Biological Father suddenly shows up

[moburkes]

I don't know the law where it exists I only know what the Hospital did which was gave us the form and told us that if he signed it he would be accepting finincial responsibility for them from the on. They knew he wasn't the Bio father because I spent 3 months in the hospital before giving birth due to a sudden rare condition and it was mentioned several times. So are you telling me the hospital broke the law ? I have no idea ! I only know what he signed and what was explained to him. From what I remember on the form it didn't say anything about being the Biological parent it just said that by signing the form he was agreeing to finincial responsibility for the kids. And I know they told us that was what he had to sign in order to get their last name the same as his.

1. They are not attorneys, so they didn't advise you to sign the form.
2. They didn't sign the form, so they weren't the ones who broke the law.

Get it?

Let's assume that this form ONLY acknowledged financial responsbility. Then the potential bio-dad can establish visitation, but never be responsible for child support. And this fake dad can pay child support, but never, establish visitation.

Does that even make sense?

 

[TnMomto2]

Yep . I understand that you let you future hubby sign a paper of responsibility knowing ( and according to you - the hosp. knowing ) that that person was not the child's bio Dad .

You are a piece of flake , or a plain user .

Or perhaps a forum troll .

NO, I'm not a user or a flake or a forum troll. I came here for advice is all. Yes I "let" him sign the paper because he wanted to. At the time we were sure we would get married and since the BIO father had been gone, I had no idea where he was, hadn't heard from him since I was 3 weeks pregnant, and he flatly stated he did not want any part of the baby if I wasn't going to be there too, we did what we felt was the right thing. We did not try to decieve anyone. The hospital knew he wasn't the Bio Father, we never tried to say he was. When we asked them about putting his last name on the birth certificate they said we could only if he signs a Finincial Responsibility form . I honestly didn't think the Bio father would ever come back around . There was no deception and I think it very unprofessional of you as a Senior Member to call names . To say it's hard to believe is one thing but to just outright call someone a flake and liar is beyond belief .

Thanks to those who gave advice in a curteous manner , I appreciate it.

 

[moburkes]

You're not required to like the tone. I can't imagine why you thought you were doing the right thing. You were dating, you got engaged, you decided not to date any longer. Then you're pregnant with another man's child, who left you immediately after the pregnancy, and you start dating your previous boyfriend within weeks. Within weeks. You said that he was there the "whole" pregnancy. One man jumped out of your bed, and the next man jumped right in before the sheets got cold again, based on what YOU wrote. Just over 3 years later, you split AGAIN. However, less than 9 months after the bio dad leaves, the babies are born, and you give them a stranger's last name - a last name that YOU don't even have, and a last name that, last you recall - you turned down, for wahtever reason.

Now, the bio dad is back and ONLY needs to establish visitation, not child support, let you tell it.

And YOU get upset at the tone? Maybe you shouldn't have been called a liar, but I can think of a few choice words that would be absolutely 100 accurate. Would I be wrong?

 

[milspecgirl]

NO, I'm not a user or a flake or a forum troll. I came here for advice is all. Yes I "let" him sign the paper because he wanted to. At the time we were sure we would get married and since the BIO father had been gone, I had no idea where he was, hadn't heard from him since I was 3 weeks pregnant, and he flatly stated he did not want any part of the baby if I wasn't going to be there too, we did what we felt was the right thing. We did not try to decieve anyone. The hospital knew he wasn't the Bio Father, we never tried to say he was. When we asked them about putting his last name on the birth certificate they said we could only if he signs a Finincial Responsibility form . I honestly didn't think the Bio father would ever come back around . There was no deception and I think it very unprofessional of you as a Senior Member to call names . To say it's hard to believe is one thing but to just outright call someone a flake and liar is beyond belief .

Thanks to those who gave advice in a curteous manner , I appreciate it.

doesn't matter why you did it, etc. It was ILLEGAL!!!!!! Another man signing responsibility for kids that aren't his AND giving them his last name is WRONG!!!!! I would hurry and get to an atty cause if dad pushes this you and play dad are in trouble

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Tennessee

I am not sure what my rights are and need advice desperatly.

I have twins who will be 4 soon and their biological father has never been in the picture. We broke up when I first got pregnant . He said if I wasn't in his life then he didn't want anything to do with the baby. At that time I didn't know it was twins. I got back with my old fiance and he was there for me and the babies through the whole pregnancy and up until they were 2 1/2 . We split up but the kids think of him as their Father and he considers them his kids and comes to visit them twice a week every week and takes them every other Sunday for a day.

Suddenly 2 days ago their biological father shows up and says he has been in the pen for 2 years and got out about 6 months ago and now he wants to be in the kids life and let them know he if their father. He wants his rights. He has never seen them and didn't know their names until two days ago .

What are my options ? Do I have to let him see them ? He has said he will go to the Child Support Division and start paying child support and has even hinted that he will go to court if necessary. He said he got rehabilitated while in the pen and is off drugs and wants to make things right . I really do not trust him , he was very controlling when we were together and has ADHD and is on meds for it.

I am a single Mom and have great support from my family but none of us have the money to hire an attorney to fight this. I have checked and found out that the kid's insurance will pay for psycological counseling and if I have no choice about letting him see them I do want to go to this counseling to learn the best way to introduce him to them . But if I have a choice or chance to stop him then I prefer for him to not have any rights to them at all.

I need to add that the biological father is not on the birth certificate and the kids do not have his last name.

Any advice is appreciated.

I haven't read the whole thread. I saw a few of the answers that you got on the first page and knew that they were completely wrong, so I decided to respond without reading any others.

If your "old fiance" signed the AOP at the hospital he is the children's legal father at this point in time. You are under no obligation, whatsover, to allow the children's biological father into their lives.

He cannot simply go to child support and have himself put on child support to establish his rights.

However, if he is truly sincere about this, then he can file to dis-establish your "old fiance's paternity" and establish his own.

Once he establishes paternity (which of course would obligate him for child support) then he could also file to establish custody and parenting time.

Odds are that if he would be granted parenting time that it would be gradual and phased in, to allow your children the opportunity to get to know him before spending any significant periods of "alone time" with him.

There is a very very very slight chance that he would not be allowed to establish paternity...however its so miniscule that its almost not worth mentioning. I mention it only because I don't know how determined your "old fiance" would be to keep legal fatherhood, and what steps he might take to maintain it.

My honest advice would be to tell the potential dad to hire an attorney if he wants to be part of the children's lives. Why? Because you need to know how sincere he really is, and you need to know if he is going to be able to keep out of jail long enough to follow through.

No judge is going to "ding you" for not giving him visitation when the children already have a legal father who is part of their lives, and when his paternity is not established.

These forums are very anti what we call playing "musical daddies" and I suspect that other responses have given you a hard time about that. However, I don't agree in this instance because he took off when you just became pregnant, and you never expected him to come back.

Nevertheless, if he is sincere, he will follow through. Therefore you have to be prepared to deal with that, and to deal with the fact that he may end up being part of the children's lives. If he is not sincere, he won't follow through.

 

[TnMomto2]

I haven't read the whole thread. I saw a few of the answers that you got on the first page and knew that they were completely wrong, so I decided to respond without reading any others.

If your "old fiance" signed the AOP at the hospital he is the children's legal father at this point in time. You are under no obligation, whatsover, to allow the children's biological father into their lives.

He cannot simply go to child support and have himself put on child support to establish his rights.

However, if he is truly sincere about this, then he can file to dis-establish your "old fiance's paternity" and establish his own.

Once he establishes paternity (which of course would obligate him for child support) then he could also file to establish custody and parenting time.

Odds are that if he would be granted parenting time that it would be gradual and phased in, to allow your children the opportunity to get to know him before spending any significant periods of "alone time" with him.

There is a very very very slight chance that he would not be allowed to establish paternity...however its so miniscule that its almost not worth mentioning. I mention it only because I don't know how determined your "old fiance" would be to keep legal fatherhood, and what steps he might take to maintain it.

My honest advice would be to tell the potential dad to hire an attorney if he wants to be part of the children's lives. Why? Because you need to know how sincere he really is, and you need to know if he is going to be able to keep out of jail long enough to follow through.

No judge is going to "ding you" for not giving him visitation when the children already have a legal father who is part of their lives, and when his paternity is not established.

These forums are very anti what we call playing "musical daddies" and I suspect that other responses have given you a hard time about that. However, I don't agree in this instance because he took off when you just became pregnant, and you never expected him to come back.

Nevertheless, if he is sincere, he will follow through. Therefore you have to be prepared to deal with that, and to deal with the fact that he may end up being part of the children's lives. If he is not sincere, he won't follow through.

Thank you bunches for the advice !!

I am not so much against the Bio father having time in their life I guess, I am just afraid of his motives. I would much rather work with someone than to have to fight them all the time. And to introduce him into their life and take a chance on him disappearing again later on is something I think would be very hard for them to accept. My fear is that he may try to oust the only father they have known who has been better than anyone could ask for in a dad and then up and desert them. As for the kids, they have only known one Dad and that is my Ex. I understand how others here may think I play Musical Dads but really that is what I'm trying to avoid. I don't want them to loose the Dad they know and love to get one that may or may not be there in a year or two. And I needed to know, if the bio dad decides he wants the Ex out of their life if he could do that legally.

I have found some info about the rights of non-bio fathers who have been financially responsible for kids and it has helped ease my fears some .

Thanks again for the advice on this !

 

[moburkes]

Thank you bunches for the advice !!

I am not so much against the Bio father having time in their life I guess, I am just afraid of his motives. I would much rather work with someone than to have to fight them all the time. And to introduce him into their life and take a chance on him disappearing again later on is something I think would be very hard for them to accept. My fear is that he may try to oust the only father they have known who has been better than anyone could ask for in a dad and then up and desert them. As for the kids, they have only known one Dad and that is my Ex. I understand how others here may think I play Musical Dads but really that is what I'm trying to avoid. I don't want them to loose the Dad they know and love to get one that may or may not be there in a year or two. And I needed to know, if the bio dad decides he wants the Ex out of their life if he could do that legally.

I have found some info about the rights of non-bio fathers who have been financially responsible for kids and it has helped ease my fears some .

Thanks again for the advice on this !

Your fears are based on some bad decisions that YOU made/caused. There is nothing that you can do if he is not a consistent parent. According to what you wrote this fake dad only has the authority to make child support payments, that's it. He has no other authority based on this form that you state he signed. They shouldn't know him as dad - he isn't their father and he wasn't even your husband. You don't want them to lose the dad they know and love, but it would never have been a problem if they never THOUGHT he was their dad, AND your ex, even if he becomes father of the year, cannot dictate what you do with the chldren on your time. So, he will still be allowed to see the children, as long as you allow it on your time.

What rights have you found out about a person who is nothing but a source of financial support?

 

[LdiJ]

Your fears are based on some bad decisions that YOU made/caused. There is nothing that you can do if he is not a consistent parent. According to what you wrote this fake dad only has the authority to make child support payments, that's it. He has no other authority based on this form that you state he signed. They shouldn't know him as dad - he isn't their father and he wasn't even your husband. You don't want them to lose the dad they know and love, but it would never have been a problem if they never THOUGHT he was their dad, AND your ex, even if he becomes father of the year, cannot dictate what you do with the chldren on your time. So, he will still be allowed to see the children, as long as you allow it on your time.

What rights have you found out about a person who is nothing but a source of financial support?

You know...I am going to say this...

Sometimes children call someone daddy or mommy (or even grandma or grandpa) because there is not one else around to fill that roll, and the children are too young to have ist explained to them....or because other children call that person by that name.

My grandaughter's sister calls me grandma because that is what my grandaughter calls me. My grandaughter calls her sisters grandma "memaw" because that is what her sister calls her. We are both ok with that.

Yes, I am 100% aware and agree that the mommy/daddy this is a far more serious issue. I think that my posts have made that crystal clear.

Nevertheless....sometimes it does happen naturally and sometimes is happens when the kids are too young to really have things explained to them.

 

[moburkes]

Her children weren't too young. If they were too young, how did they start USING the word daddy? It didn't just appear in their minds magically. Mom more than likely started it and encouraged it. My children know that any male person they see me near is not their father. My oldest has may out-of-the blue statements about a particular man being her daddy. I haven't had any guy that I've dated around my children. So, it really was out of the blue. She was too young to understand why this person couldn't be daddy, but I corrected her - immediately. I used to call my cousin's grandmother "grandma". THAT is harmless, unless a bio-grandparent is hurt by it.

But to have your children THINK that a random stranger (he really was that, a stranger) is your children's father is ridiculous. What's next? The next fiance is the dad as well? Come on. We're not discussing innocent people here. If those twins had called another woman mother, especially on a regular basis, this OP would have been beside herself. How dare they think another woman is their mother? She would not have accepted it. But, she wanted to play house. Hopefully, she keeps her legs closed - literally - for a LONG time and thinks about how her actions affect her children.

OP didn't even wait until she was MARRIED to the guy before she started in with this daddy thing.

 

[TnMomto2]

Your fears are based on some bad decisions that YOU made/caused. There is nothing that you can do if he is not a consistent parent. According to what you wrote this fake dad only has the authority to make child support payments, that's it. He has no other authority based on this form that you state he signed. They shouldn't know him as dad - he isn't their father and he wasn't even your husband. You don't want them to lose the dad they know and love, but it would never have been a problem if they never THOUGHT he was their dad, AND your ex, even if he becomes father of the year, cannot dictate what you do with the chldren on your time. So, he will still be allowed to see the children, as long as you allow it on your time.

What rights have you found out about a person who is nothing but a source of financial support?

Ok Mr or Mrs holier-than-thou. Yes, I did make a bad decision or two and I can pretty much pomise you have also at least once or twice in your life. Making bad decisions is human nature and nothing wrong with that. The big question when making them is did you learn anything from them. Yes I have. Not sure about you though. So here is some onfo for you so maybe you can give a little better informed advice as a Senior Member, in the future.

Sometimes the courts DO allow non-biological parents to retain rights to kids. If the conditions are right and considering several factors, it happens more often than you may think. All you have to do is some footwork and you can find plenty of case-laws on it happening and more info. Good luck and happy hunting !

 

[TnMomto2]

Her children weren't too young. If they were too young, how did they start USING the word daddy? It didn't just appear in their minds magically. Mom more than likely started it and encouraged it. My children know that any male person they see me near is not their father. My oldest has may out-of-the blue statements about a particular man being her daddy. I haven't had any guy that I've dated around my children. So, it really was out of the blue. She was too young to understand why this person couldn't be daddy, but I corrected her - immediately. I used to call my cousin's grandmother "grandma". THAT is harmless, unless a bio-grandparent is hurt by it.

But to have your children THINK that a random stranger (he really was that, a stranger) is your children's father is ridiculous. What's next? The next fiance is the dad as well? Come on. We're not discussing innocent people here. If those twins had called another woman mother, especially on a regular basis, this OP would have been beside herself. How dare they think another woman is their mother? She would not have accepted it. But, she wanted to play house. Hopefully, she keeps her legs closed - literally - for a LONG time and thinks about how her actions affect her children.

OP didn't even wait until she was MARRIED to the guy before she started in with this daddy thing.

You are way out of line and showing just how much of a moron you really are.

 

[CourtClerk]

You are way out of line and showing just how much of a moron you really are.

Actually, she was completely SPOT on, and while you may THINK you made a mistake (another reason why thinking obviously isn't your strong suit), a mistake is putting on one black sock and one navy blue sock in the dark... having your children think that some random dude is their father is NOT a mistake... you did that on purpose.

Of course, you are doing NOTHING to correct this "mistake" are you? Which means that obviously, this wasn't a mistake.

 

[moburkes]

Ok Mr or Mrs holier-than-thou. Yes, I did make a bad decision or two and I can pretty much pomise you have also at least once or twice in your life. Making bad decisions is human nature and nothing wrong with that. The big question when making them is did you learn anything from them. Yes I have. Not sure about you though. So here is some onfo for you so maybe you can give a little better informed advice as a Senior Member, in the future.

Sometimes the courts DO allow non-biological parents to retain rights to kids. If the conditions are right and considering several factors, it happens more often than you may think. All you have to do is some footwork and you can find plenty of case-laws on it happening and more info. Good luck and happy hunting !

Not holier than thou at all. We absolutely do make mistakes. I make them often. My point to you is, because you suddenly decided to (somewhat) step up and be responsible since you were going to have a baby, doesn't mean that the other person will. That is just the truth. The other truth is that the parent with the child/ren in their care will generally do the majority of the work of parenting. You can't make a blanket statement that there is nothing wrong with bad decisions. If someone harmed your chilren because of a bad decicison, even if they learned from it, it wasn't "okay". My point to you is that, while he doesn't have rights today, he may have them in the future, if he follows through with you. You won't be able to dictate what he can and can't do. He will be allowed to go in and out of their lives. You can't do anything about that.

I'm still trying to understand what rights a person - who only accepted financial responsibility of a newborn child (which is crazy in itself, which is why people don't believe you) could have - besides to financially support the child. That's like saying that, since I co-signed for your vehicle, I can also drive it, take it, etc whenever I want - cause I pay the bills. It doesn't really work that way.

So, in order for me to look up case law, I must first understand what law or form gives a non-bio stranger the right to soley pay for the child's support, but then extends that financial responsbility to other areas of that child's life. Another example. A court order that only addresses child support does not extend any other rights or responsbilities IF IT ONLY ADDRESSES MONEY. It can't then "extend" to visitation, if it doesn't address visitation. How can something provide rights for something that isn't even in the "contract".

 

[moburkes]

You are way out of line and showing just how much of a moron you really are.

I'm a moron because YOUR children think some stranger is their father? Some stranger that you broke up with (or he broke up with you), then got back together with because you were pregnant and wanted to play musical daddies, then broke up with again? AND, although originally you said that he KNEW he wasn't the father when the babies were born, he took a pternity test ANYWAY and was EXCLUDED? The only reason why he would need to be excluded as the father is if you were sleeping with them so close together that YOU didn't even know who got you pregnant. And that leads me to believe that you were having unprotected sex with 2 people, not just one. And, now you have to fix the mess that you caused, since the bio dad is coming around. Yep YOU caused it. As a woman who can get pregnant it is YOUR responsibility to take care of YOUR body. WE sure as heck can't control what the other half does, but we sure as heck can control how we respond to it.

By the way, I've counted SEVERAL bad decisions, all having to do with sex and man, in just the last few hours. You've only admitted to one or two.

HAVE you learned? Because, at the top of this thread, all I could see you doing was trying to protect YOURSELF from your decisions, not your children.

 

[TnMomto2]

Actually, she was completely SPOT on, and while you may THINK you made a mistake (another reason why thinking obviously isn't your strong suit), a mistake is putting on one black sock and one navy blue sock in the dark... having your children think that some random dude is their father is NOT a mistake... you did that on purpose.

Of course, you are doing NOTHING to correct this "mistake" are you? Which means that obviously, this wasn't a mistake.

That's right, it wasn't a mistake that they call him Dad. He is their Dad in every way that counts. Maybe your small-mindedness can't understand that but then I guess you don't consider Step Parent's REAL parents either do you ? Just because we didn't have a piece of paper to make it legal doesn't make it wrong. I call my Step Dad " Dad" because I consider him my Dad. According to your standards, an adoptive parent shouldn't be called Mom or Dad either since they are not the real bio parent. I call him my fiance because legally we were never married but I was with him for 4 years before we split up during which time I got pregnant. But none of that is your business so I don't feel I have to go into details any more than I allready have. He supported them and was there in the delivery room when they were born. He helped feed them and raise them. Just because he and I are no longer together does not mean he should suddenly disappear from their lives. I don't give a flip about what you think is right or wrong because I know it's just your opinion and opinions are about a dime a dozen.