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Child Custody in Oklahoma

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DallasPhoenix

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oklahoma

I am currently going through a nasty divorce in Oklahoma, and my soon to be ex-wife is refusing to allow me to see my daughter unless I meet certain demands from her (such as paying alimony when I have not been court ordered to).

There has been a history of alcoholism in the home on both parts, and I have been clean and sober since I left her back in 2/2009. I also moved in with someone else shortly after leaving her. Since then the "ex" has continued to drink, and in one case she nearly caught her home on fire but my daughter put the fire out herself since her mother was passed out.

A few weeks after she filed for divorce I agreed to an uncontested divorce, and I signed an agreement to giving her all property, taking on all debts, child support, alimony and having visitation rights.

All was going fine for about a month until she started to go against the agreement. She started to make threats about visitation and in one case denied me access to my daughter just out of spite. At that time I hired a lawyer and I decided to contest the divorce and ask for joint custody so that I had a right to see my daughter, even when my ex-wife was angry with me.

I have medical records that shows she has a problem with alcoholism, notorized letters about her behavior, and criminal records that shows she was charged with terroristic threat 10 years ago when she came after me with a knife. She also recently allowed someone to move in with them that is a known prostitute. The only things she has against me is a DUI charge and the fact that I am living with my girlfriend who has no criminal history and has high morals. My attorney has scheduled a custody hearing next week, but charges me to ask questions, so I have turned to this forum for advice. Do I have any chance of getting at least joint or full custody of my daughter?:confused:
 
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Ohiogal

Queen Bee
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oklahoma

I am currently going through a nasty divorce in Oklahoma, and my soon to be ex-wife is refusing to allow me to see my daughter unless I meet certain demands from her (such as paying alimony when I have not been court ordered to).

There has been a history of alcoholism in the home on both parts, and I have been clean and sober since I left her back in 2/2009. I also moved in with someone else shortly after leaving her. Since then the "ex" has continued to drink, and in one case she nearly caught her home on fire but my daughter put the fire out herself since her mother was passed out.

A few weeks after she filed for divorce I agreed to an uncontested divorce, and I signed an agreement to giving her all property, taking on all debts, child support, alimony and having visitation rights.
So she was a horrible mother and yet you agreed to her having custody? Nice. And when you moved you left the child with her? Great.

All was going fine for about a month until she started to go against the agreement. She started to make threats about visitation and in one case denied me access to my daughter just out of spite. At that time I hired a lawyer and I decided to contest the divorce and ask for joint custody so that I had a right to see my daughter, even when my ex-wife was angry with me.
Okay.
I have medical records that shows she has a problem with alcoholism, notorized letters about her behavior, and criminal records that shows she was charged with terroristic threat 10 years ago when she came after me with a knife.
How old is the child? 10 years ago?? And you LEFT your child there while you moved in with someone else (your girlfriend)? YOU AGREED to her having custody since that incident? Oh okay.

She also recently allowed someone to move in with them that is a known prostitute. The only things she has against me is a DUI charge and the fact that I am living with my girlfriend who has no criminal history and has high morals. My attorney has scheduled a custody hearing next week, but charges me to ask questions, so I have turned to this forum for advice. Do I have any chance of getting at least joint or full custody of my daughter?:confused:
A "known" prostitute? What does that mean?

JOint but since you have decided that mom was fit by leaving the child with her and signing an agreement for her to have custody so you could live with your lover and commit adultery when you knew about mom's criminal history, alcoholism and what not probably not a huge chance if any at full custody.


Oh and women with high morals don't screw married men. So don't try using that argument.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oklahoma

I am currently going through a nasty divorce in Oklahoma, and my soon to be ex-wife is refusing to allow me to see my daughter unless I meet certain demands from her (such as paying alimony when I have not been court ordered to).

There has been a history of alcoholism in the home on both parts, and I have been clean and sober since I left her back in 2/2009. I also moved in with someone else shortly after leaving her. Since then the "ex" has continued to drink, and in one case she nearly caught her home on fire but my daughter put the fire out herself since her mother was passed out.
I applaud you for working on sobriety, but 4 months sober is NOT enough to give you any serious edge.

A few weeks after she filed for divorce I agreed to an uncontested divorce, and I signed an agreement to giving her all property, taking on all debts, child support, alimony and having visitation rights.
Was that signed agreement submitted to the courts? Did a judge sign off on it?

All was going fine for about a month until she started to go against the agreement. She started to make threats about visitation and in one case denied me access to my daughter just out of spite. At that time I hired a lawyer and I decided to contest the divorce and ask for joint custody so that I had a right to see my daughter, even when my ex-wife was angry with me.
You would have had that right anyway, under the agreement. Joint custody won't stop her from doing that, filing for contempt if she does not obey the agreement/court orders is what needs to be done.

I have medical records that shows she has a problem with alcoholism, notorized letters about her behavior, and criminal records that shows she was charged with terroristic threat 10 years ago when she came after me with a knife. She also recently allowed someone to move in with them that is a known prostitute.
Again, you have only been sober for 4 months...the alcohol issue does not give you a big edge. Something from 10 years ago is virtually unusable. What proof do you have that the woman/man in question is a known prostitute? You cannot alledge something like that unless you can prove it.

The only things she has against me is a DUI charge and the fact that I am living with my girlfriend who has no criminal history and has high morals. My attorney has scheduled a custody hearing next week, but charges me to ask questions, so I have turned to this forum for advice. Do I have any chance of getting at least joint or full custody of my daughter?:confused:
You both have documention indicating that the other has alcohol issues. You have only 4 months of sobriety. Again, not a huge one in your favor. Moving in with a girlfriend so soon after splitting with your stbx probably was not the worlds best decision either, although it really depends on the judge.

However, you are nearly guaranteed to get some form of joint custody, even if its just joint legal custody (joint decision making). You will also get a schedule of enforceable parenting time, even if it is not a 50/50 split. You may even get the 50/50 split that you want. I don't see you getting full custody, because almost no one these days gets full custody, and I don't see you getting primary custody either, in this scenario.

Also the fact that you did sign an agreement about everything doesn't bode very well for you, since everything that you are alledging now you had to have known about prior to signing the agreement.

Again, I applaud you for working on sobriety and encourage you to keep it up. However, don't expect to be viewed as superior to mom with only 4 months of sobriety under your belt.
 

DallasPhoenix

Junior Member
It's a lot more complicated and complex, and the reason I let my youngest (14 years old) stay is because my daughter wanted to stay with her mother, and I had no way to know she would continue the drinking the way she did.

There is a lot of history and hurt going on in the background, and you have no idea what me and my family had to put up with during the last 20 years (which was pretty horrific). I came to this forum hoping that it could be a neutral ground for advice.
 

DallasPhoenix

Junior Member
I do have full documentation and legal records for all persons living in the home. I signed an agreement with her attorney, but it never made it to a judge. I filed an "answer" to her original divorce filing (April 2009) last month and the divorce is not final at this point.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
It's a lot more complicated and complex, and the reason I let my youngest (14 years old) stay is because my daughter wanted to stay with her mother, and I had no way to know she would continue the drinking the way she did.

There is a lot of history and hurt going on in the background, and you have no idea what me and my family had to put up with during the last 20 years (which was pretty horrific). I came to this forum hoping that it could be a neutral ground for advice.
The child is 14? That's going to factor in as well. Her wishes will factor in to one extent or the other. She won't get to make the actual decision, but her wishes will factor in...particularly if she doesn't want to live with dad and his new girlfriend.

You don't think that your stbx is feeling some pretty big hurt about now? Not only is a divorce happening, but her husband has already moved in with someone else.

You are getting realistic advice regarding the situation as you are portraying it here. You can certainly give more details if you like, but what you have presented so far doesn't give you any huge edge.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I do have full documentation and legal records for all persons living in the home. I signed an agreement with her attorney, but it never made it to a judge. I filed an "answer" to her original divorce filing (April 2009) last month and the divorce is not final at this point.
You still signed it, and her attorney WILL present it to the judge. You can have your attorney attempt to withdraw your agreement, but that may or may not fly.

Also, I need to point out that you apparently don't consider the agreement to be binding upon you, therefore how can you argue that the visitation portion should be binding on mom? One of your main complaints is that she denied you a visitation out of spite. Yet you don't consider the agreement binding upon you. That's going to be a problem.
 
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DallasPhoenix

Junior Member
I know I may not get full custody, and that's fine, but all I am trying to get is the right to see my daughter. I don't care about the property, I cannot afford alimony, and I have been paying the agreed child support. I am only seeking some type of guarantee to see my daughter. The only reason I agreed to everything was to get away from a bad marriage in which everyone was getting hurt emotionally. It was not an easy decision to leave my daughter with her, but it was one in which I was trying to respect my daughter's feelings.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I know I may not get full custody, and that's fine, but all I am trying to get is the right to see my daughter. I don't care about the property, I cannot afford alimony, and I have been paying the agreed child support. I am only seeking some type of guarantee to see my daughter. The only reason I agreed to everything was to get away from a bad marriage in which everyone was getting hurt emotionally. It was not an easy decision to leave my daughter with her, but it was one in which I was trying to respect my daughter's feelings.
If you cannot afford alimony you shouldn't have agreed to pay it in the first place. Also, whether or not you think you can afford alimony, its going to be the judge that decides whether or not you are going to have to pay it.

Here is the thing dad...a judge's order or an agreement that turns into a judge's order are just as strong, and just as enforceable (unless the agreement was something like "visitation as agreed" rather than an actual schedule).

There is no kind of order that you can get that will ensure that mom will obey a visitation/parenting time portion. Even with 50/50 mom could be spiteful if she was so inclined, and nothing would be any different for you. The solution to that (once things are signed off on by a judge, either way) is to take mom to court for contempt if she denies your parenting time or violates the agreement.

Also, your child is old enough that it would be harder than heck for mom to deny you parenting time if that is what your daughter wants. So..apparently your daughter is unhappy with you right now. I suggest that you get a handle on why that is, and work towards a resolution with her. You cannot blame it all on her mother. Her mother may be facilitating her feelings, but you need to shoulder some of the responsibility too.

Divorce is hard on children, and teens do tend to "take sides" unless the parents work very hard to prevent that. Teens also understand what is happening when one of their parents is living with someone else. I really think that you made a bad strategic move to move in with your girlfriend before your divorce was even final. Your child really shouldn't have even known that you were seeing anyone before your divorce was even final.
 

DallasPhoenix

Junior Member
Thank you for your advice and it is very helpful, but once again people tend to make assumptions about feelings and situations. My daughter does want to come visit with me, and told me herself TODAY. She asked her mother and she said no. Sure I made a bad choice to move in with someone, but that is something I will deal with. Financially at this point in time I cannot afford alimony, and at the time I agreed to something without legal advice at that time because I had no money to seek help.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Thank you for your advice and it is very helpful, but once again people tend to make assumptions about feelings and situations. My daughter does want to come visit with me, and told me herself TODAY. She asked her mother and she said no. Sure I made a bad choice to move in with someone, but that is something I will deal with. Financially at this point in time I cannot afford alimony, and at the time I agreed to something without legal advice at that time because I had no money to seek help.
How long were you married? What is your annual income? What is mom's annual income? Was mom out of the workforce for any period of time? If so, how long?

If your daughter wants to spend time with you, then simply go get her.
 

DallasPhoenix

Junior Member
I really wish it was that simple. I earn less than $30,000 a year and she wants $300 a month on top of the $390 I am giving for child support. We were married over 20 years, and I think she earns a little over $1000 a month.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I really wish it was that simple. I earn less than $30,000 a year and she wants $300 a month on top of the $390 I am giving for child support. We were married over 20 years, and I think she earns a little over $1000 a month.
A 20 year marriage and she earns only 1000.00 a month? You may end up paying some alimony whether you like it or not. That's definitely a long term marriage and you make three times the money she does. I doubt you would have to pay any more than 300.00 a month, and possibly less, but you may have to pay some alimony. If she was making 20k and you 30k I would feel more hopeful for you.

If she is still in the marital home and trying to pay the rent/mortgage and utilities...she is probably hurting badly.
 

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