Birth Father wants visitation rights after 9 years of no contact!

[CMills93]

What is the name of your state? SC/NJ

I say my state name is SC/NJ as I reside in SC and my son's birth father lives in NJ.

My son's birth father has had no contact with my son for the past 9 years. He did request a dna test about 6 years ago and he pays child support on and off depending if he has a job or not. He does have a court order to pay. Anyway, I am worried that the birth father will eventually take me to court to receive visitation rights. At this point in time, my son is 12 years old. Will he be considered of age to make his own decisions in court whether or not he wants to see his birth father? He did last year when his birth father was starting to email him. I allowed it of course but then my son emailed him one day and he never received a response back. That was a year ago. My son was devastated after that. Please let me know if my son is old enough to make his own decisions in a court of law? Thank you for any responses.

 

[Just Blue]

Your son isn't old enough to make his own decision regarding his bedtime never mind something of this magnitude!! 18 is the age that he can decide if he wants to visit with his father. Although a Judge MAY take his desires into account when making his determination.

 

[CMills93]

Your son isn't old enough to make his own decision regarding his bedtime never mind something of this magnitude!! 18 is the age that he can decide if he wants to visit with his father. Although a Judge MAY take his desires into account when making his determination.

That is a real shame. I truely hope the courts consider my son's desires before the judge rules in his birth father's favor. I only can hope.

Thank you for your comment.

 

[MyHouse]

My son is 17.5 years old and has not seen his father in 17 years. I would be overjoyed if his father wanted to see him. So would my son. Why are you upset about this? Yes, his father hurt his feelings after he contacted him last time. But you can't go through life avoiding everything that MAY be upsetting. Please think about it.

 

[CMills93]

My son is 17.5 years old and has not seen his father in 17 years. I would be overjoyed if his father wanted to see him. So would my son. Why are you upset about this? Yes, his father hurt his feelings after he contacted him last time. But you can't go through life avoiding everything that MAY be upsetting. Please think about it.

That is your feelings. Not mine. My son was crushed when his birth father came back into his life after all of these years and then stopped contact again. As long as I am alive I will do anything in my power to protect him. I am not avoiding anything. I have asked my son if he wanted to see his birth father and he was fine up until my son was let down again. Children are real people. They don't need their hearts messed with at every turning point.

Thank you for your comment but it really did not have anything to do with my question but thank you anyway.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? SC/NJ

I say my state name is SC/NJ as I reside in SC and my son's birth father lives in NJ.

My son's birth father has had no contact with my son for the past 9 years. He did request a dna test about 6 years ago and he pays child support on and off depending if he has a job or not. He does have a court order to pay. Anyway, I am worried that the birth father will eventually take me to court to receive visitation rights. At this point in time, my son is 12 years old. Will he be considered of age to make his own decisions in court whether or not he wants to see his birth father? He did last year when his birth father was starting to email him. I allowed it of course but then my son emailed him one day and he never received a response back. That was a year ago. My son was devastated after that. Please let me know if my son is old enough to make his own decisions in a court of law? Thank you for any responses.

As Bay told you, your son doesn't get to make the decision. However, I would recommend not stewing about it unless dad actually comes back into the picture AND files for visitation.
The older your child gets, the more likely it is that a judge would at least take his wishes into consideration. I have seen a handful of cases where a judge allowed a teenager to decide about visitation, when the absent parent was gone for as long as this father has been gone.....but that is only a handful, it is absolutely not the norm.

 

[mommyof4]

Well, this DOES have to do with your question. The court will only care that the father wnts a relationship with his son. As long as he is not physically endangering the child, the court will make sure that the dad has that chance. The courts, believe it or not, are not in the business of keeping parents away from their kids. The court doesn't really care WHY the father wants a relationship at this point in time (as long as it is not for illegal or nefarious purposes). The court only cares that he does.

I take it from your post that there is not a court order for visitation. IF he takes you to court, you are going to need to adjust how you address this with your son. You don't ASK the child if he wants to see his father. You TELL the child that he is going to spend time with his father. If you want to be a good mother, you go one step further and do everything you can to get him to look forward to seeing his father.

 

[fairisfair]

As Bay told you, your son doesn't get to make the decision. However, I would recommend not stewing about it unless dad actually comes back into the picture AND files for visitation.
The older your child gets, the more likely it is that a judge would at least take his wishes into consideration. I have seen a handful of cases where a judge allowed a teenager to decide about visitation, when the absent parent was gone for as long as this father has been gone.....but that is only a handful, it is absolutely not the norm.

Personally, I belong to that handful of cases. My child is NOT required to attend visitation. Although I purposely chose to continue to legally allow it.

OP-
To this day, with a child who will be of age in the next few months, I would welcome ANY attempt on the part of her father, to start acting like one. And regardless of the hurt, and the anger, and everything that she says to the contrary, so would she.

My House did give you good advice, perhaps it wasn't legal advice and it wasn't what you wanted to hear.

 

[CMills93]

Thank you all for your advice and comments. I only wanted a legal answer to my question and I got that in the first response. I didn't intend for this to become a topic of discussion. I will end this thread here. Thank you all.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? SC/NJ

I say my state name is SC/NJ as I reside in SC and my son's birth father lives in NJ.

My son's birth father has had no contact with my son for the past 9 years. He did request a dna test about 6 years ago and he pays child support on and off depending if he has a job or not. He does have a court order to pay. Anyway, I am worried that the birth father will eventually take me to court to receive visitation rights. At this point in time, my son is 12 years old. Will he be considered of age to make his own decisions in court whether or not he wants to see his birth father? He did last year when his birth father was starting to email him. I allowed it of course but then my son emailed him one day and he never received a response back. That was a year ago. My son was devastated after that. Please let me know if my son is old enough to make his own decisions in a court of law? Thank you for any responses.

Would he get Custody? No. Would he get Visitation? Very likely, Yes. What you should know about 'no contact' (Abandonment) is that in most states it means a period of time with NO contact (email, snail mail, phone calls, visits, etc.) and also NO support (No support being paid at ALL for the required amount of time).

What is typical is that the Court order parenting or evaluations and order Visitation which starts out for short periods of time and increasing until a 'standard' type of Visitation Schedule is accomplished.

If your X does pursue this, considering your mention of your child's emotional state...I'd recommend some Family counseling to help son work through his confusion & disappointment. You may find, after that, that your son could possibly have a viable relationship with his father. Food for thought.