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braces

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luckymom

Member
Illionis

I know there have been many (!!!) posts about braces, but my situation seems a bit different. As some of you know, I am living overseas this year. My daughter flew back a week ago to spend Christmas with her dad. He took her for a routine dental appointment and today I got an e-mail announcing that his dentist recommended braces, and he was taking her to the orthodontist tomorrow. My daughter had a dental appointment in August before we left and nothing was said then about braces. Her teeth are not visibly "crooked."

I certainly do not want to start braces at this point when we are overseas, nor do I understand why he should be taking her to an orthdontist in TX when I have primary custody and our daughter only spends one weekend a month in TX.

So my legal question is--can ex unilaterally start our daughter on braces given this situation? I certainly will be happy to pay my share of braces if they are needed, but surely this can wait until the summer when we are back in the U.S.
 


Bloopy

Senior Member
Saying something to the effect of,
“Let’s address this when we return to US soil” may trigger a response
“Well, she should return immediately to the states to address this medical need.”

BS of course, but I’d be careful not to set it up.

Dad’s motivation was probably benign. Anytime, I would return from college it seems my mom dreamt up new doctors I needed to see. We are kind of doctor phobic in my family and I swear I saw more docs in a home from college month that I saw over three-year spans growing up

Home turf docs are “of course” better than overseas docs.
 

CJane

Senior Member
Home turf docs are “of course” better than overseas docs.
Heh. I moved out of my parents' house almost 17 years ago and I've had 3 kids. My mom STILL offers to make me Dr appointments BACK HOME if I'm ill. And almost every time I'm back home, she's already made me chiropractor appts. She wanted me to have my babies THERE as opposed to HERE 'just because it's home'.

So, while GET Dad's deal here, it doesn't make it right.

I think I'd respond with. "That'll be great. Then, when I return to the states this summer, we can get a second opinion and discuss where to go from there."
 

profmum

Senior Member
Illionis

I know there have been many (!!!) posts about braces, but my situation seems a bit different. As some of you know, I am living overseas this year. My daughter flew back a week ago to spend Christmas with her dad. He took her for a routine dental appointment and today I got an e-mail announcing that his dentist recommended braces, and he was taking her to the orthodontist tomorrow. My daughter had a dental appointment in August before we left and nothing was said then about braces. Her teeth are not visibly "crooked."

I certainly do not want to start braces at this point when we are overseas, nor do I understand why he should be taking her to an orthdontist in TX when I have primary custody and our daughter only spends one weekend a month in TX.

So my legal question is--can ex unilaterally start our daughter on braces given this situation? I certainly will be happy to pay my share of braces if they are needed, but surely this can wait until the summer when we are back in the U.S.

He cannot without your consent if you have jt decision making. I would wait and see what the orthodontist recommends before saying anything. If braces are recommended, I would then see what his next move his. If she is only their for Xmas, i doubt she can get the braces started unless she is there for a longer time? and I doubt very seriously wether her needing braces would be a reason for her to return to the US right away particularly since you will be back in 6-7 months.
 

luckymom

Member
Thanks to all who responded. My ex is a bit crazy about all things medical. My daughter's mild case of exzema (she has the most sensitive skin ever) has probably generated at least 100 e-mails over the last couple of years and her mild near-sightedness had him in a near frenzy back in September.

I e-mailed him that I didn't see the point in getting her teeth looked at now since we won't be back in the states for 6 months and of course there should be one orthodontist involved since there are different approaches. His response is, in a nutshell, I want them looked at and you have to pay 50% and by the way dental insurance doesn't cover this.

Argggh.
 

MrsK

Senior Member
I think I'd respond with. "That'll be great. Then, when I return to the states this summer, we can get a second opinion and discuss where to go from there."
This is similar to what I was going to say.

An ortho is not going to put braces on the same day he/she sees the child anyway.

I would just say "OK" and make it VERY CLEAR that you do not consent to any orthodontia being put on until you give the OK when you are back in the USA.
 

luckymom

Member
Thanks for the response. I wrote ex and said it was fine to get the orthdontist (apparently the one who treated stepmom's kids for years) to look at her teeth and give his opinion, but "of course" we would have to wait until we get back to the states to do anything.

I am confused, however--my daughter (now 12) has had her teeth checked regularly since she was 3, most recently in August by our dentist in IL. There has never been any mention of the need for braces and as I said, her teeth are not visibly crowded or crooked. Do some dentists push braces, while others do no? I never had them myself.

I don't get much support, ex currently owes me several thousand dollars for unpaid medical bills, and daughter attends a private school (I am solely responsible for tuition), so I am trying to think ahead about this.
 

Bloopy

Senior Member
Of course some dentists, as well as parents, are more “gung-ho” about braces than others. In his recommendations the orthodontist should state why braces are warranted.

There’s always a third opinion when you get back. Since you have custody, even if you agree it will need to be be carried out in Illinois.
 

luckymom

Member
Ex said the orthodontist says 1)she needs braces right away 2) it will cost 6K. I replied that surely this can wait until summer and in any case she needs to go to an orthdontist where she lives and that is Chicago. Ex's reply was, and I quote, "were she to continue to live in Chicago, then yes that would be true." That got me very concerned that he is going to try and make braces a medical reason for not sending her back on schedule on January 4th. No one in their right mind would think in that is the case, right???

Sorry to belabor this, but with my kid on the other side of the pacific I am a little nervous
 

Bloopy

Senior Member
Ex said the orthodontist says 1)she needs braces right away 2) it will cost 6K. I replied that surely this can wait until summer and in any case she needs to go to an orthdontist where she lives and that is Chicago. Ex's reply was, and I quote, "were she to continue to live in Chicago, then yes that would be true." That got me very concerned that he is going to try and make braces a medical reason for not sending her back on schedule on January 4th. No one in their right mind would think in that is the case, right???
What a load of BS. You can’t stop him from trying but it would blow up in his face.

Do you have information to contact the ortodontist directly?
 

luckymom

Member
What a load of BS. You can’t stop him from trying but it would blow up in his face.

Do you have information to contact the ortodontist directly?
Yeah, I agree about the BS part. I think his aim is 1) to ruin my Christmas and to try and 2)make it appear that I am neglectful. Predictable givine his history, but still annoying.

I don't have the name. Maybe I should get it and contact the office directly?
 

wileybunch

Senior Member
luckymom, I find his behavior strange. I know some posted about their moms, but a mother hen thing is more understandable. This seems like a boundary issue. If you fear he's going to claim neglect (over crooked teeth :rolleyes:), probably best to get this ortho's opinion. Have ex send/fax you copy of receipt so you can pay your share then you can get ortho's name off that. P.S. I also think it's strange/rude that he did this w/o insurance coverage when daughter lives with you so any orthodontia will be done by someone local to you that has to do their own eval and then announces what you must pay up for this.
 

Bloopy

Senior Member
luckymom, I find his behavior strange. I know some posted about their moms, but a mother hen thing is more understandable. This seems like a boundary issue. If you fear he's going to claim neglect (over crooked teeth :rolleyes:), probably best to get this ortho's opinion.
Agreed

At first the child simply went to visit the dentist and Dad could be extended the benefit of doubt.

Now he’s crossed into nutter territory.
 

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