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Child not staying with NCP for parental time sharing.

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candi4687

Member
What is the name of your state?TN

Is there anything that can be done when the CP has to take the children to meet with the NCP for parental sharing times but the NCP just drops them off at his mother's home for the entire visitation time? I understand this is his time to bond with the children and I assume this is the reason for the visits there but how can it be considered as such when he is not there? He uses this time to leave OUR 2 children there along with his other son from his new wife.
Before you throw stones understand that I do not wish that the other family members not have contact or visits from our children but I do not see how I am now ordered to share parenting time with someone who is not their parent. Also I am worried for the children because this woman is not exactly what you would consider "fit" to take care of children. This woman even allows my 6 yr old daughter change her baby brothers diaper all the time and she is also allowed to lay the baby down with her and left to sleep with him. This may sound petti but I just have concerns for the baby such as he should have a regular baby bed so that my daughter would not roll over on him or accidently sufficate him in the middle of the night. My daughter loves babies and she just wants to help but she is only 6 and does not see the danger it may lead to in doing so and obviously neither do they know nor care.
Any advise on how I could handle the situation as it is?


** One more question, My ex refusses to sign papers for my son to go to speech therapy. We are supposed to have joint decisions on this but could I go ahead and do so without his signature or consent?
 
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LdiJ

Senior Member
candi4687 said:
What is the name of your state?TN

Is there anything that can be done when the CP has to take the children to meet with the NCP for parental sharing times but the NCP just drops them off at his mother's home for the entire visitation time? I understand this is his time to bond with the children and I assume this is the reason for the visits there but how can it be considered as such when he is not there? He uses this time to leave OUR 2 children there along with his other son from his new wife.
Before you throw stones understand that I do not wish that the other family members not have contact or visits from our children but I do not see how I am now ordered to share parenting time with someone who is not their parent. Also I am worried for the children because this woman is not exactly what you would consider "fit" to take care of children. This woman even allows my 6 yr old daughter change her baby brothers diaper all the time and she is also allowed to lay the baby down with her and left to sleep with him. This may sound petti but I just have concerns for the baby such as he should have a regular baby bed so that my daughter would not roll over on him or accidently sufficate him in the middle of the night. My daughter loves babies and she just wants to help but she is only 6 and does not see the danger it may lead to in doing so and obviously neither do they know nor care.
Any advise on how I could handle the situation as it is?


** One more question, My ex refusses to sign papers for my son to go to speech therapy. We are supposed to have joint decisions on this but could I go ahead and do so without his signature or consent?
Well...at least on the issue of the speech therapy....if your son needs it and dad refuses to sign, then yes, I would just go ahead and do it without his consent.

I also think that your concerns about the baby sleeping with your daughter rather than in a baby bed are EXTREMELY valid.
 

candi4687

Member
So I wont get into trouble for getting him started in school for speech therapy where we live w/o dads consent?
Just to add this one REALLY showed me how pathetic his little games are becoming!
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
It's his visitation time and he is allowed to leave the children with anyone he chooses to.

How old is the baby? That would be important wrt the advisability of the two of them napping together. And why is older sister changing little brother a big deal? Happens all the time.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
stealth2 said:
It's his visitation time and he is allowed to leave the children with anyone he chooses to.

How old is the baby? That would be important wrt the advisability of the two of them napping together. And why is older sister changing little brother a big deal? Happens all the time.
Well...six is a bit young....with help from an adult it wouldn't be a problem, but on her own is pushing it a tad.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
But we don't really know that she's doing it "all on her own". Is Mom there to see it? Or is it the word of a 6yo who may be pretty chuffed at helping out with her little brother and exaggerating things a bit?
 

haiku

Senior Member
when my child was an infant, her 6 and 3 year old sisters played "mommy" with me all the time. they attempted diapers and dressing, and helped with bath and bedtime.

We also have no idea the age of the baby, and whether or not it really is an all night event.

ALso being the mother of now 4 former 6 year olds I can say they like to embellish, and love to impress how "big" and helpful they really are.

And ultimately, just as a CP can send thier kids to grandma's all the time if they so choose, so can NCP's.
 

candi4687

Member
1. The baby is about 7 months old, Maybe.
2. The problem is not that they are "napping" together, the problem is that she (This coming from her and her grandmother's mouth) takes the baby in the bedroom and lays him down for bed (ALL NIGHT) and has to sleep beside him. I am concerned for the baby that is not even mine. There are other concerns to as to they let her carry the baby around outside bouncing him up and down in her arms over concrete which I have talked to my daughter about the consequences of her doing this also but I guess thats just me nit picking again. Its my ex's child but I just don't want him to get hurt, much less my daughter to get hurt by knowing that she caused him to get hurt.
3.Its a problem to me with my 6 yr old seeing him nude, I have even stopped her from seeing her 4 yr old brother naked a while back. Yes every once in a while you see someone naked but to be 6 yrs old and to clean a baby's bottom each time for a diaper change is a different story to me.
4. I have been told that she does this by several people(grandmother, our child, and even the baby's mother).
5. I don't have a problem with our daughter playing "mommie" as in helping by bringing a diaper or helping. My concerns are as to her doing it. Sorry she can play with babie dolls ALL she wants but I don't see a 6 yr old playing "Mommie" with a 6-7 month old baby.
6. When the NCP don't see the children in over a month and the children are looking forward to spending time with their dad yeah I get concerned about their feelings since he just picked them up from me and then dropped them off there for the remainder of the visit. Besides when I lived 5 mins away from these people they NEVER wanted to see our children but now that we have moved 85 miles away they think it is funny that I spend money for the trips there and back each time.
BY THE WAY IF THIS WERE AN EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE THING I WOULD NOT MIND BUT THIS IS BEOMING AN EVERYTIME THAT THEY GO TO GRANDMA'S WHILE DAD GOES WHEREVER.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
You may have had some say in it IF the baby was also yours. He's not. His parents are allowed to make these decisions themselves.

As for a 6yo girl seeing a (!!)nude(!!) 7mo boy - get a grip lady. That's being more than a little uptight and borders on .... I can't even think of a word it's so ludicrous.
 

haiku

Senior Member
candi4687 said:
Besides when I lived 5 mins away from these people they NEVER wanted to see our children but now that we have moved 85 miles away they think it is funny that I spend money for the trips there and back each time.
BY THE WAY IF THIS WERE AN EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE THING I WOULD NOT MIND BUT THIS IS BEOMING AN EVERYTIME THAT THEY GO TO GRANDMA'S WHILE DAD GOES WHEREVER.
I think most of the 'problems" you are having boil down to these few sentences here. most of us, who have been through a divorce have been through these felings of anger, and loss, and loss of control over what our children are doing without us around.

I really feel you are reading to much into what your daughter and even others are telling you. And possibly using it to fuel some very unfounded fears.

What in the world is wrong with a 6 year old seeing a nude baby?

You need to relax and let go. If anything, if your child can relate to you such detailed stories of babycare, she sounds like a very mature 6 year old.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I agree with the other responses you got...however I still think that its extremely dangerous for a 6 year old to be sleeping with a 6-7 month old baby. I think its a potential recipe for disaster, and is extremely negligent on the part of the grandmother.

Unfortunately, since its not your baby I don't think that there is anything that you can do about it....other than express your concerns to the parents of the baby...with a full explanation as to why you feel that way.
 

candi4687

Member
The problem is not that she is seeing the baby naked. The problem I see is that they are incouraging her to be the care taker of the baby. She is only 6 yrs old and she does not need that sort of responsibility. Besides she has plenty of baby dolls if she wants to play "mommie". I just don't think she should be left to care for the baby when she is only a big baby herself. No the baby is not mine but our daughter is. I guess I must sound so silly being concerned about what could happen. I am just concerned that they are putting too much on our daughter and they are being irresponsible by not caring for the baby themselves. As far as them making decisions, they were having the baby sleep in the car seat all night and day long and I guess there was nothing wrong with that also. It may seem that I am just looking for more than what it seems but I would have to write a book for you all to understand my concerns to an extent as to where you could understand. Anyways... Opinions are like *******s... we all have one. Thanks for your advice and most importantly your sarcasm.
 

haiku

Senior Member
candi4687 said:
Anyways... Opinions are like *******s... we all have one. Thanks for your advice and most importantly your sarcasm.
I can't speak for everyone, but, hey, my pleasure!
:rolleyes:
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
candi4687 said:
The problem is not that she is seeing the baby naked.
That is NOT what you said earlier.

candi4687 said:
3.Its a problem to me with my 6 yr old seeing him nude, I have even stopped her from seeing her 4 yr old brother naked a while back.
YOU are the one who said that you had a problem with her seeing the baby nude. At least try to keep your story straight, eh? (And there is a difference between a 4yo and a 7mo old.)
 

candi4687

Member
Excuse me.. The "Main" problem is not that she is seeing the baby naked.
This is not even the real issue I was asking about but it is an issue to me because I don't want this happening. Why can't the adults just do it. Our daughter can do other things to play with the baby besides change his diaper and be the one to put him down for bed. Heck I guess it could be fun for her to give him a bath but thats also dangerous for the baby. I PRAY they don't allow her to do that. Sorry I am concerned for my ex's child and for mine as well.
Oh yeah our daughter may be mature about somethings but get real she is not in any way mature enough to take care of a baby.
 
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