• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

Can I change custody agreement

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

jkohler08

Member
What is the name of your state?NJ. My ex and I share custody and visitation 50/50. We've had this agreement since the onset of our separation, which was 3 years ago (we are divorced now). Over the past 3 years he has exhibited some very reckless and nasty behavior. Every time something happened, he would apologize, say it wouldn't happen again, and nothing more would come of it. But something else would always happen. I saw a lawyer a few months ago who said, I probably wouldn't be able to change my agreement because I should have acted when he did the bad things. So I dismissed the idea, until the other day, when he spit in my face in front of our 10-year old son. I filed a complaint against him and we have a court date set for mid-October.

These are some of the things he has done over the past 3 years: we filed our 1040 jointly the year after we separated, he told me we owed $2400. I signed the 1040 and gave him a check for my half. I found out the following year that he had forged my name on a different 1040 and actually got a refund for $3000. He taped both of our house phones for about 1.5 years. That's how he knew I only had $1200 left in the bank, by listening to my private phone calls. He drove home drunk from Delaware with our 2 children in his truck. He keyed my boyfriend's car in front of our son and his friend. He let our 15 year old son drive by himself and drive the two of them home from a party (he didn't even have his permit). He left our 10 and 15 year old son's home alone, which normally isn't a problem, except he left at midnight and never told them he was leaving. Our youngest son who is terrified to sleep alone, woke up and found his Dad gone and went to his older brother's room to tell him. This happened twice. He also chased a guy down and hit him at a Phillies game in front of our 10-year old. That's a small sample.

I know that each time he did something I should have filed a complaint or something like that, but I really just didn't know that all I'd have to do was go to the local police dept.

Is there any chance a judge would look at these incidents and agree with me that he is not behaving in a good manner around the children and that a more limited visitation schedule would be better?
 


NotSoNew

Senior Member
any indcidents involving you, and not the children, such as the tax refund thing, are irrelevant. the matters involving children you would need proof of, you cant just go in and say this happened in the past with no proof of these things happening. Well you could, but you would loose.
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
jkohler08 said:
What is the name of your state?NJ. My ex and I share custody and visitation 50/50. We've had this agreement since the onset of our separation, which was 3 years ago (we are divorced now). Over the past 3 years he has exhibited some very reckless and nasty behavior. Every time something happened, he would apologize, say it wouldn't happen again, and nothing more would come of it. But something else would always happen. I saw a lawyer a few months ago who said, I probably wouldn't be able to change my agreement because I should have acted when he did the bad things. So I dismissed the idea, until the other day, when he spit in my face in front of our 10-year old son. I filed a complaint against him and we have a court date set for mid-October.
All irrelevant for visitation and/or custody.
These are some of the things he has done over the past 3 years: we filed our 1040 jointly the year after we separated, he told me we owed $2400. I signed the 1040 and gave him a check for my half. I found out the following year that he had forged my name on a different 1040 and actually got a refund for $3000.
and what do you want to happen? Since the only crime here is forgery and you have the burden of proof.
He taped both of our house phones for about 1.5 years. That's how he knew I only had $1200 left in the bank, by listening to my private phone calls.
NOT illegal since you were still married.
He drove home drunk from Delaware with our 2 children in his truck.
And for not reporting it you could also be held legally liable.
He keyed my boyfriend's car in front of our son and his friend.
and why didn't your boyfriend call the police?
He let our 15 year old son drive by himself and drive the two of them home from a party (he didn't even have his permit).
O.K. same question. why didn't you call the police?
He left our 10 and 15 year old son's home alone, which normally isn't a problem, except he left at midnight and never told them he was leaving.
NOT illegal.
Our youngest son who is terrified to sleep alone, woke up and found his Dad gone and went to his older brother's room to tell him. This happened twice. He also chased a guy down and hit him at a Phillies game in front of our 10-year old. That's a small sample.
again, not illegal.
I know that each time he did something I should have filed a complaint or something like that, but I really just didn't know that all I'd have to do was go to the local police dept.

Is there any chance a judge would look at these incidents and agree with me that he is not behaving in a good manner around the children and that a more limited visitation schedule would be better?
do you honestly think that without proof the judge is going to listen to this diatribe? Especially since you have no proof of anything, you failed to do anything at the time and you are attempting to use thise 'so-called' incidents to affect a change in a standing order?

Do you honestly think the judge hasn't heard similiar stories thousands of times in family court? :rolleyes:
 

jkohler08

Member
BelizeBreeze: Unfortunately, much like him, I used bad judgement in not calling the police or not reporting some of these incidents. There are a lot of things I should have done, but didn't do because I didn't have the money for an attorney, and/or because I didn't find out about it until one of our children told me what happened. I just don't want my children to think it's okay to behave like this and I'm tired of always having set them straight on proper behavior and breaking the law every time they come back with me.

I'm sure the judge has heard many of these stories, and no I don't want to tie up the system if there is no point to it, which is why I put my question out on this forum. I guess I'll just sit back and wait for him to drive drunk again and when he gets into an accident and kills our children, I'll finally have the proof I need to change the agreement. Oh, but then I won't have children!

P.S. Dynomite77: thanks for the info and for not being insulting.
 

Cassie23

Junior Member
I may not know what I am talking about, but isn't your proof in these cases the children? I mean isn't that what law guardians are for? If you were to go to court with these allegations then wouldn't an investigation take place and a law guardian (or some type of authority figure for the kids) speak with them and let them say whether or not they are afraid? They would be the ones to give examples of bad treatment if there were any. I don't know! You could probably call the Child Welfare department and report these things about your ex. They would launch an investigation, but things could get messy. If you believe (full heartedly, without question, putting any of your own probelms with your ex aside) that your children are in DANGER then I suggest you take those measures. God bless.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Cassie23 said:
I may not know what I am talking about, but isn't your proof in these cases the children? I mean isn't that what law guardians are for? If you were to go to court with these allegations then wouldn't an investigation take place and a law guardian (or some type of authority figure for the kids) speak with them and let them say whether or not they are afraid? They would be the ones to give examples of bad treatment if there were any. I don't know! You could probably call the Child Welfare department and report these things about your ex. They would launch an investigation, but things could get messy. If you believe (full heartedly, without question, putting any of your own probelms with your ex aside) that your children are in DANGER then I suggest you take those measures. God bless.
I agree with this advice. You can file for a custody modification and ask that a law guardian or GAL be assigned to the case. At least some of this will come out in the investigation. Drunk driving with the kids or allowing the 15 year old to drive because dad is drunk is dangerous as heck...
 

jkohler08

Member
Thanks so much for your advice. I would hope that someone from the judicial system would want to speak with my children to find out how they feel about the situation. If my children weren't concerned they certainly wouldn't have come to me to tell me these things. They came to me because they were scared and needed my help. I feel like I let them down each time they came to me because I was too afraid to go up against him in court. Or, he would promise that it would never happen again and maybe it didn't happen again, but then it would just be something else.

I am going to file for a modification with hopes that they will want to speak with my children to find out what's going on. Even if we don't modify the visitation agreement, maybe he'll be forced to act responsibly and consider them before himself.

Thanks again.
 

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top