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child being taken out of town without consent...

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maryjo

Member
okay the question here is not whether or not he is the Father, he is infact the Father. He has been in his life for 4 years. CDM is simply trying to ask for advice on what this woman can do to help protect her son from strange adults & how far the Father is allowed to take the son without the Mother knowing behind her back. She should have a right as his Mother to say who her son is exposed to and get it in writing that he needs to have her full permission before doing so. He would want to know if she was doing the same, I am sure. He will be paying child support and yes, it is to support his son. Which long term will be helping her as well. Which is good, they are used to two incomes.
I live in Florida and it might be different here than other places but here there is NOTHING one parent can do to control what the other parent does with the child. So long as they are not physically hurting the child there really isnt anything that can be done. And, again, at least here where I live it is perfectly legal for one parent to take the child anywhere they want to without telling the other parent so long as they arent permantly relocating them there.
 


moburkes

Senior Member
To sum it up, because you are CLEARLY NOT understanding:
Regardless of the fact that they live together, and regardless of the fact that he cheated, and regardless of the fact that he has been supporting their household (with mom), unless he has been determined to be the father by a paternity test of Affidavit of Paternity, HE IS NOT THE FATHER!

Parents do not need court orders to support biological children in a single home.
Has paternity been established?

By giving the mother money BEFORE he has been determined to be the father, he may be hurting himself. The courts may require that he pay BACK support, which means that, for a certain time period, he may end up paying TWICE!

Also, is mom willing to give up allowing her son to be around ANY MEN, regardless of the status of their relationship, if he is not a family member?

It appears that cdm and NHE are the same person. Or is it just me?
 

maryjo

Member
If he has a new girlfriend, the Mother has every right to have something outlined that would grant permission to letting him be with her. It is only right. The Mother does not know her family members and should not be lied to when her son is going to see them. ATLEAST, she should be told so that she knows where her son is. That is not asking to much, a permission slip would be wonderful.
Right...does not equal legal.

A mother DOESNT have the right to know what goes on "over there" unless I suppose there is physical or sexual abuse or neglect going on.

A permission slip isnt going to happen unless the father is very easily manipulated and, well, frankly...stupid. But it isnt legal. But it would be nice wouldnt it?! ;)

My son is 7 so he can tell me what goes on. But I only ask certain things like "Has anyone every touched you in your private places?" "Where do you sleep?" "How do you get a bath"...things like that. I dont ask what they have done all weekend and if he wants to tell me I listen but I dont ask. I just ask if he had a good time. I cant control what he does with his father or who his father takes him around. I just do a lot of praying. LOL! Its unfortunate, but I know too much about his father NOT to worry.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
They were not married but yes, they are in the process of the paperwork for CS and so on. YES, I don't know if you read the entire thing but I mentioned that he should know who she brings around the child as well! I am speaking of adults that will be around the child for a long period of time. If he has a new girlfriend, the Mother has every right to have something outlined that would grant permission to letting him be with her. It is only right. The Mother does not know her family members and should not be lied to when her son is going to see them. ATLEAST, she should be told so that she knows where her son is. That is not asking to much, a permission slip would be wonderful.
You are full of it. The MOther had NO RIGHT to know who he takes the child around legally. The mother has no right to require a permission slip for dad to take the child anywhere. But there is NO PROOF YET STATED that this man has been legally adjudicated the father.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
and I do suppose it really does come down to a respect issue...The Father actually made the comment for her to get a full time job & bluntly said he would not pay child support...well, being a Mother is a full time job & YES the mother does have a full time job on top of being a Mother. I would think it would be so simple to just let her know when they were going away for the weekend. She also has found open containers in his car...how does she know he won't drink and drive with the child in the car?
Well you see she trusted the man enough to spread her legs and bear his child> the time to question whether or not he was good parenting material was before she had sex with him. Being a father is a full time job too but I don't see you defending dad's right to sit at home and collect child support. It is none of HER business where the child is going with DADDY!
 

cdm

Member
Ok, waaaay off track here. Lets clear up a few things... I am CDM, the sister of who I'm trying to gather some advice for while she pursues her own questions is NHE. Not the same person. YES, I did start another thread bc I think this site is ridiculous... if you can dig thru the b.s. and get some real advice, (thank you maryjo)... and the advice comes from "junior members" by the way. The senior members have some serious projection issues.


Here's the original question... but please, no replies, it's been answered.
What is the route she can take to protect her son? Does she have any rights to protect him?

It has nothing to do with paternity, child support, morals, values and the like. It was simple and required possibly a complex answer, but ask questions to fill in the blanks if you want to offer advice. If not, keep moving to a forum you can be of better assistance.

Thanks for all the advice and input.
 

NHE

Junior Member
Excuse me..why does everyone want to argue. I am not CDM, trust me. Good one though. lol. I wanted the same advice, that is all.
A paternity test was never mentioned to the Mother that I know of, she is young & has only been with one person. She has already filed for CS so I guess they will deal with that part.
My only question was about taking the son out of town. I actually have an Lawyer that works next door to me and asked her for help & she gave me some advice. The Mother can actually have a written agreement between the two of them stating that the child cannot be exposed to another adult without permission AND the fact that he drinks and drives is another issue.
 

NHE

Junior Member
OH Right...I think she did think about him being a good Father or not right before they slept together, lol. She never said he was a terrible Father. She is just a first time Mother affraid of who will be around her child. There are so many strange people and you just naturally want to protect your child. There are too many cases of sexual abuse that happens to children & other horrible things. Strangers & even family members do things that are terrible & she is just being a Mother. It was just a general question, needing general advice.
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
Excuse me..why does everyone want to argue. I am not CDM, trust me. Good one though. lol. I wanted the same advice, that is all.
A paternity test was never mentioned to the Mother that I know of, she is young & has only been with one person. She has already filed for CS so I guess they will deal with that part.
My only question was about taking the son out of town. I actually have an Lawyer that works next door to me and asked her for help & she gave me some advice. The Mother can actually have a written agreement between the two of them stating that the child cannot be exposed to another adult without permission AND the fact that he drinks and drives is another issue.
While that is true, it's also true that the mother can also have an agreement with Bill Clinton for the same thing. And it will be just as worthless. The fact is, as I said MUCH earlier in this thread, that the mother does NOT legally have to allow the alleged father the child for any reason as the couple was not married, there is no legally presumed father and there is a pending suit for custody/support.

And my advice to the mother in this circumstance would be NOT to allow anyone possession of the child outside of a caretaker or in the mother's home until such time as paternity is legally established.

Now people, the issue has been asked, answered and is now dead. Can we move on?
 

Zephyr

Senior Member
the questions cannot be answered until we know if he is the LEGAL FATHER and what type of custody he has
 

cdm

Member
Well you see she trusted the man enough to spread her legs and bear his child> the time to question whether or not he was good parenting material was before she had sex with him. Being a father is a full time job too but I don't see you defending dad's right to sit at home and collect child support. It is none of HER business where the child is going with DADDY!
Thank you "senior member" Ohiogal for clearing that up. So now I know, no, its not her business to know where her child is at all times. Excuse her for trying to be a caring and dedicated mother. It's not her fault. It's his choices.

And maybe you werent following the other replies... she isnt sitting at home collecting a thing. She has a 4 year old to raise alone and hold a fulltime job. I'm sure it's scary. I'm just seeking a little advice or something to add to her research as well. Obviously this isn't the place.
 

NHE

Junior Member
OH okay, so the child has to be abused first AND THEN we can all worry about what to do next, okay, thank you.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
You simply don't LIKE what you are hearing from the Senior members.

A. He is not legally dad untiil paternity is LEGALLY established, no matter how long he, mom and kiddo cohabitated.

B. He is NOT legally obligated to support a child that may or may not turn out to be his unless and until a CS order is established. See, a child born of a marriage is legally that of the spouse. Same is not true of a child born outside marriage.

C. Once paternity and CS IS legally established. neither mom nor dad will have any say about where and with whom each spends their time of possession. The only exceptions may be leaving the US, participating in nactivities like drag racing or skydiving WITH the child, or hanging out with convicted child molestors. This is the way it is when each parent has their seperate lives. Neither will need permission from the other about who they can spend their own time wife.
 

moburkes

Senior Member
Excuse me..why does everyone want to argue. I am not CDM, trust me. Good one though. lol. I wanted the same advice, that is all.
A paternity test was never mentioned to the Mother that I know of, she is young & has only been with one person. She has already filed for CS so I guess they will deal with that part.
My only question was about taking the son out of town. I actually have an Lawyer that works next door to me and asked her for help & she gave me some advice. The Mother can actually have a written agreement between the two of them stating that the child cannot be exposed to another adult without permission AND the fact that he drinks and drives is another issue.
Why is cdm looking for info for YOU, if you are looking for info for the MOTHER???

Anyway, unless you are able to PROVE that supposed father drinks and drives with child in the vehicle, it will not be taken into consideration. The reason is this: he didn't start drinking and driving AFTER they split, so apparently it wasn't a problem. It also wasn't the reason why mom left dad. She left because he cheated, not because he drank and drive with chidl in the car.
 
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