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  1. #1
    cdm
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    child being taken out of town without consent...

    What is the name of your state? FL

    My friend and her former fiance have a 4 year old. They currently live together, however recently he has overlapped relationships with another woman. He and my friend worked out a plan that their son would not be subjected to a strange family or new girlfriends or adults without the other knowing and without agreeing that their son is ready. However, he has been lying and took their son out of town with the new girlfriend and other kids. She has already filed for him to pay child support once she moves out.

    What is the route she can take to protect her son? Does she have any rights to protect him? He's just another dead beat.
  2. #2
    BelizeBreeze is offline Senior Member
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    In answer to your ORIGINAL question is yes, she has the authority to tell him he will NOT take HER child until such time as he presents to a judge a court-ordered paternity determination.
  3. #3
    cdm
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    wow. your response is very ignorant and very hurtful, it makes me really sad to think this is an advice forum where there are many desperate or emotional and sensitive questions being asked. But instead, people like you take the opportunity to project.

    I apologize for my use of the term deadbeat. Maybe you have been called as such and don't fit the term? If so, keep your emotions and opinions to yourself and kindly offer advice.

    I used it to sum up many of his qualities. And maybe you didn't read correctly. My friend and this guy have a 4 year old. They were engaged. They have a home together. He chose to cheat. She now has to move out on her own. She is now a single mother with one income. Requesting the lying, immature, cheating father to pay child support is in hopes that will guarantee a little monetary help.

    That wasn't at all the question I was asking. Thanks for spreading a little negativity. Its people like you that keeps the hate in this world going.

    Keep your bitterness to yourself and I hope you find peace in your life, just as I hope my friend and her son do.
  4. #4
    cdm
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    my response was to the one before this. looks like it was deleted.

    thanks!
  5. #5
    nextwife is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by cdm View Post
    wow. your response is very ignorant and very hurtful, it makes me really sad to think this is an advice forum where there are many desperate or emotional and sensitive questions being asked. But instead, people like you take the opportunity to project.

    I apologize for my use of the term deadbeat. Maybe you have been called as such and don't fit the term? If so, keep your emotions and opinions to yourself and kindly offer advice.

    I used it to sum up many of his qualities. And maybe you didn't read correctly. My friend and this guy have a 4 year old. They were engaged. They have a home together. He chose to cheat. She now has to move out on her own. She is now a single mother with one income. Requesting the lying, immature, cheating father to pay child support is in hopes that will guarantee a little monetary help.

    That wasn't at all the question I was asking. Thanks for spreading a little negativity. Its people like you that keeps the hate in this world going.

    Keep your bitterness to yourself and I hope you find peace in your life, just as I hope my friend and her son do.


    Has he been not only supporting the child, but supporting mom (who is not even his wife) as well, these previous years? Voluntarilly, with no court order and no legal paternity determination?

    If so, you truly have no business calling the guy a "deadbeat". Dad is only legally liable for court ordered child support - and is not legally the child's father UNTIL paternity is established. And he is not, nor has been, nor will be, legally responsible to support mom.
  6. #6
    cdm
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    Quote Originally Posted by nextwife View Post
    Has he been not only supporting the child, but supporting mom (who is not even his wife) as well, these previous years? Voluntarilly, with no court order and no legal paternity determination?

    If so, you truly have no business calling the guy a "deadbeat". Dad is only legally liable for court ordered child support - and is not legally the child's father UNTIL paternity is established. And he is not, nor has been, nor will be, legally responsible to support mom.
    They have been jointly supporting themselves and this child. She has a fulltime job. Parents do not need court orders to support biological children in a single home. She now has to move on her own with her single income and support their child on her own because of his decision to cheat and terminate their relationship. He doesn't need to support mom, he needs to jointly support their child... whether in the same home or not. These are consequences of his decisions. A deadbeat is "not fulfilling ones obligations or debts"... he is a deadbeat for not fulfilling his obligation as father or what he agreed to be as father. I recognize law may use the term differently, as if he hasn't paid support etc. In that case, ignore the use and I'm seeking advice on the original question.
  7. #7
    Zephyr is offline Senior Member
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    without him being determined the legal father- and without court orders giving him rights to the child- what mom says goes- however if she is too heavy handed before the orders are in place...it could make her look very bad to the judge
  8. #8
    nextwife is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by cdm View Post
    They have been jointly supporting themselves and this child. She has a fulltime job. Parents do not need court orders to support biological children in a single home. She now has to move on her own with her single income and support their child on her own because of his decision to cheat and terminate their relationship. He doesn't need to support mom, he needs to jointly support their child... whether in the same home or not. These are consequences of his decisions. A deadbeat is "not fulfilling ones obligations or debts"... he is a deadbeat for not fulfilling his obligation as father or what he agreed to be as father. I recognize law may use the term differently, as if he hasn't paid support etc. In that case, ignore the use and I'm seeking advice on the original question.
    What you don't understand is the lovely fact that the CS system has created a legal DIS-incentive for fathers to start voluntarilly paying CS outside the CS system. They can claim that any CS paid voluntarilly outside the CS system is a gift, and that he STILL needs to go and pay the CS ordered through the court. Many, many men who paid voluntarilly for years end us sc****d because they are then forced to pay TWICE. CS won't even count CS paid voluntarilly in many cases.
  9. #9
    NHE
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    okay the question here is not whether or not he is the Father, he is infact the Father. He has been in his life for 4 years. CDM is simply trying to ask for advice on what this woman can do to help protect her son from strange adults & how far the Father is allowed to take the son without the Mother knowing behind her back. She should have a right as his Mother to say who her son is exposed to and get it in writing that he needs to have her full permission before doing so. He would want to know if she was doing the same, I am sure. He will be paying child support and yes, it is to support his son. Which long term will be helping her as well. Which is good, they are used to two incomes.
  10. #10
    Zephyr is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by NHE View Post
    okay the question here is not whether or not he is the Father, he is infact the Father. He has been in his life for 4 years. CDM is simply trying to ask for advice on what this woman can do to help protect her son from strange adults & how far the Father is allowed to take the son without the Mother knowing behind her back. She should have a right as his Mother to say who her son is exposed to and get it in writing that he needs to have her full permission before doing so. He would want to know if she was doing the same, I am sure. He will be paying child support and yes, it is to support his son. Which long term will be helping her as well. Which is good, they are used to two incomes.

    and who are you?

    is he legally the father? has the court given him joint custody? and the legal father has the same rights as mom when it comes to who they can the children around- or does mom need a permission slip from dad as well????
  11. #11
    nextwife is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by NHE View Post
    okay the question here is not whether or not he is the Father, he is infact the Father. He has been in his life for 4 years. CDM is simply trying to ask for advice on what this woman can do to help protect her son from strange adults & how far the Father is allowed to take the son without the Mother knowing behind her back. She should have a right as his Mother to say who her son is exposed to and get it in writing that he needs to have her full permission before doing so. He would want to know if she was doing the same, I am sure. He will be paying child support and yes, it is to support his son. Which long term will be helping her as well. Which is good, they are used to two incomes.
    And is she willing to give dad the same supposed "right" to say who she may or may not have his child around?
  12. #12
    maryjo is offline Member
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    I will tell you what the mediator told me. Of course, this is after papers have been filed and all that.

    I was told that my ex is allowed to remove my son even from the STATE without my knowledge so long as it is during his court appointed time (he gets him every other weekend, ect.) and he brings him back when he is supposed to. The ONLY way I have to be told, legally, that he is going anywhere is if he is moving him there. And since I have primary custody that shouldnt be an issue. So like, say, during his "half the summer" time with our son he decides to take him across the country...not only does he not have to tell me he is doing so...there is nothing I can do about it.

    SHOULD he tell me? Well, as a decent human being he should. Does he HAVE to? Nope.

    Then again, the same goes for me as well. I dont have to inform my son's father of every move we make. Which doesnt bother me at all to let him know that his son is going to be going on a trip or something. But you know what, its pretty freeing to not HAVE to. I took my son out of town this weekend and it was GREAT! I did not inform his father since I dont HAVE to. Although knowing him like I do I am sure he knows because he has been known to stalk me. But I would NOT take my son out of the state without letting his father know where he is. I wouldnt take him very far for very long without telling him. We only went a couple of hours away and it was just for the day. I think its just a level of respect for your child's parent...not your ex...to do so. But I cant make him respect me in the same way.
  13. #13
    NHE
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    They were not married but yes, they are in the process of the paperwork for CS and so on. YES, I don't know if you read the entire thing but I mentioned that he should know who she brings around the child as well! I am speaking of adults that will be around the child for a long period of time. If he has a new girlfriend, the Mother has every right to have something outlined that would grant permission to letting him be with her. It is only right. The Mother does not know her family members and should not be lied to when her son is going to see them. ATLEAST, she should be told so that she knows where her son is. That is not asking to much, a permission slip would be wonderful.
  14. #14
    NHE
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    thank you Mary Jo
  15. #15
    NHE
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    and I do suppose it really does come down to a respect issue...The Father actually made the comment for her to get a full time job & bluntly said he would not pay child support...well, being a Mother is a full time job & YES the mother does have a full time job on top of being a Mother. I would think it would be so simple to just let her know when they were going away for the weekend. She also has found open containers in his car...how does she know he won't drink and drive with the child in the car?
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