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  1. #1
    memommy Guest

    Child custody/divorce/lying in court

    What is the name of your state? Tennessee
    I have recently been to court two times with my ex-husband-to-be. I filed in March, and we didn't ever do a temp. parenting plan to handle this interim period. We just went to court, because I am trying to get the kids changed in schools to here where I live. While they are suppose to be with he and I equal time, they are in reality with me the vast majority of the time, because their Father travels. The kids are begging to come to school here. (Documented now with a counselor). I started them here in school this year, but their Father came back into town his two days out of every two weeks, and took them right back to the school where they have attended in years past. I went to court to get this officially changed, but the x-to-be lied numerous times (at least 20) about various things, obvious lies, and some not so obvious, but easily proven lies. He said moving them would be detrimental to their sense of stability, etc. He went on and on about how my son's (son-10yrs old, daughter- 7yrs. old) conduct was perfect, all the while I am waving a report card at my attorney, showing perfect grades, but an "N" in conduct. My attorney sat there shushing me, and the X-to-be just filled the court with lie after lie. The judge very obviously had a difficult time making the decision, then left them in their current school. So, here I am with the kids at least 7 out of every 10 school days, the husband out of town traveling, I am traveling 25 miles one way to get them to school, then me back home, then to pick them up, and get us all back home, then again if I do anything in their classrooms that day (I work 12 hour shifts leaving me with some weekdays off). It's killing me in gas, and the Father's not even here, and to beat all, the kids are begging to come to school here, and extremely disallusioned at their Father for what he is causing here.
    Well, obviously I need a new attorney, but isn't there something I can do quickly to bring to light all these lies. The ones told in court, and the ones written in their answer to my motion? He has also violated the restraining order on the front of the divorce papers several times, and that hasn't been brought to light either.
    X-to-be says the judge and my attorney both are obvious idiots, and he can say whatever he pleases. So far it's working for him.

    What can I do? I'm so frustrated I could scream!

    Last edited by memommy; 11-04-2003 at 09:41 AM.
  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Why did you move?

  3. #3
    memommy Guest

    Still looking for answers/suggestions

    I now still live in the same town that I lived in before, but the kids are zoned for a different school at my address.

    I moved because my husband was very abusive, and I lived in a Domestic Violence shelter near where I live now for about two months after I left home. My whole family is also here, and I grew up here. My friends are here, and there are employment and educational opportunities right here. Logically, it wouldn't make sence for me to be anywhere else.

    Thanks for your reply, but that doesn't help in answering the question: Is there nothing to be done about constant lying in court, and on documented sworn paperwork that goes through the court system?

    Why must we swear that what is written on a motion or answer to one is the truth if no one ever cares, or brings falsification to light. Why do we swear to tell the truth if there are no consequences to doing the opposite.

  4. #4
    FJ1200guy Guest


    You know, his truth may not be your truth? This may help you understand another persons viewpoint better. Other than that, what can anyone do to stop a person from lying other than catch them in one? You'll need to prove it.

    When he violates a restraining order, call the cops, or at least document it.

    It may be best to stick it out until you can get custody. Then move them. What sort of custody are you shooting for?

  5. #5
    memommy Guest
    Full custody, although I don't think that's what they call it these days.

    He is caught in the lies, on the stand and in written, sworn materials. I have documented proof on many things.

    My fear is that 1. The judge will never know that his lack of credibility will never be brought to light, and the final outcome won't be what it should be. or
    2. That I will bring all this to light, and the judge will be sick of seeing us and think I'm just a trouble maker, before we ever get to the final trial.

  6. #6
    FJ1200guy Guest

    Good Morning, MeMommy

    I thought I was the only one up this early.

    I'm going to suggest you let some of this stuff go that's bothering you, and be patient. HARD to do... but best for you I think. I can tell it's just grating on you that he was talking all that **** in court right?

    But ya know what? MAYBE... just maybe... your lawyer knows you will get what you want in the long run, so he chooses to wait for the custody date. Maybe he knows all that stuff the ex was saying doesn't mean anything when it all gets down to it? I mean, is there any reason you wouldn't get full physical and joint legal custody? The fact that the ex travels alot sure won't help him. Someone help me out here, but if you get full physical/joint legal, you'd be able to put them in a different school.

    Sounds to me like you need to have a talk with your lawyer and find out what's going on, eh? But calm down a bit first, it's that anger and emotion that you need to get under control so that you can communicate better with him. You just seem really upset to me...

    Good luck! I'm sure you'll get some more comments, so keep checking.

  7. #7
    memommy Guest
    Hi there FJ1200,

    Yes, I keep a weird schedule. These posts must not go immediately, because I'm getting yours six hours later. hmmmm...

    Thanks for your advice, and encouragement. I appreciate that. Some of it is anger, some of it fear. These lies have affected decisions made so far by the judge that are putting mine and the kids lives in havoc, and I just don't want to see anything else important decided based on lies, especially when there is all this documented proof that just has to be shown in court. I've seen the ex talk his way out of a million bad situations. He knows that lying works for him. I am terrified of lying or stretching the truth, because I am inevitably caught for anything I do wrong, but it sometimes seems like maybe nice guys do come in last.

    In the end I truly believe that they are just going to trip over their own mess, but you can't help but wonder what if.

    Thanks again

  8. #8
    jennthai Guest
    Well memommy, no offense, but I am glad I am not alone in that type of case. My soon to be ex sounds very much like yours. VERY vindictive. On top of that we are going through a very nasty divorce right now. I agreed to 50/50 with him and I have regreted it ever since. i tried to go back to mediation and i gave in once again kept it 50/50. He threatens me and says all kinds of crap. I am very afraid of him and what he can do mentally to me. He already used physical abuse and thats why i moved away about 20 miles from him. I to drive the kids 20+ miles one way to school. I feel kinda of screwed, but like the others say patience right?

  9. #9
    memommy Guest
    Patience is an easy thing to have for some reasonable amount of time, but it's really starting to drive me batty. I'm sorry about your situation. You are right. It sounds an awful lot like mine. I refuse to give in to 50/50 though. A lot of people have said the same thing you are saying. "It's a nightmare." Frankly, it's not been 50/50 ever before, why would we put it on paper now! The ex is a control freak, and the kids are just his whopper to hold over my head for the rest of my life he thinks.

    I don't understand the court system's lack of logic. They are really pushing this equal parenting time (50/50), but in all reality, in basically any situation in life, there must be someone in charge. 50/50 means working together, cooperating, with the same interests in mind (what's best for the kids). If that were likely, the marriage would likely have succeeded. And to add fuel to the whole thing, in this type partnership, you have two people with real emotional issues with each other. Now we have two people who couldn't cooperate with each other to begin with, and now can't think straight for the emotion involved. CRAZY! What are they thinking. I'm on my soap box. I'll stop.

    Thanks so much for your reply. It is good to know you're not alone. I hope everything goes ok for you.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Just don't expect things to get better anytime soon. I'm going on 5 years divorced, and things haven't changed for the better. All you can do is not let it drive you nuts.

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