Can father who has sole custody give stepmom rights in his absence?

[riah_nicole]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

I have 4 stepsons who live with me, and I have been their primary caregiver for 41/2 years. (they even started calling me mom 3 years ago) My husband has sole custody, but he might have to go across the country to work for an extended period of time soon. The kids' mother has come back into the picture recently, and keeps making comments about them coming to live with her if he leaves. My husband and I do not want that to happen, as she has a history of drug abuse, mental illness, and violence. What can he and I do to ensure that the children will stay in my care, and can he give me legal rights to them in his absence?
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

I have 4 stepsons who live with me, and I have been their primary caregiver for 41/2 years. (they even started calling me mom 3 years ago) My husband has sole custody, but he might have to go across the country to work for an extended period of time soon. The kids' mother has come back into the picture recently, and keeps making comments about them coming to live with her if he leaves. My husband and I do not want that to happen, as she has a history of drug abuse, mental illness, and violence. What can he and I do to ensure that the children will stay in my care, and can he give me legal rights to them in his absence?
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

You cannot do anything to ensure that the children stay in your care. He cannot give you legal rights to his children in your absense. You are a legal stranger.

[Zigner]

I'm going to state it slightly different.
Dad can give you power of attorney to make certain decisions in his place (medical, school, etc), but that POA does NOT over-ride the rights of Mom. Of course, Mom would need to assert those rights.

[Antigone*]

I'm going to state it slightly different.
Dad can give you power of attorney to make certain decisions in his place (medical, school, etc), but that POA does NOT over-ride the rights of Mom. Of course, Mom would need to assert those rights.

I did kinda sound like dannyt, didn't I

[Zigner]

I did kinda sound like dannyt, didn't I

Nah - it's the overall history that determines that - not a single post

[sometwo]

Mom is well within her rights to ask the court for custody should the kids be left in your care for an extended period of time.

Dad can "allow" you to do certain things for the kids however he cannot "give" the children to you over their mother. Dad and mom are the only two that matters here.

You have no rights to these kids.

[gr8rn]

And if "MOM" is still in the picture, you should be strongly discouraging the kids from calling YOU Mom. They already have a Mom and that is not you.

You can find another appropriately cutsey name for yourself other than Mom. Have the boys call you whatever name you want, but not Mom.

Now you guys got me thinking that I am sounding like dannyt as well.

[milspecgirl]

if mom asserts her rights and goes to court, chances are she will be allowed to keep the children when dad is away.

is she able to keep the kids in their current school, extra curricular, etc?

I understand these children see you as mom as you have been acting in that capacity. however, this needs to stop- especially if mom is in the picture. they have 1 mom and 1 dad. they need to understand this and it needs to happen quick. dad can get in real trouble with the court for this.

dad can give you the right to take them to Dr, get them from school, etc. however, these rights will always come behind moms. They are really rights if NEITHER parent is available to perform the function. For instance, if you both show up with child at Dr, even if it's dads time and you have the POA, mom will trump you.

[Isis1]

And if "MOM" is still in the picture, you should be strongly discouraging the kids from calling YOU Mom. They already have a Mom and that is not you.

You can find another appropriately cutsey name for yourself other than Mom. Have the boys call you whatever name you want, but not Mom.

Now you guys got me thinking that I am sounding like dannyt as well.

Don't feel bad, i've undone a couple of my own posts because as soon as i read them outloud, they sounded like a dannyt post. Blegh!!!

[Ohiogal]

I disagree -- mom may not get custody due to the fact that dad has sole custody. That was given to dad for a reason. If the court is aware of mom's drug history and mental illness history, she may get no more than visitation -- especially after an absence. How long is dad gone?

[LdiJ]

I disagree -- mom may not get custody due to the fact that dad has sole custody. That was given to dad for a reason. If the court is aware of mom's drug history and mental illness history, she may get no more than visitation -- especially after an absence. How long is dad gone?

I agree with this, assuming that mom and dad didn't somehow agree for dad to have sole custody. If somehow they agreed, then the court probably wouldn't be aware of mom's "issues".

I agree that how long dad will be gone matters, but I also would like to know how "recent" mom's return is, and how long she was gone and how much contact she had with the children while she was gone.