up in.


Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship. The devil is in the details after all.

Licensed to practice law in Ohio and a Guardian Ad Litem for children
  #14  
Old 05-30-2007, 08:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Ohiogal View Post
I stand corrected. Apologies.
No worries. Problem is that it would be like a gp suit, very long and very expensive.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cyjeff View Post
Allow me to make this as clear as I possibly can.

A person that would knowingly create a child that he could not hope to financially support for the sole purpose of flipping off his mom and step father is not only immature to the point of wondering about potty training but is borderline galactically stupid.

Jumping off a cliff to find out if you bounce stupid.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Isis1 View Post
there are some people that are destined to be stupid. and they try VERY hard to comply with their destiny.
  #15  
Old 05-30-2007, 08:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Rushia View Post
Careful OG. Here in NY we have the lovely statute DRL 71, the mother of the daughter MAY have standing to sue for visitation rights on behalf of her daughter. These things survive adoptions in most cases.
Assuming that NY would have jurisdiction...which isn't guaranteed in a third party case. However you are absolutely correct if NY has jurisdiction.
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