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  1. #1
    JWinn1204 is offline Junior Member
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    Can I legally refuse joint custody to my ex husband?

    I have full physical custody of my 2 1/2 year old daughter. My ex has visitation rights. And we share joint legal custody Recently he asked me to split her time with us 50/50. Im not going to go into all of it but there are several reasons I dont feel this is best for my little girl. Basically, he doesnt pay his child support, only shows up half of the time he says hes going to (I have never kept her from him), shares a room with him and his wife at his dads house, and completely ignores my instructions (i.e potty training, sippy cup weening etc...). He says im taking away his legal rights to having her half of the time. Is this true? Or am I within my rights? I dont want to keep her from her dad completely. I just think its better for her to be here where she has her own space and some structure as much as possible. In California...
  2. #2
    LdiJ is online now Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by JWinn1204 View Post
    I have full physical custody of my 2 1/2 year old daughter. My ex has visitation rights. And we share joint legal custody Recently he asked me to split her time with us 50/50. Im not going to go into all of it but there are several reasons I dont feel this is best for my little girl. Basically, he doesnt pay his child support, only shows up half of the time he says hes going to (I have never kept her from him), shares a room with him and his wife at his dads house, and completely ignores my instructions (i.e potty training, sippy cup weening etc...). He says im taking away his legal rights to having her half of the time. Is this true? Or am I within my rights? I dont want to keep her from her dad completely. I just think its better for her to be here where she has her own space and some structure as much as possible. In California...
    Legally all you have to do is obey the parenting schedule outlined in your court orders/divorce decree. Unless it says that he gets 50/50 parenting time you are not violating his legal rights or anything else if you don't agree to a 50/50 timeshare.
  3. #3
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by JWinn1204 View Post
    and completely ignores my instructions (i.e potty training, sippy cup weening etc...).
    Yeah, well... he's allowed to do that. He IS her parent, too. Would you follow his "instructions"?
  4. #4
    meanyjack is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by JWinn1204 View Post
    I have full physical custody of my 2 1/2 year old daughter. My ex has visitation rights. And we share joint legal custody Recently he asked me to split her time with us 50/50. Im not going to go into all of it but there are several reasons I dont feel this is best for my little girl.
    Irrelevant.

    Basically, he doesnt pay his child support,
    And unless he's been found guilty of contempt, that's irrelevant. Custody and support are (usually) separate issues.

    only shows up half of the time he says hes going to (I have never kept her from him),

    shares a room with him and his wife at his dads house,
    Irrelevant.

    and completely ignores my instructions (i.e potty training, sippy cup weening etc...).
    Irrelevant. He's allowed to ignore your instructions. He is his parent, too. You don't call all of this shots. Hence, "joint legal custody." He could say that YOU don't follow his instructions. How would YOU react?

    I dont want to keep her from her dad completely.
    "Completely"? Who the hell do you think you are? Funny how you have an issue with him wanting more time. Just like you'd have an issue if he motioned to reduce his child support. Get over yourself.
  5. #5
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by meanyjack View Post
    Irrelevant
    Actually, it's NOT irrelevant if they have an order that she's following and dad is asking for time outside that order. If she doesn't think that it's in the child's best interests to act outside the order, it IS relevant, and she's NOT obligated to do anything not specified in the order.

    And unless he's been found guilty of contempt, that's irrelevant. Custody and support are (usually) separate issues.
    Not actually true in every case. There ARE restrictions placed upon parents in some states as far as filing for modifications to parenting time while in arrears on child support.


    Irrelevant.
    It's irrelevant that he doesn't use the time he CURRENTLY has per the order, while he's asking for MORE time? Really?


    Irrelevant. He's allowed to ignore your instructions. He is his parent, too. You don't call all of this shots. Hence, "joint legal custody." He could say that YOU don't follow his instructions. How would YOU react?
    While you're correct that he doesn't have to follow instructions given by Mom, it has nothing to do with legal custody.

    "Completely"? Who the hell do you think you are? Funny how you have an issue with him wanting more time. Just like you'd have an issue if he motioned to reduce his child support. Get over yourself.
    Perhaps you need to read the thread again. Mom has physical custody, and Dad isn't using all of the parenting time allotted to him. That's not Mom's fault.
  6. #6
    meanyjack is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by CJane View Post
    Actually, it's NOT irrelevant if they have an order that she's following and dad is asking for time outside that order. If she doesn't think that it's in the child's best interests to act outside the order, it IS relevant, and she's NOT obligated to do anything not specified in the order.
    Actually, Jane, what I was stating was irrelevant was what I bolded in her response. Which was what she "felt" wasn't "best for her little girl".



    Not actually true in every case. There ARE restrictions placed upon parents in some states as far as filing for modifications to parenting time while in arrears on child support.
    *sigh* Hence my use of the word "usually."


    It's irrelevant that he doesn't use the time he CURRENTLY has per the order, while he's asking for MORE time? Really?
    I didn't say irrelevant.



    While you're correct that he doesn't have to follow instructions given by Mom, it has nothing to do with legal custody.
    *sigh* I know Capt. Obvious. So, you're point was....?



    Perhaps you need to read the thread again. Mom has physical custody, and Dad isn't using all of the parenting time allotted to him. That's not Mom's fault.
    When it comes to reading, I strongly advise you to practice what you're preaching.
  7. #7
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
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    Mom's best friend would be a calendar that shows when dad SHOULD have picked up the child and when dad ACTUALLY picked up the child.

    When a parent goes to court asking for more time, but they don't utilize the time they already have, judges understand what's going on.

    If dad files, I would suggest asking the judge to have you two go to co-parenting classes. It really is easier to do things like potty train, etc if both parents are on the same page.
  8. #8
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by meanyjack View Post
    Actually, Jane, what I was stating was irrelevant was what I bolded in her response. Which was what she "felt" wasn't "best for her little girl".
    And what she feels is best for her child RIGHT NOW, is NOT irrelevant. It's actually the ONLY relevant thing other than what her order says.


    I didn't say irrelevant.
    You did, actually, but ok.


    *sigh* I know Capt. Obvious. So, you're point was....?
    *YOU said "hence joint legal custody" - I was pointing out that what OP is talking about has nothing to do with legal custody.

    When it comes to reading, I strongly advise you to practice what you're preaching.
    Okey dokey.

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