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Child Custody Court Order (Picking up and dropping off)

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OnlyOzzie

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

I have a question. I have a court order that says I can have my baby boy every other weekend (Friday 6PM through Sunday 6PM (Spends the nights) and every Tuesdays and Thursdays 6-9PM and on the weekend I don't have him I get to see him on Thursday 6-9PM and then Fridays 9AM-6PM (I petitioned it). She lives 28 miles.

Originally it was OK because she would drop our child half way. All of a sudden she said she didn't have money for gas and could no longer drop him off half way. So I had been driving back and forth (From my house to her house (28 Miles away) but hardly get to spend any quality time with my boy because we are on the road for most of the time (Traffic heading there and traffic coming back from picking him up. I have to leave my house @ 5PM to get to her house at 6PM) Once I pick him up I drive all the way back (another 28 miles) @ around 6:15PM get stuck on traffic and get to my place at around 7:15PM or so. Then spend about 1 hr or so with him and have head back to her place at around 8:30PM to get him at her house at 9PM. I tried working it out with her so he can stay Thursday night with me and drop him off on Friday @ 6PM and she said no. My question is if I pick him up isn't it her responsibility to pick him up from me?? There isn't anything on the Court Order but I think that is not Fair to my boy and me that we now don't spend as much free time between us because we are on the road most of the time. Can I pick him up on my days at 6PM and then tell her that she needs to come and pick him up at 9PM. I know its not recommended for me to do that but I want to spend more time with my boy instead of him sitting in his car seat for 2hrs our of the 3hrs we are suppose to be together. Would that be violating the court order? I see it as no but wanted to be sure. I say no because I am not refusing for him to be with mom at 9PM but simply requesting that she fulfill her responsibility as a mom to pick him up. What do you think?? Is it wrong for me to do that after I tried to work it out with her and she just says she can because she has no gas money? Would picking him up at 6pm and asking for her to pick him up from my place at 9PM be a violation of the court order (The court order doesn't specify who picks him up or drops him off)?

Any help is much appreciated!!

A frustrated dad that simply wants MORE time with SON! :)
 


jbowman

Senior Member
Im in CA and my ex lives about 35 miles away. I understand what you are saying. I have the same sort of order and what I do is a bit different. On those 6-9 visitation days, I dont drive home. I would suggest going to a park, hanging out etc. It may not be very comfortable but it will keep you off the road and more time with child.

My order actually has "receiving party picks up" - but if yours does not, unless you want to go back and change the order, this might just be your best bet.
 

OnlyOzzie

Junior Member
My question is since the court order doesn't say who is suppose to pick up or drop off by me telling her to pick up my son doesn't violate the court order. Is the standard procedure that one of the party picks him up when its the visiting time and then the other party picks him up when the time is up or vice versa?? So if I keep him I will not be held on contempt of court order right since there is no mention on the court order as to whom is to pick up or drop off and since I am not telling her I am not giving her my son instead Im asking her to pick him up when my time is over and its her time!
 

jbowman

Senior Member
The court expects the two of you to work together to come to an agreement. Since you cant, you should have it put in the order. Normally, and pretty standard is that the receiving party picks up the child as in, you pick up child for your visit and mom picks up to take child home.

Since you have nothing in your order, it is not enforceable and if mom doesnt agree to pick up and you dont take the child back home, you could have a problem. What are you saying, that you will never allow the child to go home unless mom drives to get him? That is unreasonable.

You must come to an agreement with mom or go back to court to have it put in the order.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

I have a question. I have a court order that says I can have my baby boy every other weekend (Friday 6PM through Sunday 6PM (Spends the nights) and every Tuesdays and Thursdays 6-9PM and on the weekend I don't have him I get to see him on Thursday 6-9PM and then Fridays 9AM-6PM (I petitioned it). She lives 28 miles.

Originally it was OK because she would drop our child half way. All of a sudden she said she didn't have money for gas and could no longer drop him off half way. So I had been driving back and forth (From my house to her house (28 Miles away) but hardly get to spend any quality time with my boy because we are on the road for most of the time (Traffic heading there and traffic coming back from picking him up. I have to leave my house @ 5PM to get to her house at 6PM) Once I pick him up I drive all the way back (another 28 miles) @ around 6:15PM get stuck on traffic and get to my place at around 7:15PM or so. Then spend about 1 hr or so with him and have head back to her place at around 8:30PM to get him at her house at 9PM. I tried working it out with her so he can stay Thursday night with me and drop him off on Friday @ 6PM and she said no. My question is if I pick him up isn't it her responsibility to pick him up from me?? There isn't anything on the Court Order but I think that is not Fair to my boy and me that we now don't spend as much free time between us because we are on the road most of the time. Can I pick him up on my days at 6PM and then tell her that she needs to come and pick him up at 9PM. I know its not recommended for me to do that but I want to spend more time with my boy instead of him sitting in his car seat for 2hrs our of the 3hrs we are suppose to be together. Would that be violating the court order? I see it as no but wanted to be sure. I say no because I am not refusing for him to be with mom at 9PM but simply requesting that she fulfill her responsibility as a mom to pick him up. What do you think?? Is it wrong for me to do that after I tried to work it out with her and she just says she can because she has no gas money? Would picking him up at 6pm and asking for her to pick him up from my place at 9PM be a violation of the court order (The court order doesn't specify who picks him up or drops him off)?

Any help is much appreciated!!

A frustrated dad that simply wants MORE time with SON! :)
Sorry, but no one here can tell you how the judge would rule. You and Mom need to work it out - or go back to court to get the order clarified.

However, there's an easier solution. Pick the kid up at 6:15 and then do something in Mom's community so you're not spending your entire visitation time in the car. Go see a movie, play in the park, have dinner, whatever.

Or go to court to have the visitation schedule changed so that you have more than a couple of hours.
 

anapr

Member
However, there's an easier solution. Pick the kid up at 6:15 and then do something in Mom's community so you're not spending your entire visitation time in the car. Go see a movie, play in the park, have dinner, whatever.
OP, the bonus with this solution is that it sounds like you won't have any traffic on the ride home.
 

casa

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

I have a question. I have a court order that says I can have my baby boy every other weekend (Friday 6PM through Sunday 6PM (Spends the nights) and every Tuesdays and Thursdays 6-9PM and on the weekend I don't have him I get to see him on Thursday 6-9PM and then Fridays 9AM-6PM (I petitioned it). She lives 28 miles.

Originally it was OK because she would drop our child half way. All of a sudden she said she didn't have money for gas and could no longer drop him off half way. So I had been driving back and forth (From my house to her house (28 Miles away) but hardly get to spend any quality time with my boy because we are on the road for most of the time (Traffic heading there and traffic coming back from picking him up. I have to leave my house @ 5PM to get to her house at 6PM) Once I pick him up I drive all the way back (another 28 miles) @ around 6:15PM get stuck on traffic and get to my place at around 7:15PM or so. Then spend about 1 hr or so with him and have head back to her place at around 8:30PM to get him at her house at 9PM. I tried working it out with her so he can stay Thursday night with me and drop him off on Friday @ 6PM and she said no. My question is if I pick him up isn't it her responsibility to pick him up from me?? There isn't anything on the Court Order but I think that is not Fair to my boy and me that we now don't spend as much free time between us because we are on the road most of the time. Can I pick him up on my days at 6PM and then tell her that she needs to come and pick him up at 9PM. I know its not recommended for me to do that but I want to spend more time with my boy instead of him sitting in his car seat for 2hrs our of the 3hrs we are suppose to be together. Would that be violating the court order? I see it as no but wanted to be sure. I say no because I am not refusing for him to be with mom at 9PM but simply requesting that she fulfill her responsibility as a mom to pick him up. What do you think?? Is it wrong for me to do that after I tried to work it out with her and she just says she can because she has no gas money? Would picking him up at 6pm and asking for her to pick him up from my place at 9PM be a violation of the court order (The court order doesn't specify who picks him up or drops him off)?

Any help is much appreciated!!

A frustrated dad that simply wants MORE time with SON! :)
Are you SURE your order states NOTHING regarding transportation? What is the exact wording in the area addressing visitation?

There is no 'rule of thumb' regarding this, although many people tend to lean towards 'Receiving Parent picks up'. ie; You pick him up Fri. to see him & she picks him up Sun. to take him back home.
The problem is if you try to pull that without it being previously agreed by you two she could technically file a police report that you've failed to return the child.

SO unless you & Mom can work it out, you need to file for a modification of the visitation order to include specifics on who picks up & where.

Meanwhile, try the suggestions you've been given about having a dinner night or movie night or library night in your son's town on the days you have just a few hours to visit. Then you're not wasting visit time and you're saving tons of gas. :)
 

OnlyOzzie

Junior Member
Thank you to all of the people that posted to my question. I finally did what everyone suggested last night and it was hard because my son is only 13 months. I spent the time with him at a park but he got bored very fast. So out we went shopping for his costume and started to get fussy. He is in the stage where he wants to start walking all over the place and crawl so it was rough doing that. I usually get home and set him free in the living room (Baby proof) and play with him and we have a great time. I don't think he enjoyed yesterdays visit because I can see he was uncomfortable. Wow.. how the law is unfair sometimes. Now my new one is that she doesn't want ANYONE picking our son up unless its ME!! Wow.. That is a whole new thing. It just seems like she likes to make things VERY difficult and there is no speaking to her because she doesn't reason. So how about that. Can she with hold my son from being picked up by MY OWN SISTER?? If my sister calls the police once she is there to pick him up will they enforce the court order. The court order doesn't say anything about the pick-up or drop-off nor who is suppose to pick him up or drop him off. Once again any help is appreciated!!!
 

casa

Senior Member
Thank you to all of the people that posted to my question. I finally did what everyone suggested last night and it was hard because my son is only 13 months. I spent the time with him at a park but he got bored very fast. So out we went shopping for his costume and started to get fussy. He is in the stage where he wants to start walking all over the place and crawl so it was rough doing that. I usually get home and set him free in the living room (Baby proof) and play with him and we have a great time. I don't think he enjoyed yesterdays visit because I can see he was uncomfortable. Wow.. how the law is unfair sometimes. Now my new one is that she doesn't want ANYONE picking our son up unless its ME!! Wow.. That is a whole new thing. It just seems like she likes to make things VERY difficult and there is no speaking to her because she doesn't reason. So how about that. Can she with hold my son from being picked up by MY OWN SISTER?? If my sister calls the police once she is there to pick him up will they enforce the court order. The court order doesn't say anything about the pick-up or drop-off nor who is suppose to pick him up or drop him off. Once again any help is appreciated!!!
Unless it's stipulated otherwise, ANY licensed/legal adult can pick up the child at your request. Of course, letting her know that auntie is picking up is courteous...and also creates documentation (cell calls, emails) that you are notifying her & it's not some complete stranger...it's the child's aunt. Your X is trying a control tactic. Try not to feed into it.

As far as the visits go...a toddler will get bored shopping. That's not indicative of a distressful visit. That's typical. Are you a 1st time Dad? Some of YOUR anxiety is very normal and not necessarily related to being a divorced family or your visitation locations. He's gonna get sandy & dirty & fall down sometimes Dad. He's gonna get dragged shopping when he'd rather be napping & be fussy aboutit. That's Parenthood. Welcome to it. :)
 

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