Changing Possession vs Changing Custody

[LSH]

What is the name of your state? Texas

My Ex and I are Joint Managing Conservators, with me as the Joint Managing Custodial Conservator. Our decree states that I shall have the primary custody and control of the child and shall have possession at all times. With that said, here is my problem.

My son is 16 and I have lost all control of him. In fact, I am scared that his actions toward me will turn violent. He hates school and we argue daily about him going. He plays his dad and I against each other. He is verbally abusive to me and has on occassion pushed, shoved and poked me. We have been in counselling and that has not helped.

Becuse of these problems, I want him to go and live with his Dad. But, Dad does not want him. Dad's past behavior has helped to contribute to my problems with my son. My Ex thinks couselling is a load of c--p! I would like to just pack up my son and his belongings and deliver them on my Ex's doorstep and let my Ex deal with my son and his attitude. I would change the locks on my doors and refuse to let the child back in!!! I know other single moms who have done this with their wayward sons. I also know my son would not treat his father like he treats me.

My Ex has mentioned that he can take me to court for "child abandonment" if I do this - which does not make any sense to me. I have been told by others that I need to go to court and change custody. I have also been told that as Joint Managing Custodial Conservator I have the right to decide where my son lives, whether it is with a friend or a relative.

I've read my divorce decree several times but the language is confusing to me. As Joint Managing Conservators my Ex and I both "have the right to physical possession of the child" but it also states that I "shall have the exclusive right to establish the legal domicile and residence of the child." And it also states that I "shall have the primary custody and control of the child and shall have possession at all times, other than specified in this decree".

So, what can I do? Can I ship him over to his Dad's with no fear of recourse? What should be my proper course of action???

 

[LSH]

Several people have looked at this issue but no one has replied.

Is it because it's too complicated?????

Why no answers or comments???

 

[kat1963]

> I would change the locks on my doors and refuse to let the child back in!!! I know other single moms who have done this with their wayward sons.

Then the police will want to speak with you. You wanted primary, you had to have it, you got it. Good times & bad. It can not be changed without a court order. I seriously doubt a judge is going to have the teenager go live with his father when his father says NO, I do not want primary custody. You are stuck. And in addition you should know that the father will probably not be held liable should boy act out, hurt someone/damage property ect. No custody=no control=not liable.

Therefore you are going to need to take action. If the ex doesn't like it, (counseling ect.) then let him take you to court...when he complains to the judge, then you tell the judge to okay, let him have him then. I'd send the ex a CRR letter. A nice one, no accusations, this about your son, not about what YOU are feeling. Tell him you want to transfer primary custody & are willing to pay all court costs & child support. Tell him if this is not an option that you will be forced to place him in a military style boot camp. The cost of this will be..his share is. Give him 15 days to respond. When he doesn't you ship the little bugger off. Hopefully for the next 2 years. There are many school/boot camps available. Try to find one that offers tution assistance ect. I'm sure it's not going to be cheap, but it would certainly be cheaper then say defending a wrongful death claim because he decides to get mad & take off in your car. At the very least it's worth it just for the SLEEP & peace of mind involved...even if you have to work the weekends for a little while. (of course you'll file in court for the extra costs involved...depends on the judge, you did however give the ex an option)

You might be able to find help in a Tough Love support group in your area, or even on line. Sounds like he needs the 3 hots & a cot approach. He acts out, call the police, each time. No backing down, no sympathy and NEVER EVER give him an excuse for his behavior (your father contributed!!!!).

Good Luck! (PS, making him a ward of the state will mean you will also be liable for child support & medical bills. Therefore it is worth it to look into the above considering what the out of pocket & loss of control might end up costing you in the long run).

KAT

 

[njmom]

just wanted to add something...

I totally agree with everything Kat advised and I just wanted to add that, NO judge will transfer custody, unless both parties are consenting to this. Since dad is not consenting, and you dropped him off on his door step, you could be held on abandonment charges. My sister went through this same type of situation, and pretty much, the only thing that can be done, is just what Kat suggested, some kids need that tough love thing to make changes in their attitude. I know this might be hard to do for some, but it seems like you are at your witts end. Good Luck!