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Child Support Arrears?

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Ashlee1443

Guest
North Carolina

I've read many posts about NCP's who are thousands of dollars behind in child support, putting them in arrears. My son's dad keeps up pretty well on his child support (I suppose he doesn't have much of a choice, considering his wages are garnished), but it seems that each month that my son's dad doesn't pay the full amount of ordered child support, it simply adds on to his arrears...(bio dad is only about $260 behind, which totals a month in support), my question is this--how exactly are arrears handled? When will bio dad be expected to pay off these arrears? It almost seems as if NCP's have the ultimatum of either 1) paying their child support each month, or 2) just falling behind...and classifying the upaid support as "arrears"...Just a curious question...if anyone has an explanation, I'd be happy to hear it. Thanks!
 


tigger22472

Senior Member
Just because the cs is garnished from their wages doesn't necessarily mean they don't have a choice to pay. My ex is supposed to have it come out of a check also, however when they change jobs it is up to them to inform their employer.. YEAH RIGHT. The part I don't understand is that if it is garnished out of his check and it's sent to you that you aren't getting the full amount. However(in my opinion) unless you are on government assistance the process is S L O W. In May of 2000 my ex was 2,000 behind in support and the judge at our final divorce hearing ordered him 10$ on the arrearage. We are now approaching 2 years later and we are 12,000 behind and we finally have a hearing scheduled in April. This is AFTER dealing with three different counties trying to obtain my support and still getting no where. I doubt at $260 you'll get very far... Just document everything. Best bet is to get a folder and make a chart for the week, amount owed, amount paid and amount behind. Then eventually talk to the child support prosecuter in your county to open up a case. That takes months to get into sometimes and even then you're not guarenteed anything.
 
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Ashlee1443

Guest
tigger22472 said:
Just because the cs is garnished from their wages doesn't necessarily mean they don't have a choice to pay. My ex is supposed to have it come out of a check also, however when they change jobs it is up to them to inform their employer.. YEAH RIGHT.
I went through a scandal before having my cs increased to it's current amt., except bio dad was cheating CSE by working a job where he was being paid "under the table", hence, having no proof that he indeed DID have a job, so my cs was set at the lowest legal amt...I agree that there are ways around NOT paying cs (not informing CSE of current work status, or job change), but in my case, now that bio dad works for a reputable company, he cannot get out of paying that way, nor can he if he switches jobs and still pays taxes, he can be tracked that way--it's just a more lengthy process. I'm not an expert in this field, but I imagine that as long as bio dad makes an effort and pays an acceptable amount of money each month, that it's "o.k." to have arrears...or so that's the way it seems to me.

As I said, I'm not concerned over my arrears that are owed, I was just wondering how and when that issue should be settled...there are too many cases, like yours, where unbelievable amounts of money are owed, and it just seems to me that instead of something being done about it, that the NCP just keeps racking up on arrears, and has no obligation to support his/her chid(ren). What good is child support once the child(ren) are grown? The support due is due THEN, when it benefits the child, not years and years later.

I'm thankful that my son is well provided for, and I'm not "hurting" for CS...but that's not the case for everyone. I'd be a little more stern if I were in the shoes of some of these other CP's. Good luck to all of you.
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
I guess the whole issue is how you look at it. My ex is 12,000 behind and I don't really need or want his money. In the beginning of all this I never ever pushed for anything except for him to maintain a relationship with his children. Even today I don't care about the money. It's about walking away from responsiblities. My thought is this. He helped me create these children. They are my life and the core of my being. I'm sorry he doesn't feel the same way but still who ever said that you can have children and then not help support them. If I would of pushed harder maybe I could of gotten something done before now who knows. Who's to even say that in April when we go to court he will even show? Even if he does I know he will lie through his teeth. I just live my life daily knowing that my children have what they need and I've now provided a stable household for them where they are taken care of by two people who love them and have their best intrests at heart. If when I go to court in April nothing happens then odds are I give up. He's since stopped contact with us(per my not very nice request) and all is better for that.
 
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beyond help

Guest
Bottom Line I have just realized today is that the man wins if there is any possible way to get out of payng he will and so far he has owing well over $20K, they will lie have other people lie and even their own atty lie, who pays the price the children whom are left with no roof over their heads or food to eat forcing mothers onto welfare or into family memebers homes. When you were 15 and he was 25 and you made a very fatal mistake I guess that proves you pay forever and he walks off scott free with visitation and Disneyland Dad syndrome. So, in the end you buck up work 10 jobs never see your children and hope that when they are older they realize who was really there for them and loved them beyond themselves. Tigger i would like to chat with you if you would email me at So [email protected]
 
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smh33

Guest
I think we all need to be a little more realistic in respect to child support. No one is forced into anything today, we all have choices. Tigger is good example of parent doing it on thier own...if not needed, why add the stress to your life simply to 'make him pay'. Support is not a choice and even if one chooses not to pay, it is over thier head forever, just waiting. Some people purposely do not pay, some get behind& can't catch up,etc... Should your child be taken away simply because you do not have the financial means the court decided or because of unexpected expense such as car breakdown,washer break,etc... It is the same for NCPs, they have expenses and have to live also. I don't think $230,$260? behind is too bad...anything shows effort,good intent.
 
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Ashlee1443

Guest
smh33 said:
It is the same for NCPs, they have expenses and have to live also. I don't think $230,$260? behind is too bad...anything shows effort,good intent.
I mentioned in a previous post that I was not concerned over my arrears, so I agree that $260 isn't anything to worry about. It's the principle of itsimply do not think it's fair for a single parent to support a child that was created between two people-alone. Anything is better than nothing. My post was directed more towards folks who are not recieving the support that is owed to their children.

Also, I mentioned that I did not "hurt" for child support money either...I am a 20 year old mother, a full-time student raising a beautiful 2 year old little boy. I have never, nor will I ever, force bio dad to have any part in our child's life (not to say that I've ever disallowed is either), but I will say this--at the present moment, the cs money does help me provide my son with his necessities, being that I'm not as finacially stable as I will be upon graduation in a year. My goal is to not have to depend on cs money, and know that the one person my son knows as a parent figure, will be there to take care of him. I'm not concerned with my own personal cs issues as much as it bothers me to hear people that really to depend on that money to make ends meet, can't have it because of whatever reason that the NCP decides. It's understanable that the NCP has a life to live as well, as you mentioned smh, but don't we all? And don't our children deserve what's available to them? In any court order for cs, the judge takes into account the NCP's living conditions and expenses, they are left plenty of money to survive on, if not, that's something the NCP can handle through court. Perfect example--my son's dad paid $68/monthly until the CSE caught on, then raised it to the amount he should have been paying--$288/monthly. If you're able to bring these children into this world, it's your responsibility to make sure they're provided for...just my thoughts.
Thanks for listening....have a great evening.
 
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smh33

Guest
I totally understand what you meant, guess my post was more directed to others also, rather than you. In N.C. cs is figured using a shared income equation meaning both cp & ncp incomes added together as if still in 1 home. If NCP income = 60% of total home income, NCP will pay 60% of what state says is child's monthly cost. This is really an illogical equation as it is worked based on 1 home, when the reality is now there are 2 homes,2 sets of expenses & only the CP's expenses(rent,etc) are considered...none of NCP's expenses are considered. Many times support is too high. I guess I just feel if you (anyone) were married & hubby got laid off/fired,etc and times got hard.....would you take children away, or base hubby's place as father on whether or not he was working? Hope your evening's good aswell. It is a tough subject, there are wrongs on both sides.
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
My point EXACTLY!! I don't pursue the support issue for all it does is waste my time and money and for what?? He'll work a few weeks after getting caught and then quit again. I can't FORCE him to pay and obviously he doesn't care what the law says. By worrying about things all it does it cause me more stress and anger. I stopped the emotional harm he was causing. Actually I just did him a favor. He told my kids he would never see them again because he was dying. It was a total lie and they know he's not dying but you know wouldn't want him to be a complete liar. About a week later my youngest boy mentioned that it was ok that his dad lied to him. That's not a moral I want my child growing up with. I just wait and every 3-4 months I will contact the child support to either give them information that I've found out or to see if anything is being done with my case. I only do this for if I'm ever in the position to where I REALLY do need it then I've kept contact. Other then that I don't even stress about it. It's going to get worse now though since I found out we have a hearing in April but after that things will cool down again. If I stress it I do my kids a disservice and that's not cool.
 
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Ashlee1443

Guest
Smh, you are in NC also? I live in New Hanover County, and I agree with your words, and I also see Tigger's point of view--sometimes it less of a hassle to NOT deal with cs issues when you're dealing with someone who is totally unreasonable. Smh, you brought up an issue, about combining incomes for cs calculation--I'll say this, being that I am a full-time student, that did not entitle me to more support because the courts felt that bio dad should not have to pay more while I'm taking time away from work to attend school--which I totally understand. My main concern was that bio dad was not contributing all that he was capable of, which I felt was unfair, and I think there's nothing wrong with expecting cs. Also, you mentioned NCP's, or CP's going through financial burdens, or having "tough times" and no, I do not see that as a reason to remove children from homes either- BUT, I also feel that it's unfortunate that parent's go through hard times, but that does not put children and their needs on hold either. If that were to come to pass, then I believe it would be left up to the NCP, if not the CP, to work together, and get through those struggles (ie, not paying AS much through those tough times, etc.), perhaps by going to court or even the CSE agency and filing an emergency request. I understand that the system is tricky and distaseful to some, but in those extreme emergencies, there is help.

There are many twists on both sides, but I still feel that both parents are obligated to support their children to the fullest extent...in cases where NCP's feel they pay too much, and can't pay their own bills, THEY are the only one's that can take that step to mend the order. Thanks for listening.
 
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smh33

Guest
Ashlee, I am in Charlotte. I think you have a pretty fair opinion for both sides of support...more than many but I still believe in walking in another's shoes. That goes both ways, it would definately benefit some NCPs to be the fulltime CP for a spell and vice versa with the CP paying support. You have seen court system...it is not so easy for an NCP to go to court and have support changed...N.C. will not go below the guideline min. unless you fall in poverty bracket. If NCP has finance trouble, CP and NCP cannot just agree to a lesser support amount temp. till NCP finance is better. The shared income model for cs still brings the same question...figured as if 1 household when reality is 2 households now and why does a child of a $30,000 home income cost $485 a month & child of $95000 home income costs $795 a month? 2 kids,same age,same school....does one eat more,require 'better label' clothing....what? Why is $310 more dollars allotted for 1 child? Welfare does not pay more for one child than another because of parents income.
This might interest you for your ex...I read a study Joint Comm of Health & Human Services did on out of home fathers & thier active involvment w/ child or lack of it. Said if child is young (under3) at sep....because mom has been primary caretaker by biology (breastfeed,diapers,Dx,etc) dads have not established any real relation many times w/ child before sep...they have not established a bond, a connection. This is what they say men must have before they will feel a responsibility. This is where I saw the point about cs enforcement and that dads paying or who start paying....become more envolved & build that bond...cs compliance becomes more regular as the bond builds. Study said many times, dads have not made bond and will not pursue on thier own...they need encouragement & support...meaning mom calls & asks when do want to see child,or would like to visit,etc.....Study also said many men intimidated at thought of being alone,caring for child when under 3yrs....I think this is understandable. I guess I just mean if you want dad involved, don't just wait on him,take action to help him be involved. Seems you have a fairly decent relationship w/ dad & for your peace of mind, it is best to try & keep it that way...there are many years & disagreements ahead. Like Tigger said, she didn't really do her ex a favor...she did herself & her kids a favor....sometimes it is just not worth the stress,worry,etc....you can't be the best person/mom you can be. I hope you can stay on good terms w/ your ex, sounds like he atleast makes the effort to pay something....I am glad you don't sound too hard on him. Like you said, some have it much worse.Best wishes.
If you want to talk more about your ex, you can e mail me...should be in profile. I am very interested in the issue of 'where is dad?' Why it happens. I really just cannot believe it is as simple as they don't care or love the child. I think the study may be on to something with the bonding theory.
 
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Ashlee1443

Guest
Smh~
I'll be in touch. I enjoy talking to other mom's in my same situation...I appreciate the support. I was never married to my son's dad...he was 19 and I was 18 when I became pregnant...he's now 21 years old, I'm 20, and I have this beautiful little boy, with no dad. It's a shame...and I'm sure the both of us have a long road ahead of us. Aside from all the battles and hardships that go along with raising a child on your own, I do try to maintain a positive relationship with bio dad, and I think that's just it--I don't pressure him to do anything involving our child, I don't make him feel guilty, he comes and goes as he pleases--I believe that's why we don't argue. Although I encourage him to visit more often (ie, inviting him to special occasions, reassuring him that I do want him to bond with our son,etc) I still could never imagine 'forcing' him to play a part in our son's life. What else could I possibly do? Believe me, we had our share of arguing while I was pregnant, and slowly but surely, he's making more of an effort, but there's still a void. You see, I'm still young and the people I have to deal with (bio dad, bio dad's girlfriend, etc.) are still young also, and haven't quite matured, to put it politely, and I know that my son will never have a true father/son relationship with his dad. Too many people stand in the way, and too many people influence bio dad. Bio dad's girlfriend is the most self-centered, childish, BRAT I've ever met! She's the 'fighting' type if you know what I mean. It would take a miracle to bring my son and his dad together. That's what saddens me the most. But above all, I'm thankful to have been blessed with my son...he makes all the hurt go away :) Thanks for chatting with me, I'll send you an email.
 
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igglefan

Guest
My x is taking me to court so he can get all child support squashed
He has only been sending me $10-$20 a week, een though it is suspose to be 80. I understand he is saying he is under Dr care and is unable to work. Will the judge tell him he doesn't have to pay?
 

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