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Child choosing to live with non-custodial parent

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3in9

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Ohio

My daughter is 9 years old. Recently her father has been dropping ideas of her choosing to live with him when she is old enough to choose. I'm not sure what this age is in my state but think it is 12. I am wondering how much weight her choice would have.

She has lived with me all her life. I have been her main provider. He does my support per his order. There were periods of time that he didn't see her but he comes almost always for visitation now. (edit to add) I am her residental parent and have custody.

He lives in a different town, so a different school district as well.

She is very happy where she is. Her dad and I were never married and never lived together. I have been married for 5 years and have 2 other children from my marriage. My husband has been a constant in her life and she loves her silblings.

Her dad isn't married yet but is engaged. He has no other children at this time.

I'm not sure that she would even choose to live with him. But I do know that I should be prepared for anything. I of course want her to stay with us but I don't want to sink to his level of presaution if I don't have to.

I guess I just need to know what my options are for when the time comes. Any help will be appriciated.

Thanks~
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
3in9 said:
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Ohio

My daughter is 9 years old. Recently her father has been dropping ideas of her choosing to live with him when she is old enough to choose. I'm not sure what this age is in my state but think it is 12. I am wondering how much weight her choice would have.

She has lived with me all her life. I have been her main provider. He does my support per his order. There were periods of time that he didn't see her but he comes almost always for visitation now. (edit to add) I am her residental parent and have custody.

He lives in a different town, so a different school district as well.

She is very happy where she is. Her dad and I were never married and never lived together. I have been married for 5 years and have 2 other children from my marriage. My husband has been a constant in her life and she loves her silblings.

Her dad isn't married yet but is engaged. He has no other children at this time.

I'm not sure that she would even choose to live with him. But I do know that I should be prepared for anything. I of course want her to stay with us but I don't want to sink to his level of presaution if I don't have to.

I guess I just need to know what my options are for when the time comes. Any help will be appriciated.

Thanks~
Actually, the kids don't get to choose. Their wishes are given some weight, but the judge makes the decision based on the child's best interest.
 

3in9

Junior Member
So that means that even if she said she wanted to live with him he would still need to take me to court etc.?

Does the fact that he lives in a different town and school distrist have any weight?

Thanks so much for your help.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Yes, he would have to take you to court. A lot of things will play into the decision a judge makes. Your daughter may be able to express her wishes, but a lot will depend on the reasons she cites and her overall maturity. Changing schools may or may not be a factor - if it's at a time/grade when she'd be changing schools anyway (i.e. elementary -> middle school -> high school), probably less than at other times. If she's thriving where she is, it's unlikely a judge would move her.
 

3in9

Junior Member
Thanks so much for the information. You have put my mind at ease for the time being.

Thanks again
 

Cathie Parsh

Junior Member
rights of minor

I also live in Ohio and going through a very similar situation, however my son is 14. In Ohio the child does not have a right to choose until the age of 18, the courts will listen but ultimately the Judge or magistrate will make the final decision. Encourage visits and say nothing that you would regret, because she is still apart of him. Fortunatley kids do see the big picture even if we don't give them enough credit.
 

3in9

Junior Member
Cathie Parsh said:
In Ohio the child does not have a right to choose until the age of 18, the courts will listen but ultimately the Judge or magistrate will make the final decision.
Is there a website that states the Ohio law?

Last night I was told that my daughter had told her Grandma that when she was out of the Arts program at school that she would be moving in with her dad. She said that he told her she could still see us and out extended family when ever she wanted just like now. I'll be the first to call his bluff on this. There is no way he is gonna let her see us "whenever" and there is definatly no way she would see my extended family like she does now. The sad thing is she wouldn't see that until it was too late. I don't want to tell her he is lying but he is.

He has never had her for more then 4 days at a time. He has taken his extended visitation but only so his parents could take her on vacation. I just don't think he has any clue as to what it takes to be a full time parent. (no offense to other NCP, this is strictly relating to my situation) He has to work mandatory overtime at his job and I would say at least one of his two weekends a month he is working. He barely sees her and it has always been this way.

It kills me to think of her not living with us. I am at my whits end here. I'm not sure if I should say something to her or him. I want to tell him to stop brainwashing her. She has said to Grandma and an Aunt that she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. He is completely manipulating her. I don't understand how or why you would do that to your child.

It would make sense IMO to at least start asking for more visitation or show some type of effort at least to see her more.

I just wish this wasn't happening. I can see no good coming from any of this. If he would take me to court and not get custody of her he has caused her to be evaulated, have to testify/talk to the judge, caused emotional stress for everyone involved. If he would get custody and she get there and decide she doesnt' like it (which I strongly believe will be that case) then we have to repeat the process all over again which drags her thru it again. Why would he want to take these chances? :confused:

Sorry for the book, I just really need some advice and opinons here.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Well.... When our son was about the same age, he came home from his Dad's saying that Dad told him that at 12 he could choose where he wanted to live. I explained to him that was not how it worked, and unless both Dad and I agreed - it would be up to Dad to take it to a judge to decide. However, if the time came that he felt he wanted to live with his Dad - we would talk about it. That I would not say yes just to be his friend, but I would also not say no to be mean to Dad - it would depend on the reasons that he had for wanting the change and whether I felt it was in his best interests to move. But he could rest assured that I would be fair about it. He's 13, and the conversation's never been repeated (he's also had an opportunity to see a bit more reality).

I would likely approach it very matter-of-factly with your daughter. You don't have to say Dad's possibly lying, but you can tell her that you would base your own acceptance (or lack of it) of a move on what you feel would be best for her. Good luck.
 

MinCA

Member
You have to understand these fathers want to be more than just every-other-weekend visitors to their children. They have been reduced from parents to visitors in the lives of their children. Why not try a summer of the fathers having the children during the weeks and you every-other-weekend. Or even SUnday night to Sunday night, full weeks? Give their fathers the chance to get to be fathers instead of visitors. Feel blessed that their fathers love them. Clealy they are desperate for their rights to be actual fathers, instilling some of their own values in them. These children are just as much theirs as yours. Please let them have the time this summer.
 

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