Blocked by breastfeeding?

[damontee]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Nevada

I was able to get a free consultation with a family law attorney & found out exactly what my rights are...so glad I did. He suggested I get my wife to comply to a joint custody petition which I just managed to do. However, she stated to me that I may not take my son for long periods of time or for overnight stays as she is still breastfeeding him. He will be one year old next month. I cant imagine she has a leg to stand on with this but I didnt think to ask the attorney at my consult. Does anyone know the laws on breastfeeding?

Also, she is here on a green card and worried about her immigration status. We have been married 4 years. I dont think she has anything to worry about. Any advice on this one?

And lastly, she wrote in her email her "reason" (this would be her third "different" reason for a mediator) for demanding I see my son with a mutual friend is because she was concerned I would lose my temper with him and possibly hurt him as I have done to her. Let me state she has absolutely no reason to say this at all as I have never laid a hand on her or my son and I have never even lost my temper. I really dont have one! I know this is slander but is is there anything I can do about it?

 

[ecmst12]

Allegations made as part of a court proceeding are specifically protected speech - NOT slander.

Her breastfeeding is not a reason to limit or withhold visitation. She can give you pumped milk for your visits or you can give her formula. At a year, she should be eating solids and drinking whole milk in addition to breast milk and/or formula.

 

[damontee]

Thank you for your advice. She has been pumping all along as she has been working since he was 3 months old. I didnt think that was a valid reason but want to know all I can and not go into this blind.

The allegations were not part of a court proceeding. We have not gotten to that point. This is something she stated to me in an email.

As per the attorney I spoke with if I could get her to comply to a joint custody petition he would only be needed for the paperwork..we have it notorized and he takes care of the rest. No courts involved. Im hoping it will be this easy!

 

[Zigner]

The allegations were not part of a court proceeding. We have not gotten to that point. This is something she stated to me in an email.

It is not slander or libel or any kind of defamation if she told only you.

 

[CJane]

It is not slander or libel or any kind of defamation if she told only you.

It's also not slander or libel or any kind of defamation if she stated it as her OPINION and not as FACT.

If she emails a bunch of other people, and says "He's dangerous. He WILL lose his temper and hurt the baby. I know this, because he's hurt me in the past when he's angry." Then it's POSSIBLY an issue.

But just saying "I'm concerned that X MIGHT happen..." is not an issue. Even if said to 3000 other people.

Also, while it's true that breastfeeding is not a legal justification for withholding or limiting visitation of a 12 month old, it IS possible that a judge would determine that shorter, more frequent visits are in the best interests of the child. At least for a period of time.

How often have you seen the child, or spent unsupervised time with the child?

 

[ecmst12]

I'm of the opinion that child custody battles are extremely emotional and people say all sorts of things out of fear or anger. So OP should try not to let these things get to him and he should be as courteous and professional as possible when dealing with mom.

 

[nextwife]

The baby's already consumming pumped breastmilk.

Dad's are actually just as capable as anyone else of feeding pumped breastmilk to baby. So that arguement against visitation won't fly.

 

[damontee]

Ok, the slander part...understood!
I have spent unsupervised time with him, but only a few hours. I have seen him countless times over the past year but usually either with her or my parents around as she is living in my parents house.

So now im confused about the breastfeeding part. If he was just an infant it would make sense but I figured at a year old that wouldnt be an issue as well as him being fed pumped breast milk with a bottle since he was 3 months old!?

 

[longsally111]

on another note, get your childs passport ( if he has one) revoked immediately!!!! In the state of SC ( maybe it is federal) both of us had to be present to apply for a passport for our oldest child. ( hubby is german).

 

[SESmama]

on another note, get your childs passport ( if he has one) revoked immediately!!!! In the state of SC ( maybe it is federal) both of us had to be present to apply for a passport for our oldest child. ( hubby is german).

Actually IF this ends up being a concern he doesn't NEED to get the passport. All he needs to do is register the child with the State Dept. However, that advice is just asking for a war with the mother.

Child custody will put the fear of God into any parent since they are so afraid their place in the child's heart will be replaced. It won't be if you keep consistent with the time you see the child AND you keep civil with the other parent. As for mom saying such things, let it go. Unless it actually does damage to your ability to keep employment then they are just words.

 

[CJane]

Ok, the slander part...understood!
I have spent unsupervised time with him, but only a few hours. I have seen him countless times over the past year but usually either with her or my parents around as she is living in my parents house.

So now im confused about the breastfeeding part. If he was just an infant it would make sense but I figured at a year old that wouldnt be an issue as well as him being fed pumped breast milk with a bottle since he was 3 months old!?

I'm not saying that the breastfeeding is a valid issue. Legally. What I AM saying (because I had the feeling you'd spent very little time unsupervised with the child) is that you could VERY LIKELY be given a graduated visitation plan that will focus on you spending short frequent visits with the child until you've developed a relationship.

 

[Proserpina]

on another note, get your childs passport ( if he has one) revoked immediately!!!! In the state of SC ( maybe it is federal) both of us had to be present to apply for a passport for our oldest child. ( hubby is german).

The State will not revoke a child's passport once it has already been issued.

There is some excellent information here:

Child Abduction Prevention

OP, be prepared for the possibility of your wife - if you sponsored her residency using the I-864 - suing you in federal court for support.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Breastfeeding for 1 yr is normal and rec'd by the AAP.

(1) If it's a marriage based green card, then she should be a permanent resident. So her immigration status shouldn't be a concern for her. Unless she commits a felony. Note: if you sponsored her for a green card, then you probably signed an affadavit of support.

(2) Unless she has police report(s) backing up her allegations, or a report from Child Protective Services indicating that you have abused the child, it will probably be difficult for her to convince a judge that you are a potential danger to the child. HOWEVER, since she is an immigrant, it is possible that she might allege that she was afraid, due to her immigration status, to document your alleged abuse.

(3) Breastfeeding is underprotected by our laws, so you're in luck, legally. I would like to point out to other posters that in addition to AAP and WHO guidelines that breastfeeding be continued beyond the first year, that solids are not a primary source of calories for many 1 year olds. My child at very few solids at that age, and was considered perfectly healthy by her doctor.

I would suggest that you try to work up to unsupervised, extended day visits before going for overnights. Do you know if your child is reverse cycling? (Some children do most of their nursing at night if mom's away all day working.) This could be a reason for the mother's concern. I suggest that you initially you try for 1 overnight, not a whole weekend or week. You are going to be in this for many years, and a little compromise at the start, and good will, might go a long way. Besides, do you really have that great a desire to deal with soiled diapers?

 

[>Charlotte<]

(1) If it's a marriage based green card, then she should be a permanent resident. So her immigration status shouldn't be a concern for her. Unless she commits a felony. Note: if you sponsored her for a green card, then you probably signed an affadavit of support.

(2) Unless she has police report(s) backing up her allegations, or a report from Child Protective Services indicating that you have abused the child, it will probably be difficult for her to convince a judge that you are a potential danger to the child. HOWEVER, since she is an immigrant, it is possible that she might allege that she was afraid, due to her immigration status, to document your alleged abuse.

(3) Breastfeeding is underprotected by our laws, so you're in luck, legally. I would like to point out to other posters that in addition to AAP and WHO guidelines that breastfeeding be continued beyond the first year, that solids are not a primary source of calories for many 1 year olds. My child at very few solids at that age, and was considered perfectly healthy by her doctor.

I would suggest that you try to work up to unsupervised, extended day visits before going for overnights. Do you know if your child is reverse cycling? (Some children do most of their nursing at night if mom's away all day working.) This could be a reason for the mother's concern. I suggest that you initially you try for 1 overnight, not a whole weekend or week. You are going to be in this for many years, and a little compromise at the start, and good will, might go a long way. Besides, do you really have that great a desire to deal with soiled diapers?

I accept the evidence that breast milk is the preferred food source, but with all due respect to AAP and WHO, there are also many experts who will stress the importance of parent/child bonding in the earliest stages. Compromises must be made to accommodate the dynamics of a family whose parents live separately, and if a choice must be made between breastfeeding and a child spending as much time with his NC parent as possible--well, the mother's mammary glands don't have more of a right to spend time with the child than the father does. Breastfeeding is important, but it's not necessary, and in any case it's certainly not necessary that it be exclusively offered on tap.

I also strongly suspect that for any father who loves his child and wants to experience every moment of parenthood that he can, dirty diapers are not a deal breaker.

 

[stealth2]

(1) If it's a marriage based green card, then she should be a permanent resident. So her immigration status shouldn't be a concern for her. Unless she commits a felony. Note: if you sponsored her for a green card, then you probably signed an affadavit of support.

(2) Unless she has police report(s) backing up her allegations, or a report from Child Protective Services indicating that you have abused the child, it will probably be difficult for her to convince a judge that you are a potential danger to the child. HOWEVER, since she is an immigrant, it is possible that she might allege that she was afraid, due to her immigration status, to document your alleged abuse.

(3) Breastfeeding is underprotected by our laws, so you're in luck, legally. I would like to point out to other posters that in addition to AAP and WHO guidelines that breastfeeding be continued beyond the first year, that solids are not a primary source of calories for many 1 year olds. My child at very few solids at that age, and was considered perfectly healthy by her doctor.

I would suggest that you try to work up to unsupervised, extended day visits before going for overnights. Do you know if your child is reverse cycling? (Some children do most of their nursing at night if mom's away all day working.) This could be a reason for the mother's concern. I suggest that you initially you try for 1 overnight, not a whole weekend or week. You are going to be in this for many years, and a little compromise at the start, and good will, might go a long way. Besides, do you really have that great a desire to deal with soiled diapers?

And tons of kids do and have grown up to be healthy, happy and thriving adults w/o having suckled the breast past a year old. Really. In most cases, the child will not have serious issues if weaned by one. All too many mothers use the breast as a barrier to allowing significant bonding time with the father.