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  1. #1
    nwmomma23 is offline Junior Member
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    Can my abusive husband get custody WA?

    I live in washington state.

    My husband has physically and mentally abused me for the last two years of our marriage. Although our family and friends know about the abuse I have never brought charges against him because I did not want to sabotage my marriage and pay his legal fees to fight a domestic violence charge. I have also never been hurt to the point where I needed to seek medical attention. The abuse is mostly cohersive, a means of controlling me. (Choking if I don't perform a task or come when I am called, pinning me down if I refuse to listen to his verbal abuse, pushing me down if I seem to be defying him.) Currently my husband is threatening a divorce to try and controll my behavior. He feels a lost of control now because I am finally making just as much money as he is.

    He claims that he will use custody of our four month old daughter as a means of making my life "a living hell". He never wanted our daughter and tells me at least once a day how much of a pain in the ass she is and that is why he never wanted kids. I am responsible for 95% of the child care and he will only watch her if there is no other alternative. However, in a divorce he would fight tooth and nail for 50/50 custody.

    I want to leave him but I am afraid of losing my daughter half the time. I know he will not provide the love, compassion, and care needed to ensure she grows into a strong and well adjusted individual. Can my husband get custody if we divorce?
  2. #2
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by nwmomma23 View Post
    I live in washington state.

    My husband has physically and mentally abused me for the last two years of our marriage. Although our family and friends know about the abuse I have never brought charges against him because I did not want to sabotage my marriage and pay his legal fees to fight a domestic violence charge. I have also never been hurt to the point where I needed to seek medical attention. The abuse is mostly cohersive, a means of controlling me. (Choking if I don't perform a task or come when I am called, pinning me down if I refuse to listen to his verbal abuse, pushing me down if I seem to be defying him.) Currently my husband is threatening a divorce to try and controll my behavior. He feels a lost of control now because I am finally making just as much money as he is.

    He claims that he will use custody of our four month old daughter as a means of making my life "a living hell". He never wanted our daughter and tells me at least once a day how much of a pain in the ass she is and that is why he never wanted kids. I am responsible for 95% of the child care and he will only watch her if there is no other alternative. However, in a divorce he would fight tooth and nail for 50/50 custody.

    I want to leave him but I am afraid of losing my daughter half the time. I know he will not provide the love, compassion, and care needed to ensure she grows into a strong and well adjusted individual. Can my husband get custody if we divorce?
    Yes, of course he can.
  3. #3
    Blue Meanie is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by nwmomma23 View Post
    I live in washington state.

    My husband has physically and mentally abused me for the last two years of our marriage. Although our family and friends know about the abuse I have never brought charges against him because I did not want to sabotage my marriage and pay his legal fees to fight a domestic violence charge. I have also never been hurt to the point where I needed to seek medical attention. The abuse is mostly cohersive, a means of controlling me. (Choking if I don't perform a task or come when I am called, pinning me down if I refuse to listen to his verbal abuse, pushing me down if I seem to be defying him.) Currently my husband is threatening a divorce to try and controll my behavior. He feels a lost of control now because I am finally making just as much money as he is.

    He claims that he will use custody of our four month old daughter as a means of making my life "a living hell". He never wanted our daughter and tells me at least once a day how much of a pain in the ass she is and that is why he never wanted kids. I am responsible for 95% of the child care and he will only watch her if there is no other alternative. However, in a divorce he would fight tooth and nail for 50/50 custody.

    I want to leave him but I am afraid of losing my daughter half the time. I know he will not provide the love, compassion, and care needed to ensure she grows into a strong and well adjusted individual. Can my husband get custody if we divorce?
    Yes, he can. There is no legal proof he is an abuser and even if he abused you he did not abuse your child.
  4. #4
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    It certainly happens. You have no proof that he's abusive - no police reports, no medical records, nothing, really. So it's your word against his, and you'd have to explain why if he was so bad, you stayed for so long and EVEN THOUGH HE ABUSED YOU you had a child with him.
  5. #5
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Coming up next: a post in the Alimony section.
  6. #6
    nwmomma23 is offline Junior Member
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    So now what?

    So in the current situation he can get custody.

    What do I need to do to change that? If I charge him with domestic violence will that impede his efforts to get custody?

    Does neglect count as child abuse? Because if leaving a screaming child hungry in their crib for two hours is abuse, than he is guilty.
  7. #7
    FITFatherof2 is offline Member
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    Family and friends are aware that the father has abused you? Have any of them seen him abuse you? Or are they aware of the abuse because you have told them?

    You have not pressed charges because you do not want to pay his attorney fee's to fight domestic violence charges? So the abuse is not bad enough to warrant some financial discomfort? And why would you stay with him if he were arrested for domestic violence? You wouldnt have to pay his defense fees. You file for divorce and get a restraining order.

    "He will ony watch the baby if there is no other alternative." So he is abusive, but you have no problem leaving the child with him?

    You need to get your ducks in a row before you dive in to this. The next incident of abuse I would suggest that you call 911, get a restraining order, and start the process with some type of proof. In the mean time google RCW 26.09 and start reading
  8. #8
    Zephyr is offline Senior Member
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    did you report the child neglect?
  9. #9
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by nwmomma23 View Post
    So in the current situation he can get custody.

    What do I need to do to change that? If I charge him with domestic violence will that impede his efforts to get custody?
    YOU cannot charge him with anything. What you CAN do, is next time you're being abused, call the cops so they respond. If there are marks, take pictures. But at this point, it's not likely to help you in your endeavor. You're treading a very thin line that almost sounds as if you'll do ANYTHING to keep him from having custody - and usually if left for the courts to decide, the child goes to the parent most likely to facilitate a relationship with the other parent.

    If he hasn't abused the child, you need to stop traveling down this road.

    Does neglect count as child abuse? Because if leaving a screaming child hungry in their crib for two hours is abuse, than he is guilty.
    Have you left the child alone with him since that happened? If you have, you cannot use it against him now.
  10. #10
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by nwmomma23 View Post
    So in the current situation he can get custody.

    What do I need to do to change that? If I charge him with domestic violence will that impede his efforts to get custody?

    Does neglect count as child abuse? Because if leaving a screaming child hungry in their crib for two hours is abuse, than he is guilty.
    Personally, I'm not going to help you pull this trick off. Go hire an attorney. Or maybe someone else will help you. But you seem too scheming for my tastes.
  11. #11
    Gracie3787 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silverplum View Post
    Coming up next: a post in the Alimony section.
    Too funny. Sure enough- just 2 minutes after you posted this, the OP posted in the alimony section [url]http://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=369365[/url]

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