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Child refuses to visit a parent.

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T_Stefanik

Junior Member
:confused: Alaska,
My 13 yearold daughter refuses to visit her father. He has threatened to take legal action. I am trying to convince our daughter to see him. He says that I have to force her to see him. Do I have to force her to see him?
 


GrowUp!

Senior Member
T_Stefanik said:
:confused: Alaska,
My 13 yearold daughter refuses to visit her father. He has threatened to take legal action. I am trying to convince our daughter to see him. He says that I have to force her to see him. Do I have to force her to see him?
Umm...yes you do. It's called a "duty to facilitate." There's also something called "contempt of court order" and "interference with parental rights/parent-child relationship."

And he CAN take legal action against you.

Do you always let your 13-year-old boss you around? I can only wait until she turns 16. :rolleyes:

I also find it interesting that you're more concerned about whether the child needs to go than finding out what the real issues are and getting everyone involved (if needed) into counseling...
 

abstract99

Senior Member
T_Stefanik said:
:confused: Alaska,
My 13 yearold daughter refuses to visit her father. He has threatened to take legal action. I am trying to convince our daughter to see him. He says that I have to force her to see him. Do I have to force her to see him?
And when she wasn't to stop going to school so she can stay home all day and live off of you... what will you do then?
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
This is a question that is asked almost daily - usually several times. The answer is always the same. Why is it so difficult to scan back a page or two, or use the search function? Do you folks REALLY think this is so unique to your situation?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
T_Stefanik said:
:confused: Alaska,
My 13 yearold daughter refuses to visit her father. He has threatened to take legal action. I am trying to convince our daughter to see him. He says that I have to force her to see him. Do I have to force her to see him?
I am going to give you a slightly different answer. You have to tell her that she has to go on the visits. You have to make sure that her bag is packed and she is ready when dad comes to pick her up. However, in my opinion its up to dad to force her to get in the car.

The entire burden isn't on you....dad shares some of the responsibility. However it is your responsibility to make sure that you do nothing to hinder the visitation happening. Including not giving your daughter silent permission to make the decision herself.
 

GrowUp!

Senior Member
LdiJ said:
I am going to give you a slightly different answer. You have to tell her that she has to go on the visits. You have to make sure that her bag is packed and she is ready when dad comes to pick her up. However, in my opinion its up to dad to force her to get in the car.
Yeah...oook that's solid advice. Dad "forcing" the child into the car. That'll REALLY help the situation out for the better. :rolleyes:

The entire burden isn't on you....dad shares some of the responsibility.
As the CP, the burden DOES fall onto her.

Again, I ask...is therapy involved here? Or is it just another CP with out-of-whack priorities?
 

haiku

Senior Member
legally the burden is on the custodial parent, its part of thier duty. I cannot see either parent "forcing" a 13 year old. So a talking to with the little missy is in order, because you could end up in the court room if dad pushes the issue.
 

BL

Senior Member
Unless Dad is unfit , the CP must send the child for visits wheather the 13 yr. old likes it , or not , or face contempt of Court Order , if filed against the CP.
The advice for Dad to " force the child " , is totally rediculous . Sure LDIJ tell the NCP to force the 13 yr. old , being rebillious ( for what ever reason ) , and chance a mark , or a bruise on the 13 yr. old , and have DAD in Court for battery . Real slick !!!
 

nextwife

Senior Member
One need not PHYSICALLY force a child into the car. They need to enforce rules by SANCTIONING their child when they fail to follow rules. That means they are deprived of something they have not earned if they disobey.

So Mom, teach your child that the following of court orders is MANDATORY and that 13 year olds do NOT set their own rules. She must face sanctions when she decides that rules do not apply to her. Maybe she doesn't get to hang at the mall, maybe she doesn't get to go to a particular party.

The bottom line is that she cannot decide that court orders for visitation are voluntary, any more than she can decide that dad doesn't have to pay child support to you and that he gets to pay her directly.
 
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chelsea429

Junior Member
Not always so

I did let my daughter decide not to have anything to do with her father. She is 13.
From age 4 to 10, he only showed up twice a year. And sometimes those visits were only initiated by his mother. He felt our daughter got in the way of his dating. She was a "****" block as he referred to it as.
I moved closer, he popped back in playing "daddy." Now for the last year he is again dating another woman who doesn't like kids. From July of 06 to Dec of 06, he saw her 4 times, briefly. And I'm talking only for a hour to a couple hours at a time. The last time he has visited, called, emailed, or anything was xmas. It's now August 2007. My daughter has full access to email him, knows his phone number, and she has came home to our house destroyed by him. He didn't even acknowledge her birthday.
She has made it clear she wants nothing to do with him or his family. And I just tell her that his her decision.
So yes, sometimes a 13 year does know what they want.
 

Shay-Pari'e

Senior Member
I did let my daughter decide not to have anything to do with her father. She is 13.
From age 4 to 10, he only showed up twice a year. And sometimes those visits were only initiated by his mother. He felt our daughter got in the way of his dating. She was a "****" block as he referred to it as.
I moved closer, he popped back in playing "daddy." Now for the last year he is again dating another woman who doesn't like kids. From July of 06 to Dec of 06, he saw her 4 times, briefly. And I'm talking only for a hour to a couple hours at a time. The last time he has visited, called, emailed, or anything was xmas. It's now August 2007. My daughter has full access to email him, knows his phone number, and she has came home to our house destroyed by him. He didn't even acknowledge her birthday.
She has made it clear she wants nothing to do with him or his family. And I just tell her that his her decision.
So yes, sometimes a 13 year does know what they want.

Legally, you are an idiot.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
I did let my daughter decide not to have anything to do with her father. She is 13.
From age 4 to 10, he only showed up twice a year. And sometimes those visits were only initiated by his mother. He felt our daughter got in the way of his dating. She was a "****" block as he referred to it as.
I moved closer, he popped back in playing "daddy." Now for the last year he is again dating another woman who doesn't like kids. From July of 06 to Dec of 06, he saw her 4 times, briefly. And I'm talking only for a hour to a couple hours at a time. The last time he has visited, called, emailed, or anything was xmas. It's now August 2007. My daughter has full access to email him, knows his phone number, and she has came home to our house destroyed by him. He didn't even acknowledge her birthday.
She has made it clear she wants nothing to do with him or his family. And I just tell her that his her decision.


So yes, sometimes a 13 year does know what they want.
'
You resurrected a thread that's OVER a year old to brag about being in contempt of a court order? Rather than filing to modify the CO?
 

CourtClerk

Senior Member
'
You resurrected a thread that's OVER a year old to brag about being in contempt of a court order? Rather than filing to modify the CO?

Nexie,

As well as being WILLFULLY in violation of a court order, she's also a genius. We'll see what happens when her child decides to defy HER, then we'll see if kids still know best.

Really, I've never understood children being able to make these types of decisions and telling their parents what they will and will not do...maybe it's just me.:confused:
 

casa

Senior Member
I did let my daughter decide not to have anything to do with her father. She is 13.
From age 4 to 10, he only showed up twice a year. And sometimes those visits were only initiated by his mother. He felt our daughter got in the way of his dating. She was a "****" block as he referred to it as.
I moved closer, he popped back in playing "daddy." Now for the last year he is again dating another woman who doesn't like kids. From July of 06 to Dec of 06, he saw her 4 times, briefly. And I'm talking only for a hour to a couple hours at a time. The last time he has visited, called, emailed, or anything was xmas. It's now August 2007. My daughter has full access to email him, knows his phone number, and she has came home to our house destroyed by him. He didn't even acknowledge her birthday.
She has made it clear she wants nothing to do with him or his family. And I just tell her that his her decision.
So yes, sometimes a 13 year does know what they want.
You're leaving out part of the story...Dad didn't pursue legal action.

We gave you a legal answer. You chose to do otherwise. You got away with it...but it doesn't make it Right, legally or morally. When your daughter tells you she wants nothing to do with homework or teeth brushing, or curfew or no-piercing/dating/dying hair...then what? :rolleyes:

Congratulations, you failed your child in an opportunity to mend her relationship with her father ~ by being part in encouraging the disruption of it...and by not tending to your daughter's emotional needs/issues via counseling/therapy which could have helped her tremendously in the longrun. Bravo. :cool:
 

nextwife

Senior Member
This was not chelsea429 's thread, T_Stefanik started this thread..

Regardless, teaching children that ignoring what a judge has decreed is ok if you disagree with his order is a really bad idea.
 
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