changing joint custody to sole custody

[mbutts07]

What is the name of your state? IL

Divorce final in May of 07. Joint custody with father having physical custody. Since this order Mother has seen son total of 5x. Lasting anywhere from 30minutes to a few hours. She has not seen him now since July 07 and has not spoken to him since October 07. Son is 13 yrs old and doesn't want to see or speak with her. I have encouraged him to at least call her but, he refuses and I don't know how to make him. I have dialed the phone and gave it to him but, he will not talk. (This stems from her lying to him on numerous occasions and her boyfriend does scare him) Now she has moved and will not tell me where she is although I do have a good idea but, it hasn't been confirmed. Do I have to wait 2 yrs before I can get custody changed? Also, she was ordered 10.00 a week in child support but, has not paid anything yet. What can be done? And does anyone have any good ideas on how to get a relationship established between mother and son. I sometimes don't think she even cares, since she hasn't called in over 2 months to inquire about him.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? IL

Divorce final in May of 07. Joint custody with father having physical custody. Since this order Mother has seen son total of 5x. Lasting anywhere from 30minutes to a few hours. She has not seen him now since July 07 and has not spoken to him since October 07. Son is 13 yrs old and doesn't want to see or speak with her. I have encouraged him to at least call her but, he refuses and I don't know how to make him. I have dialed the phone and gave it to him but, he will not talk. (This stems from her lying to him on numerous occasions and her boyfriend does scare him) Now she has moved and will not tell me where she is although I do have a good idea but, it hasn't been confirmed. Do I have to wait 2 yrs before I can get custody changed? Also, she was ordered 10.00 a week in child support but, has not paid anything yet. What can be done? And does anyone have any good ideas on how to get a relationship established between mother and son. I sometimes don't think she even cares, since she hasn't called in over 2 months to inquire about him.

What is the point in changing custody? She is obviously a disinterested parent and is leaving you with defacto sole custody at this point. What do you think a change to sole custody would do for your son (or you) at this point?

As far as child support is concerned, you can push the CSE to do something about that. However I wouldn't spend any money on an attorney to do anything about it, it wouldn't be worth it financially.

 

[mbutts07]

new question

Ex wife served with papers to terminate joint custody since it has been almost a year since she has seen child and approx 5 months since talking to child. Same amount of time for child support. Her 30 days to reply are up today. I checked to see if she responded yet and seen where she filed correspondence to my atty asking for a delay so that she can seek an attorney.

She called me yesterday asking for the same and I said no you had 30 days to do this. Her reply was she has been to busy.

My question, can the courts allow extra time to hire an attorney even tho she has had 30 days to do this or can my attorney make and objection to this?

Thanks for all you help

 

[BL]

Ex wife served with papers to terminate joint custody since it has been almost a year since she has seen child and approx 5 months since talking to child. Same amount of time for child support. Her 30 days to reply are up today. I checked to see if she responded yet and seen where she filed correspondence to my atty asking for a delay so that she can seek an attorney.

She called me yesterday asking for the same and I said no you had 30 days to do this. Her reply was she has been to busy.

My question, can the courts allow extra time to hire an attorney even tho she has had 30 days to do this or can my attorney make and objection to this?

Thanks for all you help

Sure , her Attorney can request reschedule .

Sure , your attorney can object .

It's up to the Judge , and most will at least let it happen the first time .

 

[mbutts07]

thanks for quick reply. The reasoning for her wanting to have an extension was to hire an attorney altho she has had 30 days. She was just to busy, but of course to busy also to come to her sons 8th grade graduation.

I'll just keep pushing on, He is worth it.

 

[mbutts07]

mediator question

Judge ordered mediation on 8/29 giving each of us 2 days to contact mediator. As of today my ex wife has not contacted the mediator. I have called him 3 times to set up an appointment and each time he tells me that she hasn't called. He asked me for a phone number so that he could call her but, the only number I have is out of order or disconnected.
My question is, since she didn't contact the mediator within the time that the judge ordered should I have contact my attorney to file contempt charges, or will just keep calling the mediator to see if she has contacted him yet.

Thanks for your help

 

[Ohiogal]

Judge ordered mediation on 8/29 giving each of us 2 days to contact mediator. As of today my ex wife has not contacted the mediator. I have called him 3 times to set up an appointment and each time he tells me that she hasn't called. He asked me for a phone number so that he could call her but, the only number I have is out of order or disconnected.
My question is, since she didn't contact the mediator within the time that the judge ordered should I have contact my attorney to file contempt charges, or will just keep calling the mediator to see if she has contacted him yet.

Thanks for your help

Contact your attorney regarding contempt and to set a final hearing.

 

[mbutts07]

thanks for the answer. Will contact him today.

 

[mbutts07]

mediator out of line??

Illinois

Before attorney had time to file contempt charges, mediator called ex and set up appointment which was yesterday.

In my petition I was asking for sole custody and let the judges set visitation. The mediator immediately started in on how I am a bad parent by not taking my son to his mothers for visitation when she is supposed to call before the weekend of visitation to let me know what time she would be here because she works odd hours. She has yet to exercise one visitation. He told me that I am to pick my son up and put him in the car and take him to his mothers and drop him off. Please keep in mind that at this point I have no idea where she lives. Only the name of the town. She has moved 7 times since divorce was final.

He then proceeded to tell me that he had spoken to 2 judges about my case and both of them would have already thrown me in jail. That i was Un-Christian because I don't take my son to his moms. And then called my sister when I stated that I didn't know if she would supervise visits or not, he called her and she said no and he called her unchristian.

All he kept saying is that everything is water under the bridge and know she wants to be his mom. The Lord would want you to forgive and forget.

Am I out of my mind or what, but was he out of line in discussing my case with 2 judges and bringing religion into mediation. Also am I responsible for taking my son when his mother hasn't called? She doesn't even call to talk to him let alone set up visitation.

Thanks

 

[LdiJ]

Illinois

Before attorney had time to file contempt charges, mediator called ex and set up appointment which was yesterday.

In my petition I was asking for sole custody and let the judges set visitation. The mediator immediately started in on how I am a bad parent by not taking my son to his mothers for visitation when she is supposed to call before the weekend of visitation to let me know what time she would be here because she works odd hours. She has yet to exercise one visitation. He told me that I am to pick my son up and put him in the car and take him to his mothers and drop him off. Please keep in mind that at this point I have no idea where she lives. Only the name of the town. She has moved 7 times since divorce was final.

He then proceeded to tell me that he had spoken to 2 judges about my case and both of them would have already thrown me in jail. That i was Un-Christian because I don't take my son to his moms. And then called my sister when I stated that I didn't know if she would supervise visits or not, he called her and she said no and he called her unchristian.

All he kept saying is that everything is water under the bridge and know she wants to be his mom. The Lord would want you to forgive and forget.

Am I out of my mind or what, but was he out of line in discussing my case with 2 judges and bringing religion into mediation. Also am I responsible for taking my son when his mother hasn't called? She doesn't even call to talk to him let alone set up visitation.

Thanks

I think that the mediator was out of line bringing religion into it. However it is not out of line for a mediator to seek advice from a judge. If the mediator NAMED you to the judge when seeking advice, and it was the judge on your case, that would be ex-parte communication and would be improper. However, if the mediator did not name you, and did not speak to your specific judge, then its not.

In general though, I don't think that the mediator was fulling looking at/understanding your case.

 

[mbutts07]

Would it be in my best interest to ask that another mediator be appointed to the case or just go forth with my petition. No agreement was signed in mediation.

Thanks

 

[onebreath]

I would go out of my way to find out if there is a complaint process with the mediator. But I would not undertake it alone, but with a very good attorney. And I would NEVER, NEVER let on the the current parties that you are doing that.

I have a friend who in our busy state, got one more lousy mediation recommendation. Fortunately her old attorney (she hired a new attorney before court) was so aghast at the mediators recommendation that she helped my friend file papers through the courts to file a complaint against the mediators recommendation, esp as there was significant child abuse.

Now my friend was able to get many letters of support, from therapists (don't know whose), from school board members, from lots of people. She hired a top notch expensive attorney who waited for our current judge to be back, and she basically railed against the dad...and my friend has sole legal and physical and the judge said if dad misses even one visit that he will vetoe his visitation rights right there. This is highly unusual...I've been before this judge twice and had the first attorney for close to 5 years.

My belabored point is, there IS no due process for bad mediations...esp when there is a known syndrome happening in a mediation dept., but, if you meet someone sympathetic enough with your case, and have the bucks, they may be willing to see you through a complaint process.

It probably will not impact your current case.

I always fall back on my exp with a custody/psych evaluation undertaken when my child was 2 1/2. They can delve deeply into family issues and make a parenting plan for the long term.

 

[mbutts07]

my attorney was very angry about what was happening during mediation. I had to phone him while mediation was going on because, I was so confused about what was going on. I went into mediation thinking that this man was a impartial party but, everything he said to me was very one sided.

Was telling him about how residents in town have told me how much my son has grown up and has become a responsible, polite young man. His reply was that town is nothing but a bunch of hypocrites if they think that a child can grow up to be a good without his mother in his life. "If that is the way they are, I would never live in a town like that." It was awful. My town is only 350 people so everybody know everybody. They know that our sons mother hasn't been around for close to a year and half.

Will be meeting with attorney this week and see what he recommends.

Thanks everyone

 

[mbutts07]

tax question

Illinois

Current orders state that NCP gets tax exemption for odd numbered years. She has yet to exercise her visitation rights and is approximately 50 weeks behind in child support.(10.00 a week) She also has not reimbursed the 50% medical expenses that is court ordered.
Will she have to have me sign the exemption over to her or will the divorce decree work. Also is there any way legally that I can claim child since I have supported 100% with no help from her.

Thanks for your help

 

[mbutts07]

hoping LDJ could take a look at this
Thanks