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child Custody to Grandparents if something happened to me.

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stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I figured you wouldn't appreciate it - but the reality is that you cannot *will* your children to anyone. You will belongings, not people. You can state your preference, but be certain that if the father files for custody in the event of your death or incapacity and he's not a dire threat to the kid (i.e. a homicidal maniacal child molester) he IS likely going to get custody.

As for not replying.... Hon - you want a legal advisor, pay for one. You want free advice? You're gonna get responses from a bunch of different people who may or may not be lawyers, but who have a hell of a lot of legal experience.
 


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Tara Patience

Guest
go to school

If you say you have a lot of legal experince then go to school and become a lawyer untill then I really don't care about what you say about the question I asked, Can't you people just help me on the question I asked and quit bringing more into this then what needs to be.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
How many different ways would you like to be told the same thing?

And all you're doing with your attitude is alienating people from wanting to help you. Oh well.
 

haiku

Senior Member
I'll give you some straight up advice....no "legal advicer" on this board is likely to answer your question, because our other experienced contributers already have.

A better attitude will work wonders for you in seeking the help you need and most importantly in court.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
"I feel that the first couple years of a childs life is vital in playing a role as a parent"

Tara,

Your baby is still very young. A father IS important to a little girl. Do not put barriers up to whatever relationship can eventually develop. My daughter was adopted by us a 25 monsths old - just because she wasn't in our lives until then does not mean she is not a a happy child now who is thriving. The implication that a parent who was absent in the first few months of a child's life is therefore unable forever to be a parent to that child is very offensive to me and all those who adopted even older children. Being with a child from birth is the ideal - but it doesn't always happen and does not preclude a parenting relationship later.

Many young woman mature earlier than young men. Just because YOU were ready to parent at the point your daughter was born does not mean he was emotionally prepared to do so. AND many young men are intimidated by the presumed fragility of a small child. They are more comfortable with a bit older child, age two and up, in which they are not worrying about things like soft spots and supporting their heads and all the other things they worry they might do wrong.

FYI- IT was my father that made me feel I was capable of doing anything, and it was my father who inspired me in so many ways. Don't deprive your daughter of that oh-so-importanat father figure.
 
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JaneyS4

Member
Re: go to school

Tara Patience said:
If you say you have a lot of legal experince then go to school and become a lawyer untill then I really don't care about what you say about the question I asked, Can't you people just help me on the question I asked and quit bringing more into this then what needs to be.
ktarra617: to put it shortly unless the father has been declared unfit for custody or your family could prove him unfit, then there is really nothing you can do to prevent your child's father from assuming custody in the event that you can no longer care for child. Even were you to do some kind of guardianship of the child, the father could contest it because it is presumed to be in the best interest of the child to be with a biological parent.

Answer to your question...

lovingwife: You cant "will" your child to someone else....
and if you research the Q and A list, you will see hundreds of responses to this question on this site.
That being said, in reality, you chose this man to father this child, and you can't go back and decide in the future, if something happens to you, it was not a good choice. This is just the reality of the situation

Answer to your question...

momma_tiger:Kids are not puppies. You're not allowed to just decide who you're going to give them to if something happens to you. A judge decides who'll raise them. The bio-father will have a much stronger claim to custody than your parents, your siblings, aunts/uncles, the girl next door. It simply doesn't work that way. If you felt he wasn't fit to be a father to your child - you shouldn't have had one with him - THAT is what a judge will tell you.

Again, an answer to your question...

Everyone has answered your question. You just don't like hearing it.
 

karma1

Senior Member
Re: Momtiger

Tara Patience said:
I don't appreciate you saying that I think of my child as a puppy. I understand that he has rights to my daughter. And I am not trying to decide on if my ex gets our daughter or not, that is why I am asking for legal advice, so if you are not a legal adviser then please don't reply, I am still going through court and I don't need you to tell me what the court will say I have a judge to do that. So please If you are a Legal Adviser I would appreciate your input on what I should do or if I could do anything at all. Thank You Very Much.
Tara--but you are trying to decide if your ex would get your daughter or not--or lets say, if her grandparents would get her and the answer is no---not with the idea if something happens to you, you can request that they have custody....it doesnt work that way..
that being said, and from searching and experience, CA does have codes regarding grandparent/stepparent/other significant people in a childs life being granted visitation, and in some cases, custody- but, and I do stress the but in this, all of this would have to be in the best interest of the child....ultimately, the decision of where your child lives if something would happen to you would be up to a judge, providing there would be some kind of contesting by the grandparents that she should live with them and not dad....
there are so many if's in this that for one, I would not worry about it nor pursue it....keep communicating with dad, maybe jointly decide on daycare.....one you both agree upon for now and the future....work together as you will be dealing with each other for a long time, as stated...
and you're welcome, btw....
 
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Tara Patience

Guest
That is very true

that is very true next wife and thank you for your input , I am not saying I want my ex out of my daughters life on the contrary I would love for him to be in her life. But as of right now he comes and goes as he pleases and that is not very often I have told him many times he is welcome to come over even if it's not his visitation day. When he does get her he only keeps her for about an hour and then he brings her back saying he couldn't handle her. I would love more then anything for him to get his act together and decide he wants to be there for our daughter. I was asking about my parents getting custody of our daughter if something happened to me only because I am worried that he may not get his act together, my only interest is my daughters happiness.
 
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Charlie77

Guest
Your not alone

I am going threw the same thing right now. My son is 18 months and we have been in hiding for a year now. I have had a long drawn out court experiance and am still going threw this. The courts are forcing visitation and the father wants nothing to do with my son. He has fled the county trying to run from the courts because he refuses to give me a devorce and he thinks that the court system is after him my reply to that was well if you didnt beat us then you would have no worries. I think we might have somethings in common and would like to hear back from you.

Charlie
 
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Tara Patience

Guest
Charlie77

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through that, I know it is really hard. maybe you can e-mail me and we could talk sometime.
 
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Charlie77

Guest
I have advice

I have advice for you and its all things that I have done. Im in pro per on my case meaning I represent myself. I have been awarded custody of my son 3 different times and am now faced with new opsticals Im not a lawyer but just a fast learner. Forgive me but I have been fallowing your past replies and these peaople are attacking you. I dont know much about the computer so if you dont mind telling me how I could go about emailing you that would be great.

Charlie
 

nextwife

Senior Member
With all due respect Charlie77, this is a quite different situation. First, there is no alleged abuse by the biofather. A lack of interest right now, yes, but nothing alleging abuse has been stated.

Second, the situation and question here were about whether a CP is the one who LEGALLY can determine quardianship in favor of her personal choice over the NCP. IT is not a question of custody by one bioparent in favor of the other bioparent.

Additionally, while the other posters were restating the legal answer to Tara's inquiry, they were not "attacking" her. They were just all pointing out that, as both parents have rights until one is determined unfit to maintain those rights, the CP CANNOT legally sign over rights they do not fully have. She is the CP, not the sole parent.
 
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Charlie77

Guest
Back Down

You say your not attacking! Dont make me laugh. I have read what you were saying and it was attacking. Tara said thank you for your opinion but she also mentioned that you didnt know the whole situation. I have spent the past year doing the same things to protact my child. you said what you felt you had to say now what else could you possibly want. You gave your opinion there is nothing left to say. Iam so tired of people saying that there is no hope all Tara wants is to make sure her child is taken care of. I know I wouldnt want my child to go to the birth father he is scum and I wont give up fighting for my child. Hey Tara did you know that there are law offices that have lawyers who will represent your child Its just like them having there own lawyers.
 
J

JoandJa'smom

Guest
Tara, Chances are if your childs father wants the child if you die he will get custody, but that doesn't mean your parents can't get some type of visitation.

If you have a lawyer you should get a will done. In your will you can name your parents as legal gaurdians over your child. So, if you were to die it would help them in a custody fight getting primary custody or visitation.

To all the others who treated this poster badly over her simple question I want to say that you should not judge anyone. You don't know the whole story and until you do please keep your biased opinions to yourself. Exspecially you Janifer! I saw on another board that you brought this up and even posted about it. I saw you say how you could not see anything wrong about the father w/what the mother was posting about and that is why you gave her your "OPINION". I say that loudly as I am guessing you must be married to man who has a hard time w/his ex and seeing his kids. Not everyone is the evil ex wife I am sure you probably assume. But, not every man is a good dad either and you don't even know this poster well enough to give the opinion that the dad is and should recieve custody upon death of the mother. Shame on you!!! You should have just answered her question instead of judging her. I see you post on another site and have read what you posted about Tara and it is so sad that you are so biased!! If you are goin to offer advice please try and do it w/an open mind intead of the closed one you have!

JoandJa'smom
 
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Tara Patience

Guest
Thank You

Thank You so much for nicely tellying me what it was I wanted to know and jnfar I really thinlk you are very childish to post things about me when you don't know anything about me you sound like a very lonely person and I hope you can get some help for that.
 

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