Child to see a therapist

[JakeTheDad]

What is the name of your state? PA
Hi there, The Parent Coordinator in my case wants my son, AGE 9, to see a therapist. I gave ex a list of therapist our insurance participates with 2 months ago. Like I said in another post, the EX cancelled our 1st meeting with PC to select a therapist, took her a full week to reschedule with me & PC, at the most recent meeting refused the 10 or so therapist the PC suggested b/c they are all located to far for her to drive (about 10 miles). Did not select a therapist at the meeting b/c she wanted to go home and "call a few" therapist. SHE HAD THE LIST FOR 2 MONTHS! Instead, used the meeting to bash me and tell me & PC son had a bad weekend and does not want to come back.
My question is, when a therapist is selected, what can I do to ensure she will not interfere with his care? Should I be at ever session? How can I prevent her from cancelling sessions? She was supposed to call me with a selection by 5pm today. I feel she has dragged this out long enough.
THANKS!
BTW, If you are wondering about my selection, I agreed with PC as to one of the many therapist the PC suggested over a month ago. I offered to drive him if it is too far for her to travel.

 

[seniorjudge]

double post

Put this in one of the other threads you've started on this subject.

 

[JakeTheDad]

double post

Put this in one of the other threads you've started on this subject.

Not a double post, I did not start the other thread. I did not want to hijack the other poster so I started my own.

 

[onebreath]

Take part in the therapist selection, knowing mom is difficult, take her suggestions unless you hear of a bad report.

A good play therapist will lay out for you and mom together or separately (two different $ sessions)how she plans to do therapy. She will need both of your involvement. Its best if you can see a playtherapist one time on moms time and one time on yours...its very important.

 

[TwoKidsplus1]

What is the name of your state? PA
Hi there, The Parent Coordinator in my case wants my son, AGE 9, to see a therapist. I gave ex a list of therapist our insurance participates with 2 months ago. Like I said in another post, the EX cancelled our 1st meeting with PC to select a therapist, took her a full week to reschedule with me & PC, at the most recent meeting refused the 10 or so therapist the PC suggested b/c they are all located to far for her to drive (about 10 miles). Did not select a therapist at the meeting b/c she wanted to go home and "call a few" therapist. SHE HAD THE LIST FOR 2 MONTHS! Instead, used the meeting to bash me and tell me & PC son had a bad weekend and does not want to come back.
My question is, when a therapist is selected, what can I do to ensure she will not interfere with his care? Should I be at ever session? How can I prevent her from cancelling sessions? She was supposed to call me with a selection by 5pm today. I feel she has dragged this out long enough.
THANKS!
BTW, If you are wondering about my selection, I agreed with PC as to one of the many therapist the PC suggested over a month ago. I offered to drive him if it is too far for her to travel.

Sorry to hear you’re going through what I did years ago. Do not concern what you ex is doing or your going to give yourself some physical stress problems and you 9 year old does not need that atop of everthing else.
You have to start nterviewing Therapist and say up front in those interviews; are your sessions going to be parent neutral? That you want equal time and access in all sessions! If the therapist can not handle those questions, interview more therapist. Pick a hand full of therapists, you like, tell your PC you like these Therapist and have the PC tell your Ex to interview them and pick one now. If you do not take charge of this inportant time in your child life, believe me your Ex will really mess up everything for you and your child.
Keep a log of what been said in all sessions. Offer to drive - pay deductable or anything just to keep in the picture in every session.

 

[JakeTheDad]

Sorry to hear you’re going through what I did years ago. Do not concern what you ex is doing or your going to give yourself some physical stress problems and you 9 year old does not need that atop of everthing else.
You have to start nterviewing Therapist and say up front in those interviews; are your sessions going to be parent neutral? That you want equal time and access in all sessions! If the therapist can not handle those questions, interview more therapist. Pick a hand full of therapists, you like, tell your PC you like these Therapist and have the PC tell your Ex to interview them and pick one now. If you do not take charge of this inportant time in your child life, believe me your Ex will really mess up everything for you and your child.
Keep a log of what been said in all sessions. Offer to drive - pay deductable or anything just to keep in the picture in every session.

EX was told by Parent Coordinator to call me by last Friday with a selection, NO call! Anyway, we meet with the PC monthly & we discuss this issue, and she drags this out so long. Also, I feel the PC allows her to drag her feet. Over 2 months and we don't even have a therapist name yet!!??? And we will prob. wait 30 days for our appointment.

This is what I plan to do: I am going to call several therapist the PC suggested. I will narrow the list to 5 therapist, give Ex a copy, send a copy to atty's, and PC. Included with my selection, I will indicate, since Friday deadline past, EX needs to review list & select therapist & have appt with therapist scheduled by our next PC meeting on Dec.7
Does all this seem fair?

 

[tuffbrk]

Sure - seems fair to me. Maybe to the others. What difference will that make? None...Good luck in getting your child into therapy. I'd mention to the PC or in front of the PC that it appears to be taking overly long to select a therapist. Perhaps it will prompt a decision from your co-parent if the PC agrees...

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Be prepared to defend WHY you chose the therapists. File for contempt if she doesn't follow thru.

 

[JakeTheDad]

Well, sure that's fair. The date is overdue when this SHOULD have been done. So my question is -- what are you going to do if this is NOT resolved in the 3 weeks overtime you are already giving this? Are you prepared to go into court and get an order for this?

Yes, I was already about to call my atty on this, but I thought I would give Ex one last chance, this time in writing, to act on this. When we speak its all he said /she said. (Earlier on, she even told the PC she did not recall the PC telling her to call me by XXX to offer make up time for XXXXXXXX) SHE LOVES DELAY TACTICS! So, If she does not have a selection & appt by Dec 7, I will go to court. I will select a therapist PC suggested & make appt.

Honestly, I feel she got caught in a lie. Her complaining to the PC about son's unhappiness with me,(of course WITH ME, it would never be her or us both) is the whole reason the PC wants son to see therapist. Could that be a reason for her delay? I think she has been/is trying to convince the PC that son is upset and the best thing to do is not let son see me, by cutting back visitation. But EX does not understand, it does not work that way. That is why therapy was suggested. But on the other hand, if she lied, and I think she did, my son will be seeing a therapist based on her lies. So confused! Any insight?

 

[JakeTheDad]

Be prepared to defend WHY you chose the therapists. File for contempt if she doesn't follow thru.

I plan on contacting a therapist PC suggested. Our Parent Coordinator is court appointed. She has an office in the courthouse & according to my atty, our judge has worked side by side with her for years and would probably defend any recommendation she makes. Hopefully contempt will not be necessary! THANKS

 

[kim123]

when does a therapist come in the picture?

My fiance's son is 7, his mother and her boyfriend bad mouth him in front of his son, we have heard them in the background on the phone, or when they are on the phone with him. It is not fair for the children to listen to this. I am on ewho is very familiar with this as it happened to me as a kid. I did not have therapy but I am thinking that with all that his son hears he might be a canidate to have it too. And like your situation I think his ex will try to put it off or neglect to help with it too.

Anyhow, good luck!

 

[Kelevra]

EX was told by Parent Coordinator to call me by last Friday with a selection, NO call! Anyway, we meet with the PC monthly & we discuss this issue, and she drags this out so long. Also, I feel the PC allows her to drag her feet. Over 2 months and we don't even have a therapist name yet!!??? And we will prob. wait 30 days for our appointment.

This is what I plan to do: I am going to call several therapist the PC suggested. I will narrow the list to 5 therapist, give Ex a copy, send a copy to atty's, and PC. Included with my selection, I will indicate, since Friday deadline past, EX needs to review list & select therapist & have appt with therapist scheduled by our next PC meeting on Dec.7
Does all this seem fair?

JakeTheDad - You get the therapist all lined up for your Ex to interview, if the PC is not Parent Neutral and is letting your Ex drag this issue out, your problem is you might have your lawyer get seriously involved to move on this mess. PC's do not like to go toe to toe with an attorney. Have your attorney write up an OSC about this problem and sent it to the judge.

But do remember after getting a therapist you might get stuck into a therapist Mill. Remember a therapist gets paid by each session and can also drag out everything especially if your Ex is the type who interferes and manipulates people until they get what they want. My Ex has dragged out my case for over five years, been through two therapist and an Eval making a career on my case. My Ex has my case all messed up real bad! So Good Luck with yours!

 

[JakeTheDad]

JakeTheDad - You get the therapist all lined up for your Ex to interview, if the PC is not Parent Neutral and is letting your Ex drag this issue out, your problem is you might have your lawyer get seriously involved to move on this mess. PC's do not like to go toe to toe with an attorney. Have your attorney write up an OSC about this problem and sent it to the judge.

But do remember after getting a therapist you might get stuck into a therapist Mill. Remember a therapist gets paid by each session and can also drag out everything especially if your Ex is the type who interferes and manipulates people until they get what they want. My Ex has dragged out my case for over five years, been through two therapist and an Eval making a career on my case. My Ex has my case all messed up real bad! So Good Luck with yours!

The PC is parent neutral, and she has let EX drag this out long enough, I feel she lets EX complain & complain about me during our 1 hr meeting, as if EX is dragging out the meeting, not to focus on important things, like what is best for son. ( Our last meeting instead of PC taking control , EX kept complaining about the AWFUL weekend son had with me, b/c I made son clean up his mess in the toy room) Yes, this is what I spend my time & money on. And not to sound ignorant, but, different houses = different rules.
I know Ex will interfere & manipulate son's therapy, she does it with me in co-parenting. My co-parenting booklet says sessions usually run about 12 months, we have been at this for 2 years now, any other options?

 

[JakeTheDad]

Ahh, the places the mind can go on this one ....

I think you're doing all you can at the moment. OSC like previous poster mentioned is the right next step. To clarify, YOU want the counseling b/c you believe the child's been alienated, right? Isn't that the bottom line? So how much does Mom need to be able to attend the counseling so that distance wouldn't be an issue, right? You can take child to counseling on your time or get an agreement to be able to take him for his appointments even if it's not on your time. Just throwing things out not remembering all your specifics. My husband takes his daughter to counseling always on his time. Some parents that's hard to do if they have no week night visits.

I forgot to ask, what is OSC?
The PC wants therapy b/c mom always complaining "son said he does not want to go to dads" " son is upset because XXXXX" son is confused by dad XXXX" But, yes I feel like he is being alienated. Instead of Ex talking to me about this and maybe we could talk to son together about his concerns, I feel like she is encouraging him OR making it all up . Would child therapist want to meet both parents first? ( I want to aviod Ex taking full control of this situation to manipulate.) What should I expect? Progress meetings?

 

[Kelevra]

The PC is parent neutral, and she has let EX drag this out long enough, I feel she lets EX complain & complain about me during our 1 hr meeting, as if EX is dragging out the meeting, not to focus on important things, like what is best for son.

JakeTheDad is what your saying about the PC and Ex is true the n the PC is not Parent Neutral! Believe me I been there! Get your attorney moving with an OSC and get this problem back in court fast and have the Judge put deadlines and possibly change the PC!