Child afraid to visit father/order violation question.

[JShannon]

I have recently obtained an order of joint custody for my son (age 11). He was residing and going to school with his father and step mother in another state, but reported to me in my state during visitation over the summer that he was being verbally abused and neglected by his step mother while his father was working and that the couple fight all the time in the presence of the child. I filed to obtain an order with the court in the state where I live stating that the child would now live and go to school with me; and that the father would have visitation every other weekend and holidays/summer. The father signed the order and it's filed with the court.

Since that time visitation with the father has remained tumultuous with the verbal abuse from step mother becoming worse and the father "crying all the time." The child reported to me he is in a constant state of fear while in their home in the other state and is now afraid to return. The majority of his visits have been with the father's mother in my state -- almost every weekend since the order was signed. The father has not attempted to make arrangements with me regarding future visitation with the child in the other state. The child wishes to continue visitation with the father's mother in my state. The child is planning to be with the father's mother the next two weekends.

The order with the court states that for visitation I am to meet the father halfway between the two states.

Given the previous information, am I legally obligated to make arrangements with the father for the child to go to the other state even though the father is not reaching out to me to make arrangements? The father has a good relationship with his mother and has not objected to the child going there as the child has expressed to their side he is afraid of the step-mother and his dad's lack of protecting the child from her.

 

[Ohiogal]

I have recently obtained an order of joint custody for my son (age 11). He was residing and going to school with his father and step mother in another state, but reported to me in my state during visitation over the summer that he was being verbally abused and neglected by his step mother while his father was working and that the couple fight all the time in the presence of the child. I filed to obtain an order with the court in the state where I live stating that the child would now live and go to school with me; and that the father would have visitation every other weekend and holidays/summer. The father signed the order and it's filed with the court.

Since that time visitation with the father has remained tumultuous with the verbal abuse from step mother becoming worse and the father "crying all the time." The child reported to me he is in a constant state of fear while in their home in the other state and is now afraid to return. The majority of his visits have been with the father's mother in my state -- almost every weekend since the order was signed. The father has not attempted to make arrangements with me regarding future visitation with the child in the other state. The child wishes to continue visitation with the father's mother in my state. The child is planning to be with the father's mother the next two weekends.

The order with the court states that for visitation I am to meet the father halfway between the two states.

Given the previous information, am I legally obligated to make arrangements with the father for the child to go to the other state even though the father is not reaching out to me to make arrangements? The father has a good relationship with his mother and has not objected to the child going there as the child has expressed to their side he is afraid of the step-mother and his dad's lack of protecting the child from her.

You have a court order. FOLLOW IT. It is not a suggestion. Which means that you meet father for visitation halfway between the two states. Why does dad have to reach out to you to make arrangements? He has every other weekend. You are to drive to the halfway point and take your son. You don't get to do what you want and the child doesn't dictate.

 

[LdiJ]

I have recently obtained an order of joint custody for my son (age 11). He was residing and going to school with his father and step mother in another state, but reported to me in my state during visitation over the summer that he was being verbally abused and neglected by his step mother while his father was working and that the couple fight all the time in the presence of the child. I filed to obtain an order with the court in the state where I live stating that the child would now live and go to school with me; and that the father would have visitation every other weekend and holidays/summer. The father signed the order and it's filed with the court.

Since that time visitation with the father has remained tumultuous with the verbal abuse from step mother becoming worse and the father "crying all the time." The child reported to me he is in a constant state of fear while in their home in the other state and is now afraid to return. The majority of his visits have been with the father's mother in my state -- almost every weekend since the order was signed. The father has not attempted to make arrangements with me regarding future visitation with the child in the other state. The child wishes to continue visitation with the father's mother in my state. The child is planning to be with the father's mother the next two weekends.

The order with the court states that for visitation I am to meet the father halfway between the two states.

Given the previous information, am I legally obligated to make arrangements with the father for the child to go to the other state even though the father is not reaching out to me to make arrangements? The father has a good relationship with his mother and has not objected to the child going there as the child has expressed to their side he is afraid of the step-mother and his dad's lack of protecting the child from her.

Its not a good idea for your son to spend every weekend with grandma. Even every other weekend will create a sense of entitlement with grandma and that will be a problem when visitation with dad resumes.

You need to be communicating with dad. If dad agrees that his home is not currently the right environment for the child and he himself is happy with the child spending time with grandma instead, then what is going on is not a problem. However if you do not communicate with dad and get his ok, then you need to be showing up at the exchange location with the child.

 

[JShannon]

I sent him an email this morning requesting meetup and visitation plans through the end of the holiday break and he is not responding.

 

[Zigner]

I sent him an email this morning requesting meetup and visitation plans through the end of the holiday break and he is not responding.

Are you serious? Give the man a few minutes to respond already...sheesh!

 

[LdiJ]

Are you serious? Give the man a few minutes to respond already...sheesh!

Or even pick up the phone and have an actual conversation with him.

 

[CTU]

Or even pick up the phone and have an actual conversation with him.

Cue claims of "he won't talk to me", "he always fights with me" etc.

That aside, this child is going to grow up into a miserable, confused young adult unless his parents can start co-parenting successfully.

 

[LdiJ]

Cue claims of "he won't talk to me", "he always fights with me" etc.

That aside, this child is going to grow up into a miserable, confused young adult unless his parents can start co-parenting successfully.

I recently overhead a twenty something girl tell her mother that it is considered to be rude to phone someone rather than texting...and she wasn't joking.

 

[stealth2]

I sent him an email this morning requesting meetup and visitation plans through the end of the holiday break and he is not responding.

It's only just past noon on the East Coast. It's reasonable to give him 24-48 hours to reply. Not everyone is tied into their email 24/7. He may be at work. Perhaps he's being considerate of his wife and waiting to go over possible schedules. Maybe he's considering his words. I'd never reply immediately, but would always take some time to figure out the right words to use. You are being unreasonable.

ETA: It was considerate of you to delete the question regarding the relevant state.

 

[CTU]

I recently overhead a twenty something girl tell her mother that it is considered to be rude to phone someone rather than texting...and she wasn't joking.

We're all doomed.

 

[Ohiogal]

I sent him an email this morning requesting meetup and visitation plans through the end of the holiday break and he is not responding.

HALFWAY. Where is the halfway point. GOOGLE it. Tell him where you will be and then BE THERE> End of story. FOLLOW THE COURT ORDER!

 

[Silverplum]

'Tis the season to be petty,
fa lalala la la la la...

 

[LdiJ]

I sent him an email this morning requesting meetup and visitation plans through the end of the holiday break and he is not responding.

See, that is not what I told you to do. I said to communicate and discuss the situation with dad. That means talking to dad and specifically asking if he is ok that his mother is utilizing his visitation for the time being, or if he wants something else to happen. You know actually discussing the overall situation.