Can a teenager choose which parent to live with?

[jellybellyjean]

I live in Washington state my ex lives in Alaska. Our custody agreement is from California. It give us both joint custody with his primary of our oldest.

My son will be 17 in February. He is on vacation with me and decided he wants to stay. This is not a first decision. He called his dad to ask and his dad said no. He told his dad he was staying and his dad said he would call the cops on me and I would be arrested and it would be kidnapping.

I don't want to cause a big problem for any of us here, but I do think my son should be able to choose. He seems old enough. His reasons are good. Both homes are good homes. There is no abuse or violence. He wants to go to high school in washington to be able to be recognized for his football and hopes to get a scholarship. In AK that is not so easy. He also wants to be with his sister who lives with me and he misses me too. His dad has had him since he was 5. I told his dad he did not have to pay child support, that I would waive that. He still won't agree.

Is there anything we can do? My son says he won't get on the plane to go back, but I feel his dad will retailiate against me and how can I do this right? His plane leaves tomorrow!!! Thank you.

 

[Cindergretta]

in most states the child should be at least 14 before they can tell the judge with whom they want to live and the judge would give serious consideration, if not outright grant that to your son. so your son would meet this criteria. But wouldn't you have to go before a judge to change that? and if your son is 17 now, who knows if it would even be before a judge before he turns 18? it seems as if California would have jurisdiction for a modification of the agreement? i don't know if it is possible for you and your ex to maybe come to a notorized agreement without having ot go to court (i am not a lawyer so i honestly don't know if you can do this)? but it just doesn't seem necessary to have a huge legal battle when he is going to be 18 soon and then it isn't going to matter at all where he lives. why were the children seperated? that seems odd to seperate blood siblings, or are they step or half siblings? if your husband won't agree, then you will probably in contempt of court.

 

[jellybellyjean]

We got divorced 10 years ago and he took all the kids. I didn't even know at the time I could fight that. Then he gave two back because day care was too expensive. Our orignial Washington court order gave me custody of the two and him the one. Years later the middle son went to live with him with a notarized agreement. He wanted to come back and his dad refused. The judge would not uphold the agreement. To make it short, the ex filed a restraining order in California just to get the jurisdiction there. We went to mediation and made an agreement. I did not agree to it but could tell going to court in CA was going to get me no where. The judge refused to listed to anything.

I realize that jurisdiction over my son would now be Alaska since he has lived there over a year, but there is not order there. I did start a modification in Washington but haven't pursued it much. I probably could do that now. I just don't want to have his dad bring the cops in (would they even do anything based on my son's age) and uproot him and start a new school to have to change him again.

I need to do this correctly so it is legal and can't be changed.

 

[jellybellyjean]

His plane leaves tomorrow morning so if you have any suggestions I would really appreciate them.

My thought is filing for a modification here and based on his age I am hoping to get it done.

Thanks.

 

[snostar]

I need to do this correctly so it is legal and can't be changed.

Then make sure he is on the plane tomorrow and file for a modification if you really want. But don't expect anything to happen quickly.

 

[jellybellyjean]

That is what I am thinking because it will take the fault off of me and I definitly want to do it right so it sticks.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

That is what I am thinking because it will take the fault off of me and I definitly want to do it right so it sticks.

If he is 17 and football season is over, how would that benefit him to move now?

 

[jellybellyjean]

latest news: my son says he refuses to go back, unless I can physically pick him up and put him on the plane he won't go. I told him all the reasonings for going back and doing it right but he says he won't go.

Why go back now, well he would get to know the kids and the coaches and then would be able to go to summer camp football and would be in with all the kids come football season.

His step mom has been away for a year from their home and she is now back and is part of the problem why he doesn't want to return. He doesn't like her.

He is also afraid that if he doesn't do it now, he won't be able to leave later.

 

[Whyte Noise]

Perhaps you should explain to your son that you are under a court order, and if he refuses to go YOU could be hauled into jail for contempt, custodial interference, etc. Not him, but YOU.

It would be kind of hard to fight for custody from a jail cell... and most judges won't grant custody to a parent that's sitting in one.

At 17, yes... your son would be old enough to speak with the judge if he so desires. However, he can NOT just decide he wants to stay there and not return. There is a court order in effect and HE as well as you, have to abide by that order until another one replaces it.

 

[stealth2]

So..... did the kid get on the plane?