Child pickup by NCP spouse

[Amas_mom]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

For those that havent read my previous post on my daughters stepmom: She has been disrespectful to me many times, yelling and butting in when my ex and I are trying to discuss our daughter. A few weeks ago while in front of my 4 yr old, she started hollering and got very aggressive and rude to the point the father had to leave before we could finish our talk. I told him via emal I dont want her at my house anymore.

She text me today saying he is out of town and so she will be picking up my daughter on Fri, and he will be back Sat. Can she legallly do that? The visitation is for my daughter and her father to spend time together. Do I have the right to respond and tell her that he will have to pick her up on Sat when he comes back.

I know it sounds petty and is going to cause drama and anger but I DO NOT want her at my house, which is the designated pick up spot till we modify the order. My daughter doesn't need to be with her stepmom unless her father is there because she tends to say negative stuff about me to my daughter, as well as the disrespectful way she talks to me.

 

[Humusluvr]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

For those that havent read my previous post on my daughters stepmom: She has been disrespectful to me many times, yelling and butting in when my ex and I are trying to discuss our daughter. A few weeks ago while in front of my 4 yr old, she started hollering and got very aggressive and rude to the point the father had to leave before we could finish our talk. I told him via emal I dont want her at my house anymore.

She text me today saying he is out of town and so she will be picking up my daughter on Fri, and he will be back Sat. Can she legallly do that? The visitation is for my daughter and her father to spend time together. Do I have the right to respond and tell her that he will have to pick her up on Sat when he comes back.

I know it sounds petty and is going to cause drama and anger but I DO NOT want her at my house, which is the designated pick up spot till we modify the order. My daughter doesn't need to be with her stepmom unless her father is there because she tends to say negative stuff about me to my daughter, as well as the disrespectful way she talks to me.

Does your order say anything about third party pickups?

 

[Amas_mom]

Does your order say anything about third party pickups?

It says that we can designate a competant adult to pick up our daughter. But after the last time the wife was at my house I'd rather her not come back. Plus her father wont be there till half visit is over. Ive stressed to him many times I prefer him picking her up, since it is less stressful on our daughter. And since the wife thinks she can talk to me rudely, especially in front of a small child and get aggressive, I'd rather her not pick up my daughter.

Do both parents have to agree on the person? I dont have the order in front of me but if theres a big problem with the adult one parent picks to pick up our daughter can the other parent say no? He is also out of the country right now so theres no way for my to contact him. I know the order says a parent can asign a competant adult to pick up our child" but it doesn't say anything about if you disagree/

 

[Ohiogal]

It says that we can designate a competant adult to pick up our daughter. But after the last time the wife was at my house I'd rather her not come back.

Oh well. She has been designated by your ex as an adult to pick up the child. And yes she is competent until you can prove otherwise. You must follow the court order.

 

[momof3teens]

You did state she attacked you before right? You should have gotten an OP against her. If it was me and she came to my house, I would refuse to let her take the child. What is she going to do call the police? Great for you, especially when you inform them about the attack on you and how she is very aggressive in front of the child. Thank them for coming over and allow her to take the child. Or she will call the ex and explain how you are refusing to turn the child over to her. Then I would tell ex that if he ever sent her to your house again to pick the child up, be sure to stop off at the police station to get an escort. IF need be go back and modify drop off location to the local police dept.

 

[jbowman]

I think that DAD needs to contact you regarding this pickup and let you KNOW he has designated his wife. If all you have is a TEXT message from HER--yeah, I would just ignore it and mentally tell her to kick rocks. I wouldnt call him or anything. Let him call you to "designate".

SHE has no business contacting you for any reason. She is not a party to the order. If HE calls to make arrangements then maybe that is a different story. Until then, I would NOT release my child to a third party until I KNOW dad has designated her. How are you to know that they are not fighting or broken up? Any of those things.

 

[onebreath]

I like the last post a lot. Its presuming dad has not set her up formally as a designated person...and before reading his post something was niggling me as to why the heck didn't dad have the courtesy to inform you up front instead of stepmom? I just passed the thought off as another lack of coparenting. But I agree, if dad has not contacted you to specify this will be the designated person picking up child, I HOPE thats legally grounds enough (should he ever try contempt on you for this) to not hand the child over.

Then you gotta think how are you gonna handle when she does show up? Have a plan so that your not super stressed, child picks up on it, and there is further weirdness for child around all of you.

 

[jbowman]

Then you gotta think how are you gonna handle when she does show up? Have a plan so that your not super stressed, child picks up on it, and there is further weirdness for child around all of you.

Well you can always just be at WALMART or something. Not very hard. Dont answer the door. She is NOTHING. She has no business picking up (unless designated by dad--and I will tell you WHAT, I would make dad put it in WRITING) --no business contacting you whatsoever. And if she does come to your home and you are there, I would call the pollice ASAP.

 

[cheezy]

I've worked at a center call Child Abuse Prevention Council where I know many parents who are in the same situation as you are. The fact is that if your child custody form doesn't allow a third party to pick up your daughter then she can't do that at all. This is between you and your ex, therefore he needs to notify you of any changes too. Although with the texting situation, if she is harrassing you then you should file a restraining order for your protection.

 

[wileybunch]

I've worked at a center call Child Abuse Prevention Council where I know many parents who are in the same situation as you are. The fact is that if your child custody form doesn't allow a third party to pick up your daughter then she can't do that at all. This is between you and your ex, therefore he needs to notify you of any changes too. Although with the texting situation, if she is harrassing you then you should file a restraining order for your protection.

Shhhh..... That is absolutely NOT true.

If the CO is silent on the issue, then your advice is NOT the default. Granted, it's often better for 3rd parties to stay out of things, but OP cannot decide to make language in an order that doesn't exist.

That said, OP DOES have language on 3rd party pick ups so she can choose to follow that to a T and unless Dad has followed his part of the 3rd party clause, there is no 3rd party pick up established.

That said ....
I think OP is splitting hairs here. You could choose to contact Dad and let him know SM can pick the child up at such and such place and time, but to minimize conflict with child, SM needs to honk the horn and you'll send child out (assuming child is of walking age).

 

[jbowman]

That said ....
I think OP is splitting hairs here. You could choose to contact Dad and let him know SM can pick the child up at such and such place and time, but to minimize conflict with child, SM needs to honk the horn and you'll send child out (assuming child is of walking age).

Well this child is 4 years old. I wouldnt send my kid out alone. I also wouldnt send my child out to the step mother if Father has not made direct contact with me about it. A text message from step mother is not direct contact.
If dad wants to try and take her to court for contempt, so be it. Contempt is EXTREMELY hard to prove.

 

[LdiJ]

Quite frankly, in a situation where the parent would not be there at all, I would not turn the child over to the stepparent. I would cheerfully turn the child over to the parent, when the parent was available.

Now...I don't mean when a stepparent picks up a 6pm because the parent has to work late and couldn't get there until later in the evening. However, as far as I am concerned if dad won't be back in town until Saturday, then the child can be turned over to dad on Saturday.

This forum is big on stating that if a "designated adult" is allowed to pick up the child per the court orders, that that same designated adult can do so even if the parent won't be present at all, or won't be present overnight.

I completely disagree with this, based on my observations of how judges really rule, in the real world. The intent of a "designated adult" is someone who will be picking up the child on the parent's behalf, and would be deliverying the child to the parent. It is NOT to transfer the parent's visitation to the designated adult, when the parent cannot be present.

 

[Ohiogal]

Quite frankly, in a situation where the parent would not be there at all, I would not turn the child over to the stepparent. I would cheerfully turn the child over to the parent, when the parent was available.

Now...I don't mean when a stepparent picks up a 6pm because the parent has to work late and couldn't get there until later in the evening. However, as far as I am concerned if dad won't be back in town until Saturday, then the child can be turned over to dad on Saturday.

This forum is big on stating that if a "designated adult" is allowed to pick up the child per the court orders, that that same designated adult can do so even if the parent won't be present at all, or won't be present overnight.

I completely disagree with this, based on my observations of how judges really rule, in the real world. The intent of a "designated adult" is someone who will be picking up the child on the parent's behalf, and would be deliverying the child to the parent. It is NOT to transfer the parent's visitation to the designated adult, when the parent cannot be present.

Dad will be present. Mom presumes it will not be until saturday. What is mom's proof that it will not be until Saturday?

 

[Ohiogal]

You did state she attacked you before right? You should have gotten an OP against her. If it was me and she came to my house, I would refuse to let her take the child. What is she going to do call the police? Great for you, especially when you inform them about the attack on you and how she is very aggressive in front of the child. Thank them for coming over and allow her to take the child. Or she will call the ex and explain how you are refusing to turn the child over to her. Then I would tell ex that if he ever sent her to your house again to pick the child up, be sure to stop off at the police station to get an escort. IF need be go back and modify drop off location to the local police dept.

She did not get an OP against her. Mom could get in trouble for following your advice.

 

[jbowman]

Dad will be present. Mom presumes it will not be until saturday. What is mom's proof that it will not be until Saturday?

Well if we used the logic that the text message that stepmom sent to OP as proof that Dad designated her (stepmom) to pick up, it would reasonable to also use that text message as proof that dad would not be available until Saturday, correct?

Either way, the text message from Stepmom is proof of nothing. Dad did not designate stepmom to pick up just because stepmom says it.