Cannot agree on Time-Sharing Schedule and worse case scenario

[jaja5514]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

Hi everyone,
Quick back story - The Father and I have no current legal custody agreement in place; we previously wrote out a parenting plan (2012) but never officially filed it. We were never married and the minor child is 5 years old. The verbal agreement we follow was based on the minor child being 18 months old at the time of separation (so more frequent visits with each parent is recommended) and the work schedule of the Father. The Father has now informed me that he has filed official papers for custody due to us having repeated arguements over the time-share schedule. Here is the current schedule:

Monday - Mom
Tuesday - Dad
Wednesday - Mom
Thursday - Dad
Friday - Mom
Saturday - Drop off at Dad's at 5 PM
Sunday - Drop off to Mom's


I have asked multiple times for consideration in changing the agreement to something that would allow the minor child to have more time in each home. A 2-2-3 schedule or a weekly switch schedule or really ANYTHING that allows for at least 2 days in a row in each home. He refuses and is absolutely stuck on keeping this schedule until the minor is 18. What I have tried to get him to understand is that it has become and will continue to be more of an burden to the minor child with having to switch around so much. As it is, we plan our weekends according to this crazy 5 PM drop-off/pick-up and my main concern is that when she starts Elementary School this year (and all the years of schooling ahead), this flip-flop of days will just make things more difficult. His reasoning for refusing to change the schedule is that any other schedule work cause conflict with his work schedule. He is a bartender for a local dive bar and work nights (Wed,Fri,Sun). My question would be, how likely is the judge to consider keeping this schedule when it is only based on the Father's job? What is the best way for me to convey to the courts the need to change this schedule? Is it worth mentioning that he shares a 1 bedroom apt. with the minor and she has her own room at my house...am I suppose to try and represent myself as the "better parent"?

I do not want to take time from him and I am fully agreeable to a 50/50 split or taking more time if that is what is needed....I just do not want to get stuck in this crazy schedule! I have no experience personally with the legal system so I really appreciate any advice.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

Hi everyone,
Quick back story - The Father and I have no current legal custody agreement in place; we previously wrote out a parenting plan (2012) but never officially filed it. We were never married and the minor child is 5 years old. The verbal agreement we follow was based on the minor child being 18 months old at the time of separation (so more frequent visits with each parent is recommended) and the work schedule of the Father. The Father has now informed me that he has filed official papers for custody due to us having repeated arguements over the time-share schedule. Here is the current schedule:

Monday - Mom
Tuesday - Dad
Wednesday - Mom
Thursday - Dad
Friday - Mom
Saturday - Drop off at Dad's at 5 PM
Sunday - Drop off to Mom's


I have asked multiple times for consideration in changing the agreement to something that would allow the minor child to have more time in each home. A 2-2-3 schedule or a weekly switch schedule or really ANYTHING that allows for at least 2 days in a row in each home. He refuses and is absolutely stuck on keeping this schedule until the minor is 18. What I have tried to get him to understand is that it has become and will continue to be more of an burden to the minor child with having to switch around so much. As it is, we plan our weekends according to this crazy 5 PM drop-off/pick-up and my main concern is that when she starts Elementary School this year (and all the years of schooling ahead), this flip-flop of days will just make things more difficult. His reasoning for refusing to change the schedule is that any other schedule work cause conflict with his work schedule. He is a bartender for a local dive bar and work nights (Wed,Fri,Sun). My question would be, how likely is the judge to consider keeping this schedule when it is only based on the Father's job? What is the best way for me to convey to the courts the need to change this schedule? Is it worth mentioning that he shares a 1 bedroom apt. with the minor and she has her own room at my house...am I suppose to try and represent myself as the "better parent"?

I do not want to take time from him and I am fully agreeable to a 50/50 split or taking more time if that is what is needed....I just do not want to get stuck in this crazy schedule! I have no experience personally with the legal system so I really appreciate any advice.

That is a really AWFUL schedule for the child...really, really, awful.

What has he asked for in his filings? Is he trying to get primary custody or is he asking for the current schedule to become a court order? I think that most judges will agree that the schedule is really awful and would not impose something like that. However, when a parent works nights judges also like to give them time on their days off, so there is a conflict there.

I do see some ways to change it that would not conflict with dad's work. Dad does not work Monday, Tuesday, Thursday or Saturday.

So how about this:

Week 1

Monday after School until Wednesday after school: Dad (2 nights in the same place for the child)
Wednesday after school until Monday after school: Mom (5 nights in the same place for the child)

Week 2

Monday after school until Wednesday after school: Dad (2 nights in the same place for the child)
Wednesday after school until Saturday morning: Mom (3 nights in the same place for the child)
Saturday morning until he has to go to work on Sunday: Dad (1 night in the same place for the child)
Sunday evening until Monday after school: Mom (1 night in the same place for the child)

That gives dad 5 overnights out of 14, which is only one less than he has now, gives dad the better part of the daytime hours plus one overnight every other weekend, and gives mom a full weekend every other weekend, and does not conflict with dad's work schedule at all, and gives the child four longer stretches in a two week period.

Or,

Week 1

Monday after School until Wednesday after school: Dad (2 nights in the same place for the child)
Wednesday after school until Monday after school: Mom (5 nights in the same place for the child)

Week 2

Monday after School until Wednesday after school: Dad (2 nights in the same place for the child)
Wednesday after school until Saturday morning: Mom (3 nights in the same place for the child)
Saturday morning until Wednesday after school: Dad (4 nights in the same place for the child, going into dad's week 1 Monday and Tuesday) but dad has to find a babysitter Sunday night, or heaven forbid, change his schedule at work so that he works Wed, Fri, Sat, Sun on mom's weekend with the child and only works Wed and Fri on his weekend with the child...or maybe picks up a Thursday shift that week.

Its totally doable for dad to have just as much time as he has now/or almost as much with the child getting longer stretches in each parent's home. It just requires some tweaking.

If you present those two alternatives to the judge it would seriously help your position.

 

[jaja5514]

That is a really AWFUL schedule for the child...really, really, awful.

What has he asked for in his filings? Is he trying to get primary custody or is he asking for the current schedule to become a court order? I think that most judges will agree that the schedule is really awful and would not impose something like that. However, when a parent works nights judges also like to give them time on their days off, so there is a conflict there.

I do see some ways to change it that would not conflict with dad's work. Dad does not work Monday, Tuesday, Thursday or Saturday.

So how about this:

Week 1

Monday after School until Wednesday after school: Dad (2 nights in the same place for the child)
Wednesday after school until Monday after school: Mom (5 nights in the same place for the child)

Week 2

Monday after school until Wednesday after school: Dad (2 nights in the same place for the child)
Wednesday after school until Saturday morning: Mom (3 nights in the same place for the child)
Saturday morning until he has to go to work on Sunday: Dad (1 night in the same place for the child)
Sunday evening until Monday after school: Mom (1 night in the same place for the child)

That gives dad 5 overnights out of 14, which is only one less than he has now, gives dad the better part of the daytime hours plus one overnight every other weekend, and gives mom a full weekend every other weekend, and does not conflict with dad's work schedule at all, and gives the child four longer stretches in a two week period.

Or,

Week 1

Monday after School until Wednesday after school: Dad (2 nights in the same place for the child)
Wednesday after school until Monday after school: Mom (5 nights in the same place for the child)

Week 2

Monday after School until Wednesday after school: Dad (2 nights in the same place for the child)
Wednesday after school until Saturday morning: Mom (3 nights in the same place for the child)
Saturday morning until Wednesday after school: Dad (4 nights in the same place for the child, going into dad's week 1 Monday and Tuesday) but dad has to find a babysitter Sunday night, or heaven forbid, change his schedule at work so that he works Wed, Fri, Sat, Sun on mom's weekend with the child and only works Wed and Fri on his weekend with the child...or maybe picks up a Thursday shift that week.

Its totally doable for dad to have just as much time as he has now/or almost as much with the child getting longer stretches in each parent's home. It just requires some tweaking.

If you present those two alternatives to the judge it would seriously help your position.

Thank you for responding! I was served with the papers yesterday. In the paperwork he is stating that he would like to continue the time-sharing we agreed to in the 2012 parenting plan we created (but never filed) and includes the documents as "exhibit c" but exhibit c is a document that looks like this:

https://www.marioncountyclerk.org/_files/SettlementAgreementNevermarried.pdf

There is no actually parenting plan anywhere in the document. Does that seem right? Without the actually parenting plan included in his petition how am I to know what time-share schedule he is proposing...? It seems fishy to me....

I like the schedule you created in the first scenario and would like to propose that idea, my only question would be what is reasonable drop off time for Saturday morning on week 2? He works Friday nights and the bar closes at 4 AM so he likely doesn't not get home until 5 AM and probably doesn't get to sleep until 6-7 AM.

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you for responding! I was served with the papers yesterday. In the paperwork he is stating that he would like to continue the time-sharing we agreed to in the 2012 parenting plan we created (but never filed) and includes the documents as "exhibit c" but exhibit c is a document that looks like this:

https://www.marioncountyclerk.org/_files/SettlementAgreementNevermarried.pdf

There is no actually parenting plan anywhere in the document. Does that seem right? Without the actually parenting plan included in his petition how am I to know what time-share schedule he is proposing...? It seems fishy to me....

I like the schedule you created in the first scenario and would like to propose that idea, my only question would be what is reasonable drop off time for Saturday morning on week 2? He works Friday nights and the bar closes at 4 AM so he likely doesn't not get home until 5 AM and probably doesn't get to sleep until 6-7 AM.

He would have to tell you what a reasonable time would be. I suspect however, that it wouldn't be before noon.

 

[jaja5514]

He would have to tell you what a reasonable time would be. I suspect however, that it wouldn't be before noon.

Okay. So he can decide the time. Is it normal to submit the petition for time-sharing and not include a parenting plan?

 

[LdiJ]

Okay. So he can decide the time. Is it normal to submit the petition for time-sharing and not include a parenting plan?

No, its not. Particularly in this case. He is asking the court to court order a specific parenting plan, but he has not given the court a copy of that plan. You should not make the same mistake. When you give the court your response to his petition, you need to offer up a parenting plan of your own, with at least two different potential schedules.

You might want to google, "Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines" and take a look at the standard plan for Indiana. Its probably the most comprehensive parenting plan out there and would give you a good idea of some of the things that you might want to address in your parenting plan. The more comprehensive and fair plan that you offer, the more likely it is that the judge will go with yours rather than his.