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Thread: Calling him "Daddy"

  1. #1
    4theKidz is offline Member
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    Calling him "Daddy"

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CO

    My son (8) informed me today that he refers to his mom's soon-to-be husband as "Daddy". He kept referring to "Daddy" so I asked if he meant "Name". He said no, he calls him "Daddy", not "Name". Is there anything I can even do about this? I'm too upset at the moment to bring it up to my ex b/c I want to avoid it turning into an argument. However, after I have time to calm down...what advice can anyone offer on how to approach this issue?

    Would it be acceptable for me to explain to my son that only I am his Daddy and that this other person should be referred to by his name (or even step-daddy...I'm ok with that, just not Daddy).
  2. #2
    AkersTile is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4theKidz View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CO

    My son (8) informed me today that he refers to his mom's soon-to-be husband as "Daddy". He kept referring to "Daddy" so I asked if he meant "Name". He said no, he calls him "Daddy", not "Name". Is there anything I can even do about this? I'm too upset at the moment to bring it up to my ex b/c I want to avoid it turning into an argument. However, after I have time to calm down...what advice can anyone offer on how to approach this issue?

    Would it be acceptable for me to explain to my son that only I am his Daddy and that this other person should be referred to by his name (or even step-daddy...I'm ok with that, just not Daddy).
    I would explain it to your ex. Let her know that you are not comfortable with it, but you would be fine if kiddo called him stepdaddy or whatever you like (my stepkiddos call me Mama AkersTile). Quite a few judges would ding Mom for that if it was brought up in court. Ask Mom what name would work out of the suggestions you give her, or if she has any that you're comfortable with, and only use that name when speaking with kiddo about BF.
  3. #3
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Since you have an ongoing court case, talk to your attorney regarding language in the court order prohibiting anyone else but you and mom from being called dad and mom.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  4. #4
    ecmst12 is offline Senior Member
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    Don't start multiple threads on the same situation.
  5. #5
    djmastr111 is offline Member
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    It is not alright for your son to call him "daddy" not at all not ever even if you were dead.
  6. #6
    Ladyback1 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by djmastr111 View Post
    It is not alright for your son to call him "daddy" not at all not ever even if you were dead.
    of course, one could look at like my SO did---it's a sign that the boy is well-loved, cared for and treasured by the man that is in his life.

    If the child isn't forced/made to call him Daddy, then it might be easier for an 8 y/o to explain to his friends.

    *shrug* I don't know. I do think it deserves a discussion w/ the mother to at least get to the bottom of the matter. Not an angry discussion if can be helped.
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  7. #7
    startedone is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ladyback1 View Post
    Not an angry discussion if can be helped.
    I have 2 daddies: daddy & angry daddy ! lol

    The kid is 8 yrs old ... he'll figure it out himself over time. Does he know the definition of the term?

    Plus his mommy is marrying his new "daddy". Its likely that the ex is supporting this to help the kid adjust to his new daddy moving in (I assume they already live together, right?)

    Maybe the new daddy's name is not pronounceable to the kid. Maybe the wife is marrying Tshimanga Biakabatuka.
  8. #8
    Banned_Princess is offline Senior Member
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    my niece calls both her mom and grandma mom, and she calls her granddad dad. (daddy usually)

    step dad, is either step dad, or bob. (his name)

    yes its upsetting, but kids know who their real parents are. get over the sting, and it wont be that bad. just tell kiddo, when with actual dad, he should refer to step dad by his name or step daddy.

    what is in a name anyway. per Shakespeare a rose called by any other name is still a rose.
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  9. #9
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Is it wrong? Absolutely. I know I used to see red when one of mine would refer to stepMom as "Mom", usually after an extended visit to Dad's. But I kept quiet, since I didn't want to make a difficult situation more so for them. I referred to her by her name, as they otherwise did, and the habit took hold eventually. They knew who I was, no matter what they called someone else.

    I do understand how it must hurt to have it coupled with being the NCP.
    MichaCA and breezymom like this.
  10. #10
    Banned_Princess is offline Senior Member
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    exactly, and my niece calls her step dad "daddy" happily and loudly when in public.

    her dad otoh is absent completely.

    it angers my sister to no end, by why fight it, we call her mom, why shouldn't everybody.
  11. #11
    startedone is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by stealth2 View Post
    Is it wrong? Absolutely. I know I used to see red when one of mine would refer to stepMom as "Mom", usually after an extended visit to Dad's. But I kept quiet, since I didn't want to make a difficult situation more so for them. I referred to her by her name, as they otherwise did, and the habit took hold eventually. They knew who I was, no matter what they called someone else.

    I do understand how it must hurt to have it coupled with being the NCP.
    That's because your a big person .. an adult.
  12. #12
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    This is another one of those things that I just don't get. At all.

    I referred to both my stepdad and my dad as "Dad" my whole life. I call my stepmom "Mom". I called my RIDING COACH "Mom" for years. It's a WORD. It's not the be-all end-all of anyone's existence.
  13. #13
    OHRoadwarrior is offline Senior Member
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    My step daughter calls me daddy "my name" and her real father daddy "his name". It has been like that for about 15 years. My issue with this, if any, is they are not married yet. What if he leaves.
  14. #14
    Banned_Princess is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by OHRoadwarrior View Post
    My step daughter calls me daddy "my name" and her real father daddy "his name". It has been like that for about 15 years. My issue with this, if any, is they are not married yet. What if he leaves.
    after 15 years hes just going to get up and leave? cross that bridge if it ever comes up.

    even married people break up.
  15. #15
    JennK2009 is offline Member
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    I have to pipe in here, because, now I am confused. On many other threads regarding what children call someone’s significant other, you guys are usually up in the air on how wrong it is. Bed warmers, musical daddies, children only have one mom and one dad, etc. Apparently in some cases it can affect custody or visitation.

    And now, you’re telling this guy, no big deal? Live with it?? Again, the “bed warmer” is not married to mom, yet.

    I would discuss with mom I second OhioGal’s advice. It is a big deal, OP, it’s your kid and you are The Daddy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ohiogal View Post
    Since you have an ongoing court case, talk to your attorney regarding language in the court order prohibiting anyone else but you and mom from being called dad and mom.

    I never thought it was a big deal, either, what a kid calls the S.O. But I thought I was learning something here and these "deal with it" posts have just wiped it out. From what I thought learned was, it is a big deal.

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