What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? VA
May I please preemptively apologize for this threads length, I need to know if I should drop the five large on a retainer or not.
Background
I haven't posted here in a long while. I had my son when I was 22, I'm now 31. He is eight years old. We were never married.
Custody was defined when he was about one year old. Joint legal, she has primary physical, I get the standard alternating weekends and Wednesday nights.
A LOT has changed.
She marred a gentleman about six years ago or so. Had a son. While married she moved my son back and forth (80 miles) three or four times from living with him and living with her parents. The police were called out to their house for domestic disturbances multiple times, however, he is a police officer, so records have a way of disappearing.
They have been separated for around two years, possibly more. She had a third son, by a third man, while living with her parents with my son and her husbands son. While still legally married to him. (I know this isn't really pertinent, but it might play towards her character).
Anyways, she's lived with her parents for well over two years, more than enough time to at least attempt to reestablish yourself. She hasn't worked once in that time. The last time I posted, you said that a mother moving back home to get on her feet was normal, I listened. It's now been a LONG time, and another kid - Three kids from three dads
The current living situation
It is now: Her, My Son, Her Husband's Son, Her Third Son, Her Mother and Her Father - All living in a two bedroom condo. NONE of them get along, but her and her mother fight constantly, and violently. Over the past year and a half, my son has been asking for me more and more, wanting to talk to me, see me, stay with me, more and more. The fighting at their house is getting worse.
2009.01.26 - The first bad incident this week
Tuesday night, she called and said she was going to a hot dog eating contest at a restaurant. I find out Wednesday when I talk to her that she is in fact at a bar. It's her, her third son's father (Guy call's himself Hammer), his brother and his brother's girlfriend - with my eight year old son. They are in a sports bar, around 9pm, everyone is drinking or drunk except my kid (and according to his mom her)
Her husband (the cop) shows up and is angry. A ruckus breaks out. He is a city cop, and four county cops show up. My son is left at the bar area with that guy's girlfriend (she is drunk and he doesn't know her) for roughly thirty minutes (I can only imagine, terrified, confused, alone, did I mention terrified?) while the police talk to his mother and her husband. They convince her not file a restraining order as their divorce will be final soon.
2009.01.27
The next day she tells me all of this. She said she wanted to get a protective order, but they (county cops) told her it would be pointless. She asks me if I would take a protective order out on my son's behalf against him, so he can't get near her by proxy. I'm reluctant to get involved with that, so I chalk that up to a crap situation.
2009.01.28 - The second bad incident, it's coming to a head
Thursday night, I call my son at his house to say goodnight at 930pm. He sounds distraught, timid, scared, not himself. His grandfather gets on the phone, says they are drawing him a bath and that his mother isn't there. So I call mom. She is at a friends house. She wanted to take the three kids to a funeral viewing (at 930pm) And her mother objected violently (She is bat-poo insane and she enough is toxic enough to ruin my kid)
Mom started yelling at grandma, and dad stepped in. At some point according to my son's mother, grandma threw something at her. Grandpa was in her face screaming and hollering. My son, terrified, confused, vulnerable, tryied to defend his mother, found a toy gun and came out to protect mommy. Grandpa replied with a swift "Don't point that crap at me." Then she left with the middle kid and the baby, and my son didn't want to go with her.
Little background: Grandma has Hep C as well as some severe mental issues of some sort. Grandpa is on the zombie ****tail: Prozac, Lithium, Zoloft, etc.
Then I reacte
I ask her if I should go get him (She hasn't told me much at this point except that he is there and she wants me to get him), and she responds "Hell yes, you should go get him." So she calls her parents and her dad hangs up a couple of times. She calls her soon to be ex (the cop) and explains the situation. He calls me and says, "If they don't give him to you, it's kidnapping, I'm on duty, call me, and I'll show up with backup, as there have already been units out there tonight."
I call her house again when I'm a mile away to let her dad know I'm coming. He answers and is persistent that my son is OK, and there is no reason for me to come. I ask to speak to him, and say that if he agrees, I'll let him stay. My son gets on the phone and says, "Daddy, I want you to come get me right now, I'M NOT JOKING." So I show up to get him.
As soon as I walk in I say, "Look I didn't let XXXXXXXXXX tell me her side of the story, and I don't want to hear yours. My son has been through enough, your fight with your daughter is yours, I have no dog in this race, please just let me go." He insists that HIS SIDE OF THE STORY BE HEARD.
He goes on about how he and his wife are sick of her always leaving the kids there and going out (she's 34). And how they disapprove of her lifestyle. They got in a fight, and she called the cops on him (She loves calling the cops). So my son gets to witness all of this. He said essentially that she is not welcome in his house anymore, and that he's glad that my son has a stable family (mine) that he can go to.
2009.01.29 - We talk logistics
I bring him to school Friday morning.
On Friday we talked for about an hour. She was upset, but finally admitting that she realized that she had to put our kid's well being in front of her happiness. I let her know, that truly loving somebody means that you will sacrifice your happiness for theirs. I let her know that through everything, through all the drama she's caused, my only concern has always been for his well being.
She's scared he'll think she doesn't love him, and I tell her nonsense. We agree that instead of the stupid about of child support I currently pay, I will start paying his private school tuition, and put the difference into a 520 college savings plan.
I assure her that when she get's her life worked out, I'll work with her on slowly easing him back into it. I even tossed her a bit of cash for food. I explain that I'll have a lawyer draw up papers for her to sign on Monday, and then she'll just have to go agree to it in court.
We meet at his school at 310pm. She hands me bags full of his belongings. She informs me that the police were again dispatched when she went to get the kids' belongings. She hands her husband bags full of his kid's belongings. We chat for a bit and we go on our way. She stops by my house a bit later and I give her a bit more cash. She signs the petition to change his last name back to mine. I explain all of the options we have and that we can talk Monday and work it out.
2009.01.30 - BOOOOOOOOOOOM Headshot
She called me at like 8:04pm tonight. She wants him tomorrow at noon for a birthday party. I tell her that it won't work as we have plans. Then she hits me.
She's moved back in with her parents. Her husband has given his kid back to her (He never wanted that kid). And she has changed her mind. I ask her what happened to his well being, what happened to putting him first. She replied, "You aren't what's best for him. My husband said that when you met us at the school, you were so high that if he were on duty he would have arrested you."
I explain that I am tired, I had worked a 70 hour week and didn't sleep the night before because of all the drama. She persists, and starts getting belligerent. I said, "Well, we had an agreement, you can change your mind, but mine isn't changed, I guess we'll let a judge figure it out."
To which she replied, "If you think a judge will find you and your wife, who are always so high you don't know up from down fit over me, you're sadly mistaken." I politely remind her that she is slandering my name and my wife's name, and accusing her husband of doing the same.
I sent her a certified cease and desist from FedEx about the slander but haven't spoken to her yet.
My kid is DISTRAUGHT. He doesn't want to go. He was so excited, we went shopping today, he invited a friend over for his first sleep over EVER next weekend.
My wife and I don't get high, I'll urinate clean NOW. My wife and I work. She works a high stress sales job, and just had her gallbladder removed. And I work a high stress consulting job and have HORRENDOUS kidney stones.
So I ask, do I have a case? It's clear my son is better off with me.
Stable environment with parents who get along and another kid who he gets along with in a four bedroom house, with safety, peacefulness and stability.
or
Toxic environment with a mom, grandmother and grandfather who parent over each other, fight non-stop, and use the kids as tools to cause pain to each other.
May I please preemptively apologize for this threads length, I need to know if I should drop the five large on a retainer or not.
Background
I haven't posted here in a long while. I had my son when I was 22, I'm now 31. He is eight years old. We were never married.
Custody was defined when he was about one year old. Joint legal, she has primary physical, I get the standard alternating weekends and Wednesday nights.
A LOT has changed.
She marred a gentleman about six years ago or so. Had a son. While married she moved my son back and forth (80 miles) three or four times from living with him and living with her parents. The police were called out to their house for domestic disturbances multiple times, however, he is a police officer, so records have a way of disappearing.
They have been separated for around two years, possibly more. She had a third son, by a third man, while living with her parents with my son and her husbands son. While still legally married to him. (I know this isn't really pertinent, but it might play towards her character).
Anyways, she's lived with her parents for well over two years, more than enough time to at least attempt to reestablish yourself. She hasn't worked once in that time. The last time I posted, you said that a mother moving back home to get on her feet was normal, I listened. It's now been a LONG time, and another kid - Three kids from three dads
The current living situation
It is now: Her, My Son, Her Husband's Son, Her Third Son, Her Mother and Her Father - All living in a two bedroom condo. NONE of them get along, but her and her mother fight constantly, and violently. Over the past year and a half, my son has been asking for me more and more, wanting to talk to me, see me, stay with me, more and more. The fighting at their house is getting worse.
2009.01.26 - The first bad incident this week
Tuesday night, she called and said she was going to a hot dog eating contest at a restaurant. I find out Wednesday when I talk to her that she is in fact at a bar. It's her, her third son's father (Guy call's himself Hammer
), his brother and his brother's girlfriend - with my eight year old son. They are in a sports bar, around 9pm, everyone is drinking or drunk except my kid (and according to his mom her)Her husband (the cop) shows up and is angry. A ruckus breaks out. He is a city cop, and four county cops show up. My son is left at the bar area with that guy's girlfriend (she is drunk and he doesn't know her) for roughly thirty minutes (I can only imagine, terrified, confused, alone, did I mention terrified?) while the police talk to his mother and her husband. They convince her not file a restraining order as their divorce will be final soon.
2009.01.27
The next day she tells me all of this. She said she wanted to get a protective order, but they (county cops) told her it would be pointless. She asks me if I would take a protective order out on my son's behalf against him, so he can't get near her by proxy. I'm reluctant to get involved with that, so I chalk that up to a crap situation.
2009.01.28 - The second bad incident, it's coming to a head
Thursday night, I call my son at his house to say goodnight at 930pm. He sounds distraught, timid, scared, not himself. His grandfather gets on the phone, says they are drawing him a bath and that his mother isn't there. So I call mom. She is at a friends house. She wanted to take the three kids to a funeral viewing (at 930pm
) And her mother objected violently (She is bat-poo insane and she enough is toxic enough to ruin my kid)Mom started yelling at grandma, and dad stepped in. At some point according to my son's mother, grandma threw something at her. Grandpa was in her face screaming and hollering. My son, terrified, confused, vulnerable, tryied to defend his mother, found a toy gun and came out to protect mommy. Grandpa replied with a swift "Don't point that crap at me." Then she left with the middle kid and the baby, and my son didn't want to go with her.
Little background: Grandma has Hep C as well as some severe mental issues of some sort. Grandpa is on the zombie ****tail: Prozac, Lithium, Zoloft, etc.
Then I reacte
I ask her if I should go get him (She hasn't told me much at this point except that he is there and she wants me to get him), and she responds "Hell yes, you should go get him." So she calls her parents and her dad hangs up a couple of times. She calls her soon to be ex (the cop) and explains the situation. He calls me and says, "If they don't give him to you, it's kidnapping, I'm on duty, call me, and I'll show up with backup, as there have already been units out there tonight."
I call her house again when I'm a mile away to let her dad know I'm coming. He answers and is persistent that my son is OK, and there is no reason for me to come. I ask to speak to him, and say that if he agrees, I'll let him stay. My son gets on the phone and says, "Daddy, I want you to come get me right now, I'M NOT JOKING." So I show up to get him.
As soon as I walk in I say, "Look I didn't let XXXXXXXXXX tell me her side of the story, and I don't want to hear yours. My son has been through enough, your fight with your daughter is yours, I have no dog in this race, please just let me go." He insists that HIS SIDE OF THE STORY BE HEARD.
He goes on about how he and his wife are sick of her always leaving the kids there and going out (she's 34). And how they disapprove of her lifestyle. They got in a fight, and she called the cops on him (She loves calling the cops). So my son gets to witness all of this. He said essentially that she is not welcome in his house anymore, and that he's glad that my son has a stable family (mine) that he can go to.
2009.01.29 - We talk logistics
I bring him to school Friday morning.
On Friday we talked for about an hour. She was upset, but finally admitting that she realized that she had to put our kid's well being in front of her happiness. I let her know, that truly loving somebody means that you will sacrifice your happiness for theirs. I let her know that through everything, through all the drama she's caused, my only concern has always been for his well being.
She's scared he'll think she doesn't love him, and I tell her nonsense. We agree that instead of the stupid about of child support I currently pay, I will start paying his private school tuition, and put the difference into a 520 college savings plan.
I assure her that when she get's her life worked out, I'll work with her on slowly easing him back into it. I even tossed her a bit of cash for food. I explain that I'll have a lawyer draw up papers for her to sign on Monday, and then she'll just have to go agree to it in court.
We meet at his school at 310pm. She hands me bags full of his belongings. She informs me that the police were again dispatched when she went to get the kids' belongings. She hands her husband bags full of his kid's belongings. We chat for a bit and we go on our way. She stops by my house a bit later and I give her a bit more cash. She signs the petition to change his last name back to mine. I explain all of the options we have and that we can talk Monday and work it out.
2009.01.30 - BOOOOOOOOOOOM Headshot
She called me at like 8:04pm tonight. She wants him tomorrow at noon for a birthday party. I tell her that it won't work as we have plans. Then she hits me.
She's moved back in with her parents. Her husband has given his kid back to her (He never wanted that kid). And she has changed her mind. I ask her what happened to his well being, what happened to putting him first. She replied, "You aren't what's best for him. My husband said that when you met us at the school, you were so high that if he were on duty he would have arrested you."
I explain that I am tired, I had worked a 70 hour week and didn't sleep the night before because of all the drama. She persists, and starts getting belligerent. I said, "Well, we had an agreement, you can change your mind, but mine isn't changed, I guess we'll let a judge figure it out."
To which she replied, "If you think a judge will find you and your wife, who are always so high you don't know up from down fit over me, you're sadly mistaken." I politely remind her that she is slandering my name and my wife's name, and accusing her husband of doing the same.
I sent her a certified cease and desist from FedEx about the slander but haven't spoken to her yet.
My kid is DISTRAUGHT. He doesn't want to go. He was so excited, we went shopping today, he invited a friend over for his first sleep over EVER next weekend.
My wife and I don't get high, I'll urinate clean NOW. My wife and I work. She works a high stress sales job, and just had her gallbladder removed. And I work a high stress consulting job and have HORRENDOUS kidney stones.
So I ask, do I have a case? It's clear my son is better off with me.
Stable environment with parents who get along and another kid who he gets along with in a four bedroom house, with safety, peacefulness and stability.
or
Toxic environment with a mom, grandmother and grandfather who parent over each other, fight non-stop, and use the kids as tools to cause pain to each other.
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