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Child refuses to return to custodial parent after summer visitation

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JustAMom1980

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? IN (that is were the custody order is) & Vermont ( were the kids will be)

My boyfriends 3 kids are coming for the summer. His oldest daughter has informed him and his ex wife once she gets up here (Vermont) she will not return home (indiana). We would be happy to have her (any or all of them) but he does not want to get arrested for going against the custody order. If she just refuses to go with her mother when her mother picks her up will she have to go or will she be able to stay. Her mother is horrible to her and emotionally abuses her all the time. From what I can tell if the police are called they may threaten her but there is nothing they can do and she will be able to stay. She is 12 and I think in both states that is old enough to decide for themselves. But before I tell her it is OK I want to make sure nothing is going to happen. I know I should never tell her it is OK for her to do this but we are afraid it may be her only hope. We cannot afford a lawyer and with the distance it is impossible.
 
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Zephyr

Senior Member
She is 12 and I think in both states that is old enough to decide for themselves


this is dead wrong

jeez there are 3 new posts a day with this misconception


send her back or your bf could be held in contempt, if the child is REALLY suffering from abuse from the mother, report each incident to cps.
 

Zephyr

Senior Member
many 12 year old (and of course they don't like drama) see normal parenting and rules and guidelines as overbearing and even convince themselves they are victims of "the wicked parent" :rolleyes:
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
WANNACRY's correct. Children do not decide. At her age, a judge MAY take her wishes under consideration should Dad decide to file for a modification. But she doesn't get to refuse to return to her mother - that will land Dad in court for contempt of the order.
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
WANNACRY said:
many 12 year old (and of course they don't like drama) see normal parenting and rules and guidelines as overbearing and even convince themselves they are victims of "the wicked parent" :rolleyes:
Isn't that the truth!!! I just informed my 14 yr old boy a few months ago that I'm not the first parent to be 'blessed' with a child with a smart a** attitude and remarks.. but he should be rest assured he's not the first kid to be punished for it either.
 

JustAMom1980

Junior Member
This has been reported to SRS by a third party and nothing it was reported by her Girl scout leader. When he contacted srs they told him he was just trying to cause trouble. They are so over worked in indianapolis they do not care about emotional abuse. She has threatened to kill her self to her girl scout leader.
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
JustAMom1980 said:
This has been reported to SRS by a third party and nothing it was reported by her Girl scout leader. When he contacted srs they told him he was just trying to cause trouble. They are so over worked in indianapolis they do not care about emotional abuse. She has threatened to kill her self to her girl scout leader.

And if you push the issue in Indiana you will get somewhere. As I pointed out in another thread, Indiana is cracking down on abuse on children due to some problems with DFS as of late. However, you MUST have the information to back up your claims. Even then it does not mean a custody change nor does it give your b/f the right to keep the child after visitation. I find it hard to believe that with the distance between that you have the full story of what is going on in Indiana.
 

Zephyr

Senior Member
you trying to solve this girls problems by giving her what she wants is not going to help her in the long run, mom and dad should be communicating about this and getting the girl into counseling, the counselor would have to report any abuse that came to his/her attention.

And I am sorry but I am a bit ticked right now, you say the girl threatens to kill herself, you take this threat seriously but are unable to come up with the money for a lawyer? I am a single mom of 2, semi professional(=not even moderate pay) and because my kids future has been on the line I have been able to come up with not only one retainer in the last eight months, but two. I have no assets. my kids are my priority and I would never risk losing them over the simple fact of money.

There's my advice, if you think she is being abused, and are worried that she is suicidal then one of you, or both of you get temporary part time jobs so you can take this back to court.
 

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