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  1. #1
    southernladybug Guest

    child custody...proving coercion?

    What is the name of your state? Mississippi
    How difficult will it be to prove a mother unfit if the children are too afraid of her to talk to anyone about what goes on? What steps should we take?
    My husband and I recently took his ex to court for custody of their 13 yr old son. The boy stated to both attorneys that he wanted to live with his father, but when he spoke to the judge he recanted and said he wanted to remain with his mother. We have since discovered that the night before the hearing, his mother and maternal grandfather spent the better part of the evening yelling at him and threatening him if he didn't tell the judge he wanted to remain with his mother. His 16 yr old sister claims he was served with a subpeona at school as well...his MOTHER was served, not him. It seems that she and her father set up someone in uniform to serve him, just to scare him. Also, the mother sends the children to her parents most of the time so she can have her boyfriend over. Her house is filthy, and the few times the children are there she makes them clean the whole house and do all the laundry. She is also an alcoholic, and constantly tells them their father beat her all the time, and beat them when they were small...this is not true at all, my husband is not a violent man.
  2. #2
    Plantinga Guest
    Ahhh, Mississippi...

    OK, this will be long. So pay attention!

    Do you have any police reports?
    Have you considered giving the child a psychiatric evaluation?
    Is there any physical evidence of neglect or abuse?
    Are you POSITIVE your husband never beat them? Were you there?

    You know, my ex believes children should fear parents. Not out of violence or abuse, but because you are their parent, and you are THE BOSS. I feared my parents growing up. Not because they would or did beat me, but because I knew if I disobeyed, then my butt was red later on. Children today seem to walk all over parents, and I think it is good for children to "fear" their parents. Hell, spank them now and then just to remind them of "who's boss".

    The mother sending her children to grandparent's home is not illegal. So what, she has a boyfriend, and wants some "quiet" time. Wouldn't you do the same thing, given the opportunity? BE honest!

    If the house is filthy and disgusting, then contact CPS if you are concerned about the children's well-being.

    Forcing your children to do chores is not a crime, it is what these children were brought into this world for (so my mother remains to believe true). It also instills responsibility and understanding of maintaining cleanliness. (which by the way, contradicts your original statement about how the house is filthy, yet the children are forced to clean it).

    Most of America is alcoholic. What are you going to do? Suggest AA. Problem solved.

    It seems like there is mud-slinging occurring here.
    If you really want custody, just do it the old fashioned way, request/petition it, and see where you get.

    You need proof, absolute proof to prove the mother unfit. I am not really seeing that you have any. Just hearsay.

    Good luck to you!

    Regards,
    Plantinga
  3. #3
    FJ1200guy Guest
    Ahhhhhhhh yes, so true.... there is such a fine line between fear and respect. Almost the same thing, eh?

    Fear to me is past respect when a child cringes when a parent moves a certain way, or yells. Respect is a fear of getting busted.


    Life is always so complicated. This is a lesson the 13 year old is learning... he'll be fine, he chose, let it go.

    Lyle
  4. #4
    southernladybug Guest
    I am not saying that children should not be made to do chores, but it is over the top when they are not home for 2 weeks and are made to come home for 1 night to clean the mess she has made with her b/f, then sent away again. Every adult deserves time alone with other adults, but she sends her children away nearly every night so he will come over. When he is gone, she lets them come home, but then she has numerous men in and out of the house, and the kids know she is having sex with them...the walls are thin. This is not a good example to set for a 16 yr old girl. The boy is 13 yrs old, but he has the social skills of a 9 or 10 yr old, b/c he is never allowed to have friends his own age. He is failing school b/c neither his mother nor his maternal grandparents take the time to help him with his schoolwork. We have offered to find him a tutor and pay for it, but his mother refuses to take him...she says it is too much of a demand on her time. and yes, children should be afraid of parents TO AN EXTENT, but so much that they are terrified to tell a judge what they want in court. We are working for a psych eval on both the kids and the mother, but that will take time. In the meantime, the boy has it the worst. He is yelled all the time, berated for wanting to see his father, and at times denied visitation. He has developed a stomach ulcer, which his mother will not seek medical treatment for, and he has nosebleeds all the time. We took him to a doc, but he needs continuous treatment for a while,and while the kids and the mother are in Mississippi, my husband and I are in Oklahoma...he is military. The boy's mother refuses to follow up on treatment...and he is covered by our insurance...it would only cost her the time to take him. The girl doesn't get it as bad,but she has no rules, no curfew, and is allowed to do as she pleases...she is failing school as well.
  5. #5
    Plantinga Guest
    Originally posted by southernladybug
    I am not saying that children should not be made to do chores, but it is over the top when they are not home for 2 weeks and are made to come home for 1 night to clean the mess she has made with her b/f, then sent away again. Every adult deserves time alone with other adults, but she sends her children away nearly every night so he will come over. When he is gone, she lets them come home, but then she has numerous men in and out of the house, and the kids know she is having sex with them...the walls are thin. This is not a good example to set for a 16 yr old girl. The boy is 13 yrs old, but he has the social skills of a 9 or 10 yr old, b/c he is never allowed to have friends his own age. He is failing school b/c neither his mother nor his maternal grandparents take the time to help him with his schoolwork. We have offered to find him a tutor and pay for it, but his mother refuses to take him...she says it is too much of a demand on her time. and yes, children should be afraid of parents TO AN EXTENT, but so much that they are terrified to tell a judge what they want in court. We are working for a psych eval on both the kids and the mother, but that will take time. In the meantime, the boy has it the worst. He is yelled all the time, berated for wanting to see his father, and at times denied visitation. He has developed a stomach ulcer, which his mother will not seek medical treatment for, and he has nosebleeds all the time. We took him to a doc, but he needs continuous treatment for a while,and while the kids and the mother are in Mississippi, my husband and I are in Oklahoma...he is military. The boy's mother refuses to follow up on treatment...and he is covered by our insurance...it would only cost her the time to take him. The girl doesn't get it as bad,but she has no rules, no curfew, and is allowed to do as she pleases...she is failing school as well.
    *OK- so the mother is a slut. There is nothing you can do about that. There are sluts all over the world.

    Now, you bring up this medical concern. (What a coincidence, more information is now being let out.)
    Well, if you are truly concerned with this ulcer, then you have something to complain about at the hearing.

    If you are concerned about curfews, contact local authorities, and have her fined for being out past curfew. (the mother would be fined, being the child is a minor).
    If you have proof she is failing school, then get copies of school records and present them with your case.

    Do it ever occur to you that the 13 year old boy is playing a little game? It is called "Who's attention can I get today?" Maybe he is telling everyone what they want to hear. When it comes time to tell a judge, he knows he needs to tell the truth, and he stops playing the little charade.

    Stop whining and GO DO SOMETHING.
    Stop adding more "information" about this "bad" mother.
    Just have the father of these children go do something.
    Why is it that YOU are asking all of these questions, anyway?

    Good luck to you!

    Regards,
    Plantinga
  6. #6
    southernladybug Guest
    I am the one asking the questions b/c I will be the one presenting the case to the court. We can't afford another lawyer, and the first one didn't do anything I could not have done myself. I have the time to do all the paperwork b/c I am not currently working, and my husband is working long hours right now. Also, can I get the necessary forms from the internet, or would I go to the courthouse for them? I know Mississippi law considers tape recorded coversations admissable as long as one party knows it is being recorded. Is that still true if one party is a minor? We have considered recording some of the conversations when the children talk about things their mother is doing. They have joint custody, so can he do it without the mother's knowledge? Also, the girl talks to my brother-in-law a lot about this stuff. Can he record it with just the father's permission?
  7. #7
    Plantinga Guest
    When asking if a minor can still acknowledge and consent to a tape recorded conversation; ask yourself this:
    Does a minor have the same rights as an adult?

    If you do not know that answer, I would seriously reconsider representing your husband in court.

    Find a lawyer, make payments. Do not go into a court room pro se.

    Good luck to you!

    Regards,
    Plantinga

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