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child custody/ parent/grandparent visitation?

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lovespeace

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oregon

Background: Final judgment for dissolusion of domestic partnership (not same sex, just never married) and child custody (5yr old daughter)was signed and filed on 3-11 and entered 3-19. This was done through default as father never attended state parenting class or filed a response, and did not follow through with drug test, daycare payments, or 5 months of child support (80/mo) that was negotiated at the temp. custody hearing. Up to this month, we split custody of my daughter and parenting time was also split ( Sun-Tues, Wed-Fri - every other sat) I received full custody of my daughter, fathers visitation begins when he takes state parenting class and then it will be Fri@6 - Sun@6. He removed daughter from daycare on his days due to payment issues-- he paid late, lied to daycare, etc... finally he just flipped out on woman and stormed out with daughter, and screeched out of driveway. He got fired from his job - stating he couldn't find daycare for madi on the weekends (I would have been more than happy to have her more, and it was stated in our paperwork he should ask me if he needed daycare). He has lost all the friends that I know of due to lies, taking money and not paying back, etc.

Situation: I have been threated in past (1 month) about him coming to my workplace and causing scene, him stealing my car, him not returning daughter, etc. ( this due to him wanting to talk about and file his taxes and not giving me a call before or being will to wait until after work) I have reason to believe he owes people money for oz. of pot, and have been told he has dealt pot from his apt to others in his apt complex. Also, when we first seperated Jan. 08 he lived with his parents and was so into partying (strippers/pot/going out) that the parents "helped" him a lot during his time with her. His parents encouraged me to file- stating he was a deadbeat and they were caring for daughter - I was struggling with the fact my daughter was at parties... I couldn't keep her even when his car smelled like pot a time or two, etc... unacceptable to me but attorney said he always gets his parenting time... I filed paperwork, etc... He has threated that his whole family will spend every dime to get things 50/50 again and to make my life miserable. These last threats came when he got paperwork and I told him I would be following it exactly, meaning no visitation until after state parenting class. His step-mom texted asking to see daughter. ( texts started about 30 minutes after his text threats ended) I let her know I received her text, I appreciate her desire to see daughter, this is a time of change, and we (my daughter and I) need some time to adjust. After about 30+ text this weekend at all times of the night -- i've responded 2 additional times via text, 3total... repeating my neutral message and asking for some time. She states she has gone to attorney for grandparent rights. Even stating time/ day she was going.. that i better get out my checkbook, she has money for this do I, etc... she texts a little after midnight saying hope I am sleeping well and she is getting attorney next day, etc.

1) daughter has not lived in the grandparents home since june 08
2) I have never, and will never, deny them time with her - family is important. However -- i've asked for some time -- because they are manipulative and I don't trust what they will say or confuse my daughter at this point -- and I desire everyone to have time to calm and settle and accept the new parentint time -- and my daughter is doing amazing with the change. Friends, my family, and daycare have all commented on her behavior and attitude. -- I want this to continue.

Question: Do I need to worry about grandparent rights, should I have an attorney ready to help me? After final judgement what can father do?

I have my faults but I have learned through this that speaking with the other party through a neutral, factual voice and following my values - being honest and respectful allows me to be steady and confident.... I need this to be a good mom, and I have a great support system in my mother(physical therapist for ADHD kids) and my dad ( family couselor) and other positive people. And i'm reading a good book about manipulation.

I'm scared the grandpa, step grandma, and dad are going to focus more on having power in the situation that daughters emotions... help.. what can I do to maintain the judgment and parenting plan that I have, or are they just getting to me?
 
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Isis1

Senior Member
i'd tell step grandma to bite me, but then i have an attitude problem.

grandparents can visit on dad's time. DAD chooses not to visit since he refuses to take the parenting classes.
 

lovespeace

Junior Member
Then a lovely note to the grandparents can visit on son's time. Maybe they would like to "help" him take the course!!
I like that :) But not sure it keeps me neutral... seriously I don't want bring any additional negative emotions to the table -- half my reason for proceeding with all this is that I want my daughter to feel secure and to have good role models...

the other problem I didn't mention... is moving in with my boyfriend... will this cause problems? he and my daughter might have a closer bond then me.. he is encouraging and a great friend.. engineer.. owns home.. daughter already has her own room there so not really a change.. just changing my address...?? ugh!
 

Isis1

Senior Member
I like that :) But not sure it keeps me neutral... seriously I don't want bring any additional negative emotions to the table -- half my reason for proceeding with all this is that I want my daughter to feel secure and to have good role models...

the other problem I didn't mention... is moving in with my boyfriend... will this cause problems? he and my daughter might have a closer bond then me.. he is encouraging and a great friend.. engineer.. owns home.. daughter already has her own room there so not really a change.. just changing my address...?? ugh!
you will have to notify dad of the move. when and IF dad takes his parenting classes, how will it affect his visitation? further away? or closer?
 

Rushia

Senior Member
You need to research your state laws on GPV. Most states make it clear that in order for a person to sue for GPV they must actually be a gp. Stepgrandparents are not biological OR legal gps and have no right to sue.
 

lovespeace

Junior Member
you will have to notify dad of the move. when and IF dad takes his parenting classes, how will it affect his visitation? further away? or closer?

Thanks.

He will have Fri 6pm - Sun 6pm every other weekend, week of summer vacation, fathers day, and other holidays on odd or even years, etc.

Move is like 15 miles from where I live, and same distance from him - within 60 miles so he doesn't have to be notified - address is my families so it can stay or I can change it.

I'm not without fault - I have a serious boyfriend and am moving on and in... but it's so positive as his values are parallel with my families and he is so supportive of me and daughter- and he is honest with me - hard to find. And her standard of living is better. Besides this, I have things together.. i've paid my debts this year ( all debt from relationship with daughters father he left me with - broken promise $8000) Have a great job, and am 1yr away from BS information systems/business .. which should give me and daughter better life as well... she is in daycare, has swim lessons, friends, and is very close with my family, etc.

Hoping this won't trigger modification of judgment..
 

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