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Change of Custody Agreement

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THJones

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California.

Hi, first I just want to say that I am the step-parent in this situation... My husband and his ex currently have a custody agreement. My step daughter is 9 years old she lives with her mom and sees her dad every other weekend. There have been some things going on in her home that she has just told us about, and she now says that she wants to come live with us. She says that her mom and step dad fight all the time, that she has even seen him smack her across the face. She says that her step dad just bought a gun and that it makes her really nervous because he always has it next to him just in case, and she is scarred that he is going to shoot her if she gets up at night and he doesn't realize it is her. She says that he does have a safe for it, but that he has it out a lot, and it scares her. She also told us this weekend that her step dad has hit her. He got mad at her and hit her in the face. She said that he doesn't hit her hard enough to give her a black eye, but that it wasn't the first time, and she is scared of him, and mad at him and doesn't want to be around him. This is the first time that she has told us that he has hit her.
She didn't want us to say anything to her mom, because she didn't want her mom to get mad at her or yell at her. She says that her mom is going to be really mad at her when she tells her she wants to come live with us... So I wanted to know what we need to do to make it happen for her to come live with us.

They also have moved every year, as a result my step daughter has not been in the same school for more than one year. She has had a different school every year. They also now live 2+ hours away from us. And we have a hard time being involved because they live so far away... My husband will take time off work to drive the 2+ hours to her school when she gets an award or for back to school nite, etc... and we loaded the whole family in the car for the drive when she had a play last year.

Thank you in advance for any advice you have... Please ask any questions if I didn't explain myself well... :)What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California.

Hi, first I just want to say that I am the step-parent in this situation... My husband and his ex currently have a custody agreement. My step daughter is 9 years old she lives with her mom and sees her dad every other weekend. There have been some things going on in her home that she has just told us about, and she now says that she wants to come live with us. She says that her mom and step dad fight all the time, that she has even seen him smack her across the face. She says that her step dad just bought a gun and that it makes her really nervous because he always has it next to him just in case, and she is scarred that he is going to shoot her if she gets up at night and he doesn't realize it is her. She says that he does have a safe for it, but that he has it out a lot, and it scares her. She also told us this weekend that her step dad has hit her. He got mad at her and hit her in the face. She said that he doesn't hit her hard enough to give her a black eye, but that it wasn't the first time, and she is scared of him, and mad at him and doesn't want to be around him. This is the first time that she has told us that he has hit her.
She didn't want us to say anything to her mom, because she didn't want her mom to get mad at her or yell at her. She says that her mom is going to be really mad at her when she tells her she wants to come live with us... So I wanted to know what we need to do to make it happen for her to come live with us.

They also have moved every year, as a result my step daughter has not been in the same school for more than one year. She has had a different school every year. They also now live 2+ hours away from us. And we have a hard time being involved because they live so far away... My husband will take time off work to drive the 2+ hours to her school when she gets an award or for back to school nite, etc... and we loaded the whole family in the car for the drive when she had a play last year.

Thank you in advance for any advice you have... Please ask any questions if I didn't explain myself well... :)What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
In order to have a viable chance at custody, dad would have to be able to prove, with hard evidence, that there is a significant change in circumstance (that negatively impacts the child) in mom's home.

The child's word is NOT hard evidence. Also, I have to tell you that some of what the child said, kind of sounded like an exaggeration on her part...or even a little bit of telling you what she thinks you want to hear. I don't blame dad for being concerned however, particularly about the gun.

Dad does have the option of contacting CPS if he really believes that the child is in danger, but if he does that he needs to be prepared for some serious hostility from mom...and for the child to NOT repeat any of that to CPS.
 

THJones

Junior Member
In order to have a viable chance at custody, dad would have to be able to prove, with hard evidence, that there is a significant change in circumstance (that negatively impacts the child) in mom's home.

The child's word is NOT hard evidence. Also, I have to tell you that some of what the child said, kind of sounded like an exaggeration on her part...or even a little bit of telling you what she thinks you want to hear. I don't blame dad for being concerned however, particularly about the gun.

Dad does have the option of contacting CPS if he really believes that the child is in danger, but if he does that he needs to be prepared for some serious hostility from mom...and for the child to NOT repeat any of that to CPS.

I understand, I don't know how much of what she is telling me is an exaggeration... And I don't think she will tell CPS anything, especially if her mom or step dad is there. We were thinking of taking her to a child psychologist to see if she would talk to them, and tell them what is going on at home. I don't know what kind of hard evidence to get, I'm not there all I have to go on is what she is telling me.
 

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