Breastfeeding and visitation

[Hisbabygirl77]

What is the name of your state? Anywhere

Ok after hearing time and time again this being posted I had to say something. When a mother on here says that she is breastfeeding and that might limit visitation they get jumped on. People say that is what they make breast pumps and bottles for. Well if you had breastfed then you would know that some babies WILL NOT take a bottle when breastfed since birth. I have breastfed all three of my children. Two of which didn't much like to take the bottle but would if breastfeeding was not available at the time. One though would NOT take a bottle NO matter what. My ex took my son for over night picking him up at 1pm in the afternoon and returned him at 3 am because my son would not take a bottle he just kept crying and fussing. I tried everything to get him to take a bottle so that his father or a sitter or any family member would be able to take him and he just would not take a bottle even if he was very hungry. Trust me this was my 3rd child and I would have loved a break from time to time and have always made sure to make it as easy as possible for their father to be as involved as he wanted. So maybe the next time one of you post this answer you might try and realize that you can't force a child to take a bottle so just "give them a bottle" is an ignorant statement to make.

 

[howamidoing]

What is the name of your state? Anywhere

Ok after hearing time and time again this being posted I had to say something. When a mother on here says that she is breastfeeding and that might limit visitation they get jumped on. People say that is what they make breast pumps and bottles for. Well if you had breastfed then you would know that some babies WILL NOT take a bottle when breastfed since birth. I have breastfed all three of my children. Two of which didn't much like to take the bottle but would if breastfeeding was not available at the time. One though would NOT take a bottle NO matter what. My ex took my son for over night picking him up at 1pm in the afternoon and returned him at 3 am because my son would not take a bottle he just kept crying and fussing. I tried everything to get him to take a bottle so that his father or a sitter or any family member would be able to take him and he just would not take a bottle even if he was very hungry. Trust me this was my 3rd child and I would have loved a break from time to time and have always made sure to make it as easy as possible for their father to be as involved as he wanted. So maybe the next time one of you post this answer you might try and realize that you can't force a child to take a bottle so just "give them a bottle" is an ignorant statement to make.

If they are hungry they will eat.They have great nipples now for bottles that are so much like the real thing it is hard to tell the difference. Did you try putting the bottle under your arm and holding baby close like you were breastfeading? Doing this a couple of times usually works. Breastfeeding for babies is mostly about security. They have known no other way. You have to teach them.I was a breastfeeding mother, and in the defense of others MOST not all but MOST mothers use it as an excuse to get their way and to hold onto the baby,breastfeeding is not a bargaining tool.

 

[cascole]

And some mothers can't pump enough to even fill a bottle... and some babies won't go back to the breast after they've had a bottle. And "so much like the real thing it's hard to tell the difference" ... now that's funny!!!

 

[nextwife]

The problem is that some mothers use breastfeeding as a sort of trump card excuse to try to deny the child's other parent equitable visitation time with their kids. MEANINGFUL one on one time is necessary for both parents. The earlier the bonding begins, the better.

A person should not be required to produce breast milk in order to PARENT their child.

 

[haiku]

and how many times have we seen this question?

"If I breastfeed my UNBORN child will I have to give my ex visitation?"

bottom line if there is a chance you are going to be in a shared parenting situation, you need to think differently about your original plans to exclusively breastfeed.......

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

I am sure in this day and age most women plan on not just breastfeeding but using a bottle as well I know I did. And sorry but I tried every bottle nipple known to man to make son take a bottle nothing worked. And after 14 hours without eating the night his father tried to keep him( poor man was exhausted when he brought him back lol) trust me he was hungry but still would not take a bottle. I tried every position to get him to take the bottle nothing worked. Yes some women use it as a way to keep the baby away from the father but not every woman does that and they way they get jumped on when they bring it up is ridiculous. So before you jump down somebody's throat the next time they bring it up maybe you might want to ask those simple questions like will the baby take a bottle? Have you tried different nipples? Can you pump some extra? Just don't assume that it is always possible.

 

[kat1963]

Just so you know I’ve seen a judge order that the mother either pumps or the father could purchase it from a Mother’s Milk Bank but her choice was not going to interfer with his parenting time. Personally I felt the mother should have been made to pay for it, but oh well. The breast feeding argument obviously didn’t work in this case because there are alternatives to your own milk AND pumping.
KAT

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Then the judge obviously did not have a child that refused to use the bottle. In the best interest of the child means not starving the poor kid if they will not use the bottle. Now if they will then the mother should make dang sure to make it as easy as possible for the father to have visitation, but like I stated sometimes a baby will not use the bottle that is a fact of life.

When that happens then the parents need to work together to figure out how to make sure that the father and child still get to spend as much time together as possible. We finally just started having my ex husband stay the night on the nights that he was to have the children that way he could still have his time and the baby still was able to be fed. Sigh.........but dang I would still have loved a few nights of uninterupted sleep lol.

I don't understand parents that wont allow the father to be in their lives. I adore my children and miss them like crazy when they are gone but I gotta admit I enjoy the friday and saturdays that they spend with their father. I know they are with someone who loves them and I get some alone time which makes me a better mom as I am not stressed out from getting no time to myself. Plus I can get things accomplished around the house that are difficult to do when they are here.

 

[LdiJ]

All of the responses on this thread bother me. The entire medical community in the entire world agrees that breastfeeding is "in the best interest of the child". The entire medical community acknowledges that it isn't guaranteed that mother's can "pump" enough milk to adequately supply the needs for both paternal parenting time (depending on the amount of time ordered) AND work related child care.

A mother who uses breastfeeding to maliciously deprive dad of time with the child is a jerk. A dad who deliberately insists that a child be fed formula during his time or who otherwise doesn't accomodate breastfeeding or who insists on pumping without a doctor's backing that its feasible...or doesn't understand the his child WILL NOT take the bottle.. is equally a jerk.

As far as I am concerned that is the bottom line. When it comes to breastfeeding it is extremely individual based on the CHILD. Not either of the parents. So hate me for that if you choose. I equally despise either parent who uses that as a "game". or legal strategy.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

AMEN....................LdiJ

 

[howamidoing]

And some mothers can't pump enough to even fill a bottle... and some babies won't go back to the breast after they've had a bottle. And "so much like the real thing it's hard to tell the difference" ... now that's funny!!!

You obviously havent heard of the mothers touch nipple which is actually cast from a nipple, and for a small fee you can have one made from your own..Neither of my children knew the difference...Because a mother cant pump enought to fill a bottle the Dad had to miss out on visitation...Now thats fair parenting..What excuse is the mommy going to use when they are 5?

 

[Happy Trails]

I agree totally LdiJ, it should not be used as a tool to manipulate how much time the dad can be with his child.

Hisbabygirl77, I can relate to you all too well. Nursed all three of my children as well, tried every nipple available, no way they were not going to have any part of it. I didn't have to deal with visitation from their dad (we have been together 21 years). But when we needed to get away and had them in the care of the sitter (usually grandparents) I had to make sure we could get back to them within 20 minutes. Very tiring.

Basically they went from breast to sipper cup. (it worked well when you held them in the sitting position and gave them little sips until they got the hang of it) Of course this wouldn't help someone with a 6-month or younger.

Howamidoing, glad to hear they are coming up with an alternative. Wish I would of thought of it. But then I didn't realize others were having the same problem as me. Out of all my siblings only myself and one other sister B/Fand I came from a family that was almost the Brady bunch tripled.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Fair parenting is both kids having mommy and daddy both all the time and well sometimes that can't happen. Hopefully people having children are adults and can act mature enough that the father realizes the benefits of breastfeeding so he tries to compromise and the mother realizing that the father needs to be a part of the childs life and compromises. Both parents should work out something that is best for the baby and that works. My ex cared enough to want our baby to have the best for him breastfeeding being part of that. So he compromised and I compromised that is as fair as split up parents can be. And some women can not pump enough for extra bottles again a fact of life! Lucky for you that your baby would take a bottle and you could pump enough some arent so lucky. When that happens though both parents need to act like adults and find a way to make visitation work. In our case he stayed the night at my house and I tried to play invisible so he could have his time with the kids. We also did extra's like we have always had a family "date" night in which at first him and I took the kids out and now as we have moved on in our lives him and his gf me and my husband and our kids go out. He is having another baby soon and him and his gf fondly refer to me as Auntie for that baby The point is we both acted like adults and understood that to be part of our childrens lives equally we had to work together. Him understanding and giving when he needed and me when I needed to.

 

[2angelsmom]

Hisbabygirl77

Thank you for posting this thread!
It is hard enough being a mother or a father in today's times, let alone other parent's picking on us for the way we choose to raise our children.
As long as a child is healthy,happy and with all of life's neccessities, who are we/they to judge.
I believe it is completely ignorant to say "just try a different nipple". Scientists can create any nipple they like but the baby will know it's still not the real deal.

howamidoing.....Unless (us) breastfeeding moms can afford to have our nipples cloned then there's not a whole lot we can do.

It is obvious that some people cannot comprehend the fact that some,yes some, babies will not take another nipple. My first one would, and my second one won't. So I have known both ways. If you can't sympathize with the way some people raise their kids then leave them alone. Who are you/we to say that they're not trying hard enough or the right things.

We're all parents. We all need support because none of us are perfect.

 

[audster]

Please note that it is just my opinion, but really if mom knows that there is a chance dad will wnat overnights when a child is young enough to still be breastfeeding (read "parents aren't together at time of birth") then she probably has no business breastfeeding anyway. I really feel theat Dad's rights are pririty here. Besides, there are just as many arguments against breastfeeding as for it! I am sure i read somewhere that a bunch of child psychologists concurred that bottle babies tend to be more indipendent and socially developed. If Mom insists on breastfeeding then she needs to be the one incovienienced....possibly going to dads to feed baby? I kind of equate this to CP moving away to better herself and then having to pay transportation costs because of dad's visits.