Child Custody Drug Abuse Case

[arbour13]

Hi,

My ex-girlfriend recently served me with papers filing for custody of our five month old son. I currently live in Louisiana, but she lives in California with our son and her son from a previous marriage.

I plan to speak with an attorney in the next few days, but I wanted to get some advice and truly see what my chances are of gaining custody of my son.

First off, the Mother has a long history of drug abuse. Apart from all the illegal activity and abuse that I witnessed while living with her, she was arrested here in Louisiana when she was eight months pregnant (May 19, 2009). The charge is possession with intent to distribute narcotics (schedule III). That case is still pending and she has yet to appear in court. I know the details of the case; she phoned a contact in California and had him send her 50 hydrocodone pills. I believe she will plead not-guilty.

Other than that, the only solid evidence I have of drug abuse is:

1. I have knowledge of her ordering six bottles of Soma (a strong muscle relaxer) from an internet pharmacy while she was three months pregnant. Soma is a category C drug, which means it has not been tested on pregnant women and should not be used while pregnant unless ordered by a doctor. She ordered them while visiting family in California in December 2008. She could not have disclosed the fact that she was pregnant to the pharmacy or they would not have prescribed them to her. I can't bring this information up online anymore, but I would assume the court could subpoena her records from that internet pharmacy. When I questioned her about the purchases, she claims she sold them for Christmas money. I have to assume that the court would look down on this whether she took the pills or sold them. I also have knowledge of her ordering at least nine more bottles of Soma from this same pharmacy before she was pregnant.

2. I have knowledge of her paying for and ordering hydrocodone from a known drug dealer in California. I know of her ordering from this guy at least three times (one of which was the shipment that got her arrested), but I would have to assume she ordered them other times as well. These transactions took place both before her pregnancy and during.

3. I have knowledge of her Mother (who is an addict as well) sending her at least 120 fentanyl suckers (a very strong narcotic usually prescribed to cancer patients) on several separate occasions over a six month period. Her mother also sent her hydrocodone pills from time to time. These transactions took place before the pregnancy.

4. I have knowledge of her communicating with at least two doctors (one in Washington and one in Louisiana) at a time to gain pain pills. She was seeing a pain management doctor here in Louisiana and calling an old doctor of hers in Washington at the same time. And she was ordering the Soma online at the same time also. She admitted to me at a later date that she was never really in any pain and did not need to be seen by a pain management doctor. These transactions took place both before and during the pregnancy.

5. I have knowledge of her harboring pills even after our son was born and while she was breast feeding. I was in California visiting after our son was born. At the time, I had a pinched nerve in my back causing pain down my left leg. I went to the doctor and got a prescription for 100 hydrocodone pills for the pain. The day before I left California, 30 of those pills came up missing. I counted the pills every day because I knew of her history. She later admitted to taking them.

6. Other than these things, I have personally witnessed her purchasing pills from several people, trading drugs with several people, and I have found pills of unknown origin throughout our house over a period of nearly a year and a half.

I never made a move to gain custody of my son because she led me to believe that she was in an outpatient treatment program in California. I found out later that she was never in a program. I wanted to believe that she had a good heart and would eventually come around. I now regret not making a move because my son has been exposed to this lifestyle for way too long.

I am a really great Father. I have domiciliary custody of my two daughters from a previous marriage. Their Mother and I have 50/50 custody of the girls and she has already told me she will write a letter telling the court what a great Father I am.

I fear there are two things she will bring up in court concerning my skills as a Father. She will bring up my lack of financial support since she left for California and had the baby. I am currently unemployed. I have sent her money every time she has asked for it, but it doesn't add up to all that much. I am honestly doing all that I can at the moment. Also, she may bring up the fact that I would take pills from her every now and then when my back was hurting. I have had chronic back pain ever since I got out of the Army, and for the past year and a half, I have not had insurance. So, when she had them and I had back pain, I would take them when she offered them. But I never abused them or became addicted to them. And I never took them from her after she admitted to me that she had an addiction problem.

Please help me find a direction here. What are my chances? What can I subpoena for the hearing? What should I do, other than talk to an attorney? What actions would hurt me right now? What actions would help? Should I call CPS in California and have them test her for drugs now? Should I call the police in California? Please help?

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Hi,

My ex-girlfriend recently served me with papers filing for custody of our five month old son. I currently live in Louisiana, but she lives in California with our son and her son from a previous marriage.

I plan to speak with an attorney in the next few days, but I wanted to get some advice and truly see what my chances are of gaining custody of my son.

First off, the Mother has a long history of drug abuse. Apart from all the illegal activity and abuse that I witnessed while living with her, she was arrested here in Louisiana when she was eight months pregnant (May 19, 2009). The charge is possession with intent to distribute narcotics (schedule III). That case is still pending and she has yet to appear in court. I know the details of the case; she phoned a contact in California and had him send her 50 hydrocodone pills. I believe she will plead not-guilty.

Other than that, the only solid evidence I have of drug abuse is:

1. I have knowledge of her ordering six bottles of Soma (a strong muscle relaxer) from an internet pharmacy while she was three months pregnant. Soma is a category C drug, which means it has not been tested on pregnant women and should not be used while pregnant unless ordered by a doctor. She ordered them while visiting family in California in December 2008. She could not have disclosed the fact that she was pregnant to the pharmacy or they would not have prescribed them to her. I can't bring this information up online anymore, but I would assume the court could subpoena her records from that internet pharmacy. When I questioned her about the purchases, she claims she sold them for Christmas money. I have to assume that the court would look down on this whether she took the pills or sold them. I also have knowledge of her ordering at least nine more bottles of Soma from this same pharmacy before she was pregnant.

2. I have knowledge of her paying for and ordering hydrocodone from a known drug dealer in California. I know of her ordering from this guy at least three times (one of which was the shipment that got her arrested), but I would have to assume she ordered them other times as well. These transactions took place both before her pregnancy and during.

3. I have knowledge of her Mother (who is an addict as well) sending her at least 120 fentanyl suckers (a very strong narcotic usually prescribed to cancer patients) on several separate occasions over a six month period. Her mother also sent her hydrocodone pills from time to time. These transactions took place before the pregnancy.

4. I have knowledge of her communicating with at least two doctors (one in Washington and one in Louisiana) at a time to gain pain pills. She was seeing a pain management doctor here in Louisiana and calling an old doctor of hers in Washington at the same time. And she was ordering the Soma online at the same time also. She admitted to me at a later date that she was never really in any pain and did not need to be seen by a pain management doctor. These transactions took place both before and during the pregnancy.

5. I have knowledge of her harboring pills even after our son was born and while she was breast feeding. I was in California visiting after our son was born. At the time, I had a pinched nerve in my back causing pain down my left leg. I went to the doctor and got a prescription for 100 hydrocodone pills for the pain. The day before I left California, 30 of those pills came up missing. I counted the pills every day because I knew of her history. She later admitted to taking them.

6. Other than these things, I have personally witnessed her purchasing pills from several people, trading drugs with several people, and I have found pills of unknown origin throughout our house over a period of nearly a year and a half.

I never made a move to gain custody of my son because she led me to believe that she was in an outpatient treatment program in California. I found out later that she was never in a program. I wanted to believe that she had a good heart and would eventually come around. I now regret not making a move because my son has been exposed to this lifestyle for way too long.

I am a really great Father. I have domiciliary custody of my two daughters from a previous marriage. Their Mother and I have 50/50 custody of the girls and she has already told me she will write a letter telling the court what a great Father I am.

I fear there are two things she will bring up in court concerning my skills as a Father. She will bring up my lack of financial support since she left for California and had the baby. I am currently unemployed. I have sent her money every time she has asked for it, but it doesn't add up to all that much. I am honestly doing all that I can at the moment. Also, she may bring up the fact that I would take pills from her every now and then when my back was hurting. I have had chronic back pain ever since I got out of the Army, and for the past year and a half, I have not had insurance. So, when she had them and I had back pain, I would take them when she offered them. But I never abused them or became addicted to them. And I never took them from her after she admitted to me that she had an addiction problem.

Please help me find a direction here. What are my chances? What can I subpoena for the hearing? What should I do, other than talk to an attorney? What actions would hurt me right now? What actions would help? Should I call CPS in California and have them test her for drugs now? Should I call the police in California? Please help?

You can bring up the the drug charges and ask that she go through drug testing. The judge may order it. Things you have "knowledge" of will not mean anything in court. You need proof. I doubt the court will order her computer records as this is not a criminal case.

The child is only five months old and the distance between you and mom pretty significant. I do not see you getting 50/50. Now if the judge orders the drug tests and she fails, or if she is sent to jail then you will have a chance at primary custody.

 

[Just Blue]

Why did you impregnate a known drug addict?

 

[arbour13]

I thought she was clean at the time she got pregnant. Plus she got pregnant before I knew the depth of what she was into.

 

[waitinMd]

5. I have knowledge of her harboring pills even after our son was born and while she was breast feeding. I was in California visiting after our son was born. At the time, I had a pinched nerve in my back causing pain down my left leg. I went to the doctor and got a prescription for 100 hydrocodone pills for the pain. The day before I left California, 30 of those pills came up missing.

I never made a move to gain custody of my son because she led me to believe that she was in an outpatient treatment program in California. I found out later that she was never in a program. I wanted to believe that she had a good heart and would eventually come around. I now regret not making a move because my son has been exposed to this lifestyle for way too long.

you had knowledge of her harboring pills after the child was born and while she was breast feeding but you still thought she was in treatment, why? It sounds like you didn't do anything until she served you with papers. The Judge is going to wonder the same thing if you tell him she used all through the pregnancy, and has current criminal charges.. but you thought she was going to treatment.

And YOU got a prescription for 100 pills. More than likely you will be drug tested by the Judge along with the child's mother. That is very typical in custody cases where one party is accusing the other party of drug abuse. The Judge will test BOTH parties.

If it were me I would call CPS, first of all because she has an open criminal case. I'm not sure what they would do in California.

Have you had a DNA test?

 

[arbour13]

It was after she stole the pills that I demanded she get into treatment. She obliged and I believed her. I shouldn't have. I know that now. And she actually provided me with proof that her doctor had referred her to a specialist.

To be honest with you, I didn't know enough about addiction or drug abuse to know what to do when she was pregnant. I wanted to get her help, but I didn't know how. I called CPS when she was pregnant and they told me they couldn't do anything until the baby was born.

Also, when she was pregnant, the pills that I was aware of her taking were legitimately prescribed to her, until the arrest of course. I didn't find out about all the other illegal stuff until after the fact. I knew she had a problem months before she got pregnant, but I thought she had kicked the habit. I was naive and didn't know the facts about addiction.

My prescription was completely legitimate. I would submit to testing at any time without reserve.

 

[waitinMd]

You did not answer the question about the DNA.

How much visitation do you have with the minor child now?

 

[arbour13]

No DNA test. None needed in my eyes. He's absolutely mine. Even if I felt there was a chance he wasn't biologically mine, I would still want to fight for custody.

No visitation right now. I went to California when he was born and stayed three weeks. She then traveled with him back to Louisiana to put her things in storage. So, the last time I saw him was the beginning of September. She was supposed to come with him for Christmas, but I don't think that's happening now.

You have to understand, this was thrown on me very suddenly. I thought she was getting treatment. We both agreed that once she was better, she would come back to Louisiana and we would try to continue as a family. I thought things were going well and they would be back in the next month or so. But then she threw the custody order on me.

 

[waitinMd]

Quite Frankly it will take at LEAST 30 days or MORE to establish that you are the father. You can NOT file for custody, you are NOT the child's father until the court tells you that are the father.

DNA has to be ordered first, it could take a month to get a hearing. Then you have to wait for the results to come back and wait for another hearing.

The court is NOT going to give an infant to you right away... not to mention the FACT that you have not established any type of bond with the minor child.

IF she is found guilty for drug charges, more than likely a family member will take the child. I doubt she goes to jail, she will probably get probation and maybe rehab. She will get drug tested from her probation officer.

A Judge will NOT take a child away from the mother for drugs until the mother has REPEATEDLY abused the drugs and the court has proof, such as hair follicle tests. The court will try to get the mother help. This can go on for YEARS. Unless there is abuse...

If she filed for custody, you will be going in for a DNA test. Once it comes back you can ask for custody/visitation and you WILL pay child support.

 

[Proserpina]

No DNA test. None needed in my eyes. He's absolutely mine. Even if I felt there was a chance he wasn't biologically mine, I would still want to fight for custody.

I'm not sure you grasp the seriousness of this question - whether you see him as "yours" regardless of biology isn't honestly the point. You need to be legally established as father before anything can happen.

If you're not currently the legal father and DNA proves you are not the biological father there's virtually no chance of you obtaining custody. Period. I'm sorry - but that's the reality.

 

[arbour13]

No, there will be no DNA test. Paternity has already been established as I was in California for the birth and signed the birth certificate. The custody paperwork declares that paternity has already been established.

And there is a bond between the child and I. I spent the first three weeks of his life by his side in California. They then spent almost a month with me at my house in Louisiana when she came to get her things. He's five months old and I've spent nearly two of those with him. I talk to him every day. Before all this started, his Mother was sending me photos every day.

I fail to believe that the court will give the baby to her family. Her Mother is an addict and her Father is an alcoholic. If I'm there fighting and I'm clearly able to provide a better circumstance for my child, why wouldn't they give him to me?

And to be totally honest with you, that's all I've ever asked of her. I told her that I would give her custody of the child if she would get some sort of measurable treatment that I could monitor. She now has declined that offer and filled me in on the fact that she never got any treatment. I don't believe she can get off the drugs. If she couldn't stop when she had the child in her body, why would she stop now?

 

[Proserpina]

No, there will be no DNA test. Paternity has already been established as I was in California for the birth and signed the birth certificate. The custody paperwork declares that paternity has already been established.

Fair enough - but please understand that should Mom know something you don't, both her and potential "other guy" may be able to petition to have your paternity disestablished.

And there is a bond between the child and I. I spent the first three weeks of his life by his side in California. They then spent almost a month with me at my house in Louisiana when she came to get her things. He's five months old and I've spent nearly two of those with him. I talk to him every day. Before all this started, his Mother was sending me photos every day.

He's 5 months old...if you haven't seen him in a couple of months what happened prior to that doesn't mean you have a close bond with him now. I'm sorry, but again that's the reality.

I fail to believe that the court will give the baby to her family. Her Mother is an addict and her Father is an alcoholic. If I'm there fighting and I'm clearly able to provide a better circumstance for my child, why wouldn't they give him to me?

That's not the question or, really, the problem - the question is why will they take him from his mother?

And to be totally honest with you, that's all I've ever asked of her. I told her that I would give her custody of the child if she would get some sort of measurable treatment that I could monitor. She now has declined that offer and filled me in on the fact that she never got any treatment. I don't believe she can get off the drugs. If she couldn't stop when she had the child in her body, why would she stop now?

Nobody can answer that and frankly it's not the crux of the matter. To remove him at this point will probably need proof that Mom is unfit and so far, you don't have that.

 

[arbour13]

Okay... I forgot to mention something in the original thread. I have witnessed her getting behind the wheel when she was high. Again, I was pretty naive to the whole addiction thing and I couldn't really tell at first when she was high. But I've seen her get behind the wheel and run through traffic lights. Is my testimony of that behavior going to carry over in court?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Is there any way you could move to California to be closer to your child? You say that you are unemployed at this time.

 

[waitinMd]

I agree with post 13...

The burden of proof is on you. You would have to PROVE her mother is also an addict and her father is an alcoholic.

You can still ask the Judge that she be drug tested every 90 days. You do have proof of drugs since she has a criminal hearing coming up.

I feel your pain.... I really do. You have to pay for all the legal fees, you have to pay for all the subpoena's.... it is very expensive... TRUST me.... I KNOW...

I would GO to the courthouse and get copies of her recent criminal records, get the police report....

Also, I would expect her current atty for the criminal case would insist she get drug tested before her criminal trial, and get some kind of help before the trial.