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child Custody to Grandparents if something happened to me.

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Tara Patience

Guest
What is the name of your state? CA, I have sole physical custody of my daughter my ex has joint legal custody, I was wondering what I can do about giving my parents custody of my daughter if something ever happened to me, how would I go about this?
 


ktarra617

Member
to put it shortly unless the father has been declared unfit for custody or your family could prove him unfit, then there is really nothing you can do to prevent your child's father from assuming custody in the event that you can no longer care for child. Even were you to do some kind of guardianship of the child, the father could contest it because it is presumed to be in the best interest of the child to be with a biological parent.

why do you not want the child's father to care for her in the event that you cannot?
 
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Tara Patience

Guest
Why father shouldn't get custody

I would rather my ex not have custody of our daughter because she is 17 months and he has been around her for the total of maybe 2 months, we were seperated for 2 months and that whole time he never came to see her it wasn't untill the court ordered that he have visitation rights that he finally came to see her, but out of 5 weekends he has only gotten her twice.In my eyes and others he is very irresponsible and wouldn't know the first thing about taking care of a child.
 
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Janifer

Guest
My thoughts

He may not know how to care for your shared child, but he will learn. 17 months is still a really short time to prove yourself as a parent especially when you are going through a divorce.

Don't start on the road of considering yourself the child's only parent yet. In the long run it is detrimental to everyone, even you.

Good luck.
 
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Tara Patience

Guest
proving his self

I feel that the first couple years of a childs life is vital in playing a role as a parent, be it mother or father he has made it very clear that he prefers the single life with no ties, he comes and goes as he pleases and that is not what a child needs, she needs a full time mother and father and if he is not willing to be there and do that now then I would prefer my parents have custody of our daughter rather then have her go to her father that would just throw her off in day care every chance he gets and not be there for her as my parents would.
 
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Janifer

Guest
Hate to battle with you

These are very petty reasons to think he wouldn't be a good dad and I think that would be obvious to the court as well.

Like I said... try not to make yourself believe that you are the only parent in the situation. He doesn't need to prove himself to you.
 
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Tara Patience

Guest
Are you a legal represenative

Janifer-I really don't care if you feel that my reasons are petty , obviously you do not know my situation with my ex and my daughter, You are intitled to your own opinion but as for my problem you don't know anything about it. worry about your own first. I posted my problem to get some legal advice on what I should do or if I could do anything at all. So please keep further opinions to yourself.
 

karma1

Senior Member
You cant "will" your child to someone else....

and if you research the Q and A list, you will see hundreds of responses to this question on this site.
That being said, in reality, you chose this man to father this child, and you can't go back and decide in the future, if something happens to you, it was not a good choice. This is just the reality of the situation. You are going to have to deal with dad for at least the next 17+ years--saying you're going to give this child to someone else (which wont happen, at least not right at this moment, should something happen to you), is not the way to effectively co-parent. Perhaps you can communicate and work with dad to help him care for the child? NOT controlling the parenting he does, but offer suggestions?
As for daycares, many married/families that are together use them-this is not a reason to think he is a bad parent. Someone has to work, someone has to pay the bills....might I ask how you are providing for this child? How are you able to stay and be with your child at this time? Just asking....and leading up to the fact that one day, you might be using daycare. Would you understand if dad attacked your parenting skills based on this?
JMO and thoughts.....
 
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Janifer

Guest
OK

When you post here for help, it is assumed all relevant information is given. If there is some abuse going on that I don't know about, it is because you haven't stated all the pertinant info. I can't read minds.

If you have presented all the reasons that your ex should have his own child when you croak, then you sound like a petty person just trying to gain the upper hand.

That is all.
 
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Tara Patience

Guest
Thank you lovingwife

yes I agree that helping my ex with his parenting skills is the way to go, I have been trying to do so. And as for day care the only thing I am afraid of about that is that he would leave our daughter there whenever he wants to go out partying not just for working, I am am going to school to become a MA I go nights so I have my parents to help in taking care of my daughter during that time. Thanks Agian LovingWife
 
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Tara Patience

Guest
Again Jnfar whatever

I have not put all of my situation on here because that is not what I have came on here for, I came on here for a question that has nothing to do with You. Please stop posting on my question you obviously are just a know it all that thinks she can solve everyones problem get a life, and stay out of mine. And all the pertinant info is none of your buisness if a LEGAL ADVICER were to ask then I would explain it all, as for you Jnfar I would really appreciate you keeping out off my problem you are of no help to me.
 
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Janifer

Guest
The point is

if it is relevant, that means that it would allow everyone give you quality help. If you leave it out and it is relavant then no one can help you.

Thats all I'm saying.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Kids are not puppies. You're not allowed to just decide who you're going to give them to if something happens to you. A judge decides who'll raise them. The bio-father will have a much stronger claim to custody than your parents, your siblings, aunts/uncles, the girl next door. It simply doesn't work that way. If you felt he wasn't fit to be a father to your child - you shouldn't have had one with him - THAT is what a judge will tell you.

You may not like that input, but that's reality.

And if you want a legal advisor to tell you that - how about you choke up the money to pay one?
 
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Tara Patience

Guest
Momtiger

I don't appreciate you saying that I think of my child as a puppy. I understand that he has rights to my daughter. And I am not trying to decide on if my ex gets our daughter or not, that is why I am asking for legal advice, so if you are not a legal adviser then please don't reply, I am still going through court and I don't need you to tell me what the court will say I have a judge to do that. So please If you are a Legal Adviser I would appreciate your input on what I should do or if I could do anything at all. Thank You Very Much.
 
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Tara Patience

Guest
Momtiger

And for your info I have a very good lawyer, but I was wanting to find sometrhings out for myself before I involved him.
 

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