Child Custody in Colorado as a single unwed mother...

[bbraddock]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

I am a single, unwed, pregnant soon to be mama. It was a drunken one night stand. I told him I was pregnant. We tried dating, he didn't talk to me for 2 weeks then proceeded to date another woman for four months after that. It got to the point that he was mentioning the child living with him and his girl friend.Then she dumped him, tried to get back with me. I said let's try it, then he ignored me again for another 2-3 weeks. I usually let him know everything, gave him chance after chance to be involved. Then after a lot of being stood up, ignored, and ordered around, I stopped contact with him. Now, he is threatening to go to court if I don't name his son after him and he doesn't get a choice in the first name. I plan to breastfeed till around 1 year of age, and I offered to let him have visitation for 2 hours 3 times a week. He said he wants to take my child for three hours (unsupervised) every M W F or two hours every day. He plans to use formula if my son gets hungry with him. He works 12 hour days, so sometimes he doesn't get off work till 7 or 8 at night. My school is 1130-1245, he is still at work till at least 5-6. I am completely open to him visiting me but since I am breastfeeding and want my son on a set schedule, I don't want the father to take him away for that long. But the father says I can pump, so being away from him should be no problem. I also would like to not take my son anywhere for the first month because he is being born in the flu and cold season, but the father says he wants to be able to take him anywhere he deems fit. He is active army. He is being kicked out of the Army because he can't sleep properly (a severe form of sleep apnea) He refuses to ever see things my way and wants the child so when he gets kicked out, he gets more money from retirement (which is in actual writing).

My question is, can he take the child away from me while I'm breastfeeding and my son is on a set schedule? How strong is his case? What can I expect?

To answer a few questions, I am completely willing to let him visit, just not take the child. I have never asked him for any money concerning the child and have paid for everything (every copay, gestational diabetes counseling and all that, every medication for the pregnancy). I am a veteran and currently, in the reserves. I have a steady income, my own house with the child having his own bedroom, I go to college, and would only be away from my child for two hours every m w f for school, other than that, I have no plans on leaving my child. I have many friends and family here to support me and he has no one (but army buddies I imagine) all of his family are either in Texas or Ohio. He has even tried to order me to take my son to his parents house in Ohio or move to Texas with him, when I told him no, he said he already talked to doctors about it and they said it was fine.

 

[TheGeekess]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

I am a single, unwed, pregnant soon to be mama. It was a drunken one night stand. I told him I was pregnant. We tried dating, he didn't talk to me for 2 weeks then proceeded to date another woman for four months after that. It got to the point that he was mentioning the child living with him and his girl friend.Then she dumped him, tried to get back with me. I said let's try it, then he ignored me again for another 2-3 weeks. I usually let him know everything, gave him chance after chance to be involved. Then after a lot of being stood up, ignored, and ordered around, I stopped contact with him. Now, he is threatening to go to court if I don't name his son after him and he doesn't get a choice in the first name. I plan to breastfeed till around 1 year of age, and I offered to let him have visitation for 2 hours 3 times a week. He said he wants to take my child for three hours (unsupervised) every M W F or two hours every day. He plans to use formula if my son gets hungry with him. He works 12 hour days, so sometimes he doesn't get off work till 7 or 8 at night. My school is 1130-1245, he is still at work till at least 5-6. I am completely open to him visiting me but since I am breastfeeding and want my son on a set schedule, I don't want the father to take him away for that long. But the father says I can pump, so being away from him should be no problem. I also would like to not take my son anywhere for the first month because he is being born in the flu and cold season, but the father says he wants to be able to take him anywhere he deems fit. He is active army. He is being kicked out of the Army because he can't sleep properly (a severe form of sleep apnea) He refuses to ever see things my way and wants the child so when he gets kicked out, he gets more money from retirement (which is in actual writing).

My question is, can he take the child away from me while I'm breastfeeding and my son is on a set schedule? How strong is his case? What can I expect?

To answer a few questions, I am completely willing to let him visit, just not take the child. I have never asked him for any money concerning the child and have paid for everything (every copay, gestational diabetes counseling and all that, every medication for the pregnancy). I am a veteran and currently, in the reserves. I have a steady income, my own house with the child having his own bedroom, I go to college, and would only be away from my child for two hours every m w f for school, other than that, I have no plans on leaving my child. I have many friends and family here to support me and he has no one (but army buddies I imagine) all of his family are either in Texas or Ohio. He has even tried to order me to take my son to his parents house in Ohio or move to Texas with him, when I told him no, he said he already talked to doctors about it and they said it was fine.

While you are pregnant, Putative Dad has no rights or obligations towards you.

After Baby is born, you or Putative Dad can file for CS/Custody/Visitation. It is best to do these things through Court; any other way is not legally enforceable.

Read through these forums; you are not the first nor the last in this type of situation.

 

[ecmst12]

He doesn't have to pay for anything until there's a court ordering him to do it, and a court is not going to order him to pay for a pregnancy which may or may not have anything to do with him. Once the child is born, you can file to establish paternity, custody, visitation, and child support. I would advise you to get a DNA test done as part of the court process, so that there will never be any question later about whose child it really is.

Breastfeeding is not a valid reason to withhold or limit visitation. You can give him pumped milk to feed the child during his visits, or he can use formula if he wants - he does not have to feed the child the way that you tell him. And if he gets visitation early on, breastfed babies usually need to eat every hour or so, so even with short visits he's going to need to be able to feed him SOMETHING. And he will have the right to choose formula.

You are having a child with someone you barely know and don't like very much. RIGHT NOW you need to accept that you and him are going to parent different ways, and there is NOTHING you can do about it. You can make choices during your time and he can make choices during his. You are not going to be able to control every aspect of your child's upbringing, and you are probably not going to agree with the things that dad does. Get over it. Really. When you have a child with someone that you are in a committed relationship with, the child is something you plan or at least look forward to together, and you can have conversations about how you want to raise your children BEFORE one comes along, and make sure that you agree about these things before you create another human being. You did not do that, you had a drunken one-night stand and you didn't use sufficient protection, and you've chosen to carry the child to term, and these are the consequences.

I'm not trying to berate you for having cheap sex, I don't care about things like that. My post is simply a reality check about what your next 18 years are going to be like. Better to hear it now and come to terms with it.